- Nov 27, 1999
- 65,411
- 407
- 126
It seems as though you want to be right. IMO this situation is one that carries several shades of grey. Be happy that he was gentleman enough to give the woman the benefit of the doubt. 
Come on! I could understand you as a woman being intimidated. However, what about the other option that you did not have to go into the car? And if you did not go into the car, your buffed up boyfriend surely was not himself intimidated by a 65 year-old mentally unstable woman. Perhaps there was an air of envy that another woman--albeit an old and unstable woman, was getting his attention? It sounds to me like you just wanted to feel important and feel as though you had some power in his decision-making.
On the other hand, I think your bf was playing Mr. Hero. (Does he happen to like any situations that require his rescue?) Did he need to? No. It was nice of him to be willing to help the old woman, but there was another option. The restaurant had called a cab driver. Under your objection, it was unnecessary for him to give her a lift. Had no one else opted to help her, then I would agree that he did the right thing--in spite of your objection. Nevertheless, neither was necessary in this case
It appears both of you were wrong. He should show some respect for your input, but you should also learn not to object to something just for the sake of it or because it would take away attention from you. I [in agreement with your bf] also think that she being racist was totally irrelevant in this case.
The above is just my opinion. Take it as you see fit.
After he dropped her off, she was distraught and told him not to go... he said he had to, and she went over to a family in a Benz, knocked on the window, and begged them for help. As my fiance was leaving, he heard the man who was driving the Benz say, "Just calm down, just calm down. Now, what can I do to help you get to Arizona?"
Also, to clarify, he didn't hear the cell phone ring - I guess the woman was talking hysterically the whole time, so that's understandable.
Things have been worked out, and looking back on it, that was a kind thing to do. My fiance said that it sucks so many people turn a blind eye to those who need help, and he's not the type to turn away. Next time, though, we agreed that he should consult me before making a decision to do something like that. We're supposed to be a team, and will resolve things together in the future. I feel very lucky to have him... all couples have disputes, and the ones with good communication make it past them. To those predicting a divorce, you can suck it. We're happier than ever, love each other very much, and can't wait to get married and start popping out kids in a few years.
The whole time I was reading this I just kept thinking of the Seinfeld episode where the lady keeps talking about her fiance.
"Where is my fianCE? I have LOST my fianCE!
"Where is my fianCE? I have LOST my fianCE!
I understand the cell situation. I think he knew you well enough to expect melodrama or a continuation of the overreaction--as he deemed it?that you had demonstrated at the restaurant, so he opted to keep the cell off. (The last thing you need is further distraction and more commotion while driving a supposed mentally unstable woman.) Who knows ? I would dare to say that he probably had some fun chit-chatting with that old lady, but he won't tell you lest you get more upset.
Lastly, I do not think that the car ownership mattered either. Once you begin splitting ownership of something universally beneficial to the household, then you can bet a divorce in years to come. You may as well call it off now while you're still engaged.
Lots of issues going on here. First, you don't have your fiance whipped as you like. He is simply ignoring your commands/requests. This guy is gonna leave you over this, wait until some really hot girl asks for a ride, bet he won't event think twice about it.
Originally posted by: DearQT
I understand the cell situation. I think he knew you well enough to expect melodrama or a continuation of the overreaction--as he deemed it?that you had demonstrated at the restaurant, so he opted to keep the cell off. (The last thing you need is further distraction and more commotion while driving a supposed mentally unstable woman.) Who knows ? I would dare to say that he probably had some fun chit-chatting with that old lady, but he won't tell you lest you get more upset.
Lastly, I do not think that the car ownership mattered either. Once you begin splitting ownership of something universally beneficial to the household, then you can bet a divorce in years to come. You may as well call it off now while you're still engaged.
We actually talked about that, I do consider my things his and his mine, and vice versa. That was something I threw in because upset, but all is calm on the western front again.
We talked about what was discussed with the old woman (he doesn't keep anything from me, I don't keep anything from him - that part we've got down)... he really does think that she came from a wealthy background, and was recently kicked out with little/no street smarts. She probably also needed medication since she was so panicky and hysterical... still, I guess many people would probably react similarly if kicked out on the street after so many years. But who knows... hopefully she was able to get help. The people at the restaurant suggested she call the police since they probably have resources to help (at least help her get in contact with a family member, etc.), but for whatever reason she was adamently against calling the cops.
Believe it or not, we're not 10 years old anymore.
In the future, we've agreed to work things out as a team, and to consult each other before acting in situations such as this. It's never black/white, and I know for a fact he's never going to leave me.
