- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
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I'm starting a class action lawsuit. So far the defendents I'm naming are:
Defendent #1: Distributors of select beers that I like to drink.
Offense: Creating a beverage that is not only too tastey to resist and is packed with calories I don't need, but encourages me to drink to such an extent that I have a hangover the next day. I've missed work and thus will also sue for lost wages.
Defendent #2: Maxwell house.
Offense: They've brewed such a fine coffee that, unable to resist, I find myself at midnight sucking it back. Because of an influx of caffeine I'm unable to sleep. This leaves me inefficient the next day at work. Sueing for lost wages.
Defendent #3: Nissan.
Offense: Considering that the Maxima is so outrageously fast nobody can be reasonably expected to maintain speed and driving characteristics compatible with the law. Thus I plan to sue them for all speeding tickets and they are held liable for any accidents/deaths caused by my driving.
Defendent #4: Papa Johns.
Offense: With the introduction of papajohns.com ordering pizza has become so easy that I find myself eating a large pizza by myself nearly every night of the week. I've since put on 30 pounds in 6 months. Suffering from chest pains due to being overweight my doctor ($25 co-pay - which I'm sueing for) ordered me to lose weight. I am sueing Papa Johns for a subscription to LA Weight Watchers.
Defendent #1: Distributors of select beers that I like to drink.
Offense: Creating a beverage that is not only too tastey to resist and is packed with calories I don't need, but encourages me to drink to such an extent that I have a hangover the next day. I've missed work and thus will also sue for lost wages.
Defendent #2: Maxwell house.
Offense: They've brewed such a fine coffee that, unable to resist, I find myself at midnight sucking it back. Because of an influx of caffeine I'm unable to sleep. This leaves me inefficient the next day at work. Sueing for lost wages.
Defendent #3: Nissan.
Offense: Considering that the Maxima is so outrageously fast nobody can be reasonably expected to maintain speed and driving characteristics compatible with the law. Thus I plan to sue them for all speeding tickets and they are held liable for any accidents/deaths caused by my driving.
Defendent #4: Papa Johns.
Offense: With the introduction of papajohns.com ordering pizza has become so easy that I find myself eating a large pizza by myself nearly every night of the week. I've since put on 30 pounds in 6 months. Suffering from chest pains due to being overweight my doctor ($25 co-pay - which I'm sueing for) ordered me to lose weight. I am sueing Papa Johns for a subscription to LA Weight Watchers.