Thx

[Paladin3]

How hard are you folks going to make this?

"I'm sorry, I'm only available during business hours." <---non accusatory and to the point. "If the offer still stands, I would very much like to meet with you during the work week. Please let me know if your schedule opens up." <---leaves the ball in the guys court to either schedule a legit meeting or drop the subject.

Please, for the sake of your own career and working women everywhere, think very carefully before running to HR unless the situation gets far more serious. HR will protect the company first and you will quite possibly get the reputation of being an overreacting victim in waiting that nobody will want to work with, something women have been fighting against for generations.

 

[Phoenix86]

You don't post here hoping to get serious answers.

If you do, you're an idiot.

There are tons of good answers in this thread.

Most threads asking for help give good answers, even if you have to sift through a bunch of shit.

 

[JS80]

Save every message and document the time, date and content of each conversation, to be safe.

Decline his after hours meeting invitations but send an Outlook calendar invitation for a midday coffee meeting to discuss the job opportunity. Pick a coffee shop on campus or frequented heavily by work colleagues.
Dress conservatively in business or buisness-casual clothing.
Bring a pre-prepared list of work-related questions and a resume; if the conversation gets off track, keep it moving on topic by using the questions.

If the after-hours contact or requests for contact persists, go have a consultation with HR. Don't make it an accusation, just ask for help interpreting the invitations. It will make HR aware of the situation, lending her credibility and laying a foundation for an accusation if it gets worse or overt. It may prompt HR to re-educate his management layer on their harassment training with an emphasis on quid pro quo issues, especially if he has no history and HR thinks this may just be stupidity on his part.

Don't forget to wear a burqa.

 

[AreaCode707]

Don't forget to wear a burqa.

WTH? I advise her to dress professionally, don't avoid this guy out of fear but instead forge ahead in the best interests of her career because she has the same right as anyone else to achieve and benefit from executive mentoring, (oh, and to keep records in case the guy really is a harassing douchebag) and you compare me to Muslim extremists? WTF are you smoking? How, in any way, can what I said be interpreted as repressing women?

 

[PingSpike]

Sure I can meet after work. Can my husband come along?

This was the best way to handle it, you punt and then he in all likelihood would bow out.

With all the texts and calls though, gut says super creepo so take all precautions.

 

[SpatiallyAware]

I absolutely disagree. No employee should ever have to avoid another for fear of harassment, nor should she have to avoid benefits that management can give her in mentoring, career development or guidance. Avoiding him could have negative repercussion on her career if he offers help and she doesn't take it; in discussion with other execs he may mention that she was not proactive in pursuing new opportunities and they may view her as less desirable as an employee because of it. That's especially true if he's not harassing her, just clueless.

She should be ultra-professional and set up situations that almost force him to be the same way, which means that he would have to go a LONG way out of his way to harass her. That eliminates the element of chance and misinterpretation, and if he is propositioning her she should go to HR.

[edit] I should note, I've spent the last 8 years as a female project manager in large corporate environments, and my last two employers are well-known tech companies. I've also spent some time in HR (not as an HRG or HRM but as a systems person) so I've had a lot of opportunity to observe HR's processes and attitudes towards people bringing concerns like this to them.

The issue is that it is blatantly obvious this guy is not wanting to advise her in a professional way. It was obvious in that first email and became set in stone with the >10pm calls/txts that he's approaching her on a personal level but being very very careful about it. He's simply testing the waters, she should've said no earlier but is instead unknowingly leading him on.

And you're right, in an ideal world no employee should ever have to turn down a 'meeting' for fear of harassment. However, in the real world this stuff happens ALL the time, and if you can't (as a female) learn how to decipher turn requests like this down without causing problems you will not advance your career very far.


Basically, if you're female and want to get far in business you have to learn how to stay one step ahead in these situations to avoid problems before they even happen. It sucks, and you shouldn't "have" to do it, but running to HR and crap over stuff like this is the quickest way down the corp ladder.

 

[Ns1]

WTH? I advise her to dress professionally, don't avoid this guy out of fear but instead forge ahead in the best interests of her career because she has the same right as anyone else to achieve and benefit from executive mentoring, (oh, and to keep records in case the guy really is a harassing douchebag) and you compare me to Muslim extremists? WTF are you smoking? How, in any way, can what I said be interpreted as repressing women?

I thought it was a funny comment and no more.

 

[KeithTalent]

Not sure why this is still going on, it seems pretty obvious to me and has been mentioned a few times.

1. Keep copies of every message and document all interactions.
2. Let him know that she's not interestedin any extracurricular interactions in a firm, but courteous manner.
3. If it continues, go to HR.

KT

 

[BoberFett]

You want some dick?!?!

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Not sure why this is still going on, it seems pretty obvious to me and has been mentioned a few times.

1. Keep copies of every message and document all interactions.
2. Let him know that she's not interestedin any extracurricular interactions in a firm, but courteous manner.
3. If it continues, go to HR.

KT

If she is going through the trouble of documenting everything why shouldn't she use it to her advantage?

 

[AreaCode707]

The issue is that it is blatantly obvious this guy is not wanting to advise her in a professional way. It was obvious (to me) in that first email, and became set in stone with the >10pm calls/txts that he's approaching her on a personal level but being very very careful about it. He's simply testing the waters, she should've said no earlier but is instead unknowingly leading him on.

I disagree. In the corporate world, there are a lot of us that work 80 hour weeks. After work meetings are not that unusual; I've had VPs call at 10pm before, especially when I'm working across time zones and countries. He may be totally legit and trying to make space for someone promising in the midst of an insanely busy schedule, just doing it in a sketchy manner because he's not considering how it might look to her. Execs are not always as bright as advertised.

