What would you do to help this kid?

[NuclearNed]

I have a 19 year old friend who I used to teach in my Sunday School class. He is a good kid in most ways; he's never been in any real trouble, isn't into drugs or alcohol (as far as I know), and overall has a good friendly personality.

The problem (which I'll get to in a minute) is that he has never had good family support. His father died several years ago. His mother is a drugged up loser who never wanted him - he's lived with her a total of a year out of his life. He has spent most of his life bouncing around from relative to relative, living anywhere he can for as long as someone is willing to let him live there. Its really amazing that he has turned out as good as he has.

Now that he has graduated from high school, he has shown absolutely no initiative to support himself. He still lives with family and friends for as long as they let him hang around, then he moves on to the next house. In the last year, he has had around 10 jobs - he is a good worker for a couple of weeks, then he just quits going to work. He told a relative of his that he really just doesn't want to work - ever. I completely understand why he doesn't want to - he keeps getting handouts from everyone he knows!!! He was getting close to $500 a month from his deceased dad's social security, but that was contingent on him enrolling in school once he graduated high school. He told everyone that he was working on the paperwork, but the deadline came and went, so now he doesn't even get the social security.

I want to help this kid get his life straight, but I'm not going to give him any handouts. I think that if someone doesn't help him soon, his whole life is going to be a trainwreck.

Can he be helped? If so, how???

 

[sixone]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

 

[Kadarin]

Sounds like he needs more of a hard dose of reality, and less handouts and support.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Sounds like he needs more of a hard dose of reality, and less handouts and support.

That's kind of what I think. Unfortunately, I think spending a few nights homeless in his car might do him some good.

 

[nakedfrog]

Get him into the military.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

I think that might be the perfect solution, and his relatives have tried to talk him into it. Unfortunately, he doesn't show any interest, and you can't force someone to join. He's just an extremely lazy teenager with no ambition.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

That might honestly be an option. He needs stability, security, and someone to build him up from the ground floor, and as I understand it, that's what the military does.

Find a good recruiter and sic them on the kid.

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Sounds like he needs more of a hard dose of reality, and less handouts and support.

That's kind of what I think. Unfortunately, I think spending a few nights homeless in his car might do him some good.

Have you spoken with him directly about it? Specifically, why he just quits his jobs?

 

[PrinceofWands]

It's not up to you, it's up to him. Best you can do is be honest with him and then let him sink or swim on his own. Tell him you care, you're worried, why you're worried, then offer to listen any time he needs to talk. After that let it go.

I was much the same and eventually got things straight. It's slowed me down up until now, but I'm catching up fast. Nothing anyone could have done would have changed things for me. Life is up to the individual...all responsibility lies within.

 

[nweaver]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

I think that might be the perfect solution, and his relatives have tried to talk him into it. Unfortunately, he doesn't show any interest, and you can't force someone to join. He's just an extremely lazy teenager with no ambition.

if the choice is army or sleeping in your car and begging on the streets, it might change his mind.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

Just because he's messing up is no reason to get him killed. At another time this might be an option, but right now it's moral and possibly even physical suicide. Especially for someone who isn't disciplined or driven.

 

[ITJunkie]

Well...it sounds like until people cut him off then he has no reason to change. He's obviously used to bouncing around so one person kicking him out isn't going to help. You need everyone to cut him off. Is there anyway to get everyone involved together and agree to that?

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

That might honestly be an option. He needs stability, security, and someone to build him up from the ground floor, and as I understand it, that's what the military does.

Find a good recruiter and sic them on the kid.

Agreed.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

I think that might be the perfect solution, and his relatives have tried to talk him into it. Unfortunately, he doesn't show any interest, and you can't force someone to join. He's just an extremely lazy teenager with no ambition.

I was also an extremely lazy teenager with no ambition, moving from place to place
I'm still lazy and lack ambition, but at least once I was out of the military, I pretty much had to hack it on my own.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: ITJunkie
Well...it sounds like until people cut him off then he has no reason to change. He's obviously used to bouncing around so one person kicking him out isn't going to help. You need everyone to cut him off. Is there anyway to get everyone involved together and agree to that?

