Thx

[DrunkenSano]

I do agree with people who have said that she still has not given a definite "no" to the guy. You're right, she has sort of made excuses and not flat out told him what's up.

I'm thinking she should email him and say that she would not want to meet outside of work because it would be unprofessional, but if he would like to meet during office hours she would be happy to.

Is that obvious enough, or could he misinterpret that?

That's what she should've done in the first place instead of giving evasive answers. Contacting her at non-work hours may be odd but in no way were they sexual or harassing. It is also debatable if it was inappropriate or not, he could easily have said that he was too busy to respond to her until that time and he didn't want to wait in case she felt discouraged that there was no answer the same day.

 

[Homerboy]

So any contact between a male and a female is of sexual nature. Going by the OP's statement, nothing sexual has been said. This is why I hate HR training. Everyone takes what the learn to an extreme and starts labeling every activity as sexual harassment, drug abuse and racism.

Everything you said is right... the point is you have to ALWAYS always ALWAYS err on the side of caution. You have NO IDEA how somebody may react to something you say, or if you touch/hug them etc. Your intent is 100% inconsequentual too. It is how the actions are interpreted.

This doesn't mean you will be fired/sued for giving somebody a pat on the shoulder or telling a "racey" joke they may over-hea of course. But it does mean that somebody could rightfully complain, or be within their rights to ask you to stop (and in turn complain if you do not).

Welcome to corporate America.

 

[BoomerD]

I would agree with you, but I cannot think of a single reason why this guy would call and text at 10:45PM after she has told him she could not meet after hours.

I'm not saying HR could do anything, I'm just saying its painfully obvious what's going on here.

"Can we talk?"

Come on.

And as I said, some of the contacts are "odd," but as of yet, he's done nothing wrong...in fact, it MAY just be that you're too protecting...or that she's just paranoid of being harassed.

We need pics of said GF to decide if she's "sexual-harassment worthy."

 

[shocksyde]

Everyone that has replied to this thread so far, you're a bunch of asshats. This isn't a funny topic - getting put in that situation, especially as a woman, is very scary and humiliating.

You don't post here hoping to get serious answers.

If you do, you're an idiot.

 

[alkemyst]

Everyone that has replied to this thread so far, you're a bunch of asshats. This isn't a funny topic - getting put in that situation, especially as a woman, is very scary and humiliating.

I didn't know you were a chick...



Anyway OP...it's odd that she had that reaction at first glance. Taking a bunch of meetings that only higher ups were should have been assumed at first as just taking the initiative and being noticed.

Also an easier way would have been for her to mention "after hours is bad, my boyfriend/fiance/etc and I blah blah blah".

Is there a reason she's not mentioning you? Could she have sent the wrong signal?

 

[TwiceOver]

I know it is crazy, but some people are pretty busy during the day to help out the peons in other departments. Sometimes you have to do things after hours. I mean if the guy is giving seminars on how bad ass he is in the company, he probably doesn't have time during the work day to sit down and spoon feed your GF a new career.

Or he wants to bang her. You'll never know till she gets together with him.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

parlay this into a hefty lawsuit?

 

[Turin39789]

I'd have her drop the "can't meet this night because I have plans with my boyfriend" line, but hell I'd say at least talk to him about the opportunity, just find a way to set the meeting at work or somewhere public and if he steps over the line then get out of there.

Making a contact with someone and then ignoring them seems like a situation you don't want to keep up indefinitely.

 

[her209]

Reply back and have your girlfriend casually mention that she's used to be a man (even though its a lie).

 

[James Bond]

That's what she should've done in the first place instead of giving evasive answers. Contacting her at non-work hours may be odd but in no way were they sexual or harassing. It is also debatable if it was inappropriate or not, he could easily have said that he was too busy to respond to her until that time and he didn't want to wait in case she felt discouraged that there was no answer the same day.

I didn't know you were a chick...



Anyway OP...it's odd that she had that reaction at first glance. Taking a bunch of meetings that only higher ups were should have been assumed at first as just taking the initiative and being noticed.

Also an easier way would have been for her to mention "after hours is bad, my boyfriend/fiance/etc and I blah blah blah".

Is there a reason she's not mentioning you? Could she have sent the wrong signal?

We didn't have her mention me at first because we didn't want to jump to conclusions and possibly hurt the chance of the job opportunity if it was real.

