*UPDATED!!* TORN BETWEEN 2 GIRLS :(

[Alex]

Ok this is a legitimate problem and very urgent so plz id like to hear some advice instead of ppl rippin on me ... i mean its ok to make fun of me after giving some advice... deal?

Seriously:

Is it possible to feel very strongly about two girls at the same time? One has been a constant crush for the past year and a bit, the other I've been dating for about 5 months now. After 3 months my girlfriend went on a 2 month holiday Q) and the spark kinda died off. Meanwhile things are really looking up for the other girl. Now I broke up with my girlfriend 2 weeks ago but felt really bad about it and rushed into apologising to we've been together for a week now. But now I really don't want to be with her anymore but it's just cruel to dump her again.

Since I'm moving country to go to college in August anyways, I figured I could just hang in there for the sake of not hurting my girlfriend. I've also contemplated cheating on her with the other girl meanwhile. I guess I should be truthful and tell my girlfriend that I made a mistake in getting back together with her but she's kinda young (16, I'm 18) and she will get really hurt and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

WHAT DO I DOOO????

BTW I've also contemplated being a dick to my girlfriend and driving her to break up with me and it would be ok cause now SHE would be the dumper and I the dumpee D), this is however manipulative and wrong.

HEEELP!!!


[edit]
OK so for those of you who've offered advice, I figure I owe you the end of the story (3 weeks and 1 banning later):
Well I'm gonna give these girls fictional names just to make it easier for me to explain. Call my girlfriend "Claudia" and the crush "Laura".
Ok so well 2 weeks ago I took the plunge and after kinda avoiding Claudia for about a week I told her that I just didn't feel the same way about her/us and that although I've tried to feel otherwise, the 2 months we spent apart had really driven a wedge between us and with me going to college so soon it just wouldn't work out. I was as honest as possible, but at the same time just curt enough to make her realise that there was no hope. Killed me inside, really did. But it was for the best.

The next day she wanted to see me for the last time and wanted to come over. I figured I owed her that much so I said OK. Well for those of you that will say that she will try to make me feel bad and cry and make a huge scene..... you're absolutely right. It wasn't pretty but I stood my ground and made it perfectly clear that it was ME that was wrong and not her. We decided to still be friends.

The next weekend I finally did take Laura out to a bar and we had a good time and I haven't spoken to her since. So that's done and out of my system! So yay 3 weeks older and I'm happy to be single and think I handled everything pretty well, eh?
[/edit]

 

[Miramonti]

BTW I've also contemplated being a dick to my girlfriend and driving her to break up with me and it would be ok cause now SHE would be the dumper and I the dumpee (), this is however manipulative and wrong.

Be careful. Some women are like dogs, the worse you treat them the more loyal they are. You however sound a bit like one too.

 

[Geekbabe]

It's pretty clear that the person you've been most concerned about not hurting here is *you*. As to what you should do, put yourself in the girl's place, how would you prefer that she treat you if she were the one with another boyfriend in the wings ?

 

[Hammer]

Nothing wrong with being torn between to girls, happens to me all the time. Basically pick one and keep the other on the back burner. When you're bored of the first one, you always have the other to fall back on.

P.S.

Remember to be an a$$hole to both.

 

[Czar]

Most guys are torn between left or right, you are lucky

If you dont feel you want the one you are with now, think about why. Think about why you think the other one will be better. You only realy know one of them and thats where you should start. Push the other one out of your mind for a few weeks and think hard about your current relationship or even talk to your girlfriend about what is bothering you.

 

[Alex]

Theres NO way i would even dare bring up the subject about there being 'someone else' with my current girlfriend, thats just wrong.

And baffled2, actually i DONT mind hurting myself one bit if it means that my girlfriend wont be hurt. I cant stand the thought hurting and disappointing her like that again.

 

[Czar]

<< Theres NO way i would even dare bring up the subject about there being 'someone else' with my current girlfriend, thats just wrong.

And baffled2, actually i DONT mind hurting myself one bit if it means that my girlfriend wont be hurt. I cant stand the thought hurting and disappointing her like that again. >>


No, dont talk to your girlfriend about the other girl, talk to her about what you think is wrong with the relationship if you are up to it.

You obviosly care very much about your girlfriend, so what is wrong?

 

[Geekbabe]

<< Theres NO way i would even dare bring up the subject about there being 'someone else' with my current girlfriend, thats just wrong.

