I have a friend who's doing the same thing, except he's ADD with money... so... jury's still out on my help...
My God, where did you meet your g/f, her family sounds like they qualify for the Maury Povich show?! The mom being 30'ish, her son-in-law is 20, her 16-yo daughter is cranking them out already too.
If you help them out at all, try to make it the 'teaching them to fish' not the 'giving them a fish' kind of help.
If you help them out at all, try to make it the 'teaching them to fish' not the 'giving them a fish' kind of help.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
How do you propose to keep your willful 16 yr old in line with your wishes as a parent? Please list only legal methods.You would be very surprised at the actually very small amount of real control the law gives you.I've been there,done that and as it was explained to me by the courts as a parent you have zero rights to anything,only responsiblities...there's a huge difference between those two things.
You cannot force birth control on a teenage minor or any other reproductive mdedical procedure for that matter, you cannot force or prevent an abortion,you cannot lock them in rooms,hit or curse at them.Running away and other soft delinquent activties have been deemed not criminal,our foster care system is set up to help abused children,not to deal with delinquent teens.Our reform school system has been disassembled and only boys who steal cars,rape,murder or set fires get beds in locked juvenille facilties.A judge can wag his finger at a sexually active 16 yr old but in reality that's all that's going to happen.
Btw,most teenage girls don't have sex because they're horny sluts,they do it generally to get love and approval from somebody they think they love.
As parents all you can do is to try to let your kids see you practicing the values you preach to them about.You also try to let natural consequences be a teacher with yourself as a safety net.In the end
when you're parenting a willful teen all you can do is to try to keep the lines of communication open and pray a lot for the maturation process to kick in.
People who abuse welfare and such are the scum of the world. I can't stand that crap, and I hope all those people get what the deserve.
This is one of the biggest most biggest reasons why i hate being asian. Hell, this is ABOUT 90% of why i dont' like being asian. They always feel that richer relatives should pay up for the poor useless ones. gawddamn people its america, not china (communism) if you're too damn retarded to do something with your life then hell go kill yourself. I had relatives leech off of my parents for 10 fvcking years, while they are also struggling to raise their 4 children (including me) my grandparents made my father feel guilty and he had to take care of his 3 sisters, his little brother and his little brother's wife and kids. All that added together is about 10 years+ of work from them. When we really had money problems and my parents were in debt due to a failed business, those bastards blamed my father and ignored him for a couple of months, and still because of his dumbass chinese heritage he feels that he should take care of them. It was only after i started to openly show that they weren't appreciated around my house that they slowly moved out!!
Dude, don't take care of your gf's family, do what you can for yourself. Yes you should help people out as much as you can, but if they are just retarded leeches, then why bother? let them rot!
Holy crap! I feel for you dude. Hope you resolve this situation soon. DUMP HER!
That is really crappy.
That is really crappy.
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
- 126
I feel for ya dude... I don't think you're cold-hearted. Even though you should help if you can, the guy isn't handicapped... and it's none of that is really your responsibility. If the [young] couple has any respect for others at all, they would not act so desperate for your help. If I were in the husband's shoes, I'd bust my @$$ to clean up my own mess.
I guess I see this more from Geekbabe's point of view. Sometimes we have to approach things as they are, not how we feel that they should be. This baby was wanted and I'm sure that this is a joyous occasion for the family and they are very exited about it. The errands your girlfriend wanted you to go on were part of the "festivities". I'm sure that you don't see it that way, but ask her and see.
As to you supporting the family, I do see that many times in immigrant families, not just Asian ones. The ones that are doing well are expected to help the others along. As was stated, you set the limits of how much if any assistance is given.
This does remind me of the guy on this board who was asked to give his girlfriends family $10,000 for a cousins education. I never heard how that came out.
As to you supporting the family, I do see that many times in immigrant families, not just Asian ones. The ones that are doing well are expected to help the others along. As was stated, you set the limits of how much if any assistance is given.
This does remind me of the guy on this board who was asked to give his girlfriends family $10,000 for a cousins education. I never heard how that came out.
I don't think that you should break up with your girlfriend for this. She has no choice what kind of family she was born in. It really hurt that someone you love leave you just because of something you can't change.
Just make it clear to her that you two have your own life and can only do up to a limit to help.
Also, I think you should try to make it clear to your girlfriend's family that you do not agree with what the family does and let her know that you help them bacause of her.
Just make it clear to her that you two have your own life and can only do up to a limit to help.
Also, I think you should try to make it clear to your girlfriend's family that you do not agree with what the family does and let her know that you help them bacause of her.
