why do people bother getting married.

[HomeBrewerDude]

Originally posted by: weezergirl
if they are going to get a divorce anyways (at least half of them). does a ring and your names on a paper mean that much to you?
if people didn't get married they could break up instead of divorce, much nicer and easier! what's the difference between living with someone and actually being married to them?? you could even have kids together. people should just "go out" instead of get married.

why do YOU bother getting married?

Break ups can be can as nasty as divorces, especially when children are involved. The difference between living together and marrying depends on the situation. I think that some live-in relationship are more marriage-like than many marriages. However, being married is a legal arrangement that has many impacts. Health-care, property rights (wills, community property, etc...), and financial impacts.

I am married and am happy with my marriage. There are rough times, but the good ones far out weigh the bad ones.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: weezergirl
if they are going to get a divorce anyways (at least half of them). does a ring and your names on a paper mean that much to you?
if people didn't get married they could break up instead of divorce, much nicer and easier! what's the difference between living with someone and actually being married to them?? you could even have kids together. people should just "go out" instead of get married.

why do YOU bother getting married?

Do you seriously think ending a long term live in relationship is "nicer" ? At least with a failed marriage the divorce process brings you closure.Btw, in a long term thing,there's always bound to be co-mingling of at least some money and assets and it can be a nitemare to sort thru it all.

And yes,I do plan on marrying again,some of us do still believe,however misguided and foolish that appears to some of you.

 

[Turkey22]

tradition and families, honestly I love my wife but I think we were rushed into being married. The one good thing about all this is when I have my stupid days and think about the whatifs then I dont act on them. I think if we were just going out I dont know if I'd have the restraint.

 

[dman]

When you find the right person you'll know.

 

[radioouman]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: weezergirl
if they are going to get a divorce anyways (at least half of them). does a ring and your names on a paper mean that much to you?
if people didn't get married they could break up instead of divorce, much nicer and easier! what's the difference between living with someone and actually being married to them?? you could even have kids together. people should just "go out" instead of get married.

why do YOU bother getting married?

Do you seriously think ending a long term live in relationship is "nicer" ? At least with a failed marriage the divorce process brings you closer.Btw, in a long term thing,there's always bound to be co-mingling of at least some money and assets and it can be a nitemare to sort thru it all.

And yes,I do plan on marrying again,some of us do still believe,however misguided and foolish that appears to some of you.

It's not foolish. I will admit that. I wish that I could get mine to work out better. I have a huge fear of hurting anyone else, so I will never try to get out of this marriage. But I look back at the days of dating her, and realized that I enjoyed that 100X more than being married to her.
Let me just say this. I made comment earlier that I am taking out my frustrations with my job, co-workers, etc. on the marriage. I'm not taking it out on her though. (even though she is certainly affected.) I am tired of sleepless nights. I look forward to going to visit my parents so I can sleep in a bed by myself. I am tired of people telling me that "oh, you're an engineer now, so go out and buy a nicer car...." Sounds stupid? It is, but when you hear it every single day it gets tiring. I'm tired of doing the same stupid job every day, and along those lines, I'm tired of wasting the best 9 hours of the day in front of a computer.
I'm tired, my marriage is suffering, and I don't know how to get out of this.

 

[spidey07]

Taxes and discounts on insurance are my reasons.

 

[dullard]

There are multiple reasons (listed in no particular order):
1) Rights to visit the spouce when hospitilized.
2) Legal rights to give gifts/inheritance tax free. Remember all gifts over $10,000 in a year are legally considered taxable income. Ex: you cannot just buy your lifelong girlfriend/boyfriend a car without paying so much more money.
3) Religion still matters to some people.
4) Greater acceptance by society.
5) Commitment means quite a lot to some people. I have a good friend who has been dating the same man for 17 years, she always complains that her life is not as fullfilling as it would be if she had that wedding ring. Would anything major change, no, but she'd be a lot happier.
6) Money. In the vast majority of cases married people pay less tax (unless both earn over $100,000 in income, then you pay a marriage penalty). You save thousands on insurance premiums. You can get thousands more in free aid (I cashed in on this with free grants to go to school simply since I got married). Heck even the wedding gifts I recieved were worth far more than I paid for the wedding. So do it for the gifts (why wouldn't you want 300 people handing you $20+ bills?)

