Too late for me to change my ways/habits? If not, how to change???

[PlatinumGold]

Xfile

read the book by Stephen Covey, the 7 habits of highly successful people. It is w/o question the best self help book ever written

 

[db]

Any program, drug, book, therapy, etc is just one more way to put off doing what you have to do.
I've been where you are.

The only thing you can do that is not bullsh!t: You have to do the thing you don't want to do.

If you can't bring yourself to do that, you need to start packing up to move. But you won't do that until a few days before you
HAVE to be out of your house--am I right?

 

[JEDI]

db, yes

how did u overcome drifting thru life?

 

[JEDI]

bump

 

[IGBT]

Easy come easy go...look for a comfortable freeway overpass to sleep under...that isn't already occupied.

 

[PowerEngineer]

It seems to me that most people are motivated to work hard and suffer through unpleasent tasks because it is necessary to achieve some goal that is important to them. Perhaps you need to ask yourself what you life's goals are (and maybe that's what this thread is all about). Once you have these goals established, then you should find it easier to work toward reaching them. It's not too late to change, but it does sound like you've built up some poor habits that will take time and work to break.

Good luck

 

[Ornery]

PowerEngineer, I think the problem is that he's already been there. The best he could hope to do is claw his way back to where he's already been. Not much of a goal when you look at it that way, eh? You're exactly right, but how does he get motivated to achieve something he's done already? Oh, and the worst part is, he didn't have to struggle that hard to get there in the first place.

This reminds me of guys I've worked with who came from Union shops. They were paid far more than they were worth. Their employers buckled under the weight of those exorbitant wages and folded. Where the hell were they going to get the same pay for so little work elsewhere? Needless to say, they were the most disgruntled people I ever worked with. I doubt they'll ever find another cash cow again and it makes their life miserable. What's the answer? Look at what you have instead of what you don't have. The glass is half full kind of mindset. Perhaps my coworker friends will find another cash cow. Perhaps XFILE will fall into another awesome career, but if not, at least they won't be miserable for the rest of their lives!

 

[tcsenter]

<< for most of my adult life, almost everything was handed to me. Now the environment has changed and i feel that i'm ill prepared for this brave new world. And today's lack of motivation to study proves it. >>

Well I can certainly relate to that. I am a procrastinator, better now than I once was, but I still don't get things done like I should. I have never been accused of being a "go-getter" and while I haven't had everything handed to me, I wasn't raised in poverty, either.

Unlike my parents, I like to sit around and do nothing productive whatsoever for a couple hours or more every day; watching TV, playing on the computer, recreational reading, piddling around, etc. I am not afraid of hard work, I've done my fair share of arduous manual labor, its just that I don't prefer to do it. ;-)

Can you change? Of course you can, whether you will or not is up to you.

One of those motivational speakers stated a universal truth: People are motivated to change either by desperation or inspiration. Change by desperation involves competing aversions, whereas change by inspiration involves competing attractions.

When your aversion to your current situation becomes greater than your aversion to change, you will change.

When your attraction to change becomes greater than your attraction to your current situation, you will change.

 

[JEDI]

Ornery, exactly! hm..look at what i have huh? kinda tough when i spent most of my $ and don't have much to show for it

tcsenter, very profound. yet i dont ever see the aversion of my current situation greater than my aversion to change As someone posted before, i can see myself not moving till i had to. ie: the sheriff comes and forces me out due to foreclosur. right now i see myself as a dinosaur heading for extinction.

i know i must find it within myself. but how to get that flicker of light in my lightbulb to even begin the process?

 

[Maverick]

<< You need a woman in your life to nag you until you're motivated. >>

 

[StageLeft]

You simply have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's really sad that a 29 year old wrote the first post. Get some backbone and some resolve. You don't have it yet? I guess that just means you haven't fallen far enough. Going from house to parent's basement at your age and not even caring about it... man I gotta say that's just sad. If you have no choice sure, but you even admit you just don't care enough to really do something about yourself. You are in control of your own life.

 

[StageLeft]

<< shifrbv, exactly.

i want to do it, but i just dont have the discipline. it's like a smoker who wants to quit, but can't.

how to find that motivation? i dont want to end up like that smoker that chooses the easy path of do nothing and wind up dead of lung cancer >>

Just as any smoker can quit if they care enough or anyone can lose weight if they care enough you have the same problem. Sure you want to straighten out but not enough. That's all there is to it. This thread reeks of you waiting for an answer to get handed to you as your jobs were handed to you. When you care enough, and only then, will you take the active role.

 

[Ornery]

"...look at what i have huh? kinda tough when i spent most of my $ and don't have much to show for it..."

Um, not that kind of half full glass. I mean the fact that you live in such a wonderful country, during an awesome time and our vast technology is completely taken for granted! Even the poor have decent food, shelter, color TV, transportation, entertainment and on and on. Cost of living is relatively low, gasoline is dirt cheap, inflation is under control and even our last slow down wasn't technically a recession. If you're so inclined, there's no better place on Earth to start your own business.