Yes, that is the guy. I'm glad that he saw the situation to a good conclusion. I just brought this up for the OP to beware of sob stories that may not ring true.
one time my gf show up at my door, came in and got piss b'cos i was all reticent when she wants to discuss
'issues' so she went downstairs and left , cry in the car and use her cell to tell me she hates me and that i'm a
heartless bastard. so i said 'hey want to go see attack of the clones?' she sez thru sniffles 'ummm...okay'
and so we did.....went out but couldn't find parkin by the theater, so we went to the park and lie
in the grass instead.....surreal
'issues' so she went downstairs and left , cry in the car and use her cell to tell me she hates me and that i'm a
heartless bastard. so i said 'hey want to go see attack of the clones?' she sez thru sniffles 'ummm...okay'
and so we did.....went out but couldn't find parkin by the theater, so we went to the park and lie
in the grass instead.....surreal
you sir are correct ... now that he's working he's making some money but he's spending it on weed and whatever else he smokes
If you're willing to be so generous as to help them out in the first place, good for you. It's not your responsibility, but you're making the effort to help out. But you need to make it clear to them that you will help them while they are getting back up on their feet, and the help ends if there's no effort on their side. Her husband should be working fulltime and putting money into savings, and all of that can start right now. It's not shameful to ask for help when you really need it, but make it clear to them that they cannot rely on you because you're not their crutch; just trying to be a nice guy for now. 
Geekbabe--I think you need to put the maternal instincts aside. This isn't lilcam's family we're talking about, it's his girlfriend's. If his girlfriend's mother is in her 30's and the sister is 16, then this isn't a willfull teen, it's a child doing exactly what she's been taught. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone needs help sometimes, but this was intentional. Needing help from others is fine when you make a mistake, but it's a bit different when it's a way of life. It almost seems as if it was expected that this girl would have kids so young, just like the fact that the family would contribute to this child's upbringing. Well, it doesn't sound to me like lilcam signed on for that, and that's his choice.
Lilcam--I completely agree with your actions so far. If anyone says you should respect their choice to do something so irresponsible, then they should respect your choice not to support it. This sense of entitlement is what's fvcking up our country. Sixteen year old kids should be in school, and 20 year olds too, unless they are working. If someone will support you to do otherwise, then more power to you, but going on welfare means I'm one of the people supporting you. So, I get to chime in. You want my fvcking money? Well, that's my opinion. It's a package deal.
Lilcam--I completely agree with your actions so far. If anyone says you should respect their choice to do something so irresponsible, then they should respect your choice not to support it. This sense of entitlement is what's fvcking up our country. Sixteen year old kids should be in school, and 20 year olds too, unless they are working. If someone will support you to do otherwise, then more power to you, but going on welfare means I'm one of the people supporting you. So, I get to chime in. You want my fvcking money? Well, that's my opinion. It's a package deal.
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
Lilcam, tough call.
Problem with the situation is that your GF's family is her family & she loves them. Anything you do or say in a negative fashion will be brought up in arguments for the rest of your natural life. If you really love this girl, it wouldn't matter to you. It's that whole unconditional love thing.
I have a bro in law I don't really speak with because of a similar situation. If things were different, I'd ask for custody of his son, but in that alternate universe, I'd also end up killing bro in law (no joke).
Difference is that my wife is on board with the whole keeping him @ arm's distance, IE: he's never been to our house, but his son has multiple times, we give stuff to his son, but not to bro-in-law. Wife is completely on board with it & I really appreciate her judgment.
Problem with the situation is that your GF's family is her family & she loves them. Anything you do or say in a negative fashion will be brought up in arguments for the rest of your natural life. If you really love this girl, it wouldn't matter to you. It's that whole unconditional love thing.
I have a bro in law I don't really speak with because of a similar situation. If things were different, I'd ask for custody of his son, but in that alternate universe, I'd also end up killing bro in law (no joke).
Difference is that my wife is on board with the whole keeping him @ arm's distance, IE: he's never been to our house, but his son has multiple times, we give stuff to his son, but not to bro-in-law. Wife is completely on board with it & I really appreciate her judgment.
speg
Diamond Member
nah dude, you're doing the right thing. someone's gotta at least try and show them that they gotta start to help themselves.
i think you are making a mistake and should just rid yourself of the whole thing, but if you wont do that be very upfront with your gf.
lilcam, I agree with you and would've done the same thing. There are limits to how much you can help someone, but the limits are more defined if the couple are able to help themselves. I see it as your gf is helping them be lazy.
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