What does it mean when your girlfriend says to you...

[SWScorch]

just my two cents. HC and the others are probably right. I've learned this too with my gf. Girla are notoriously insecure, and pick the absolute worst ways to make their boyfriends tell them they love her. Probably all she wants is for you to tell her how much she means to you. My girlfriend does the same thing. I'll say "I love you," and she'll spit back "No you dont!" I've learned that just means, "Say it again," but man did that piss me off at first.

Girls have problems, man. They're insecure, paranoid, twisted, and continually worrying. You just have to realize that they just want reassurance, but usually they pick the worst way to go about asking for it.

 

[MacGaven]

Originally posted by: Jugernot
She's a woman... nuff said.

Exactly.

Is the sex good? If it isn't, I wouldn't put up with that sh1t for very long. I would dump her ass.

 

[TJN23]

now she's saying she's completely impartial as to what I do...

and i quote:
"don't feel like you have to come up b/c i dont mind"
"if you'd rather be with your friends fine"
"if you'd rather be with your family fine"
"if you'd rather come up here fine"
"I DON'T CARE"


god, girls....

 

[thawolfman]

Originally posted by: TJN23
now she's saying she's completely impartial as to what I do...

and i quote:
"don't feel like you have to come up b/c i dont mind"
"if you'd rather be with your friends fine"
"if you'd rather be with your family fine"
"if you'd rather come up here fine"
"I DON'T CARE"


god, girls....

Seriously, I think I need to reach out and smack Kat! :Q

 

[TJN23]

damn, this whole thing has escalated into talks about our future...

she's saying i've been ambiguous and she's right....i'm leaning toward telling her i can't do this, have her be away for 2 yrs in the midst of my graduation and me figuring out what I want to do with my life....

she has said one day she's happy cause she thinks we're gunna try this out, the next day she's beside herself cause she feels I don't want to go through with this


:brokenheart::disgust::frown:

:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:

 

[LordThing]

Originally posted by: TJN23
now she's saying she's completely impartial as to what I do...

and i quote:
"don't feel like you have to come up b/c i dont mind"
"if you'd rather be with your friends fine"
"if you'd rather be with your family fine"
"if you'd rather come up here fine"
"I DON'T CARE"


god, girls....

Let me translate those statements into guy language.

"I want you to come up here because you want to see me more than your friends and not hold it against me I want you here"
"I see now that I am second to your friends"
"I know I am not as important as your family"
"I want you here, but obviously you are going to be a dick about it"
"Leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it anymore"

 

[Geekbabe]

Perhaps she's sensing that ypu are having second thoughts about doing the long distance thing and was trying to graciously offer you an out.I can tell you no woman wants to feel like a man is only doing things out of a sense of obligation.

Btw,as this thread progresses it also seems her original comment wasn't far off the mark.

 

[MaxFusion16]

She's looking for an excuse to break up with you, purposefully trying to sabotage the relationship, blaming you for everything, making it look like it's your fault, so she can break up.
She could be one of those werid ones that can't stand a nice guy or is afraid of commitment.
Sorry man, but either way she's done with you.

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

Damn, people here are freaking out.

Her saying that doesn't mean she hates you ror wants to break up or something. Maybe she's hinting she wants a little "her" time. A coworker of mine is dating a guy two hours away (he can't move closer, he's in Ft. Hood) and he drives out 2 and a half hours like 4 days a week to see her, sometimes on days where she had stuff planned that he wouldn't like to do. He always makes a big fuss about it, when it's seriously nothing.

Please please please don't let ATOT'ers give you relationship advice.

When we find someone we're attached to, we fear losing them and we can sometimes see or fear the worst when all thats really going on is they have other plans or something. I don't have a ton of info on the situation from what's been posted, but perhaps she's just trying to tell you she wants to do her thing that day.. maybe she feels it's gotta be a pain for you and she thinks you believe it to be a pain.

For your and her sake, don't take ATOT's advice on subjects like this.

 

[AreaCode707]

Just a quick response to those of you who read my response and thought the girl was playing mind games - "why didn't she just say that?":

I had a hard time writing that post because what she was saying was so blatantly obvious to me that trying to explicate it in any clearer terms was hard. She's not trying to jerk his chain or play mind games or be subtle. From her point of view, she's being as honest as it's possible to be without speaking his part for him.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Just a quick response to those of you who read my response and thought the girl was playing mind games - "why didn't she just say that?":

I had a hard time writing that post because what she was saying was so blatantly obvious to me that trying to explicate it in any clearer terms was hard. She's not trying to jerk his chain or play mind games or be subtle. From her point of view, she's being as honest as it's possible to be without speaking his part for him.

Unfortunately that's what she's got to do. We men can't pick up on anything less subtle than a train wreck, let alone Advanced Womanspeak.

- M4H

 

[Mustangrrl]

HC, you nailed it, girl.

Whenever you guys start a YAGT, you should read the female responses closely. Otherwise you're just getting guesstimated answers from a whole bunch of really young males who haven't had any significant relationships yet, and definitely not with a grown woman. They can't relate to what you're going through let along what SHE is going through. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's just reality.