And baffled2, actually i DONT mind hurting myself one bit if it means that my girlfriend wont be hurt. I cant stand the thought hurting and disappointing her like that again. >>




The thing is there's no such thing as a pain free solution. I would just buck up and be a man here and tell her that you went back with her too soon.Now,this could present some problems if you still want to see her along with the other girl as she just might tell you to take all the space you need.. as far away from her as possible,but you will at least have been honest with her and your current torment will be over. Not a perfect ending but a lot less potentially ugly than
if you keeping her believing she's your g/friend while you are out pursing this other girl and she finds out about it.


Besides,don't flatter yourself here dude,she's 16, you'll be a dim,vague unpleasant memory in short order, that you can take to the bank !

 

[Alex]

Czar:
I've tried (the first time i dumped her) and she doesnt seem to think theres anything wrong... so i took the whole 'its not you its me' approach and said i needed a break to think things over cuz i was confused.

Again she doesnt think anything is wrong but im not really enjoying spending time with her anymore (this prolly has a lot to do with the other girl). So im thinking, since my attraction to the other girl is purely physical, why dont i take her out and hook up with her once to get it out of my system... prolly ill look at things differently afterwards cuz there wont be the other girl to distract me anymore?


edit: adressed this one to czar to avoid confusion

 

[Hammer]

Baffled2 is right man. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

 

[silverpig]

Sweet, I get to say this now.

PICS?!?!?!


Go for whichever one is hotter. You're young.

 

[notfred]

Break up with your girlfriend like a man, don't puss out and wait till you move or try and make her leave you.

 

[CKDragon]

Most girls would much rather you break up with them than cheat on them.

Have some pride and don't run around on a girl and don't give her the runaround about it either. Be up front and forward, tell both girls what you want and have the backbone to follow through. Solid honesty, as hurtful as it may seem, is better than prolonging the situation for you or your girlfriend.

If your attraction to the other girl IS purely physical and you don't think you could enjoy an emotional relationship with her, then you're just being shallow. In that case, I would distance yourself from both girls and save all 3 of you a lot of future trouble.

Easier said than done,

CK

 

[Jfrag Teh Foul]

As long as you are truthful with the girlfriend you have no worries. If you don't feel the spark then leave. You only make it harder on her and yourself in the end if you drag it out.

Being a man only takes some chemical reactions in the begining , but to be one in the end takes courage. You can do it.

 

[Pepsei]

have sex with both of them... and then teach them to play Dance Dance Revlution so someone else can pick them up.

you're young, have fun now and worry about 'feelings' later.

when you're ready for real relationship, you'll know.

 

[TuffGirl]

<< But now I really don't want to be with her anymore but it's just cruel to dump her again. >>

You are mistaken. What's more cruel is what you're contemplating: leading her on. Whether or not you cheat on her and she finds out or not, it will eventually become plain to her (if it hasn't already) that you no longer feel strongly about her as you used to, and this will confuse and hurt her. Don't do it man. Make your choice and stick to it.

 

[rutchtkim]

tell the truth now!!! If you care about both of them, not telling both the truth will leave a scar in the future that could last for who knows when.

peace

 

[gotsmack]

Ask your local friends for help.

Little known guy rule is that if you want to get your mack on with some girl your single friend has to distract the beast that is the hottie's friend.

an variation of this rule is that your singe friend has to help you out of a relationship by macking on your current GF if you ask him to.

but if your friend does this for you, you are required to take him out (pay) to get trashed as many times as necessary to forget about mounting a beast (if he indeed does so) and you are not allowed to speak of this event ever again.

 

[BeauJangles]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

 

[TheBlondOne]

You need to be very, very careful about this. Are you totally sure that your crush would be willing to hook up with you? If so, is it willing to lose your current g/f over? I mean, a crush is one thing, but usually the person you're in a relationship with is a totally different story.

If you let your current g/f go, you may never get her back. Think seriously before proceeding. And no, don't be a dick. Just tell her that it isn't working out (for goodness sake, do NOT tell her why).

--Sarah

 

[Azraele]

I think the kindest thing you could do for her is to be straight with her. Be gentle, but be straight. To continue in a relationship with her would be a mistake and most likely a disaster, since you have already admitted you're thinking of cheating on her.

