what does it mean if a guy is quiet (reserved?)

[waffleironhead]

Originally posted by: Xstatic1

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: Xstatic1
OP - r u asking because u know u're quiet and reserved? or did someone comment that u're quet and reserved and wondering what they meant?

kind of both

what is your perception of quiet guys from a female's perspective?

u already pegged it:

Originally posted by: Dear Summer
I kind of see it as a social skills deficiency so I'm wondering if this view is shared

It may be shared, but that doesn't mean its correct.

 

[skim milk]

Originally posted by: Xstatic1

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: Xstatic1
OP - r u asking because u know u're quiet and reserved? or did someone comment that u're quet and reserved and wondering what they meant?

kind of both

what is your perception of quiet guys from a female's perspective?

u already pegged it:

Originally posted by: Dear Summer
I kind of see it as a social skills deficiency so I'm wondering if this view is shared

so you don't find them mysterious/worth getting to know at all?

 

[Baked]

Means he's plotting to murder your family.

 

[DJFuji]

It's not a deficiency in the same way that being short or not witty isnt a deficiency. Technically it's the way you were born (or with social skills, the way you were raised), but it still has a definite effect on things.

I was born somewhat of an introvert. I am now an extrovert. I changed things around because being an introvert wasnt helping me.

 

[Xstatic1]

Originally posted by: skim milk

Originally posted by: Xstatic1

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: Xstatic1
OP - r u asking because u know u're quiet and reserved? or did someone comment that u're quet and reserved and wondering what they meant?

kind of both

what is your perception of quiet guys from a female's perspective?

u already pegged it:

Originally posted by: Dear Summer
I kind of see it as a social skills deficiency so I'm wondering if this view is shared

so you don't find them mysterious/worth getting to know at all?

while i find that most smart ppl are introverts, there's too much work involved in trying to get to know them if they lean heavily towards being quiet/shy/reserved. ugh! i'll take a smart extro any day.

 

[Mr. Lennon]

I think I fall into both categories. If the topic at hand is something I care about, then I will definitely jump in. If its rather shallow or frivolous, then I'll just observe/ space out.

I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I thought that was a pretty off the wall comment considering I wasn't sad one bit. I guess it just goes to show you that extremely extroverted people cant stand it when another person in their vicinity is silent and not acknowledging them.

 

[SonnyDaze]

Feed him alcohol. He'll open up.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Originally posted by: DJFuji
It's not a deficiency in the same way that being short or not witty isnt a deficiency. Technically it's the way you were born (or with social skills, the way you were raised), but it still has a definite effect on things.

I was born somewhat of an introvert. I am now an extrovert. I changed things around because being an introvert wasnt helping me.

You really didn't. You ACT extroverted, or you never were truly introverted. Personality traits are inherent and undergo very little change in life. Only a borderline trait could ever flip. That is, assuming we're talking about introversion as a trait, and not a habit.

 

[Dear Summer]

Originally posted by: Zeppelin2282
I think I fall into both categories. If the topic at hand is something I care about, then I will definitely jump in. If its rather shallow or frivolous, then I'll just observe/ space out.

I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I thought that was a pretty off the wall comment considering I wasn't sad one bit. I guess it just goes to show you that extremely extroverted people cant stand it when another person in their vicinity is silent and not acknowledging them.

that's kind of mean for her to say that
I think quiet people tend to give out the "downer" vibe and people don't want to be around them in social settings.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: Zeppelin2282
I think I fall into both categories. If the topic at hand is something I care about, then I will definitely jump in. If its rather shallow or frivolous, then I'll just observe/ space out.

I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I thought that was a pretty off the wall comment considering I wasn't sad one bit. I guess it just goes to show you that extremely extroverted people cant stand it when another person in their vicinity is silent and not acknowledging them.

that's kind of mean for her to say that
I think quiet people tend to give out the "downer" vibe and people don't want to be around them in social settings.

There's no requirement for them to be. They're free to go somewhere else. There's certainly no cause to pressure someone to pretend to be what they're not, and keep them from enjoying themselves just because they make someone else uncomfortable. Everyone needs to accept people for who/what they inherently are, and not ask or expect them to change.

 

[Farang]

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: Zeppelin2282
I think I fall into both categories. If the topic at hand is something I care about, then I will definitely jump in. If its rather shallow or frivolous, then I'll just observe/ space out.

I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I thought that was a pretty off the wall comment considering I wasn't sad one bit. I guess it just goes to show you that extremely extroverted people cant stand it when another person in their vicinity is silent and not acknowledging them.

that's kind of mean for her to say that
I think quiet people tend to give out the "downer" vibe and people don't want to be around them in social settings.

