which job would you rather do?

[rh71]

I'm a 34yo web programmer.

I currently work at home full time and have been for at least 5 years (I can't remember how long). I get to see my kids all day everyday and do whatever I want basically whenever I want while working for a big name. Unlimited "sick days" too. A lot of the employees telecommute. I do like the work that I do as well as the people, but the pay isn't great with little to zero annual raises/bonuses and they use the excuse of work-life balance to compensate. No real room to move up any ladder either.

Another job pays something like $20-30k more but it's in NYC where it's 45 mins railroad then another 15-20mins train, EACH way. There's also late nights at times and you rub elbows with people just a cubicle away. Not as easy to run errands whenever I want like I do now either. More fast-paced, more pressure... obviously different from what I have now.

I've always wanted to make more money (have been here too long and just become complacent - working from home doesn't motivate to keep up to date with technologies either). I dream of being able to lease cars every 2 years with no worry for the poor financial decision. Right now with the high cost of living here we just get by. Well I do, my wife does great with her NYC job but I am not going to spend her money on a car of my own if you know what I mean. We split everything 50/50 so I WANT to make more. Anyway, people I know who live this lifestyle basically only have free time on weekends to enjoy their toys, and that's it. I don't know if that's the truth, it's just how I perceive it. My wife leaves at 630am and gets home 530pm - pretty long day of riding trains. She's not alone - such NYC commuters look like androids and say they "get used to it."

At my age and with kids, I am not sure leaving freedom to do "more work with more effort" is the best decision but at the same time if I don't do it now I never will. If I were without kids and in my 20s, the decision would be obvious. I feel like a lot of people at my company stay for the same reasons and that's why there are so many lifers - not because they get rich or come close. I justify keeping my job to myself everyday but everytime I hear of someone making 6-figures or close I'm reminded that I may be wasting my time here. What would you do?

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

You should've made the move 5 years ago. I cant work from home 5 days a week. I need some social interaction. But I'm a bit younger than you without a family.

You have to step back and check your priorities. Does family time come first or career?
Can you negotiate working from home 1 or 2 days working from home with the new place?

 

[Garet Jax]

Doing anything just for money alone will get old very quickly.

If you're driven to get more upto date on technology or to get more of a challenge professionally, then make the move.

If you're moving just for money, then you will hate your decision.

1.2 hour commute each way is going to suck for someone who has been working at home for so long even if you are moving for the right reason.

 

[Garet Jax]

You should've made the move 5 years ago. I cant work from home 5 days a week. I need some social interaction. But I'm a bit younger than you without a family.

Naah - life is never that easy. Just because you need more social interaction doesn't mean everyone does. Besides - once you have kids, they are a good bit of your social interaction.

Yes you need to have your own friends and social life, but believe me where you do that multiple times per week now, you will be lucky to do it multiple times per month once you have socially active kids.

There are always exceptions (like my brother) who flys somewhere each weekend to visit friends. Sometime he brings his kids, sometimes he doesn't.

 

[darkewaffle]

Commute would kill it for me. If you want more money, do something with your free time imo.

 

[poopaskoopa]

I'd try hard to find the same kind of arrangement(WFH) for more money and stay put until. From the hints you're dropping, $30k more for 500 more hours for commuting(2 hrs * 5 days * 50 weeks) per year isn't exactly a slam-dunk and that's just on the money alone. Counting the time away from kids and possibly daycare cost, I'd have to be taking that $30k with the expectation that it'll lead to even more money.

500 more hours for commuting. That's like working 12 more weeks in a year.

 

[z1ggy]

I'd probably stay at home. That 20-30k will turn into 10-15k after taxes. Are you willing to travel ~10 more hrs a week just for 10-15k? and less time w your kids? Also you never mentioned how old they are. If they are young, I would definately stay. Maybe once they are older and don't need a baby sitter, you could take a job where you made more and it required travel.

 

[Garet Jax]

I'd try hard to find the same kind of arrangement(WFH) for more money and stay put until. From the hints you're dropping, $30k more for 500 more hours for commuting(2 hrs * 5 days * 50 weeks) per year isn't exactly a slam-dunk and that's just on the money alone. Counting the time away from kids and possibly daycare cost, I'd have to be taking that $30k with the expectation that it'll lead to even more money.