Unlike most guys, he isn't an insensitive jerk.You're an idiot. This woman has no family, no home, no money, and has some serious mental issues. OH, but you shouldn't help her because SHE'S A RACIST. God damn those mentally-incapacitated RACISTS, because they obviously know what they're saying. :roll:
Who the hell do you think you are?
batmang
Diamond Member
- Jul 16, 2003
- 3,020
- 1
- 81
eh, if i like apples and you dont, im still eating my apples.
respect my apples, and ill respect your fruit of choice....
btw... you should be able to resolve these kinds of matters in your own hands, no need to ask strangers for opinions, thats the best way to resolve anything, in your own hands.
respect my apples, and ill respect your fruit of choice....
btw... you should be able to resolve these kinds of matters in your own hands, no need to ask strangers for opinions, thats the best way to resolve anything, in your own hands.
Phoenix86
Lifer
- May 21, 2003
- 14,644
- 10
- 81
Your fiance is a nice guy. When he saw this lady, who everyone else was obviously yelling at, and learned her situation, he felt the need to help her. She is old, homeless, and mentaly unstable. If you though she''s unstable why do you thinks she's a racist? Aren't mentally unstable murder's innocent by means if instanity? Anyways, you fiance saw past that, and just saw an old lady in need of help.
You were never in danger. You stayed at the restraunt. He arguably was in danger, but she was a 65 year old lady, and I'm assuming you fiance is a healthy adult male.
"I felt disrespected." Deal with it, not all the time, but this time. Look at what he did to cause this and his motivations. If those upset you, then your very right in your feelings. If not, perhaps cool down a bit. Afterall this is also true "I felt disrespected because my fiance chose to provide charity instead of finishing out date."
He should have answered the phone, or at least called when he dropped her off.
If your still upset, please read the first sentence of the post again.
You were never in danger. You stayed at the restraunt. He arguably was in danger, but she was a 65 year old lady, and I'm assuming you fiance is a healthy adult male.
"I felt disrespected." Deal with it, not all the time, but this time. Look at what he did to cause this and his motivations. If those upset you, then your very right in your feelings. If not, perhaps cool down a bit. Afterall this is also true "I felt disrespected because my fiance chose to provide charity instead of finishing out date."
He should have answered the phone, or at least called when he dropped her off.
If your still upset, please read the first sentence of the post again.
Here's the key: Your fiance obviously had to do what he thought was right. He felt obligated to help that person, no matter how crazy she was. That's a good thing and something to be admired - to a point.
However, your fiance was also naive and a little irresponsible. As bad as I and many others feel for people like that, she obviously felt that she was obligated something or she wouldn't be as demanding as she was. She obviously had mental issues. At that point, you have to realize that even if you think that people are inherently good... whatever... you have to understand that she's not in any way guided by what's right or good. If everyone was guided by reason, mothers wouldn't inexplicably kill their children, etc. The point is, you have to be careful doing things like that.
Clearly you didn't do anything wrong, but I don't think it was a HUGE issue or anything. His thinking was probably that he wasn't putting you in any danger as long as you had decided to stay behind, though his decision kind of put you on the spot to either back your fiance or look out fo ryour own safety. He needs to understand that you didn't feel comfortable - and reasonably so - with taking this woman to where she wanted to go. You need to understand that he was just doing what he felt was right, and that's admirable.
You took the right approach. It's a partnership, you just have to work together a little more.
However, your fiance was also naive and a little irresponsible. As bad as I and many others feel for people like that, she obviously felt that she was obligated something or she wouldn't be as demanding as she was. She obviously had mental issues. At that point, you have to realize that even if you think that people are inherently good... whatever... you have to understand that she's not in any way guided by what's right or good. If everyone was guided by reason, mothers wouldn't inexplicably kill their children, etc. The point is, you have to be careful doing things like that.
Clearly you didn't do anything wrong, but I don't think it was a HUGE issue or anything. His thinking was probably that he wasn't putting you in any danger as long as you had decided to stay behind, though his decision kind of put you on the spot to either back your fiance or look out fo ryour own safety. He needs to understand that you didn't feel comfortable - and reasonably so - with taking this woman to where she wanted to go. You need to understand that he was just doing what he felt was right, and that's admirable.
You took the right approach. It's a partnership, you just have to work together a little more.
kinda ironic that it was he who helped the mentally illed woman - didn't you want to be a nurse or psychologist one day?
HardcoreRobot
Lifer
- Nov 7, 2000
- 16,403
- 3
- 81
as nice as you are its not your duty to solve other peoples problems. (not you as in you, but you as in a general sense) also, he should not have left you and DEFINTITELY should have been in contact while gone with some stranger.
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
what he said.
I would have overreacted. I would have thrown the engagement ring at him and said, go propose to the insane racist dumbitch you fvcktard.
But that's just me. Your reaction was overly nice.
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