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What is the funniest joke you know?

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Originally posted by: eits
crap... there's another really awesome one i know, but i can't remember it 🙁 i'll get back to you guys once i remember it :thumbsup:
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No really....that's plenty.
 
Originally posted by: JohnAn2112
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
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LOL
 
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Originally posted by: eits
crap... there's another really awesome one i know, but i can't remember it 🙁 i'll get back to you guys once i remember it :thumbsup:
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No really....that's plenty.
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don't even lie and tell me you didn't find any of the jokes i posted funny
 
Originally posted by: JM Aggie08
Why did the girl say to the onion with red string and a green moo moo?

shibflab biggityboo bop
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What the hell???? That's so stupid it made me LOL! 😀
 
Originally posted by: eits
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Originally posted by: eits
crap... there's another really awesome one i know, but i can't remember it 🙁 i'll get back to you guys once i remember it :thumbsup:
Click to expand...

No really....that's plenty.
Click to expand...

don't even lie and tell me you didn't find any of the jokes i posted funny
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That cateracts one was good, but the rest I used to tell in 5th grade...and that was in 1980.
 
q: why are women always cold?

a: they have no souls.

q: how do you call New Orleans?

a: Atlantis.

q: how do you name a retard asian baby?

q: Sum Ting Wong.

/ban
 
There are two jokes that I deem to be the funniest jokes I know. They are equal in funny. However, they are also the most offensive jokes in existence. I don't know why I like them so much, I just do.

That being said, one involves a teddy bear... and I'm leaving it at that. I can't even say what the other one involves.

(p.s. they're not dead baby jokes... those are weak)
 
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
A boy and a girl had just finished having sex.


They were lying in bed basking in the afterglow when the girls says, "I think you're a pedophile."


The boy gasps in surprise and says, "A pedophile?!?! That's a big word for an 8-year old."





BEST JOKE EVAR!!!!
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Oh man, that's good. Really good. Thank you for this. This goes on my list somewhere around #5 or #6.
 
A newlywed couple are driving in the mountains on their way to their honeymoon destination. Suddenly a skunk runs across the road and the groom hits it with the car. The wife, a staunch animal lover, begs him to stop to see if its hurt. The groom backs up and the bride runs out to check on it. The animal is hurt, and the bride wants to take it to the vet. She asks her husband where she should put the animal. He tells her to just put it between her legs.

The bride asks "what but about the smell"? The husband replies "just plug it's nose".
 
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were too expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say this breed has been trained to give blowjobs!" ?Blowjobs!" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here!!
 
Originally posted by: SpiderX
A newlywed couple are driving in the mountains on their way to their honeymoon destination. Suddenly a skunk runs across the road and the groom hits it with the car. The wife, a staunch animal lover, begs him to stop to see if its hurt. The groom backs up and the bride runs out to check on it. The animal is hurt, and the bride wants to take it to the vet. She asks her husband where she should put the animal. He tells her to just put it between her legs.

The bride asks "what but about the smell"? The husband replies "just plug it's nose".
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hahaha
 
Q: Why should women masturbate with these two fingers?

*holds up index and middle finger*

A: Because they're mine.







 
Originally posted by: JohnAn2112
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Click to expand...

HA!
 
OH!!! i remember the joke i was gonna say earlier...

ok, so...

little jimmy's 9 years old. he's sitting out on the park bench. along comes a man and sits on the park bench beside him reading a newspaper.

jimmy pulls out a pack of smokes and lights up.

the man sitting next to him can't help but notice the 9 year old sitting next to him chain-smoking and decides to say something....

"young man, has anyone ever told you how terrible smoking is for you? where are your parents?"

jimmy stops smoking and looks up at the man and very casually says, "my grandfather lived to be 105 years old..."

the man replied, "goodness gracious! and he was a smoker??"

jimmy said, "no, but he minded his own fvcking business."
 
Originally posted by: JohnAn2112
So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had
great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a
big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell
phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family,
his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few
friends had no idea he was out here.

😀
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I hate you... I read so much of that before giving up
 
Originally posted by: MotionMan
Originally posted by: TechHead87
What did the man say to a lady with two black eyes?



Nothing. He already told her twice!

So bad...I know.
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What do all battered women have in common?










They just don't fvcking LISTEN!!!

MotionMan
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They have battered women now? :Q

And here all these years I've been eating mine PLAIN ....
 
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