Originally posted by: pray4mojo
Well since you were at a bar with a few bands playing why not ask them about it? That's what I would've done but then again I don't have game either.
Seriously, that is it. You were with YOUR FRIEND. That should have opened the door to HER FRIEND. You need to be more confident, that is the #1 thing man. Look at my friend Nate. He is a total fvckwad, but he is a confident guy (oh btw he is gay) but he can bring 'em in (guys or girls).
You just need to work on your confidence, and as others have mentioned, dont assume that all women assume that you want to have sex with them. Just talk to them, they are people too.
Yes, you lack confidence. Perhaps you also fear rejection? That's a big factor in why guys don't go after girls.
I don't know anything about you but maybe in the past you got rejected by someone you really liked? A date gone horribly bad?
I think you just have to tell yourself, 'No matter what happens, I'm going to talk to her.' Up your general knowledge. Girls like guys who can hold up their end of a conversation. If all you talk about is computers you won't get anywhere. From my experience, girls like to talk about themselves. You need to be able to participate in a conversation which would allow a girl to do so.
I don't know anything about you but maybe in the past you got rejected by someone you really liked? A date gone horribly bad?
I think you just have to tell yourself, 'No matter what happens, I'm going to talk to her.' Up your general knowledge. Girls like guys who can hold up their end of a conversation. If all you talk about is computers you won't get anywhere. From my experience, girls like to talk about themselves. You need to be able to participate in a conversation which would allow a girl to do so.
Saint Nick
Lifer
- Jan 21, 2005
- 17,722
- 6
- 81
Originally posted by: aidanjm
If you have zero sex drive, maybe you are deficient in essential trace minerals, especially zinc! Take a multivitamin/multimineral supplement, TwinLab are a trsutworthy brand to take. Soon you'll be waking up with a hard-on every morning.
this could be very true, what is your diet like?
and also, believe it or not, a lot of girls like dorks. thats how i got in with my girlfriend :laugh: here's my story:
the first night i met my girlfriend, we were sitting out on a playground with a bunch of friends just talking and hanging out. we were all just goofing around and i seriously just acted like i always do, a dork. and i got a ton of laughs out of this one girl (rachel, my girlfriend). and we talked a lot that night and then i gave her my phone number and my e-mail address and she gave me her e-mail address :laugh: the next weekend we met up again and we hung out at the same place, and we just had like this huge heart-to-heart. it was so weird. and we were just sitting outside on a playground in a small town in nebraska cuddling and enjoying each other. i took her home and we kissed that night, it was just strange that our relationship blossomed like that.
but seriously, i wouldn't have gotten anywhere if i wasn't BEING MYSELF. and sh!t, if a girl doesn't like a dork or they think you are some beligerent jackass, then move on, go talk to some other chicks. it AIN'T THAT HARD. find another setting you are more comfortable in, like with your friends. if going up to random girls isn't your thing, then do things with your friend's friends.
PingSpike
Lifer
- Feb 25, 2004
- 21,758
- 603
- 126
Seriously, I know how you feel...I've been there. Well, not the no whacking off part...but the rest of it. I usually would just take a step back and work on myself a bit whenever I got down about everything. Other people can't make you happy and they usually aren't attracted to unhappy people in the first place...you have to cure that from within.
Saint Nick
Lifer
- Jan 21, 2005
- 17,722
- 6
- 81
Originally posted by: tec699
hook up w/ a uglie fattie cause that all we geeks ever get.
you, my friend, are confused.
spanky
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2001
- 25,716
- 4
- 81
Originally posted by: CheapArse
You mentioned about what to talk about with women. Talk about what you know about. This could come in handy at a concert if its low key as you can talk about music/the band, etc. I dunno if you have any hobbies, but that is the best place to start. You can talk about computers/what you do for a living. That does not mean you should blurt out about how custom built your first PC, overclocked that son of a b!tch, and made her scream like a whore when you played quake on her.
tell her how big your hd is.
Take a hottie to the club!! Girls like guys that have hotties with them. It kind of validates that you are worthy.
Find a hot friend and then just be seen with her. Heck, tip her to the fact that you are using her as bait and she'll prolly play along.
I agree that clubs are sh!tty places to hook up.
Keep the man card.
Find a hot friend and then just be seen with her. Heck, tip her to the fact that you are using her as bait and she'll prolly play along.
I agree that clubs are sh!tty places to hook up.
Keep the man card.
For an intro, how about something like, "Hi, I'm "TheGoodGuy." That one is pretty hard to screw up, but you have to back it up with something, like talking about the band's your seeing or something like that. For the hotties, remember that women are just as screwed up as we are, and in my experence, the hotter the woman, the less attention they get.
Joe
Joe
Do you have "game" if you know a girl is interested in you? I had trouble picking up women as well, but I was decent at picking up on the obvious signs of a girl being interested, and I had enough 'game' at the point to hook up with a girl. This resulted in me gaining more confidence so I could repeat this process in the future. Like Red Dawn said, make yourself presentable, and if you see a girl smiling your way, go and just say hi and exude confidence (even if you're not). Chances are, as long as you don't say something dumb, you'll get somewhere.