500 more hours for commuting. That's like working 12 more weeks in a year.

I agree completely. Going one step further - if OP takes that 2+ hours per day and studies other technologies to brush up his skills, then it will at least keep him current and more likely open other job opportunities to him that are currently closed off.

 

[purbeast0]

yea i don't know about that commute. my longest commute was my last job i did for 2.5 years where i took the subway. it was about 40-45 minutes but could be mroe if there were delays. it wasn't that bad at all though because i put tv shows or movies on my phone. i caught up with SSSSSSOOOOOO many shows doing this, which is something i would never have been able to do at home. so in that way i enjoyed it. but your commute is quite a bit longer.

it's not that fun to have a lot of money and big toys if you never can enjoy them. but me, i don't think i would enjoy working 5 days from home. i'd like to be able to telecommute maybe 1 or 2 days a week, but not 5 days a week. i feel it would get old quick, and i don't think my motivation would be there as much with a lot of distractions.

its kind of like how i never want a home gym. i like having to go somewhere to workout. if it was at home i could just do it whenever i want, or could put it off whenever i want. and i couldn't push myself if i don't have a spot or someone else who is also motivating me, right there.

so me personally, i don't know what i would do in your situation.

but i can tell you this much. i was in a position last september where i ended up getting a $29k raise due to my current company losing a contract, and going on board with the new company, so basically doing the same exact thing, although instantly becoming senior since not everyone stayed.

and i can tell you, that extra $29k is a life changer. and i was not making chump change before. my paychecks jumped up about $550 after taxes, so thats an extra $1100/mo, in my pocket. it would have jumped up more had i not had to pay for health insurance ($630/mo for wife and I), which I wasn't paying with the previous company.

helped me take a few nice vacations as well as being able to afford a new car without having to really worry about much.

 

[clamum]

From what you've described, and what I'd personally pick: the current job you have... DEFINITELY.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Your priorities are ALL wrong.

Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.

No matter what you have, it will never be enough and you will ALWAYS want more/things you can't have. This is human nature at it's best.

Work from home, spend more time with kids etc......keeping up with Jones's is WORTHLESS and stupid.

 

[Farang]

Not worth the extra money. At all. Hell you could even make an economic argument for it, if you broke down the hours and cost of commuting. And how much you actually make per hour of real work you do at home. I work at home and to be honest I probably put in only an hour of heads down, real, work every day.

Pick up some freelance gigs if you need more money. Use the time you'd spend commuting to do them.

 

[AmdEmAll]

Without a doubt stay home.. You will be miserable with that commute and being trapped in cubicle hell.

 

[CraigRT]

It's all about lifestyle. You have a good one now, keep it.
I would love to have that lifestyle, instead I have a long commute and work in an office 9-5, definitely limited days off, etc etc.

I'd take a lesser paying job with more freedom if I could find the right one, no doubt about it.

 

[blackdogdeek]

lol

i'm bizarro-you. i've been working for investment banks as a software developer for about 10 years total. some of the gigs would require getting to work at 7 am in NYC (i'm in 07003) one of the days of the week or staying late on occasion or working a few weekends on occasion. typically though i would leave by 8 am at the latest, meaning i might only see the kids for a few minutes, and then get home around 7 pm at the earliest, meaning i might see the kids for a couple of hours before bedtime. on the weekends there's almost always something that needs doing which means i don't get to hang out with the kids as much as i want. this means that the only real quality time i get is when we go on vacation, and, unfortunately, unless you've been at a specific company for a long time, or you are higher up the food chain, or you worked it into your contract, the most you will probably get is around 3 or 4 weeks a year. it's not as much as it sounds.

now, my situation is slightly different in that my wife stays home with the kids instead of working so i am the sole bread winner. therefore, i realize that i should maximize the money i can make even if that means sacrificing time with the kids.

but, now, i'm trying to find a way to have the kind of job you have where i can see the kids much more often, not deal with the stress of a 1.5 hour commute, not deal with the chaos of a crowded work environment, not deal with the rat race feeling constantly. i'm tired of getting videos from my wife of the girls learning to boogie board at the beach or hearing about how much fun they had at some fun place or that this one lost her first tooth or this one hit some awesome milestone but there's no video of it and i'm sitting in my cube wishing i were there.

however, there's really no way i could do that because i would probably take a big salary cut. so either we'd all have to make big sacrifices, or i'd have to find a second job or somehow make money on the side, or my wife would have to work.

your wife already works.

i would switch with you in a heartbeat. then i'd supplement my income writing apps for ios or android or something like that. or building websites for people. anything.