And if it doesn't work out, a divorce isn't much different that a breakup of a longtime partner. Sure you have to fill out a couple of legal forms, but that can even be done online.

By the way, the divorce rate of people getting married for thier first time is far, far less than 50%. That statistic gets highly distorted by people who get married 4+ times.

 

[Peetoeng]

After a while, it ain't fun just drinking milk. You want to see the cow graze, moo, and stuff. :frown:

 

[Viper GTS]

The problems associated with divorce are not inherent to the institution of marriage, they are the result of a self-centered, uncommitted society.

We are always watching out for ourselves, what is best for me, how do I cover my ass so I can get away from this person if necessary.

Marriage is not supposed to be that way.

There are legitimate reasons for divorce (primarily infedility & abuse), but marriage was designed to be a final commitment - No "this isn't working, she got fat, I'm bailing." No backing out.

Marriage has been trivialized in modern society, if you don't understand the purpose of getting married then don't.

But don't question those of us who do.

Viper GTS

 

[yellowperil]

The bit about tradition - getting in your mid-20's and seeing your friends getting hitched, maybe some couples get married just to fit in. Some of my friends got married right out of high school, probably to 'prove' to each other (I know I'm sounding cynical) that they loved each other, and a few years later they're all divorced. I agree with whoever said about selfishness being the cause, as soon as you live together with a woman you have to start making compromises to your old lifestyle (and the same with her )

 

[weezergirl]

Originally posted by: Ornery
Marriage is a promise of a lifetime of fidelity.

American Atheists Wedding Ceremonies

If you can't keep that promise, DON'T MAKE IT!

I absolutely agree.

And as for the people bashing me...I was just posing this question hypothetically. I, myself, am planning on getting married one day. I still believe....but I think a lot of people don't , and shouldn't botther getting married or having kids. the world would be a better place. Some people need to stop kidding themselves.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: WalMart1564
ive been married 7 years now and im happy

its better than getting old alone and kids are wonderfull
and if its like 3am and you need a BJ and dont feel like leaving the house well i submit that the wife comes in handy

You don't plan on staying married do you??

 

[SnapIT]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
The problems associated with divorce are not inherent to the institution of marriage, they are the result of a self-centered, uncommitted society.

We are always watching out for ourselves, what is best for me, how do I cover my ass so I can get away from this person if necessary.

Marriage is not supposed to be that way.

There are legitimate reasons for divorce (primarily infedility & abuse), but marriage was designed to be a final commitment - No "this isn't working, she got fat, I'm bailing." No backing out.

Marriage has been trivialized in modern society, if you don't understand the purpose of getting married then don't.

But don't question those of us who do.

Viper GTS

I would think the primary reason for divorce is that you just don't love eachother anymore... think about it, living in a loveless relationship... *shudders*

 

[SnapIT]

Originally posted by: Ornery
Marriage is a promise of a lifetime of fidelity.

American Atheists Wedding Ceremonies

If you can't keep that promise, DON'T MAKE IT!

It is a promise of loving one another for life, NOBODY can make that promise....

 

[Alternex]

Does anyone know what the actual devorce rates are in general versus for first time marriages? I heard that the divorce rates are heavily skewed by the people who remarry many times and that the actual divorce rate for first time marriages was much lower.

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: SnapIT

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
The problems associated with divorce are not inherent to the institution of marriage, they are the result of a self-centered, uncommitted society.

We are always watching out for ourselves, what is best for me, how do I cover my ass so I can get away from this person if necessary.

Marriage is not supposed to be that way.

There are legitimate reasons for divorce (primarily infedility & abuse), but marriage was designed to be a final commitment - No "this isn't working, she got fat, I'm bailing." No backing out.

Marriage has been trivialized in modern society, if you don't understand the purpose of getting married then don't.

But don't question those of us who do.

Viper GTS

I would think the primary reason for divorce is that you just don't love eachother anymore... think about it, living in a loveless relationship... *shudders*

If you consider love to be a warm fuzzy feeling, then yes. But the kind of love that makes marriages work is not a feeling - It is a conscious, daily decision to put the needs of another above your own.

Viper GTS

 

[SnapIT]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: SnapIT

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
The problems associated with divorce are not inherent to the institution of marriage, they are the result of a self-centered, uncommitted society.