 

[Alex]

Ok i tried to answer as many as possible (thx guys for the feedback!) but they just keep comin in and i gotta work so ill check back in half an hour or so! for now:

baffled2:



<< [The thing is there's no such thing as a pain free solution. I would just buck up and be a man here and tell her that you went back with her too soon.Now,this could present some problems if you still want to see her along with the other girl as she just might tell you to take all the space you need.. as far away from her as possible,but you will at least have been honest with her and your current torment will be over. Not a perfect ending but a lot less potentially ugly than
if you keeping her believing she's your g/friend while you are out pursing this other girl and she finds out about it.


Besides,don't flatter yourself here dude,she's 16, you'll be a dim,vague unpleasant memory in short order, that you can take to the bank ! >>



yeah... i guess you and hammer are right about not being a painfree solution... i just think its harsh to let her down like this... i suppose telling i her i was too impulsive with getting back and that i still need time is the best solution, eh?

Hammer09:



<< Baffled2 is right man. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. >>



Correct... but im scared the eggs might get hurt Something I feel you guys are not taking into account is the fact that I broke up with her 2 weeks ago and we've only been back for a week.

silverpig:

LOL i knew it was a matter of time... both are similar... dark hair, some highlights, gorgeous green eyes and they're both gorgeous, really. i have a pic of my current girlfriend but its not really appropriate if i post it.

notfred:



<< Break up with your girlfriend like a man, don't puss out and wait till you move or try and make her leave you. >>



That is the more manly thing to do but it would hurt her too much and if i get her to dump me, besides being wrong and manipulative, would be better for her cuz she wouldnt feel so bad about it.

 

[Alex]

CKDragon, Jfrag:



<< Most girls would much rather you break up with them than cheat on them.

Have some pride and don't run around on a girl and don't give her the runaround about it either. Be up front and forward, tell both girls what you want and have the backbone to follow through. Solid honesty, as hurtful as it may seem, is better than prolonging the situation for you or your girlfriend.

If your attraction to the other girl IS purely physical and you don't think you could enjoy an emotional relationship with her, then you're just being shallow. In that case, I would distance yourself from both girls and save all 3 of you a lot of future trouble.

Easier said than done >>





<< As long as you are truthful with the girlfriend you have no worries. If you don't feel the spark then leave. You only make it harder on her and yourself in the end if you drag it out.

Being a man only takes some chemical reactions in the begining , but to be one in the end takes courage. You can do it. >>



I suppose honesty IS the key, eh? Dammit!! i have to be a man now and stand up to my fudge up...

Pepsei:



<< have sex with both of them... and then teach them to play Dance Dance Revlution so someone else can pick them up.

you're young, have fun now and worry about 'feelings' later.

when you're ready for real relationship, you'll know. >>



Dude now thats just wrong.

gotsmack:



<< Ask your local friends for help.

Little known guy rule is that if you want to get your mack on with some girl your single friend has to distract the beast that is the hottie's friend.

an variation of this rule is that your singe friend has to help you out of a relationship by macking on your current GF if you ask him to.

but if your friend does this for you, you are required to take him out (pay) to get trashed as many times as necessary to forget about mounting a beast (if he indeed does so) and you are not allowed to speak of this event ever again. >>



ROTF!!

damn im not sure if id mount a beast even for my best friend... and hes comitted anyways so i dunno what to do...

blinderbomber:



<< The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. >>



It soooo is!

theblondone



<< You need to be very, very careful about this. Are you totally sure that your crush would be willing to hook up with you? If so, is it willing to lose your current g/f over? I mean, a crush is one thing, but usually the person you're in a relationship with is a totally different story.

If you let your current g/f go, you may never get her back. Think seriously before proceeding. And no, don't be a dick. Just tell her that it isn't working out (for goodness sake, do NOT tell her why). >>



I AM sure and theres No way my gf would find out... i guess ill just have to be straight about it with her. ive done a lot of thinking and i dont think that i want to be with her anymore.

Azraele



<< I think the kindest thing you could do for her is to be straight with her. Be gentle, but be straight. To continue in a relationship with her would be a mistake and most likely a disaster, since you ahve already admitted you're thinking of cheating on her. >>



Thats what i did the first time round... and it didnt do much good. She was devastated.
Thing is i just CANT do this again only 2 weeks later. Difference is this time im SURE of what i want in my life.

 

[Evadman]

I wish I had this problem.

 

[johneetrash]

you're very very weak. i mean, you break it off and that in itself is hard, but you totally negate it by being apologetic and stuff (it's okay i think a lotta people do the same thing, like me for instance )

she's gonna be hurt but better sooner than later right? it's not right to lead her on, esp. cuz u dont like her. just go with your true feelings and try not to be a jackass

be strong!