I hope things work out with this, I'm sure the whole situation is tough on both of you -- remind her that this isn't just stressful for her, but for you, too - let her know you are going through this together. I applaud her for speaking her mind, that's hard to do, and I hope you're able to do the same.

 

[Looney]

From her point of view, she's being as honest as it's possible to be without speaking his part for him.

Why couldn't she just asked 'are you sure that's what you really want to do this weekend?'

What's with the mindgames? And it IS mind games.

 

[her209]

She's got a date and doesn't want to cancel it for you.

 

[Hankysmoo]

DEFINITELY mind games.........girls just love em

 

[Krugger]

stopped reading after your second post. ignore most everything the guys here said, listen to the one girl that posted, and a few other people.
it's clear to me why. you said you wanted to see your boys friday, then come on sat.
she's a girl. to her she heard:
i'd rather be with my guys than you on friday, but then they all leave so i'll come see you on saturday, since i have nothing else to do.
that's why she said you dont want to it's more like you feel you have to.
it's just the games girls play. you have to play along sometimes. just go on sat. and make the most of the weekend. she'll get over it. if she can't accept that you have other friends, then that'll be a problem. if she's just gonna make you pay for the one night, then that's how girls work.

 

[Pepsi90919]

that was a rant?

 

[TJN23]

Originally posted by: Krugger
stopped reading after your second post. ignore most everything the guys here said, listen to the one girl that posted, and a few other people.
it's clear to me why. you said you wanted to see your boys friday, then come on sat.
she's a girl. to her she heard:
i'd rather be with my guys than you on friday, but then they all leave so i'll come see you on saturday, since i have nothing else to do.
that's why she said you dont want to it's more like you feel you have to.
it's just the games girls play. you have to play along sometimes. just go on sat. and make the most of the weekend. she'll get over it. if she can't accept that you have other friends, then that'll be a problem. if she's just gonna make you pay for the one night, then that's how girls work.

i assume you're a guy so u win the "best guy post in this thread" award...heh thanks

 

[Kev]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Yeesh, you guys are clueless. She didn't do this to pick a fight. She did this because she wants to ensure that she's still important to him, that he still WANTS to see her (even without the obligation of the established relationship). I look at that and see it from the girl's point of view - yeah, he's making the effort to visit her, but it looks like he's doing it grudgingly, or without enthusiasm. Try, quite simply, telling her in between visits how much you're looking forward to seeing her again. See if that doesn't switch stuff around. She can't tell what's in your head here, that's the problem, and she's worried that you're losing interest. Us gals know that there's no faster way to lose a guy than for him to feel like he *has* to do something, and she's trying to determine if you're at that point.

She doesn't want to make it an obligation. She wants you to look forward to seeing her as much as she looks forward to seeing you, and if she doesn't see that matching, it creates a feeling of disconnect for her. This is a really easily solved problem, just taking a few extra words in an email or phone call.

Translation: Girls are stupid.

 

[xirtam]

stopped reading after your second post. ignore most everything the guys here said

I got to that part and ignored the rest. Hope you don't mind.

Oh yeah, and I think you're overdramatizing this. If you have a good relationship with your girlfriend, you won't be posting your communication problems on ATOT, and they'll be resolved much more quickly than the couple days this thread has been active.

 

[Akira13]

Originally posted by: SWScorch
just my two cents. HC and the others are probably right. I've learned this too with my gf. Girla are notoriously insecure, and pick the absolute worst ways to make their boyfriends tell them they love her. Probably all she wants is for you to tell her how much she means to you. My girlfriend does the same thing. I'll say "I love you," and she'll spit back "No you dont!" I've learned that just means, "Say it again," but man did that piss me off at first.

Girls have problems, man. They're insecure, paranoid, twisted, and continually worrying. You just have to realize that they just want reassurance, but usually they pick the worst way to go about asking for it.

I've noticed the same thing with my girl.

 

[conjur]

Maybe this will help

 

[Keego]

Maybe you sounded like you didn't want to go up there? Women are very funny, they can be moody and depressed and you're supposed to deal with it, but when men are depressed/moody/mad, it's like the end of the world because girl takes it personally.

 

[Keego]

Originally posted by: MacGaven

Originally posted by: Jugernot
She's a woman... nuff said.

Exactly.

Is the sex good? If it isn't, I wouldn't put up with that sh1t for very long. I would dump her ass.

Yep, who cares about the relationship part of it.

 

[Balthazar]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Yeesh, you guys are clueless. She didn't do this to pick a fight. She did this because she wants to ensure that she's still important to him, that he still WANTS to see her (even without the obligation of the established relationship). I look at that and see it from the girl's point of view - yeah, he's making the effort to visit her, but it looks like he's doing it grudgingly, or without enthusiasm. Try, quite simply, telling her in between visits how much you're looking forward to seeing her again. See if that doesn't switch stuff around. She can't tell what's in your head here, that's the problem, and she's worried that you're losing interest. Us gals know that there's no faster way to lose a guy than for him to feel like he *has* to do something, and she's trying to determine if you're at that point.

She doesn't want to make it an obligation. She wants you to look forward to seeing her as much as she looks forward to seeing you, and if she doesn't see that matching, it creates a feeling of disconnect for her. This is a really easily solved problem, just taking a few extra words in an email or phone call.