And you're right, in an ideal world no employee should ever have to turn down a 'meeting' for fear of harassment. However, in the real world this stuff happens ALL the time, and if you can't (as a female) learn how to decipher turn requests like this down without causing problems you will not advance your career very far.

I agree, except I don't think she should have to turn down the opportunity. As a professional, she should be developing the skills to keep this in safe territory and still take advantage of any benefit she might legitimately be able to gain.

Basically, if you're female and want to get far in business you have to learn how to stay one step ahead in these situations to avoid problems before they even happen. It sucks, and you shouldn't "have" to do it, but running to HR and crap over stuff like this is the quickest way down the corp ladder.

I disagree. The onus is not on the woman to stay one step ahead of these situations, it is on the man to not create situations like this. (Honestly, you can express this without gender involvement at all - the onus is not on the "victim" to stay one step ahead of these situations, it is on the "harasser" to not create situations like this. Harassment can take place between any combination of genders.)

I didn't advise her to run to HR; I advised her to proceed professionally and only go to HR if he gets clearly out of hand. If it gets that far, he has no business in his job and she has ever right to expect that of the company.

 

[KeithTalent]

If she is going through the trouble of documenting everything why shouldn't she use it to her advantage?

I don't know what that means. Blackmail? Yeah, that sounds like an awesome idea. Always works out well.

KT

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

wtf, you're james bond. you should know how to handle this without resorting to asking for advice on ATOT.
fucking go casino royale on his ass (do the scene where he's tied naked to the seatless chair).

 

[SagaLore]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

So really, how old are you?

 

[Murloc]

1. it was her work phone, she should turn it off or something if she doesn't want to be contacted.
2. interpreting his intentions that way is probably right, but not a proof. He didn't explicitly ask her out, maybe because he knew he might get problems with HR.

She could try to meet, if it's as you think she can get up and walk away. You can be in the same bar if you fear that he might try to rape her (joking, I don't think he'd do that in a bar). Then send everything to HR or higher boss.
Maybe you're just overthinking all this. I'd not screw with him if you don't have real proof anyway. The SMS was creepy though.

 

[PingSpike]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

The guy is probably a sleaze bag...and at the very least an idiot (the calling thing is the act of a desperate pathetic loser even if he is under the impression for some reason she is actually interested in him) but I agree more or less.

In a total benefit of the doubt scenario...A girl approached him after a boring ass presentation to compliment him. Through either misinterpreted behavior or wishful thinking, he thinks she's interested. Then she gives him the wishy washy rejections that he ignores because he's a moron.

Still though, the phone calls and texts sound as if they have crossed the line in to ridiculous territory at this point. If he's to stupid to read these situations in a workplace scenario he pretty much deserves what he gets. I mean come on, has he been living under a rock for 100 years? Office affairs are a dangerous, if he's going to have one he'd better learn to read signals a little better.

 

[ultimatebob]

Coincidentally I JUST got out of our yearly "Sexual Harrasment Seminar"
Simply put this is harrassment.
She should go to HR or her direct maanger with it.

ANY company (worth its weight) takes sexual harrasment very VERY seriously.

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile or offensive work environment.

I just had my seminar as well, and I think that this falls under the "over-reactive coworker" definition of what sexual harassment is NOT.

Technically, his guy hasn't done anything wrong until she says that she's not interested and THEN he continues to pursue her. At this point, the guy might not even know that he's doing anything wrong.

She really needs to send him a response telling him to cut it out before she files a complaint. Hell, for all we know he might be worried that something happened to her.

 

[JS80]

I thought it was a funny comment and no more.

lol this...I was making it a hyperbole. Didn't mean anything by it haha sorry AC707.

 

[Genx87]

Let HR know is all she can do and tell her to ignore him. 10:45 PM is clearly out of line.

 

[Homerboy]

I just had my seminar as well, and I think that this falls under the "over-reactive coworker" definition of what sexual harassment is NOT.

Technically, his guy hasn't done anything wrong until she says that she's not interested and THEN he continues to pursue her. At this point, the guy might not even know that he's doing anything wrong.

She really needs to send him a response telling him to cut it out before she files a complaint. Hell, for all we know he might be worried that something happened to her.

The call and text at 10:45pm on her PERSONAL phone is not over the line?
What she needs to do is make it definitively clear to him that it must be AT work, DURING business hours... anything else she will take to HR.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

I don't know what that means. Blackmail? Yeah, that sounds like an awesome idea. Always works out well.

KT

Well the thing with blackmail is that you never hear about all the times it does work out. Thats the point.

 

[PingSpike]

I agree, except I don't think she should have to turn down the opportunity. As a professional, she should be developing the skills to keep this in safe territory and still take advantage of any benefit she might legitimately be able to gain.

LOL...there was never any "opportunity" here to turn down. Unless banging this dude was an opportunity.

 

[AreaCode707]

lol this...I was making it a hyperbole. Didn't mean anything by it haha sorry AC707.

Heh, ok. Sorry, it was just kind left field and I couldn't figure out how you were connecting it to my posts, so I didn't get the humor.

 

[SpatiallyAware]

The call and text at 10:45pm on her PERSONAL phone is not over the line?
What she needs to do is make it definitively clear to him that it must be AT work, DURING business hours... anything else she will take to HR.

Wrong... she had her cellphone in her sig. I'm extremely surprised that a 'large tech company' allows her to do this.

 

[Ns1]

Wrong... she had her cellphone in her sig. I'm extremely surprised that a 'large tech company' allows her to do this.

1. per james bond, it was a WORK CELL
2. You never receive calls and texts from someone at your company you JUST met past 10pm.
3. Someone who took an sexual harrassment seminar should KNOW that this is a grey area and not to fuck with it.