There's no requirement for them to be. They're free to go somewhere else. There's certainly no cause to pressure someone to pretend to be what they're not, and keep them from enjoying themselves just because they make someone else uncomfortable. Everyone needs to accept people for who/what they inherently are, and not ask or expect them to change.

let's hug it out bro

 

[StinkyPinky]

I'm quiet and reserved. I'm naturally quite shy so I wont speak out in a group of people I don't know well.

 

[lxskllr]

I tend to be quiet, and I don't like mindless smalltalk(ATOT excepted of course :^P). I'll chat it up with anybody, stranger or friend if the conversation's interesting.

 

[DJFuji]

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands

Originally posted by: DJFuji
It's not a deficiency in the same way that being short or not witty isnt a deficiency. Technically it's the way you were born (or with social skills, the way you were raised), but it still has a definite effect on things.

I was born somewhat of an introvert. I am now an extrovert. I changed things around because being an introvert wasnt helping me.

You really didn't. You ACT extroverted, or you never were truly introverted. Personality traits are inherent and undergo very little change in life. Only a borderline trait could ever flip. That is, assuming we're talking about introversion as a trait, and not a habit.

I don't believe that personality traits cannot change. At the very least, they can be swayed a few points on the continuum in either direction.

Another possibility is that most people who THINK theyre introverts are really just SHY. Shyness is not teh same thing. Shyness is being reserved/quiet out of fear, not personality type. Unfortunately, most people do not want to buy into that theory because it's difficult on the ego to accept that reality. So they'd rather claim that they're introverted.

I was never a hard core introvert. In other words, i had friends growing up and i wasn't deathly shy. But I was FAR FAR from extroverted. On the continuum i was probably 40% if 0=super introvert and 100=super extrovert. Most of the personality tests i took had me pegged as an introvert.

Nowadays, however, the personality tests have me as a strong extrovert. So i think you CAN change. Perhaps not 0-100 change, but i probably went from 40 to 80 on the scale.

Also keep in mind that culturally, extroversion is seen as attractive and confident in the U.S. That's not necessarily TRUE, but it is what many people perceive as true. And perception, as they say, is reality.

 

[PliotronX]

Originally posted by: Zeppelin2282
I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I thought that was a pretty off the wall comment considering I wasn't sad one bit. I guess it just goes to show you that extremely extroverted people cant stand it when another person in their vicinity is silent and not acknowledging them.

I'm disgusted by people who think others exist merely to entertain them and I share your baffled state by them. One of my biggest pet peeves is when other people try to tell you what your state of mind is just like the girl who declared you to be a downer. Just because I don't have a shit eating grin plastered on my face constantly like the mayor of Los Angeles does not mean I'm not having a good time.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Originally posted by: DJFuji

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands

Originally posted by: DJFuji
It's not a deficiency in the same way that being short or not witty isnt a deficiency. Technically it's the way you were born (or with social skills, the way you were raised), but it still has a definite effect on things.

I was born somewhat of an introvert. I am now an extrovert. I changed things around because being an introvert wasnt helping me.

You really didn't. You ACT extroverted, or you never were truly introverted. Personality traits are inherent and undergo very little change in life. Only a borderline trait could ever flip. That is, assuming we're talking about introversion as a trait, and not a habit.

I don't believe that personality traits cannot change. At the very least, they can be swayed a few points on the continuum in either direction.

Another possibility is that most people who THINK theyre introverts are really just SHY. Shyness is not teh same thing. Shyness is being reserved/quiet out of fear, not personality type. Unfortunately, most people do not want to buy into that theory because it's difficult on the ego to accept that reality. So they'd rather claim that they're introverted.

I was never a hard core introvert. In other words, i had friends growing up and i wasn't deathly shy. But I was FAR FAR from extroverted. On the continuum i was probably 40% if 0=super introvert and 100=super extrovert. Most of the personality tests i took had me pegged as an introvert.

Nowadays, however, the personality tests have me as a strong extrovert. So i think you CAN change. Perhaps not 0-100 change, but i probably went from 40 to 80 on the scale.

Also keep in mind that culturally, extroversion is seen as attractive and confident in the U.S. That's not necessarily TRUE, but it is what many people perceive as true. And perception, as they say, is reality.

Perception is actually the prevention of reality. It is only what exists completely outside of what is perceived which is truth...in other words, nothing exists outside of itself.

I agree that introversion and shyness are confused, as are introversion and anti-social behaviors, introversion and lack of social skills, etc. If someone is truly introverted, then they are introverted. There might be small shifts for borderline people (say 45-55), but that's all. Everything else is self-delusion, or learned habits and skills and not true inherent introversion. That is, barring serious physical or mental/emotional traumas, which have been shown to cause absolute changes in inherent traits.

