What is wrong with these possessive SOs?

[Tweak155]

added edit: There can be thousands of examples like I posted above.

There can be thousands of examples that don't even make sense as a single statement. Yes, I'm sure you can make thousands of statements that make no sense.

 

[Vdubchaos]

You list a bunch of oxymorons to prove your point. You can call me shallow / naive, but you're just spouting off nonsense.

You are simply judging the book by it's cover.

You don't know and can only assume until you dig deeper.

Even if it is insecurity, so fuckin what. Chances are there is SOMETHING that is causing his insecurity (if that's what it really is).

Chances are his wife gave him a fuckin reason.

Who cares

 

[Tweak155]

You are simply judging the book by it's cover.

You don't know and can only assume until you dig deeper.

Even if it is insecurity, so fuckin what. Chances are there is SOMETHING that is causing his insecurity (if that's what it really is).

Chances are his wife gave him a fuckin reason.

Who cares

I am not judging a book by its cover as to the husband's reason, I'm judging the situation. If someone can explain one good reason in this situation then I will concede because then I would agree we can't know.

If you can't come up with one single good reason when you can list ANY you want, CHANCES are they don't have a good one.

So while you sit here and tell me I'm reading into something I can't read into, I suggest you look in the mirror. You're giving me all sorts of details on how the wife gave him a reason and that he has an insecurity caused by something since you know the chances.

 

[Ayrahvon]

Posessive SO's are indeed a problem. So a person has a checkered past, that should not restrict them from going to a bachelorette or bachelor party. I think a lot of SO's are uneasy about such events because of the status movies and popular culture have put on them.

I think this is a case where reality does not come remotely close to matching perception and that most of these events, while booze riddled, are not an event in which one will be cheating.

While I may have a slight anxiety over my SO going to such an event, I would by no means prevent her from doing so. If you cannot trust them to go out on their own, either you have to find new ways to cope with your insecurities (as I have) or seriously consider that there is something more seriously flawed in the relationship.

In short: I agree with the OP.

 

[Vdubchaos]

I am not judging a book by its cover as to the husband's reason, I'm judging the situation. If someone can explain one good reason in this situation then I will concede because then I would agree we can't know.

If you can't come up with one single good reason when you can list ANY you want, CHANCES are they don't have a good one.

So while you sit here and tell me I'm reading into something I can't read into, I suggest you look in the mirror. You're giving me all sorts of details on how the wife gave him a reason and that he has an insecurity caused by something since you know the chances.

I already listed a good reason by you are not willing to comprehend it even remotely.

Again, what if wife cheated in the past and they are trying to work out their issues....or are in process.

I understand that in your perfect little world there is no cheating, and if there is you simply leave....but that's not how it always works.

If above is the case, Husband has EVERY reason to prevent close/opposite sex male contact/dancing. Besides, at the end of the day it's wife's choice if she wants to do it or not. It's not like one person is in control of the other.

 

[SlitheryDee]

I already listed a good reason by you are not willing to comprehend it even remotely.

Again, what if wife cheated in the past and they are trying to work out their issues....or are in process.

I understand that in your perfect little world there is no cheating, and if there is you simply leave....but that's not how it always works.

If above is the case, Husband has EVERY reason to prevent close/opposite sex male contact/dancing. Besides, at the end of the day it's wife's choice if she wants to do it or not. It's not like one person is in control of the other.

You know, After she already cheated once I would actually feel less anxious for her to go somewhere. It's like she already popped the cherry on that worry. I would be paying attention though. It would be more in the vein of "I want to know if I'm getting played here" rather than scrabbling to hang on to her. It's like that clean new car that you worry obsessively over until it gets it's first ding, and then the worry factor drops off by a lot. She's majorly dinged up once she cheats on you once.

 

[KlokWyze]

Man you think THAT is bad?

3 weeks ago my wife's sister has her wedding. Of course my wife lands in as maid of honor (they are the only 2 children) so I have to hear all the details of the wedding 24x7 (thank gawd that is over).

But the one thing that relates to this thread - her sister wanted a song or two of the wedding party dancing to slow songs. Not like grind the booty stuff, just simple waddle dancing. Not to mention this is in front of EVERYONE at the reception...

One of the husbands of one of the girls standing up refused to let her dance with her counterpart in the wedding. They ended up cancelling that part of the reception to accomodate.

You don't like listening to "juicy gossip" 24/7?

Sounds like massive insecurity too me.

 

[Vdubchaos]

You know, After she already cheated once I would actually feel less anxious for her to go somewhere. It's like she already popped the cherry on that worry. I would be paying attention though. It would be more in the vein of "I want to know if I'm getting played here" rather than scrabbling to hang on to her. It's like that clean new car that you worry obsessively over until it gets it's first ding, and then the worry factor drops off by a lot. She's majorly dinged up once she cheats on you once.

I agree, sure. But I have a feeling most man wouldn't think like this....especially when considering staying with someone that cheated on them.

 

[Tweak155]

I already listed a good reason by you are not willing to comprehend it even remotely.

Again, what if wife cheated in the past and they are trying to work out their issues....or are in process.

I understand that in your perfect little world there is no cheating, and if there is you simply leave....but that's not how it always works.

If above is the case, Husband has EVERY reason to prevent close/opposite sex male contact/dancing. Besides, at the end of the day it's wife's choice if she wants to do it or not. It's not like one person is in control of the other.

Again, that's an oxymoron, but you are not willing to comprehend remotely.

I never said there is no cheating, I've GIVEN you that she has cheated and they agreed to work through it. But now you need to try and stick with me here instead of calling me naive and telling me I'm not willing to comprehend.

If the wife is willing to work through the issues (attributed by the fact they are still together) then she should be willing to skip this dance. In our scenario the wife wanted to do the dance. Thus your oxymoron.