We are always watching out for ourselves, what is best for me, how do I cover my ass so I can get away from this person if necessary.

Marriage is not supposed to be that way.

There are legitimate reasons for divorce (primarily infedility & abuse), but marriage was designed to be a final commitment - No "this isn't working, she got fat, I'm bailing." No backing out.

Marriage has been trivialized in modern society, if you don't understand the purpose of getting married then don't.

But don't question those of us who do.

Viper GTS

I would think the primary reason for divorce is that you just don't love eachother anymore... think about it, living in a loveless relationship... *shudders*

If you consider love to be a warm fuzzy feeling, then yes. But the kind of love that makes marriages work is not a feeling - It is a conscious, daily decision to put the needs of another above your own.

Viper GTS

It is? ok, how long have you been married or is this just a theory you got?

 

[radioouman]

If you consider love to be a warm fuzzy feeling, then yes. But the kind of love that makes marriages work is not a feeling - It is a conscious, daily decision to put the needs of another above your own.

Viper GTS

Put all NEEDS/WANTS/DESIRES above your own, and never expect to get anything back. Sometimes you will get something in return. Just not when you expect it.

 

[weezergirl]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: SnapIT

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
The problems associated with divorce are not inherent to the institution of marriage, they are the result of a self-centered, uncommitted society.

We are always watching out for ourselves, what is best for me, how do I cover my ass so I can get away from this person if necessary.

Marriage is not supposed to be that way.

There are legitimate reasons for divorce (primarily infedility & abuse), but marriage was designed to be a final commitment - No "this isn't working, she got fat, I'm bailing." No backing out.

Marriage has been trivialized in modern society, if you don't understand the purpose of getting married then don't.

But don't question those of us who do.

Viper GTS

I would think the primary reason for divorce is that you just don't love eachother anymore... think about it, living in a loveless relationship... *shudders*

If you consider love to be a warm fuzzy feeling, then yes. But the kind of love that makes marriages work is not a feeling - It is a conscious, daily decision to put the needs of another above your own.

Viper GTS

I agree, but marriage only works when both people have that in mind. We're all only human and if you have any self respect, there's a line you have to draw sometimes.

 

[radioouman]

I agree, but marriage only works when both people have that in mind. We're all only human and if you have any self respect, there's a line you have to draw sometimes.

Hmmm, this is an interesting statement. What do you mean by self respect?
This summer I was talking to a friend of mine, and told him that I should just drive my car until the wheels fall off, because it's cheaper than buying a new car. He told me that I am an engineer with a decent salary, and I should respect myself and get a better car. He said that there is no reason to be driving around in junk when you went through engineering school, did well, and got a good job.

I said that I just got married, and I don't want to throw $300-$400 out the window per month on a new car. It just isn't worth it. But unfortunately, it sound simple, yet I've applied this to everything. I won't buy new clothes for myself, only for her. I won't buy a new car for myself, only for her. I don't buy anything for myself unless something breaks and I need a replacement. Does this mean that I don't have any self respect?

 

[rawoutput]

After seeing my parents divorce after 30 years of marriage and the resulting hell for my brothers and I, I don't really see the point of marriage either. The comment "if you can't make a promise, don't keep it" is retarded because marriage is a lifelong commitment and people/circumstances can change. Right now I think marriage is BS mostly due to my parents, but to their (dis)credit they had crappy communication. If you aren't flexible then eventually you'll break.

 

[amok]

what's the difference between living with someone and actually being married to them??

Lol, here in Kentucky the difference is that you have to pay $400 to get an official divorce (not counting lawyer fees of course) .

I was married almost a decade before my ex-wife finally got tired of me and walked out. It was roughly two years ago that we divorced (no kids btw). However, my ex and I are still on good terms. We meet for lunch every couple of weeks to catch up, and I even set her up with a golf partner that she's been dating for the last year or so. It was getting over all the trappings associated with marriage that allowed us to salvage our friendship.

Why do people get married? Because society pushes people toward it. Both morally and financially. You can have just as meaningful of a relationship without the marriage certificate, but pressure is applied to you to complete the relationship ritual.

Will I ever get married again? Lol, who knows. I don't plan on it, but if I meet the right person and they really wanted it I would probably give in. Afterall, its only a $400 mistake .

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: radioouman

I agree, but marriage only works when both people have that in mind. We're all only human and if you have any self respect, there's a line you have to draw sometimes.

