What's the point of engagement?

[IceBergSLiM]

LOL this is the most ridiculous rant. I've been engaged for a few months, and will be engaged until February 2013 when we get married. We've been together almost 10 years. We need that time to plan and save for a wedding. What's the point of going and getting married at the court house? Wouldn't that just take the shine off getting married?

just realize your responding to a virgin

 

[Zeze]

just realize your responding to a virgin

That's the problem with internet forums. Everyone is on 'equal footing' behind monitors.

So many idiots and young'uns posting crap like this and we have to entertain it.

 

[bobdole369]

So in this scenario, you get married, then you start planning the ceremony and reception. What are you telling people? "Guys! We got married and now would like to have a marriage ceremony and reception. Save the date! We are not engaged, BTW, but actually married. So I'm inviting you to a pointless ceremony 1 year from now"

My friend just had his "pointless ceremony" roughly a year after the city hall one was done. Knocked up girlfriend (actually more sinister than that, wasn't trapped and was happy and all, but turns out GF stopped BC and didn't say anything - and let nature take its course) and well, for some reason didn't want to reproduce without having married the childs mother. Odd. So while the long term plan was 2-3 years from now - They accelerated it to 1 year.

 

[Mike Gayner]

It's mostly a US/North America thing, I believe.

I don't know where you got that idea.

 

[her209]

The engagement phase was introduced by the wedding industry to make people spend money ungodly sums of money that they otherwise would never spend.

 

[TuxDave]

My SO has explicitly stated no big lavish wedding needed :coolface: as long as she gets to pick the ring :sadface:

You have to realize that your definition of "lavish wedding" may not be the same as hers.

Personally, I wouldn't be happy with just a quick courtroom marriage. I didn't have a huge wedding but I really wanted my friends and family to be there with me to celebrate.

 

[TecHNooB]

What a shitty ass fucking rant from a socially inept basement nerd.

I'm usually on board against stupid shit. But you're an idiot.

your rage is refreshing.

 

[jhansman]

My wife and I were engaged for close to a year prior to marrying. As far as I can tell, it was to let her and her mom/grandma fuss over the details and plan everything. I never had any doubts over that period. We had a big church wedding, reception, the whole nine yards, so I guess for them it was time well spent. My wife did exactly the same thing for our daughter and son-in-law. He and I thought it all very amusing.

 

[mnewsham]

You have to realize that your definition of "lavish wedding" may not be the same as hers.

Personally, I wouldn't be happy with just a quick courtroom marriage. I didn't have a huge wedding but I really wanted my friends and family to be there with me to celebrate.

I was thinking small 10-15 person ceremony and small after party. Anything around that size would be fine for me anything over 20-25 people i think is getting too big though.

 

[dainthomas]

court house thing = tax relief? That's not getting married.

Signing papers at the courthouse, "honey we're married!"... that's just lame and you'd feel it as such. It doesn't have to be a grand event, but you need to do *something* to celebrate instead of just going back to your daily routine. All those who had a wedding have memories, and pictures. They are not bound just by a piece of paper they signed one afternoon, it's more than that.

Apparently not much more than that given the divorce rate.

 

[blackdogdeek]

Its pretty common for them to wear the ring along with a wedding band.

my wife wears neither.

 

[Macamus Prime]

Since this thread was created, millions of men and women have cancelled their engagements - turns out, the world really DOES care what these forums think.

 

[darkxshade]

Screw the engagement, what's the point of marriage?

 

[SlitheryDee]

Let's say you decide to do something with someone else. Not necessarily marriage. Maybe a vacation or trip of some sort. At some point both of you reached a consensus on what you were going to do together. From that point on you are "engaged" to do whatever that something is. The idea is that you now cannot do something else that would interfere with your joint plans unless you break the engagement. Engagement is a mundane occurrence really, but in the case of romantic affiliations it has built up to event status over time. Probably that is because of the great importance many people place on knowing who is on or off the sexual free market. The engaged individuals are officially "off" the market when they decide to marry.

 

[Skillet49]

My husband and I were engaged for 2 years because we were waiting until we finished our master's degrees to get married. I had no second thoughts at all during the engagement.

 

[TuxDave]

I was thinking small 10-15 person ceremony and small after party. Anything around that size would be fine for me anything over 20-25 people i think is getting too big though.

Yeah mine was closer to 70. 10-15 would barely even fit my immediate family and close relatives let alone friends. Even at 70 it cost a good amount of money but was small enough for me to chit chat with everyone.

 

[KeithTalent]

It's to buy time so you can reconsider and walk away before actually signing the papers. It's a good thing really.

KT

 

[IronWing]

Not mordern contrivance by a long shot.

Back in the good old days when parents arranged marriages for their kids (even ATOTers had a chance) kids could be betrothed (you must remember that word from every novel ever written that included a dragon on the cover) when they were like way too young to get hitched. So engagement was basically a way to put the kids on layaway and hang a "Sold" sign on the merchandise.

 

[seepy83]

I got engaged in the beginning of August. Our engagement will be just shy of 14 months. It won't take us that long to plan the wedding, but you do need to book that far (if not further) in advance for lots of reception venues. We had to compromise and have a Friday wedding (instead of Saturday, which we would have preffered), or we would be pushed out to Spring 2013.

It has absolutely nothing to do with us deciding whether or not we want to get married.

 

[purbeast0]

if you don't see the point of it then don't do it, simple as that.

being engaged is a fun time in general, at least mine was.

 

[irishScott]

Yes, because marriage is nothing more than some paperwork and a couple of signatures.

It's not just planning the ceremony. Maybe the couple aren't living together and need time to find a place. Maybe they really do need time to think. Or maybe it's just a tradition that's not around for any rational reason but it makes the couple feel good to do it.

Bottom line, why are you criticizing people for getting engaged? Got something to compensate for?

 

[Rudee]

It gives people time to think about the fact that most marriages end in divorce.

 

[Newbian]

It's a way to get more time for the man to run away before it becomes legal.

 

[Mike Gayner]

It gives people time to think about the fact that most US marriages end in divorce.

ftfy

 

[Newbian]

my wife wears neither.

That means she is available... got pics?