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Tough situation...

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Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
He won't respect you till you stand up for yourself.
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Agreed. As long as you allow him to have his way, he always will. You should kick the crap out of him once. Put some fear in him. Then, make him get some help.

-sp
 
That's a tough situation. I hope your parents will make him move out because I seriously doubt that he will do it on his own or even be receptive to them just trying to persuade him to.

Good luck!
 
Try to look at your Brother as he really is.

Imagine he is a stranger you read about in the paper abusing others.
How would you feel?

Your brother is a bully.

You and your Family taking crap from him will only make him worse.

He needs to be taken down a notch or two.

You would most likely punch a stranger out for abusing your mom or yourself.

I felt the same way as you when I was younger, I can sympathize with how you feel.

Disipline and respect start at home, it is too late when strangers or the cops get involved.

Best wishes to you and your family and also your brother.

Hang tough :sun:


🙂
 
You guys telling him to hit his brother are idiots. his brother will end up taking it out on someone else. Thats what abusive people do: pick fights with people that can't win. He needs help or jail time. Moving out will not help at all.
 
Originally posted by: LoKe
He's my brother. We'll try to get him to move out, and that should be enough. I think jail time (oh, and there would certainly be jail time) would do a lot of damage to the others, and his future. He's got a great job and a great girlfriend, he just needs to learn before he screws it all up.
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People like him just don't magically learn to control their piss poor tempers. It doesn't happen like that. Let it slide this time because you are a wimp and next time it might not be you that he hits. It might be some stranger, who does press charges and does get him thrown in prison. Then what? Give him a fair warning. Tell him next time he hits you, there will be cops.

But truthfully speaking, what he needs is to have his ass kicked. So what if he's bigger than you. A nice block of wood still hurts like hell when it smacks you across the face.

My brother learned his lesson when he started picking on me... I shoved him down, grabbed a kitchen knife and told him and started moving towards him. I had NO intention of using it, but he doesn't know that I wouldn't.

Give him a reason to not make you angry.

 
oh bullsh!t dude, you cant hit your brother, who has slapped you and your mother around for years, and you are unable to stand up to him. At least admit that, and dont hide behind the "he is family excuse"

 
Originally posted by: dxkj
oh bullsh!t dude, you cant hit your brother, who has slapped you and your mother around for years, and you are unable to stand up to him. At least admit that, and dont hide behind the "he is family excuse"
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No kidding. He certainly has no problem with it.
 
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Washoe
Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: Washoe
So this happened, about 40 minutes ago? Call the police right now.
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I can't...
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Why not
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He's my brother. We'll try to get him to move out, and that should be enough. I think jail time (oh, and there would certainly be jail time) would do a lot of damage to the others, and his future. He's got a great job and a great girlfriend, he just needs to learn before he screws it all up.
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I agree, dont send him to jail, he is family

I can see now that you are smaller than him and afraid of him, i understand because you have been afraid of him for years.... but you have to stand up for yourself, he punched you in the face, he crossed a line

 
Originally posted by: BigJ
If my brother ever put a hand on me, or anybody else in my family, he'd regret it.
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no joke... forget that he hit you, if he was doing any hitting of your mother, but you and your dad need to tag team him and beat the living ****** out of him
 
You gotta stand up for yourself, I used to get bashed on my school bus almost everyday, but I started standing up for myself and accidentally broke one guys nose one day, since then I could listen to my music in peace.
Although he's your bro, shouldn't stop you from not defending you and and especially your mom, also sounds like he seriously needs some psychological help.
 
Shens. OP is trying to do another spider.

either that or the OP seems to have been born without a pair of danglers else he'd have kicked his brother's ass once and for all.
 
LoKe, I've had to deal with family violence, although admittedly it wasn't nearly so bad as yours.

A while back, I was just 18, and my father got really, really drunk at a party one night. So drunk he was driven home and literally had to be carried into the house because he couldn't stand up. My mother and brother were out of town, and we didn't know any of our neighbors. After a few hours, he sobered up enough to really, really, want to go back to his party. Now, we had one car there, so I had confiscated and hidden all his keys; he couldn't go anywhere, but I didn't want him to go outside, because he could have been hurt or could have hurt someone else. He started getting belligerent, pushing me and pulling me, and trying to get me out of the way. Eventually, he slapped me. I told him if he did it again, I'd call the cops. He did it again.

