Wedding things - registry list, how to reduce costs, etc

[Geekbabe]

Gotta love how everyone here is all about cheaping out on the once in a lifetime wedding. Apparently we have 7 figures in the top 1% income, but we're all too cheap-ass to spend the $30k average cost of a wedding.

So which is it? Is ATOT loaded with 7 figure incomes with money falling out of our pockets? Or are we cheap bastards that try to nickel and dime everything?

I have never pretended to have such a high income. We had the wedding we could afford & tried to do so with the comfort of our guests in mind. No " cash bar" at our party. People were well fed, got loaded & had a ball.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

We dropped about 6k on our wedding, I guess if you're including rings, closer to 9k. But we got hooked up for pretty much everything else. My wife's cousin at the time was getting into photography so he took pics for practically free (we gave around $200 for his time). The wife's other cousin is a baker and made the cake for us for free. Parents paid for the venue (just a small community hall here in town). We have a friend who donated his dj services as a gift to us so that was cool. We did have to rent the table clothes and drapes etc., but the familia basically decorated the whole hall. I think the most expensive thing we paid for was the catering, but even that was pretty cheap at around $900 for 100+ guests. Oh and the alcohol. Probably around $800 for a few kegs and bottles of liquor/cheap wine. We still get compliments today about our wedding being one of the more memorable ones from friends/family. If you can DIY stuff w/friends or family, I'd go that route to save some bread.

As for registry, we just asked for basics, silverware, plates, small appliances like a blender, toaster etc. We use most of the stuff we got with the exception of some China.

 

[Darwin333]

Elope to Vegas, whoever wants to fork out the money to attend can and whoever can't can piss off. Problem solved, you can even honeymoon there if that floats your boat.

 

[Exterous]

I'm leaning toward having "honey moon gift" stuff on there, as we are potentially planning a 7-10 vacation in NZ/Australia. We don't plan on buying a house any time soon (NJ real estate is stupid expensive) so all these house warming style gifts just seem like a waste.

Not that I would try to convince someone to not go there because OZ is super awesome and NZ looks even more so but 7-10 days really isn't worth it IMO especially with all the awesome places closer to the US. The huge time change will mess with your ability to go out and do stuff for a day or two and you won't get to see much to make the 15-22hour trip worthwhile. Wait till you have at least 14 days not counting travel days (and don't try to do both with 'only' 14 days)

Her cousin does photography but she charges $1200 a shoot. It's cheaper than your typical photography business but still... $1200 in my eyes is pretty pricey for a couple pics.

Part of the problem is wedding photography is a huge PITA which makes it our least favorite photography booking. So many people want all these perfect shots but then deviate from the schedule which makes getting those 'must have' shots ridiculously difficult. Add in the lack of 'do overs' at the ceremony and reception, the huge time commitment, shockingly frequent abysmal planning\time management and the Bridezillas and you end up with a big bill to make the hassle and stress worth it. And of course some of it is just because its acceptable to spend $40k on a wedding

I think ours was around $9k but that was also 12 years ago. We saved money in a couple of ways. We did our own center pieces. We did a buffet style because having something like a pasta station, mashed potato bar and something else (I don't remember) not only got us more food but was cheaper than a set dining menu. It was shortly after my SIL's wedding (Who deliberately set hers before ours to get married first.) and everyone raved about our food over hers despite her paying 2x as much per plate. We also got married on a Friday which cost less and got us some 'free' stuff at our venue like coffee station and before reception snack bar

 

[IronWing]

I've been married twenty-four years and we've looked at our wedding album maybe four times in those years. Pro photos are nice but I'd rather just tell the guests to shoot up a storm and set up a google drive to dump the pics in. The marriage is important, the wedding not so much.

 

[Kaido]

Elope.

 

[highland145]

Elope.

I'm thrilled that great minds think alike...or that my clock was right twice a day.

 

[Kaido]

I'm thrilled that great minds think alike...or that my clock was right twice a day.

The first of my buddies to get married paid $9k for the ring & $25k for the wedding. Was making barely above minimum at the time. Doesn't make sense to me to start out a marriage in debt...$25k is a down payment on a house!

On the flip side, pretty much every girl out there has been dreaming about their wedding day since they were kids, so good luck!

 

[Pulsar]

Not an option. Her family is religious and if they are going to pay for some/half/whatever amount, it will need to be in a church. I don't give a sh!t, I'm not religious at all, but her folks are.

We are looking at having a family only, small ceremony in a church, then the reception/party at a later date. We are seeing if this whole Lake Association thing will work out or not, I think that will save an ass ton of money.

Most of the rates we are seeing for venues are starting at $85 a plate and easily run into the $150's for nicer places. This doesn't include anything other than a 3 course meal and the price to simply having the reception there... No DJ, no cake, arrangements.. etc.

Holy crap. You are getting raped - or perhaps it's the area where you lived. We did it at $23 a plate. We handled the food ourselves, and screw the open bar. Your guests are there for a wedding, not to get drunk. Of course you're going to hear people blabbering about how you HAVE to have an open bar. Screw 'em. It's your wedding and your reception, not theirs.

I'm militant about this. I listened to my mother in law for all of 5 minutes. I looked at the 'guest' list and more than half the people invited (320 total) - I had NEVER MET. That's when it's time to really put your foot down. My wife was all 'but we have to invite these people or these other people will be mad'. Fine. Let the shallow-assed inconsiderate jerks be upset. It's OUR wedding. Not theirs.

You'll save a chunk by having it on a Friday too - and it will help cut down on the people who really don't belong there.....

I could keep going, but the wedding was one of the best moments of my life, and the reception one of the worst. Screw that noise.

