Whoever gets the last word in wins!
- Thread starter nullshark
- Start date
- Oct 28, 1999
- 2,235
- 0
- 76
Hmm.. Isn't somethingawful.com where all the sickos go? I didn't even think they had a forum. I guess that's where you'd go to ask someone if they can mail you "that video where one naked girl is barfing into another naked girl's mouth :Q"
No thanks...
Yeah, Imaginer, ready to go out but can't for about 15 mins, so I'll just surf around a bit.
Still winning
No thanks...
Yeah, Imaginer, ready to go out but can't for about 15 mins, so I'll just surf around a bit.
Still winning
thraashman
Lifer
- Apr 10, 2000
- 11,112
- 1,585
- 126
is this an attempt to get a really long thread, or are you just trying to get this thread locked.
Imaginer
Diamond Member
- Oct 15, 1999
- 8,076
- 1
- 0
- Oct 28, 1999
- 2,235
- 0
- 76
- Oct 28, 1999
- 2,235
- 0
- 76
Well.. You could win...
A hula hoop!
Too bad I won't be able to use it if I win
You see, I can't jump through hoops anymore, I can't even hula them... Not for you, anyone or myself. As a matter of fact, this particular subject is quite a source of pain for me and my ex-hoopjumping ilk. I'm sad to say that, as of 1986, jumping through hoops is forbidden to us. And in truth, it is forbidden to almost all Canadians. For you to fully understand why, I'll have to relate to you the circumstances surrounding the Great Canadian Hoop Accident of '86 ? colloquially referred to as "The Hoop-cident".
What happened wasn't really anyone's fault... It was just one of those freak happenings ? like when you look back and wonder how Auntie Mavis and Uncle Dwoozer got married. Y'see, I was jumping through my 22nd hoop one April afternoon to cheers from the gathering crowd when, apparently out of nowhere, some frozen airline waste crashed onto the hoop's right side just as I was passing through it. Simply put, without going into the physics of what happened: I was propelled into the sky with such force that I almost achieved breakaway velocity and narrowly avoided becoming a permanent fixture in the Earth's stratosphere. After several terror-filled minutes, my upward speed did eventually decrease -luckily, I had not run out of breathable atmosphere- and I started falling back to Earth. But at what cost, I wondered? As I was speeding groundward, struggling to get into a position where I could use my butt as a protective heat-shield, I glimpsed the outline of a country I remembered from my high school Social Studies classes: The Soviet Union.
My flaming butt and I were heading straight for the Chernobyl Atomic Power Plant. As you might have guessed, the rest is fairly straightforward... My butt, now super-heated and glowing a bright red from the atmospheric friction, completed its role as an ablative heat shield and separated from me -as heat shields often do- to scream down at near supersonic speeds. I, separated from the dead weight of my dilapidated butt, floated down to Earth at a decidedly more relaxed rate. To my great relief, the cold Soviet winds were nudging me away from where my butt was probably going to make a huge crater.
Gently being carried by the jetstreams, I could only watch in horror as my butt closed in on its target: The power plant. That still-radiating, white-hot butt crashed through the plant's ceiling and rammed right into the small amount of Plutonium90 that was being used as a fuel source. I couldn't see much after the initial impact, so the details are a bit sketchy but you probably know from history that the Chernobyl plant exploded.
The events surrounding the explosion were kept as quiet as possible in both countries, with only top government officials knowing the whole story. In fact, I am committing at least 4 separate violations just by putting it to paper. As a result this whole fiasco had two results as seen when viewing Canadian national policy? The first is that "Hooping" (as it was known back in it's hey-day) is now forbidden within Canadian borders. The second would be that butt-reattachment surgery is now termed as "elective" and no longer covered by Health Care.
So I regret to say that, if I were to win, the only way I could use the hoop, was if we were to leave Canadian soil. And I'm not even sure if my new prosthetic butt would be up to it. So if I do[/b] win, I can give you the hoop (shipping not included).
A hula hoop!
Too bad I won't be able to use it if I win
You see, I can't jump through hoops anymore, I can't even hula them... Not for you, anyone or myself. As a matter of fact, this particular subject is quite a source of pain for me and my ex-hoopjumping ilk. I'm sad to say that, as of 1986, jumping through hoops is forbidden to us. And in truth, it is forbidden to almost all Canadians. For you to fully understand why, I'll have to relate to you the circumstances surrounding the Great Canadian Hoop Accident of '86 ? colloquially referred to as "The Hoop-cident".
What happened wasn't really anyone's fault... It was just one of those freak happenings ? like when you look back and wonder how Auntie Mavis and Uncle Dwoozer got married. Y'see, I was jumping through my 22nd hoop one April afternoon to cheers from the gathering crowd when, apparently out of nowhere, some frozen airline waste crashed onto the hoop's right side just as I was passing through it. Simply put, without going into the physics of what happened: I was propelled into the sky with such force that I almost achieved breakaway velocity and narrowly avoided becoming a permanent fixture in the Earth's stratosphere. After several terror-filled minutes, my upward speed did eventually decrease -luckily, I had not run out of breathable atmosphere- and I started falling back to Earth. But at what cost, I wondered? As I was speeding groundward, struggling to get into a position where I could use my butt as a protective heat-shield, I glimpsed the outline of a country I remembered from my high school Social Studies classes: The Soviet Union.
My flaming butt and I were heading straight for the Chernobyl Atomic Power Plant. As you might have guessed, the rest is fairly straightforward... My butt, now super-heated and glowing a bright red from the atmospheric friction, completed its role as an ablative heat shield and separated from me -as heat shields often do- to scream down at near supersonic speeds. I, separated from the dead weight of my dilapidated butt, floated down to Earth at a decidedly more relaxed rate. To my great relief, the cold Soviet winds were nudging me away from where my butt was probably going to make a huge crater.
Gently being carried by the jetstreams, I could only watch in horror as my butt closed in on its target: The power plant. That still-radiating, white-hot butt crashed through the plant's ceiling and rammed right into the small amount of Plutonium90 that was being used as a fuel source. I couldn't see much after the initial impact, so the details are a bit sketchy but you probably know from history that the Chernobyl plant exploded.
The events surrounding the explosion were kept as quiet as possible in both countries, with only top government officials knowing the whole story. In fact, I am committing at least 4 separate violations just by putting it to paper. As a result this whole fiasco had two results as seen when viewing Canadian national policy? The first is that "Hooping" (as it was known back in it's hey-day) is now forbidden within Canadian borders. The second would be that butt-reattachment surgery is now termed as "elective" and no longer covered by Health Care.
So I regret to say that, if I were to win, the only way I could use the hoop, was if we were to leave Canadian soil. And I'm not even sure if my new prosthetic butt would be up to it. So if I do[/b] win, I can give you the hoop (shipping not included).
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