Ok, on a different note, skipped the workouts for a bit, and instead worked out some mental, emotional and social health stuff. Getting back on the plan tonight.
Tuesday I did half a workout, just squats and pushups and didn't feel like doing anything. I'm processing some internal crap with regards to breaking up with my gf 3 months ago and pursuing this new chick but it's not panning out. I realized I've been emotionally bottomed out and very self-centered and insecure.
Monday, I went a saw a psychiatrist who I met 3 years ago when I burned out bad. He could basically be called a holistic psychiatrist, very cool guy. My mental health is as good as ever but I want to develop and improve there, this guy will help me relax and mediate, get more of those moments of peace I have talked about here. As some of you may know I am an astrology geek and this guy actually asked to look at my chart as his wife is great at it. So I am comfortable seeing someone who won't look at me like I have 3 heads when I reference astrology. In short, I see it like this - astrology is a good map for me, but the map is never the territory. No one can disagree it is a tool for introspection, accurate or not. I'm going to see this guy about once a month for guidance on how to manage my mental health, hopefully he can give me some ideas and plans, and as a bonus he can consult with me on my chemical stuff like 5-HTP.
So after talking with him, I sat in the dark before bed tuesday night, and just let my brain process some stresses, and finally hear my inner voice and get over some crap. I think I was stuck in a bad place because I have been working so hard on this diet and exercise plan. It has been great for me, but it is a lot of work, like I have 13 hour days counting work, gym, and diet. And losing weight is stressful, and I think I was stressed about the routine for a bit now, I have been doing it for 3 months and just needed to give myself a mental break and I found that. I might start dong an old pastime which I haven't in a while - sitting in the dark and listening to music, it's a good form of meditation for me.
So last night, wednsday, I did my yoga class and then went drinking and closed the bar. I haven't done that in a long time. Like over a year at least. I'm normally at this bar sober playing pool and the bartenders like having me around if only drinking water. But as part of feeling good and being guilt-free and de-stressing, I drank. My favorite bartender was on shift, back from breaking her wrist, still working in a cast. It has been ages since I hung out and drank Switchback on wednsday nights with her. We are basically good friends at this point I just only see her at the bar. It was good, I had like 7 pints of switchback, which is a VT unfiltered yeasty beer, so good. It's basically organic so it's not the worst thing to drink. I had a good night, I helped the bartender close because of her wrist, and I actually got to go in the basement for a trip and help her restock some beer. My first time doing that, but it shows the level of trust and good relationship I have with the folks there. She was glad I was drinking again, it was good for old time's sake but I can't keep it up on my weight loss plan. back on the wagon until next year when I am at my goal weight and can maintain and drink on the weekends. Pretty much sober until then though.
A bit hungover and tired today, headache, so I slept and skipped morning workout. I'll recover fine, but now I know not to do this often, I am getting too old. No regrets, no guilt, just now I have to chill, find my inner voice and re-discover my motivation for working out. I will just do since the routine is ingrained, and maybe that will re-awaken me. It's quite a balance but I'll get there.
Shit son, you should have been on Biggest Loser. The weight is flying off you - keep up the stellar work man. You are putting in hard, consistent work and reaping the benefits.
Thanks man. As I said it is hard work and it has been paying off. But I'm glad I lowered my stress level a bit by taking a break. It was turning into a grind. Stress is actually a factor in weight loss so overall I'll be fine. I am proud I've lost 42 pounds in 97 days now, another 20 pounds and I'll feel ready to start compound lifts.
So if the routine is getting stale, I will have a new one by year's end when I meet my trainer again. Maybe as soon as 30 days.