It's funny because a lot of you say "WOW, you didn't notice that he was trying to hook up with her after the first message?? Wake up!", and the other half of the group says "Wow, he hasn't even done anything wrong and you want to talk to HR? Just meet up with him!".

I think the fact of the matter is that we both consider what he has done thus far inappropriate, so she will send a clear message that she thinks meeting outside work is not appropriate, although she would be happy to discuss opportunities on campus during company hours.

If worst comes to worst, he will just drop it. Sounds like a pretty good solution to me.

 

[dpodblood]

Sounds like a pretty uncomfortable situation. Doesn't sound like you have a case for HR yet, but I get the vibe that this guy is a creep. So a couple options:

a) Meet during business hours only
b) Ignore his calls/email (eventually he will get the hint)

 

[IceBergSLiM]

She should get him to compromise his job and then blackmail him for a promotion. Corporate america is cut throat dog eat dog world.

1) make sure you can record phone calls and private conversations in your state.

2) log all communications dates and times

3) lure the douche into really compromising himself.

4) Profit.

 

[James Bond]

Sounds like a pretty uncomfortable situation. Doesn't sound like you have a case for HR yet, but I get the vibe that this guy is a creep. So a couple options:

a) Meet during business hours only
b) Ignore his calls/email (eventually he will get the hint)

Yes, exactly.

 

[Malak]

I do agree with people who have said that she still has not given a definite "no" to the guy. You're right, she has sort of made excuses and not flat out told him what's up.

I'm thinking she should email him and say that she would not want to meet outside of work because it would be unprofessional, but if he would like to meet during office hours she would be happy to.

Is that obvious enough, or could he misinterpret that?

I think that would be fine, even if he does misinterpret it. It puts him in a position where he either responds professionally or shows himself for a real creep if that is the case.

 

[SpatiallyAware]

OP said before that she has her cell in her signature - which means it's probably a company phone, which means it's definitely not any sort of harassment etc



Going to HR will end up with her being completely embarrassed... with the way things work nowadays it's not like HR can just say "ok, we ticked a little checkbox and if it happens again we'll let you know".. if you report something like this an investigation will follow, and I assure you that she will end up looking like a childish tattle tale. She will never be promoted and most likely will be even more miserable or fired if you're in a right-to-hire state

Even though we all know he has other intentions he hasn't been sexually inappropriate and it's not harassment since her cell was in her sig. Like I said, he's asked her out and she basically hasn't said no yet.


Now if she says she's not interested and he continues to contact her then yeah.. harassment.

 

[AreaCode707]

Save every message and document the time, date and content of each conversation, to be safe.

Decline his after hours meeting invitations but send an Outlook calendar invitation for a midday coffee meeting to discuss the job opportunity. Pick a coffee shop on campus or frequented heavily by work colleagues.
Dress conservatively in business or buisness-casual clothing.
Bring a pre-prepared list of work-related questions and a resume; if the conversation gets off track, keep it moving on topic by using the questions.

If the after-hours contact or requests for contact persists, go have a consultation with HR. Don't make it an accusation, just ask for help interpreting the invitations. It will make HR aware of the situation, lending her credibility and laying a foundation for an accusation if it gets worse or overt. It may prompt HR to re-educate his management layer on their harassment training with an emphasis on quid pro quo issues, especially if he has no history and HR thinks this may just be stupidity on his part.

 

[ss284]

Don't fucking go to HR. Politely decline. If he keeps it up then ask your supervisor. Going to HR is a bad idea. Makes everyone involved look bad, including the company. If it bothers you that much find a new job.

 

[SpatiallyAware]

<snip>


I think the fact of the matter is that we both consider what he has done thus far inappropriate, so she will send a clear message that she thinks meeting outside work is not appropriate, although she would be happy to discuss opportunities on campus during company hours.

If worst comes to worst, he will just drop it. Sounds like a pretty good solution to me.

Personally, I think she's making a bad move by getting involved with this guy on ANY level. He's obviously got some... issues... and if he's already calling/txt'ing past 10pm or whatever then meeting with him (even for professional reasons) is a bit sketchy on her part at best and leading him on at worst.


It's very unlikely that she's going to learn or benefit from a work-only relationship with him (being that they're in completely different departments) in any way.


Think about this... what's the best thing that could happen? He's opening up a position for her (probably under him). Then what?