If you're healthy that's something to revel in too. If your parents are healthy and you don't have to take care of them, that's one less worry. No kids? What a huge amount of freedom you have and you don't appreciate it! Sell everything, buy a VW camper and drive around the country for a while. Do odd jobs for food, meet people. There's a LOT of diversity among the people in this country. Maybe you'll meet an Amish farm girl, Mrs. Robinson or cute geekette in your travels. Maybe you'll find a different way to make a living you enjoy just as much.

If you aren't motivated to hop back on the "hard work and studying" horse, then start taking stock of where you're headed. Get everything squared away head off in that direction. Sounds like you're spinning your wheels at the moment.

 

[JEDI]

yes, i'm spinning my wheels. one hand i'm not motivated to hop back on the "hard work and studying" horse. on the other, fear is keeping me from saying to hell w/everything.

i would love to just sell everything and get a RV and travel the country, and making $ by doing odd jobs. But it's fear of the unknown that's keeping me here.

it's like fixing my car myself. at first i was too afraid to do it, thinking i'll screw something up not to mention the fact i had no clue what i was doing (ie: brakes). When i was shown how to do it, the fear went away.

i'm reminded of a story MANY years ago of a 10 year son of a billionaire. he flys around in a private jet and laughs at people flying first class on commercial planes. I thought to myslef "That kid's not cut out for the real world if the environment he's used to collapses." Never thought that kid to be me. i guess i havent fallen far enuf to overcome the adversity of change. but i also dont want to be like Michael Douglas in "Fallen" where he falls too far and goes psycho.

Easiest path is do nothing. but in time, that path will lead to disaster. i know that. Skoorb, i guess i'm waiting for someone to "show me" to cast away the fear. but you;re right..i should be the master of my fate. I have to take an active roll in my life.

I think i will say those 2 sentences whenever i dont feel motivated. hopefully by tommorow i wont forget/dont believe in those words.

 

[tcsenter]

<< tcsenter, very profound. yet i dont ever see the aversion of my current situation greater than my aversion to change As someone posted before, i can see myself not moving till i had to. ie: the sheriff comes and forces me out due to foreclosur. right now i see myself as a dinosaur heading for extinction. >>

Well, there's no sense in letting that happen. You should get your house cleaned-up and looking nice then sell it for whatever you can get before you the sheriff comes knocking on your door, silly. Break even, or something.

I don't know what you want here. You are so accustomed to having everything easy that when life throws you a little curve ball - which life invariably will no matter who you are - you are paralyzed because you have to work a little harder to adjust? Jesus H! Well if that ain't a cautionary tale for all parents, I don't know what is.

Maybe you just need to hit a new low for yourself, a low you never knew existed. You know that you're current direction is only going to make your situation worse. This may be the worse you've ever known, so you have no sense of how things could be worse. Buddy, let me tell you, it gets a helluva lot worse than that.

How do you think a foreclosure and other credit problems are going to affect your ability to get another loan if and when things turn around? Imagine that three years from now, you find another good job, and you find a house you like. Things are starting to look up for you again, you are eager to start over, but the bank tells you "no".

Funny thing about consequences, they are rarely ever immediately realized. They hit you well after the decisions that resulted in them, when you feel that you are just getting over that hump, when things really start to turn around for you, or when you believe that you've 'escaped' the consequences, then 'wham'. Then comes the realization that you should have done things differently: "Damn, why did I or didn't I do that?"

One poster seems to have already nailed it: "It doesnt sound like you want to change, it sounds like you are just going through the motions hoping something good will happen and deliver you from this mess."

You want things to change, but you want it to just 'happen', instead of you putting forth effort to make it happen. You only get so many free breaks in life, the rest you have to make.

Try settings some goals for yourself and stick to them; like "Week 1", "Week 2", etc. Something reasonable, not "Week 1: unseat Bill Gates as the World's Wealthiest Man."

 

[Whitedog]

XFILE - Realize this. You stumbled into what you had by chance and nothing else. You already know that. But know this. It's gone and will never return to you in the same manner.

Until you recongnize that your past career happened by chance and is GONE, you're not going to be able to go on with a clear concience.

It's time to start over. Clean Plate.

Regardless of what you had, you are now the average 29 year old with "work experience". Get over it.

I am no different than you. I am 39 and am in the same boat as you are right now. The only difference is I never stumbled into a fairy tale job and lost it. I'm your average Tech/Admin/Programmer with no certs or degrees working for 40ish a year. I'm completely happy with my life/career.

You're going to just have to accept that someone with no certs/degree's doesn't make more than $50g except in rare cases.

Get a job making what you deserve and press on. Go from there.

If you want to get out of your rut, then get out of your fairy tale.

Sounds like you need to sell your house anyway. Go ahead and sell it. You stay there and you'll still be holding on to your fairy tale. Just treat it as "I should have never had this to begin with".

Buy you a house that a $40g income would live in. That would be a good way to get you back to reality.


Someone already mentioned this also, but you need Jesus. If you had him, you certainly wouldn't need this Forum