She can't be trying to work out the issues and also be willing to get into situations where the husband is worried she will "cheat" (ridiculous in this example, but I'll let it go as a given).

SO, once again, you make no sense. But keep going on telling ME I can't comprehend something and that I'm naive, real progress being made here.

 

[child of wonder]

I wouldn't let my wife go to Vegas for a bachelorette party either. A bunch of drunk people in Vegas in an overly sexualized rite of passage before marriage? Surely nothing bad can come of that.

It's not that I don't trust my wife. It's that I don't trust anyone to make responsible decisions if they've had too much to drink and are surrounded by other drunks and people looking to take advantage of them.

My wife has been to bachelorette parties before and I've had minimal issue with it. Flying off to Vegas is a different story.

 

[Vdubchaos]

If the wife is willing to work through the issues (attributed by the fact they are still together) then she should be willing to skip this dance. In our scenario the wife wanted to do the dance. Thus your oxymoron.

She can't be trying to work out the issues and also be willing to get into situations where the husband is worried she will "cheat" (ridiculous in this example, but I'll let it go as a given).

So in that case, what makes the husband the bad guy?

She is clearly lot worse, yet Husband is stuck with people looking at him like a lunatic.

Hope you are starting to see the light at this point....

I wouldn't let my wife go to Vegas for a bachelorette party either. A bunch of drunk people in Vegas in an overly sexualized rite of passage before marriage? Surely nothing bad can come of that.

It's not that I don't trust my wife. It's that I don't trust anyone to make responsible decisions if they've had too much to drink and are surrounded by other drunks and people looking to take advantage of them.

Yep, good point as well.

 

[Tweak155]

So in that case, what makes the husband the bad guy?

She is clearly lot worse, yet Husband is stuck with people looking at him like a lunatic.

Hope you are starting to see the light at this point....

You're the one who came up with the ridiculous scenario, I don't need to answer that. I think you're still in the dark here... try reading and then re-read.

 

[Vdubchaos]

You're the one who came up with the ridiculous scenario, I don't need to answer that. I think you're still in the dark here... try reading and then re-read.

hehe

riiiight, riiiiight

 

[Sheep]

I guess I can kind of relate to people being concerned when their SO is away from them (depending on past events) but he is RIGHT THERE... What does he think is going to happen with him and everyone else at the wedding watching???

Ever see those videos with drunk college students getting it on in front of a bunch of gawkers at a party? That, right there.

 

[Gunslinger08]

If you can only trust your SO when you are nearby, you can't trust your SO. Whether that is an issue on your side or theirs is a different matter. Regardless, you should not be in that relationship.

 

[Zeze]

In short: I agree with the OP.

How can anyone disagree... it wasn't even a subjective opninion. It's unhealthy and abnormal.

 

[Mixolydian]

That's why I am not really interested in being married. Last thing I want is some dude thinking that he owns me and that I can't go anywhere without him.

It's OK, honey, you're with me now... ()

 

[ThinClient]

My fiancee's maid of honor can't go to the bachelorette party in Vegas because her husband isn't allowing it. The reason? Nothing, just stay home. He also has a history of throwing massive tantrum whenever she wants to travel anywhere with her friends. He just wants her to stay home and cook, wtf.

A groomsmen of mine can't go to a trip in Maine with us this weekend because his GF can't take the day off. Reading between the lines, it seems she doesn't want him to go if she can't make it. She also got REAL mad at him once because he lifted a bridemaid during a photoshoot as instructed by the photographer. This isn't even Vegas. It would've been just 3 guys + my fiancee.

WTF is wrong with these insecure, controlling, possessive people? Are you that mentally feeble and easily threatened by.. NOTHING?

These people are starting to get annoying.

[edit] accidentally a word.

The reason is that the maid of honor's husband knows that his wife is untrustworthy and isn't willing to let their relationship get any shittier just for someone's vegas wedding. I mean, seriously, a wedding in vegas? How trite and completely not creative. Good for him for putting his foot down.

However, the guy who can't go because his woman can't get the day off? Who cares if she can't get the day off? What a beta.

 

[z1ggy]

Rule of thumb: If you can't trust your SO to go out with out you, even if drinking is involved....You need not a SO.

 

[preslove]

As for the OP, it's one of two things.
1. Immaturity
2. the first is cheating on the second and thinks if the other goes on the trip, they will cheat too.

yup

 

[Vdubchaos]

Rule of thumb: If you can't trust your SO to go out with out you, even if drinking is involved....You need not a SO.

I think this depends on someones ability to self control. I understand that some women/men can do it very well under influence...but many can't.

If I can't control my dumb ass when I drink, I expect my wife to stop my ass and not let me leave!!!

So its not as strait cut as you make it seem. But in general, what you said does apply to most (agreed)

 

[Kadarin]

This kind of insecurity is crippling to a relationship, to the point where it'll prevent the couple from being happy together. I was once in a relationship like that, where I was constantly accused of looking at other women, and I consider it a dealbreaker now.

On the other hand, I've been burned by the opposite, where I have found out after the fact that she messed around with someone else.

 

[BurnItDwn]

I am a control freak and I would never subject my fiance to any of that horror. That said, neither of us cheats, and we trust the other.

In 100% the relationships the OP mentioned, there are serious trust issues, and essentially, people are engaged to doomed marriages that will fail.

 

[Mixolydian]

This kind of insecurity is crippling to a relationship, to the point where it'll prevent the couple from being happy together. I was once in a relationship like that, where I was constantly accused of looking at other women, and I consider it a dealbreaker now.

On the other hand, I've been burned by the opposite, where I have found out after the fact that she messed around with someone else.

Relationships...damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[Saint Nick]

www.reddit.com/r/theredpill