AreaCode707
Lifer
- Sep 21, 2001
- 18,440
- 101
- 91
Yeesh, you guys are clueless. She didn't do this to pick a fight. She did this because she wants to ensure that she's still important to him, that he still WANTS to see her (even without the obligation of the established relationship). I look at that and see it from the girl's point of view - yeah, he's making the effort to visit her, but it looks like he's doing it grudgingly, or without enthusiasm. Try, quite simply, telling her in between visits how much you're looking forward to seeing her again. See if that doesn't switch stuff around. She can't tell what's in your head here, that's the problem, and she's worried that you're losing interest. Us gals know that there's no faster way to lose a guy than for him to feel like he *has* to do something, and she's trying to determine if you're at that point.
She doesn't want to make it an obligation. She wants you to look forward to seeing her as much as she looks forward to seeing you, and if she doesn't see that matching, it creates a feeling of disconnect for her. This is a really easily solved problem, just taking a few extra words in an email or phone call.
She doesn't want to make it an obligation. She wants you to look forward to seeing her as much as she looks forward to seeing you, and if she doesn't see that matching, it creates a feeling of disconnect for her. This is a really easily solved problem, just taking a few extra words in an email or phone call.
i dunno, but jesus, don't put yourself through a 2 year "long distance" relationship at your young age...
2 years is a long time... hopefuly you guys will still be able to see each other during those 2 years... but then again, I found that every girl that I've come across just has this thing about trying to whip the boyfriend... my last girlfriend tried that, didn't work, so she moved on... I then break up with her and she was furious....
the sweet ones are only so rare...
the sweet ones are only so rare...
Just tell her it has nothing to do with obligation (even if it does). Tell her that if you didn't want to make the drive, you make up some lame excuse about having to rotate the tires on your ferret and blow her off. Tell her that you just want to have a little time with your other friends, and that you will see her very soon. Reassure her that you still love her very much, and are dripping with anticipation for the moment when she is in your arms again. Then, go puke.
then why don't you chics just say that then! Bull$hit on the we're clueless part. Why is there a need on a women's end to play mysterious, trivial games to get her point across. I have been in the happiest relationship of my life for the past 2 1/2 years because I somehow found a g/f that does not play head games with me. If she has something on her mind, she tells me and vice versa. For the past 6 months, I've been in DC while she's in NY. There was actually a time she asked me if I felt obligated to go see her. I said of course not, it's because I want to go see her. The point is she asked me! Why do most girls feel the need to be so weird about it and give clues or drop hints? I had to put up with that for the last 2 months of my relationship with my -ex in unfortunately a similar situation the originator of this post is going through. My ex and I were going to different schools and she started getting all weird a month or so before we left. I visited her almost every weekend for a semester until she told me that she felt she was obligated to see me on weekends and couldn't do anything with her friends and she thinks we should break up because we're still young. I was sad obviously but after a couple days I was fine. But did she ever tell me about this before? Nope. Was she sending my signals or saying things to clue me in at times? I honestly have no idea because I obviously didn't pick up on them. Oh well
good luck with your g/f. I guess my point is communcation is so key in a relationship (especially distance). if you really want to make it work, step up and tell her how you feel and hopefully, she'll do the same.
That's the girly stance on the matter, but she is right. She is wanting you to be as excited as she is about you meeting. You are attempting to "schedule" her in and probably let slip a sigh or some other comment about it being difficult to get there and back. She is wanting you to fawn all over her and boost her ego on how much you can't friggin wait to see her.
Short answer: No matter how this weekend comes out, you are already doomed to be wrong. Either you spend time with her and it will be strained because she feels "you are only here because you think you have to be". Or you stay at home and she gets all depressed and you spend all your time with the guys either pissed off she is pissed off or appologizing to her on the phone.
Welcome to relationships, bud.
The idea that somebody ever should do something that they don't want to for a relationship is totally apalling, at such a young age.
If there wasn't such an influx of advice towards brown nosing the girls (which I completely understand to preserve a marriage for whatever means, be it kids or an inheritance) coming from maxim and whatnot, maybe so many girls wouldn't be inclined to believe that maybe your actions aren't genuine.
The only reason we stay in non-married relationships, a good chunk of the time anyway, is because we enjoy it. Accusing us of not enjoying it really sucks a lot of the enjoyment out of it.
If there wasn't such an influx of advice towards brown nosing the girls (which I completely understand to preserve a marriage for whatever means, be it kids or an inheritance) coming from maxim and whatnot, maybe so many girls wouldn't be inclined to believe that maybe your actions aren't genuine.
The only reason we stay in non-married relationships, a good chunk of the time anyway, is because we enjoy it. Accusing us of not enjoying it really sucks a lot of the enjoyment out of it.
BigSmooth
Lifer
- Aug 18, 2000
- 10,483
- 7
- 81
Even if that's the case, statements like the one in the original post are extremely passive-aggressive and don't belong in a healthy relationship.
Hopefully (as HC posits) she said that simply out of temporary frustration/insecurity. A little more effort on your part would definitely be in order.
Sorry to add my personal flavour of sarcasm to this perspective, but ...
"The relationship is never going to be what it was like in the first six months again. Deal with it. It's not like your girlfriends have it all that much better anyways."
Yes, the passion does cool off after the initial rush. Cope. If you're at the point where you feel you're obligated to see her, that's signalling bad news. If she guilt-trips you into it, even worse.
- M4H
She is insecure, period.
Your probably doing nothing wrong, but in her mind she thinks your obligated. As long as you haven't been a dick of a boyfriend, it's probably all her. When girls start pulling this crap it's time to pack up and move on. These little games will keep going until one of you goes homicidal.
Your probably doing nothing wrong, but in her mind she thinks your obligated. As long as you haven't been a dick of a boyfriend, it's probably all her. When girls start pulling this crap it's time to pack up and move on. These little games will keep going until one of you goes homicidal.
Either you mentioned something about hanging out with your friends, and you don't realize, or remember saying it.
Or she is just laying out a classic guilt trap.
Or she is just laying out a classic guilt trap.
I was going to say that this is probably the case, given the circumstances. While I too, feel like 'if i didn't WANT to see you, i wouldnt be with you in the first place', females *in my experience* sometimes say things like that because they want to hear you tell them how much you want to see them. My girlfriend can be like that sometimes. She'll do the whole "how much do you love/miss me" routine, and I sometimes tell her that if i didn't i would not be with her. I finally got her to tell me that it wasn't that she doesn't know i miss her, but that she wants to hear me say it. I guess that's the big difference between the sexes....
TRENDING THREADS
-
Discussion Intel current and future Lakes & Rapids thread- Started by TheF34RChannel
- Replies: 23K
-
Discussion Zen 5 Speculation (EPYC Turin and Strix Point/Granite Ridge - Ryzen 9000)- Started by DisEnchantment
- Replies: 10K
-
Discussion Speculation: Zen 4 (EPYC 4 "Genoa", Ryzen 7000, etc.)- Started by Vattila
- Replies: 13K
-
Discussion Intel Meteor, Arrow, Lunar & Panther Lakes Discussion Threads
- Started by Tigerick
- Replies: 8K
-
Facebook
Twitter