 

[highland145]

The first of my buddies to get married paid $9k for the ring & $25k for the wedding. Was making barely above minimum at the time. Doesn't make sense to me to start out a marriage in debt...$25k is a down payment on a house!

Ha, about 9 of us had a beer bet. The 1st buys the rest a case and so on...I owed 5, iirc. Should have made divorces a double pay out.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

ATOT is frugal when it's convenient or if something does not align with their interests.

We should talk about diamond rings next.

Blame society - as well as the female gender for putting up with that shit. 90% of women don't know what a diamond is (compressed carbon), nor do they realize they aren't rare in anyway. In addition, we're now at a point where they can be made in a lab - and there is a history of "blood diamonds". Another 8% understand this and still want one for some reason - likely from society pressuring it. Then there is a remaining 2% that don't give a shit what rock is on their finger.

Holy crap. You are getting raped - or perhaps it's the area where you lived. We did it at $23 a plate. We handled the food ourselves, and screw the open bar. Your guests are there for a wedding, not to get drunk. Of course you're going to hear people blabbering about how you HAVE to have an open bar. Screw 'em. It's your wedding and your reception, not theirs.

I'm militant about this. I listened to my mother in law for all of 5 minutes. I looked at the 'guest' list and more than half the people invited (320 total) - I had NEVER MET. That's when it's time to really put your foot down. My wife was all 'but we have to invite these people or these other people will be mad'. Fine. Let the shallow-assed inconsiderate jerks be upset. It's OUR wedding. Not theirs.

You'll save a chunk by having it on a Friday too - and it will help cut down on the people who really don't belong there.....

I could keep going, but the wedding was one of the best moments of my life, and the reception one of the worst. Screw that noise.

Kudos to you. I would say fuck em' too. I would take one look at the list and say "Sooooo, how will you be paying for all these guests? Oh, you're not paying? Well, I guess we can't invite them"

To be honest - unless it's DIRECT family or something, I'm never offended in the slightest if I'm not invited to a wedding. It's one less stupid present I don't have to buy.

 

[Exterous]

Your guests are there for a wedding, not to get drunk.

Nope I'm definitely there to get drunk

 

[highland145]

Nope I'm definitely there to get drunk

I'd usually start before the weeding. No sense in wasting a whole day.

 

[purbeast0]

I'd usually start before the weeding. No sense in wasting a whole day.

Yup, this man knows.

Having a pay bar at a wedding is probably the worst thing you can do for your guests too. You might as well just have your reception at TGIF at that point, make them pay for their own food while you're at it.

But hey, expect that $200 gift from your guests even though you gave nothing in return!

 

[highland145]

But hey, expect that $200 gift from your guests even though you gave nothing in return!

Hey, I took a shower. That's something.

 

[z1ggy]

Blame society - as well as the female gender for putting up with that shit. 90% of women don't know what a diamond is (compressed carbon), nor do they realize they aren't rare in anyway. In addition, we're now at a point where they can be made in a lab - and there is a history of "blood diamonds". Another 8% understand this and still want one for some reason - likely from society pressuring it. Then there is a remaining 2% that don't give a shit what rock is on their finger.



Kudos to you. I would say fuck em' too. I would take one look at the list and say "Sooooo, how will you be paying for all these guests? Oh, you're not paying? Well, I guess we can't invite them"

To be honest - unless it's DIRECT family or something, I'm never offended in the slightest if I'm not invited to a wedding. It's one less stupid present I don't have to buy.

I"m very lucky my fiance doesn't care about the ring. I got her a lab made Moissanite ring, which is technically speaking, 100% flawless. No african kids got beaten or killed to get this, and it cost around 4 or 5 times less than I would have paid for an equally nice real diamond.

I think we are going to see a few venues this weekend. I'll report back on prices and things...

One thing I worry is that if we try to do an "a la carte" thing at a venue, that we'll get raped on the things they do provide, or that they insist/require to use certain services from them in order to book.

 

[highland145]

Beaten nor killed? Bummer.



kidding, kidding....

 

[z1ggy]

Beaten nor killed? Bummer.



kidding, kidding....

I know. Why else are the diamonds so expensive? Obviously it's to pay for all the medical fees for the poor chilluns digging these puppies out of the rivers and caves.

Jk jk

... They don't pay the medical fees.

 

[highland145]

I know. Why else are the diamonds so expensive? Obviously it's to pay for all the medical fees for the poor chilluns digging these puppies out of the rivers and caves.

Jk jk

... They don't pay the medical fees.

De Beers has a lock on the market supposedly. What I do know is that the markup on all jewelry is insane. Sis owns a jewelry store. 400%. And people bitch because I charge 35% on my money. Sheesh.

 

[z1ggy]

Yeah pretty insane. Part of the reason I went with lab made stuff. Just some machines pressing molecules together then probably another machine cutting it to size and shape.

I did get real diamonds though on the band, but that's only because the Moissanite ones were an extra $400. Splurged on 18k white gold band, too. Still only spent like $1200... Win.

 

[highland145]

IIRC, paid about that for the wife's at the Atlanta gift mart.

 

[pcgeek11]

Elope and piss 'em off early on.

I agree. I think total my wedding was about 200 dollars max, including her dress.

 

[highland145]

The wife is very frugal. woot.

$40 wedding dress she bought at a consignment store before we even started dating.

5/18/1996

 

[Pulsar]

$40 wedding dress she bought at a consignment store before we even started dating.

5/18/1996

See how far they plan ahead? Freaking scary. Most guys are lucky if they can get the Tux before the wedding ceremony has started!

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

No one ever looked back at a wedding and said, "I sure am glad we spent that extra ten grand!"