What is wrong with these possessive SOs?

[Zeze]

Wait, is that what marriage is? Must have missed that memo...

More like the other way around... men get owned..

 

[Jeeebus]

It would've been just 3 guys + my fiancee.

I dunno man. 4 dudes railing on one chick might give me some pause too. There are only so many holes to share before someone is stuck holding someone else's balls.

 

[Gunslinger08]

That's why I am not really interested in being married. Last thing I want is some dude thinking that he owns me and that I can't go anywhere without him.

Don't know what kinds of marriages you've been seeing, but this is most definitely not the norm. As others have said, if someone is controlling while you're dating, they're going to be controlling while you're married. I've never really understood the common mentality of "I can fix this person" in people who are marrying someone with a broken personality.

 

[sandorski]

Well, you perfectly summed up your issues.

In her defense, that situation could happen, but I agree that misses the point. Marriage works best when both "own" the other. It's next to impossible to get a perfect balance, but if 1 is always totally dominating the other it becomes unbearable and will eventually destroy the Marriage.

 

[dabuddha]

My fiancee's maid of honor can't go to the bachelorette party in Vegas because her husband isn't allowing it. The reason? Nothing, just stay home. He also has a history of throwing massive tantrum whenever she wants to travel anywhere with her friends. He just wants her to stay home and cook, wtf.

A groomsmen of mine can't go to a trip in Maine with us this weekend because his GF can't take the day off. Reading between the lines, it seems she doesn't want him to go if she can't make it. She also got REAL mad at him once because he lifted a bridemaid during a photoshoot as instructed by the photographer. This isn't even Vegas. It would've been just 3 guys + my fiancee.

WTF is wrong with these insecure, controlling, possessive people? Are you that mentally feeble and easily threatened by.. NOTHING?

These people are starting to get annoying.

[edit] accidentally a word.

bow chika bow wow? Which one would be the pizza delivery man?

 

[Vdubchaos]

bow chika bow wow? Which one would be the pizza delivery man?

I love how his post is one insecurity extreme and another "way too trustworthy" all in one post.



I think trust is all about balance. Neither extreme is good. Heck NOTHING taken to the extreme is EVER good.

 

[crashtestdummy]

But the one thing that relates to this thread - her sister wanted a song or two of the wedding party dancing to slow songs. Not like grind the booty stuff, just simple waddle dancing. Not to mention this is in front of EVERYONE at the reception...

One of the husbands of one of the girls standing up refused to let her dance with her counterpart in the wedding. They ended up cancelling that part of the reception to accomodate.

I never understood why people try to make the bridesmaids and groomsmen look all couple-y. The husband is silly for being jealous (if you think your wife is going to cheat on you with anyone she dances with, you've got issues), but I also don't get the point on the other end. Most of the time, the bride's party and the groom's party have never met before the wedding, so why make them embrace in photos or dance together at the reception?

 

[jagec]

Heck NOTHING taken to the extreme is EVER good.

 

[Tweak155]

I never understood why people try to make the bridesmaids and groomsmen look all couple-y. The husband is silly for being jealous (if you think your wife is going to cheat on you with anyone she dances with, you've got issues), but I also don't get the point on the other end. Most of the time, the bride's party and the groom's party have never met before the wedding, so why make them embrace in photos or dance together at the reception?

Yeah doesn't make sense to me either... but neither do a lot of things at a wedding.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Yeah doesn't make sense to me either... but neither do a lot of things at a wedding.

Agreed

 

[alangrift]

I don't like my girlfriend doing things without me when she's in the same country. But we only get about 3 months a year together due to work and other things. When she is back in her country I have no problem with what she does.

But I do get annoyed if she plans things separately when we are together.

 

[olds]

As for the OP, it's one of two things.
1. Immaturity
2. the first is cheating on the second and thinks if the other goes on the trip, they will cheat too.

 

[Nintendesert]

I never understood why people try to make the bridesmaids and groomsmen look all couple-y. The husband is silly for being jealous (if you think your wife is going to cheat on you with anyone she dances with, you've got issues), but I also don't get the point on the other end. Most of the time, the bride's party and the groom's party have never met before the wedding, so why make them embrace in photos or dance together at the reception?

At the weddings I've been to, outside of a formal group dance, such as la marcha if there was a dance to be had for say the bridesmaid or best man those people danced with their spouse or guest.

Making two strangers dance to a romantic song is weird. That however doesn't negate the absurdity of being jealous over it.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Making two strangers dance to a romantic song is weird. That however doesn't negate the absurdity of being jealous over it.

Depends

What if the person is an Ex....

What if they are complete dogs that will touch your wife in appropriate places etc

What if you hate this person?

There could be LOTS of reasons outside of "insecurity"

 

[mnewsham]

That's why I am not really interested in being married.

that line kills me, you've had some shit relationships if that's the normal for you. xD

 

[Nintendesert]

Depends

What if the person is an Ex....

What if they are complete dogs that will touch your wife in appropriate places etc

What if you hate this person?

There could be LOTS of reasons outside of "insecurity"

I specified two strangers.

 

[crashtestdummy]

Depends

What if the person is an Ex....

What if they are complete dogs that will touch your wife in appropriate places etc

What if you hate this person?