For instance, I'm EXTREMELY introverted. Without anyone saying or doing anything, just being in a room with 2 other people I'm not intimate with will rapidly make me tired, cranky, nervous, etc. It's not fear, THAT's introversion. The more time I spend alone, the better my mood becomes, the clearer I think, the higher my energy, etc. I have no social fears...I act on stage, I speak in public, I debate, etc. I do not lack social skills - I can be extremely eloquent, attentive, politically correct, empathic, etc. I just don't talk to people because a) most people aren't worth talking to, and b) because it exhausts me.

 

[Pheran]

Originally posted by: PrinceofWands

Originally posted by: Dear Summer
I kind of see it as a social skills deficiency so I'm wondering if this view is shared

Nope, not from a psychological standpoint. There's nothing 'right' or 'healthy' about outgoing, extroverted, talkative people. Nothing wrong with them either, it's just who/what they are.

This is true, but as a definite introvert, I can say that life is generally easier for extroverts (other things being equal). They will naturally build the social connections that introverts will not, at least not without significant effort. Any introvert can tell you that being with lots of people is just exhausting. Most extroverts just don't understand this since only about 30% of people are introverted.

Being both extremely intelligent and introverted led to a really crappy high school experience too. Fortunately, things do get better later (or at least they did for me).

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: Zeppelin2282
I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I'm pretty damn sure there's more to that story than just your version of it, Mopey Joe.

 

[coloumb]

Originally posted by: waffleironhead
As a quiet person myself, let me chime in.
Most social conversations are not worth joining in. They move fast and are fairly shallow. When you take the time to listen more than you talk, you actually learn something(not always of course, but sometimes you hit gold). There is always a surplus of people who think their opinion needs to be shared. There are fewer people who are content to let the conversations go round and round without chiming in. Being quiet and reserved is usually a sign of someone who is observant. It does not mean they do not have an opinion, quite the opposite actually, they just do not feel the need to share it with the world.

:thumbsup:

Yup - I like just listening to other people talk or watch people in general. I'm not big on sharing anything about myself unless I've befriended someone - then I have no problem chatting it up. However - in most situations - I'm very content with just listening to the conversation.

 

[DJFuji]

princeofwands, that's interesting. Most introverted people i find are ALSO shy so there's generally a huge overlap. I've met VERY few people who are personality wise introverted but NOT shy. I think it's because of the strong correlation between the two. Perhaps it's also because most of my clients are shy (aka fear based).

I still think you can change to a certain extent. Even if you're not on the borderline. I'm just not sure you can do a super 180. Like if youre a 20, you can shift to a 0 or to a 50-60 i think. I've seen it too many times (including myself) to think otherwise.

I think we're talking about the same thing RE: Perception vs Reality.

Neuro Linguistic Programming has taught us that reality is subjective and that people respond to their PERCEPTION of reality. To them, their perception IS reality. I think you're saying that reality is relative and that reality does not exist without perception. Same principle.

 

[dbk]

it means he's asian

 

[rayray2]

Originally posted by: PliotronX

Originally posted by: Zeppelin2282
I remember when I went on a river rafting trip with my friends. I was sitting in the raft quietly absorbing in the scenery/off in my own world when one of the girls with us looks at me and says, "Damn why do you have to be such a downer?"

I thought that was a pretty off the wall comment considering I wasn't sad one bit. I guess it just goes to show you that extremely extroverted people cant stand it when another person in their vicinity is silent and not acknowledging them.

I'm disgusted by people who think others exist merely to entertain them and I share your baffled state by them. One of my biggest pet peeves is when other people try to tell you what your state of mind is just like the girl who declared you to be a downer. Just because I don't have a shit eating grin plastered on my face constantly like the mayor of Los Angeles does not mean I'm not having a good time.

that's almost sig worthy. almost...

 

[her209]

It means he's great in bed!

 

[nerp]

Quiet often means insecure or uncomfortable. If with a group of friends you know, quiet might mean something is on your mind or you're just not in a talkative mood. But if you're going to social situations that are all about mixing, or if you're going to bars or clubs to meet people and all you do is sit and sulk and never talk, you're just going to seem boring. I don't think it's honest to say that quiet people should draw others towards them "to learn more about this mysterious person." People who are super quiet often fade into the background because people are generally interested in what someone has to say, not what possible mystery they are.

THere's a difference between being a blithering idiot who doesn't shut up and talks about trivial things and being sociable and able to talk in social situations. Being quiet in those situations is OK but I can completley understand why you'd feel unnoticed, ignored or a piece of lint stuck to the wall.

 

[Modelworks]

For me it means I am bored and thinking how much I would like to be somewhere else.