I've seen this crap over and over again, unfortunately nothing good will come from it unless she backs out. It'd be no different if it was an upper level female hitting on a lower level male (which I've had happen before as well)

 

[Ns1]

don't fucking go to hr. Politely decline. If he keeps it up then ask your supervisor. Going to hr is a bad idea. Makes everyone involved look bad, including the company. if it bothers you that much find a new job.

 

[soulcougher73]

Just have her tell him she is incomfortable meeting outside the work enviroment and wants to keep it professional.

Or as others said. Give him a raise, and she will get her raise

Edit: Sweet i made platiumum member with a post about sexual conduct at a work enviroment. Go me!!

 

[halik]

Save every message and document the time, date and content of each conversation, to be safe.

Decline his after hours meeting invitations but send an Outlook calendar invitation for a midday coffee meeting to discuss the job opportunity. Pick a coffee shop on campus or frequented heavily by work colleagues.
Dress conservatively in business or buisness-casual clothing.
Bring a pre-prepared list of work-related questions and a resume; if the conversation gets off track, keep it moving on topic by using the questions.

If the after-hours contact or requests for contact persists, go have a consultation with HR. Don't make it an accusation, just ask for help interpreting the invitations. It will make HR aware of the situation, lending her credibility and laying a foundation for an accusation if it gets worse or overt. It may prompt HR to re-educate his management layer on their harassment training with an emphasis on quid pro quo issues, especially if he has no history and HR thinks this may just be stupidity on his part.

This makes the most sense. If you make proactive steps to meet during business hours and decline any and all after-hours get-togethers he's bound to get the idea.

If not, HR will handle that. One thing they're good at are resolving potential harassment law suits.

 

[thegimp03]

Big companies don't screw around with things like this. This dude will either be put on a list or canned if your girlfriend reports him to HR. At this point it seems like he's harassing her a bit, especially with a late night text and constant calling. It is sad that this happens to her, but she needs to notify HR ASAP to put this guy on notice that he can't do things like this. Also, she needs to save all emails, texts, and maybe even incoming call records on her next bill.

 

[AreaCode707]

Personally, I think she's making a bad move by getting involved with this guy on ANY level. He's obviously got some... issues... and if he's already calling/txt'ing past 10pm or whatever then meeting with him (even for professional reasons) is a bit sketchy on her part at best and leading him on at worst.


It's very unlikely that she's going to learn or benefit from a work-only relationship with him (being that they're in completely different departments) in any way.


Think about this... what's the best thing that could happen? He's opening up a position for her (probably under him). Then what?


I've seen this crap over and over again, unfortunately nothing good will come from it unless she backs out. It'd be no different if it was an upper level female hitting on a lower level male (which I've had happen before as well)

I absolutely disagree. No employee should ever have to avoid another for fear of harassment, nor should she have to avoid benefits that management can give her in mentoring, career development or guidance. Avoiding him could have negative repercussion on her career if he offers help and she doesn't take it; in discussion with other execs he may mention that she was not proactive in pursuing new opportunities and they may view her as less desirable as an employee because of it. That's especially true if he's not harassing her, just clueless.

She should be ultra-professional and set up situations that almost force him to be the same way, which means that he would have to go a LONG way out of his way to harass her. That eliminates the element of chance and misinterpretation, and if he is propositioning her she should go to HR.

[edit] I should note, I've spent the last 8 years as a female project manager in large corporate environments, and my last two employers are well-known tech companies. I've also spent some time in HR (not as an HRG or HRM but as a systems person) so I've had a lot of opportunity to observe HR's processes and attitudes towards people bringing concerns like this to them.

 

[rcpratt]

Not to downplay the seriousness of this, but if I were an attractive chick I would have a hard time not milking this kind of stuff for a) a promotion or b) a big-ass settlement.

 

[halik]

I absolutely disagree. No employee should ever have to avoid another for fear of harassment, nor should she have to avoid benefits that management can give her in mentoring, career development or guidance. Avoiding him could have negative repercussion on her career if he offers help and she doesn't take it; in discussion with other execs he may mention that she was not proactive in pursuing new opportunities and they may view her as less desirable as an employee because of it. That's especially true if he's not harassing her, just clueless.

She should be ultra-professional and set up situations that almost force him to be the same way, which means that he would have to go a LONG way out of his way to harass her. That eliminates the element of chance and misinterpretation, and if he is propositioning her she should go to HR.

Quoted for Truf