I stuck to my word.

It hurt, it hurt bad to have to call the police to arrest my own father because he was being a drunk asshole. He'd never been that drunk in his life, and after a night in the drunk tank and the DV charges (I didn't want to press, but VA is a must-press state for DV charges) he's never been that drunk again. To this day I still wonder if I made the right decision; he had to have anger management and see a therapist, I know he couldn't have hurt me, it damaged his record, but it was 4 AM and I'd been awake since 6 the previous day and crashing and he was full of energy and getting violent.

I guess I'm kind of rambling but my point is: no matter how much it hurts, sometimes you have to set them straight. Beating him is not a solution because you could cause damage, no matter how careful you are. Hoping he stops is not a solution, because it won't. Appeasement is not a solution.

If it ever gets to the point where you are in danger, you may have to call the police on him. Sometimes all it takes is one night in jail and dropped DV charges and they straighten out.
 
Learn BJJ and armbar for the win!..

Seriously though, I'd call the cops. You have to be tougher on family then you are on strangers.
 
Loke, stop changing your pic! I didn't even realize it was you until someone said "Loke,..."

My brother used to do the same thing to my mom and I. I couldn't call the cops on him either and my dad lived elsewhere in the country. Unfortunately it was a drug abuse problem, perhaps its the same for your brother? My mom finaly told him to move out and its the same for your brother I'm afraid. He has to leave and grow up. Violence isn't the problem solving skill it once was in the stone age. People need to talk about their problems not duke it out.
 
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Washoe
I totally disagree. I think he needs to learn a hard lesson right now, rather than down the road when he might have kids or a more established career to screw up. If he hasn't learned yet, how is he going to learn? It seems like everyone in your family is just keeping quiet about it and hoping it will go away. Well it's not going to just suddenly go away. You shouldn't wait until next time. I say call the police right now, this isn't something to just hush up about and hope it won't happen again. It WILL happen again because he knows he can get away with it every time. And next time who knows who it will happen to or how bad. NOW is your chance to do something right, for everyone involved.
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We're going to get him to move out. I appreciate your advice, but I can't bring myself to be theo ne to cause all that.
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Your passive approach hasn't worked in 19 years. Why will it start working now.

Your brother is going to keep hitting people until he learns not to. The longer you let him do this without learning, the harder it will be for him to change and the more likely he is going to hit the wrong person.

If he hits the wrong person, the best that can happen is that he is thrown in jail. The worst is that he really hurts or kills the other person or they hurt or kill him.

He will keep escalating until he steps over the line. Put it in perspective, he hit you multiple times over a DVD.

Your family thinks they are helping him, by not calling the police. It is the opposite, you are enabling him to hit people by not forcing him to face the consequences.
 
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: ironwing
The day he turns 18 tell him if he touchs you, you call the cops, then do it.
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He's 19, going on 20 in a few months. I'm 18.

Originally posted by: BatmanNate
Why doesn't your father punish him accordingly when he gets home? I couldn't stand by idle if somebody hit my mother, regardless of their physical advantage.
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He does all that he legally can, and each time my brother acts as if things will get better. It just...doesn't. But next time this happens...I'll do whatever I have to to make sure he stops.

EDIT: To add, my brother has been going to the gym for years now, and though he's still around my height, he's got a lot of muscle on both me and my dad. It's not so much a problem for me, because over the years I've developed some kind of resistance to pain, to a degree. It's not the physical violence that's getting to me, it's everything else.
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Well obviously, your father does NOT do "all that he legally can". You said your brother is 19-20, so why don't they just kick him the fvck out? You guys have taught him that he can take advantage and push you all around, parents included, and there will be no consequences. Instead, you should be teaching him that if he chooses to act like an ape, you will not tolerate his presence. So step one, have your parents kick him out of the house and let him fend for himself. Thats the best thing you guys can do for all concerned.
 
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