Hmmm, this is an interesting statement. What do you mean by self respect?
This summer I was talking to a friend of mine, and told him that I should just drive my car until the wheels fall off, because it's cheaper than buying a new car. He told me that I am an engineer with a decent salary, and I should respect myself and get a better car. He said that there is no reason to be driving around in junk when you went through engineering school, did well, and got a good job.

I said that I just got married, and I don't want to throw $300-$400 out the window per month on a new car. It just isn't worth it. But unfortunately, it sound simple, yet I've applied this to everything. I won't buy new clothes for myself, only for her. I won't buy a new car for myself, only for her. I don't buy anything for myself unless something breaks and I need a replacement. Does this mean that I don't have any self respect?

I am sympathetic towards your view. Although we have one nice car we also have one old one with 160k miles on it. Sure I'd like a new one but until we're rolling in money or it dies I have no intentions of getting rid of it. I don't care that mrsskoorb and I are currently making good money and I'm driving around in a car worth not much more than $1500 when she has the other one. There is something nice about driving a car until the damn thing dies. It's money well spent!

I made comment earlier that I am taking out my frustrations with my job, co-workers, etc. on the marriage. I'm not taking it out on her though.

Are you sure that in time your frustrations won't be taken out on her? As I mentioned earlier if you don't want to divorce you should get counselling. It's very difficult to make the move "now", when you can leave it until later, but if later is 20 years with kids she's going to be a hell of a lot more hurt then when you're in an affair or she cringes when it turns 5:30 and you're about to roll in the door and your kids know not to bother you on weeknights because you're a stressed out bag of anger!

Why do people get married? Because society pushes people toward it. Both morally and financially. You can have just as meaningful of a relationship without the marriage certificate, but pressure is applied to you to complete the relationship ritual.

Yep it does. Hell I love to bug people who are not married "when are you going to get married?", because now I'm impervious to the question

 

[weezergirl]

Originally posted by: radioouman

I agree, but marriage only works when both people have that in mind. We're all only human and if you have any self respect, there's a line you have to draw sometimes.

Hmmm, this is an interesting statement. What do you mean by self respect?
This summer I was talking to a friend of mine, and told him that I should just drive my car until the wheels fall off, because it's cheaper than buying a new car. He told me that I am an engineer with a decent salary, and I should respect myself and get a better car. He said that there is no reason to be driving around in junk when you went through engineering school, did well, and got a good job.

I said that I just got married, and I don't want to throw $300-$400 out the window per month on a new car. It just isn't worth it. But unfortunately, it sound simple, yet I've applied this to everything. I won't buy new clothes for myself, only for her. I won't buy a new car for myself, only for her. I don't buy anything for myself unless something breaks and I need a replacement. Does this mean that I don't have any self respect?

no, it just means you are CHEAP.
hehe jk.

I meant when someone is abusing you or something along those lines....if you have self respect you should get out of the relationship and realize that you deserve better.

 

[radioouman]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

I am sympathetic towards your view. Although we have one nice car we also have one old one with 160k miles on it. Sure I'd like a new one but until we're rolling in money or it dies I have no intentions of getting rid of it. I don't care that mrsskoorb and I are currently making good money and I'm driving around in a car worth not much more than $1500 when she has the other one. There is something nice about driving a car until the damn thing dies. It's money well spent!

hehehehe, yeah, I know that you two just bought that Nissan. Nice car! I don't mean that the car is everything. I really don't feel that way. It upsets me that so many people make a judgement about people based on their cars. We have a very upscale mall here where people drive very nice cars. When I had my 1986 Plymouth Reliant wagon, I would easily have driven it in there just because it didn't fit in at all. Now that I'm driving a Saturn, it is more embarrasing than anything.

I used that as an example. There are things that I'd like to do, that I can't let myself spend the money to do. I love to work on cars, and I've been wanting to buy another older car to play with. I wouldn't pay more than about $2500 for it. Yet, I can't let myself do that. I would feel too guilty owning an extra car. Somehow, my wife convinced me to buy a Seadoo last summer. I guess I was still on the high from the marriage at that point, because I don't think that I would ever be able to buy one now. I'd rather tell her that I'll give her the $60 to go rent one at the lake anything she wants to go.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME SKOORB??? I don't get it.