There is no substitute for french fries. You can eat something else, but in your heart you know that it's not as good.
Roasted brussell sprouts if available. I'd eat them with every meal if it didn't get me funny looks.
Give me the biggest cheeseburger you have. Instead of salad, I want fries, and instead of fruit, chilli fries.
I don't think I've ever had a place offer me that but if they did I would totally take it. Pancetta roasted Brussels sprouts are amazing.