Possibly, but I doubt it. I know a lot of the people who are supporting him, but he also mooches from a lot of people I don't know.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

Just because he's messing up is no reason to get him killed. At another time this might be an option, but right now it's moral and possibly even physical suicide. Especially for someone who isn't disciplined or driven.

:laugh:
Whatever. They don't ship everybody out to the desert with gun in hand.

 

[yowolabi]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: ITJunkie
Well...it sounds like until people cut him off then he has no reason to change. He's obviously used to bouncing around so one person kicking him out isn't going to help. You need everyone to cut him off. Is there anyway to get everyone involved together and agree to that?

Possibly, but I doubt it. I know a lot of the people who are supporting him, but he also mooches from a lot of people I don't know.

Until he wears out his welcome with them all, I don't see how anyone's going to convince him to change. It's not until he runs out of options that he'll even see a need for change.

 

[NuclearNed]

It just occurred to me - I lift weights with a local Army recruiter, who also happens to be an old friend from high school days. Maybe I can explain the situation, give him the kid's name and current address, and just see what happens...

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: yowolabi

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: ITJunkie
Well...it sounds like until people cut him off then he has no reason to change. He's obviously used to bouncing around so one person kicking him out isn't going to help. You need everyone to cut him off. Is there anyway to get everyone involved together and agree to that?

Possibly, but I doubt it. I know a lot of the people who are supporting him, but he also mooches from a lot of people I don't know.

Until he wears out his welcome with them all, I don't see how anyone's going to convince him to change. It's not until he runs out of options that he'll even see a need for change.

I don't think that will ever happen. There is always someone with a soft heart that will take him in, no matter how much they don't want to.

 

[Abe Froman]

Introduce him to the business end of a hammer.

 

[BudAshes]

Maybe he needs to figure things out on his own. He is only 19.

 

[yowolabi]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: yowolabi

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: ITJunkie
Well...it sounds like until people cut him off then he has no reason to change. He's obviously used to bouncing around so one person kicking him out isn't going to help. You need everyone to cut him off. Is there anyway to get everyone involved together and agree to that?

Possibly, but I doubt it. I know a lot of the people who are supporting him, but he also mooches from a lot of people I don't know.

Until he wears out his welcome with them all, I don't see how anyone's going to convince him to change. It's not until he runs out of options that he'll even see a need for change.

I don't think that will ever happen. There is always someone with a soft heart that will take him in, no matter how much they don't want to.

So you're saying that he hates working, is used to people giving him handouts, and there are plenty of people that will keep doing that. If you were him, what would you do? I doubt you'd join the army.

Somehow you need to get him thinking in the long term. Does he have a girlfriend? Convince him that no girl is going to want him if he has no job and isn't working towards a better future. Get him thinking about what his life will be like 10 years from now when he has no place of his own, no money, and no girl. Then try to give him some easy alternatives. Tell him how easy and fun college can be and how he'll regret missing it when he's older.

 

[gamepad]

He needs to join the French Foreign Legion.

 

[Bacstar]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

I agree....spending 6 years in the Navy turned my life around. Well...not that it was going badly, but I was lacking direction and wanted to party too much. On second thought, I did a lot of partying in the Navy too.

At least, it was a pay check, and I got most of the partying attitude out of my system by the time I got out. Also, it kept me out of any serious trouble. I always had to think twice about the consequences before doing anything too stupid. Being in the military doesn't give you free reign to be a complete idiot, but it does give you structure and a lot of good friends to watch your back.

 

[FilmCamera]

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Get him into the military.

Just because he's messing up is no reason to get him killed. At another time this might be an option, but right now it's moral and possibly even physical suicide. Especially for someone who isn't disciplined or driven.

lol, ridiculous.

Get him into the Navy. Then at least he's not a ground pounder.