There could be LOTS of reasons outside of "insecurity"

Those are all concerns for the wife (in this case) to voice. If she's uncomfortable with it, then that's not unreasonable. The husband can voice his concerns, but it should be her call and if he can't trust her on something as simple as this, there are some serious trust issues.

All of those reasons you listed, though, still come down to insecurity, they're just justifications of said insecurity. I should also note that jealousy is a relatively normal feeling. It does not, however, give you license to control the other person's action in an attempt to make it so you never feel that way.

 

[Puppies04]

There is always a GOOD reason for EVERYTHING. Chances are, your fiancee's maid of honor has a track record with her friends misbehaving.....and it's probably something you should be concerned as well.

BS. Chances actually are these people saw their parents being possessive dickheads and think that it is ok to act like that.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Those are all concerns for the wife (in this case) to voice. If she's uncomfortable with it, then that's not unreasonable. The husband can voice his concerns, but it should be her call and if he can't trust her on something as simple as this, there are some serious trust issues.

Sure, I'm not disagreeing. But if husband has a concern, wife should consider those (regardless if they are trust related OR simply a preference).

if it was up to me, I would prefer if some stranger/random dude did not slow danced with my wife.

NOTHING to do with trust, everything to do with a simple preference.

Those are all concerns for the wife All of those reasons you listed, though, still come down to insecurity, they're just justifications of said insecurity. I should also note that jealousy is a relatively normal feeling. It does not, however, give you license to control the other person's action in an attempt to make it so you never feel that way.

It's not ALWAYS about insecurity......besides, there is no such a thing as 100% security.

Not sure about control. If husband goes to wife with a concern and wife considers it and decides to do it for her husband.....I think that's a good thing. Sounds like a healthy relationship.

REGARDLESS of the reason (we don't know what that might be.......you are simply assuming its insecurity).

On the other hand, wife that does not consider her husbands preference or whatever it might be > goes off the ignore it and do what she pleases.......might be an issue (sooner or later).

Can it be that you guys are insecure and are mirroring these insecurity onto other people every chance you get?

Who cares what the reason is and who are you to criticise other people's choices/decisions.

 

[SlitheryDee]

It's pretty much always borne of personal insecurity. They really are afraid that their SO will go off somewhere and find someone "better" than them. I know the feeling. I was like that for a long time.

 

[Tweak155]

Sure, I'm not disagreeing. But if husband has a concern, wife should consider those (regardless if they are trust related OR simply a preference).

if it was up to me, I would prefer if some stranger/random dude did not slow danced with my wife.

NOTHING to do with trust, everything to do with a simple preference.



It's not ALWAYS about insecurity......besides, there is no such a thing as 100% security.

Not sure about control. If husband goes to wife with a concern and wife considers it and decides to do it for her husband.....I think that's a good thing. Sounds like a healthy relationship.

REGARDLESS of the reason (we don't know what that might be.......you are simply assuming its insecurity).

On the other hand, wife that does not consider her husbands preference or whatever it might be > goes off the ignore it and do what she pleases.......might be an issue (sooner or later).

Can it be that you guys are insecure and are mirroring these insecurity onto other people every chance you get?

Who cares what the reason is and who are you to criticise other people's choices/decisions.

Obviously there should be some sort of balance, but I think in the example I provided there isn't a whole lot at "risk". It's a very public place, you're there, and your wife is OK with it. I don't think you have a lot of ground to stand on in that situation.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Obviously there should be some sort of balance, but I think in the example I provided there isn't a whole lot at "risk". It's a very public place, you're there, and your wife is OK with it. I don't think you have a lot of ground to stand on in that situation.

If wife doesn't mind go nuts (I wouldn't stop mine).

But you have to think outside of the box. There might be a BIG reason for this.....wife might have been unfaithful in the past...or who knows what.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, it's THEIR life and THEIR choices.

I find that people who assume/critics are at times worse than the people doing the deed (whatever that might be).

Just assume there is a good reason.....don't assume and don't criticize.

 

[Tweak155]

If wife doesn't mind go nuts (I wouldn't stop mine).

But you have to think outside of the box. There might be a BIG reason for this.....wife might have been unfaithful in the past...or who knows what.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, it's THEIR life and THEIR choices.

I find that people who assume/critics are at times worse than the people doing the deed (whatever that might be).

Just assume there is a good reason.....don't assume and don't criticize.

Then they shouldn't be together anymore. Either you forgive them and move on or relieve them from their future torture.

I'll assume it's a bad reason until I hear one possible (reasonable) good reason.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Then they shouldn't be together anymore. Either you forgive them and move on or relieve them from their future torture.

You make it sound SO easy.

It's not THAT easy and there is TONS of people that work thru these issues/ get help and get thru it....and are happily married still.

It's not YOUR business, it's theirs.

I'll assume it's a bad reason until I hear one possible (reasonable) good reason.

Don't be shallow/naive.

There can be thousands of examples like I posted above.

 

[Tweak155]

You make it sound SO easy.

It's not THAT easy and there is TONS of people that work thru these issues/ get help and get thru it....and are happily married still.

It's not YOUR business, it's theirs.



Don't be shallow/naive.

You list a bunch of oxymorons to prove your point. You can call me shallow / naive, but you're just spouting off nonsense.