Originally posted by: jndietz
Originally posted by: aidanjm
If you have zero sex drive, maybe you are deficient in essential trace minerals, especially zinc! Take a multivitamin/multimineral supplement, TwinLab are a trsutworthy brand to take. Soon you'll be waking up with a hard-on every morning.
this could be very true, what is your diet like?
and also, believe it or not, a lot of girls like dorks. thats how i got in with my girlfriend :laugh: here's my story:
the first night i met my girlfriend, we were sitting out on a playground with a bunch of friends just talking and hanging out. we were all just goofing around and i seriously just acted like i always do, a dork. and i got a ton of laughs out of this one girl (rachel, my girlfriend). and we talked a lot that night and then i gave her my phone number and my e-mail address and she gave me her e-mail address :laugh: the next weekend we met up again and we hung out at the same place, and we just had like this huge heart-to-heart. it was so weird. and we were just sitting outside on a playground in a small town in nebraska cuddling and enjoying each other. i took her home and we kissed that night, it was just strange that our relationship blossomed like that.
but seriously, i wouldn't have gotten anywhere if i wasn't BEING MYSELF. and sh!t, if a girl doesn't like a dork or they think you are some beligerent jackass, then move on, go talk to some other chicks. it AIN'T THAT HARD. find another setting you are more comfortable in, like with your friends. if going up to random girls isn't your thing, then do things with your friend's friends.
Yeah baby! A FELLOW NEBRASKAN! GO BIG RED
Lets start from the begining.
Why do you lack confidence? Are you insecure about your looks, your personality, your job, etc..,?
On the other hand what do you have to offer women?
List these things out for yourself and then you can decide what your strong points are in pursuing women and what you should work on to feel better about yourself. Also, its stupid to say one shouldn't try to get a girl, they don't just drop in your lap no matter how chill and relaxed you are. You have to at least go out and talk to women, even if you aren't talking to them with any intent on romance. The key is that you shouldn't try too hard to the point that you get frustrated. You're young and there's no rush, so just have fun first, get a girl second. If you remember your strong points and work on your weak ones you're bound to find a girl all while you're out having a good time.
Why do you lack confidence? Are you insecure about your looks, your personality, your job, etc..,?
On the other hand what do you have to offer women?
List these things out for yourself and then you can decide what your strong points are in pursuing women and what you should work on to feel better about yourself. Also, its stupid to say one shouldn't try to get a girl, they don't just drop in your lap no matter how chill and relaxed you are. You have to at least go out and talk to women, even if you aren't talking to them with any intent on romance. The key is that you shouldn't try too hard to the point that you get frustrated. You're young and there's no rush, so just have fun first, get a girl second. If you remember your strong points and work on your weak ones you're bound to find a girl all while you're out having a good time.
Just remember, EVERY girl/women appreciate and flattered now and then when a guy approaches them. If their response is "no thanks" or "I have a boy friend" deep down they are actually flattered because YOU hit them up and thought they were cute. We all go through the rat race Mon-Fri doing the same sh*t everyday and on the weekends is the only time where we can actually be ourselves and have a little excitement. Girls just like us guys wouldn't mind changing that routine or something out of the ordinary. So do them a favor and ask them out. Rule of thumb once you do the initial step of talking them:
First date. Show them some FUN
Second date. Let them your a nice guy
Third date. Be romantic
Fourth date. Profit
First date. Show them some FUN
Second date. Let them your a nice guy
Third date. Be romantic
Fourth date. Profit
Preyhunter
Golden Member
- Nov 9, 1999
- 1,774
- 12
- 81
Dude, just remember that dating is like riding a bike. You always end up battered, bruised, and bleeding on the jagged asphalt, curled up in the fetal position and crying for mommy. Maybe a broken bone or two if you're lucky. That's why it's so much fun!
Nothing is "wrong" with you. You are just in a funk. And like someone said, you gotta fix that funk before you can do anything else. Maybe you're stuck in a rut and the same old grind. Get out and do something or buy something for yourself to get you back in your happy place before you do anything. Take off for the weekend and have some fun somewhere. Other people will pick up on your bad vibe if you don't fix it.
Once you're feeling better about/with yourself then you can worry about meeting people. Don't TRY to meet them, just let it happen. Getting a coffee, at the store or whatever, just be open to other people. Make eye contact, smile, hold the door, comment on the weather... whatever... just try talking about normal everyday things. From there it will progress into natural feeling conversations. You will end being pleasently surprised where you may end meeting the next Mrs. GoodGuy. Just go with the flow bro.
j
Once you're feeling better about/with yourself then you can worry about meeting people. Don't TRY to meet them, just let it happen. Getting a coffee, at the store or whatever, just be open to other people. Make eye contact, smile, hold the door, comment on the weather... whatever... just try talking about normal everyday things. From there it will progress into natural feeling conversations. You will end being pleasently surprised where you may end meeting the next Mrs. GoodGuy. Just go with the flow bro.
j
You bought a Ford Focus.
Ok, I know that?s a cheap shot but I had to take it.
You are either shy, afraid of rejection, or maybe both. Either way you need to learn to get over it. The best way I know, and it worked for me, is accept in your mind the worst possible outcome, accept it, and then walk up to her and have fun at it. If you do fail you are prepared for it mentally and if you don?t I hope you have a condom.
Safe Driving,
Quixfire
Hey I'm 28 and single(now) and I was and still am not good at picking up women at the bar. Confidence is key and your post is just the opposite of it. Plus always stay positive. Do whatever or whomever you need to do to regain your confidence.
In my mind, I have come a long way. I think a turning point for me was to go out a few times without friends that way it forces you to talk to other people and to stay away from ruts.
In my mind, I have come a long way. I think a turning point for me was to go out a few times without friends that way it forces you to talk to other people and to stay away from ruts.
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