EDIT: for reference:

age: 41
kids: 2 girls (aged 9 and 6)

 

[sixone]

Can't put a price on freedom, or on time with your kids. Stay where you are.

 

[Ns1]

The grass is always greener...

 

[shortylickens]

I'm 33 and dont have any kids and havent got work for a long time. I'd take ANY job at this point in my life. But if by some miracle I had a choice in jobs, I'd pick the one with the best future possibilities, not necessarily the one with the higher salary or convenient locale.

 

[Red Squirrel]

You get to work at home? That would be awesome. You'd be insane to switch jobs.

 

[HydroSqueegee]

that raise will be lost just in commute time and daycare costs for the kids. stay where you are. it may not be the high life, but you have a good lifestyle.

and you're one of those weird couples that have seperate accounts and pay bills like room mates. thats just weird to me.

 

[Garet Jax]

It is very interesting because I am in a very similar boat as you.

I am 40 years old. I am the sole bread winner and have 2 kids (9 and 6).

Worked in VA with big companies.
Worked in SF with small startups.

I am a developer who has specialized in middle-tier and back-end enterprise development.

I am now in a role where I work from home every day except when I need to visit a client. Most clients don't like paying for travel, hotels, food and misc expenses so the amount of travel has been reducing every year for last 5 years or so.

I have been growing a little stagnant in my job because I feel like I am falling behind the technology and am worried that I might wake up one day and be the next generation of cobal/fortran programmers.

I have been thinking about these same things, but I absolutely love my quality of life and am struggling giving it up. My ultimate concern though is making sure I maintain my employability to ensure I am capable of providing for my family this year, and down the road.

I mean I walk my kids to the bus stop and pick them up most days, I also snuggle with them at night when I put them to bed.

 

[rh71]

interesting that all are for what I currently have - I guess the grass is always greener indeed because everyone at this company complains about the same thing but most don't have the option of NYC salaries so they easily stay.

My kids are now 4, one more year of daycare then kindergarten and onward for free which will be a huge financial relief (twins are obviously more money and at the same time). But it's still not enough for me to just spend an extra few hundred a month on a car. It's not keeping up with the Joneses type of thing - I just like cars a lot. I am not doing it "just for the money". I would be doing it to enjoy life and to me it buys MORE happiness. But you're probably right, not at the expense of grueling commutes because you guys would know better.

As for splitting 50/50 bills, it's really only fair. It's funny - at one point I actually made more than my wife. Those jobs in NYC pay stupid bonuses on top of raises every year so she quickly surpassed me. She depresses me too I guess you could say.

 

[Ns1]

After 5 years of your stagnant work at home, you want the stress/excitement of the new gig. After 5 years of new gig, you'll want stagnant work at home. Repeat cycle every 10 years.

 

[rh71]

After 5 years of your stagnant work at home, you want the stress/excitement of the new gig. After 5 years of new gig, you'll want stagnant work at home. Repeat cycle every 10 years.

at least that means changing jobs = pay raises!

 

[blackdogdeek]

I am not doing it "just for the money". I would be doing it to enjoy life and to me it buys MORE happiness. But you're probably right, not at the expense of grueling commutes because you guys would know better.

you'd think you'd be able to enjoy MORE toys but you end up having no time to do so. the evenings and weekends, the times when you'd want to play with your toys, ends up being filled with all the things you couldn't do during the weekdays.

eg - my weekday schedule:

6 am - walk dog, feed dog, play with dog
7 am - get ready for work (includes breakfast)
8 am - leave for work
9 - 9:30 am - arrive at work
noon - 1 pm - workout
6 - 6:30 pm - leave for home (this is early, lately i've been here until 8 pm)
7:30 - 8:00 pm - arrive home
8 pm - dinner (i may have to cook dinner if we're grilling)
10 pm - start the bedtime process
11 pm - final dog walk
midnight - bedtime for daddy