Thx

[dougp]

How old are you?

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

 

[CRXican]

She should have gone.

How do you think women really get ahead?

 

[SunnyD]

Wait, sounds like if your GF plays it right, she won't have to work ever again thanks to the sexual harassment lawsuit settlement payout.

 

[KentState]

Sounds like she came on to him in the meeting. She probably had her blouse unbuttoned one too many which only made it more obvious. Talking to him after-wards was the confirmation that she wanted to pursue things further.

This is exactly how this guy will play it off to HR.

Unfortunately, she almost needs to ignore it so that he will push things until he is clearly in the wrong. There is a huge difference between making allegations for perceived behavior than having actually proof. She also wants to be careful about slandering the guy and it turning around on her.

 

[Malak]

Ummm in doing so they would only be opened up to an even larger lawsuit.
CEO's and other executives have been fired for less at some companies.
You would be surprised what happens to people that cause bad pr and open up a company to lawsuits from within a company.

A lawsuit with no teeth. Even though speculation is wonderful for the emotions in cases like this, there is no evidence of wrong-doing here. It is not wrong to send a text to someone outside of work, nor asking them to do something after hours. She has not explicitly told him to stop contacting her, and therefore has no real case.

Look, you have 3 options and one of them is any chance of getting ahead here.

1. Tell him to stop contacting her. This kills any chance of an opportunity that might have happened and could be bad for her career with the company.
2. Tell HR, start a scandal, which could again hurt her career regardless of how it ends up because now nobody higher up will talk to her for fear of her crying to HR.
3. Actually talk to the guy and pursue what could be a real opportunity. If it turns out to be something else, the worst that will happen is the dude gets slapped and she has an actual case.

Or quit.

 

[punjabiplaya]

rgr, I say ask for a meeting in an office during business hours with other people around. Find out what he really wants and proceed from there. He shouldn't be asking for meeting outside of the "accepted" business hours timeframe.

 

[James Bond]

Ummm in doing so they would only be opened up to an even larger lawsuit.
CEO's and other executives have been fired for less at some companies.
You would be surprised what happens to people that cause bad pr and open up a company to lawsuits from within a company.

I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm trying to understand this.

How would they be opening the door? I'm assuming that if she went to HR now, nothing would be done? I mean, what has this guy actually done... He offered to "help her", then he called and texted one time after hours.

Assuming he is not fired, he could easily deny her from future opportunities. If he did this, he would never be caught because "she wasn't qualified".

 

[Aharami]

Sure I can meet after work. Can my husband come along?

I think this is the best advice so far. Going to HR can backfire if HR decides to side to higher up, or if the guy in question is buddy buddies with HR senior exec. Answering like drnick suggested gives the clear signal that she isnt interested in him w/o being impolite

 

[James Bond]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

I agree with you to some point. But calling her and texting her at 10:45PM is definitely not "helpful".

 

[Malak]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

Salem witch trials. That's all it is. If it was a woman manager asking a guy this thread would be going differently. I've hung out with managers after hours, and hung out with employees working under me, male and female.

 

[James Bond]

Sounds like she came on to him in the meeting. She probably had her blouse unbuttoned one too many which only made it more obvious. Talking to him after-wards was the confirmation that she wanted to pursue things further.

This is exactly how this guy will play it off to HR.

Unfortunately, she almost needs to ignore it so that he will push things until he is clearly in the wrong. There is a huge difference between making allegations for perceived behavior than having actually proof. She also wants to be careful about slandering the guy and it turning around on her.

She had never met him prior to their 10 second interaction after his speech. She has never been in a meeting with him. They did not exchange phone numbers or anything like that.

They met, very briefly, he looked her up in the company listing, and went out of his way to find her.

 

[CRXican]

Male coworker looked at me funny. OMG RUN TO HR AND CRY!!!111

 

[Ns1]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

calls and texts at 10:45pm are not normal from someone who you do not report to.

 

[JS80]

To put this shortly... there were red flags all over that initial email. I have a feeling she missed some cues during her face to face interaction with him. My bet is that she (unintentionally I'm sure) came across as flirty or whatever when she was just trying to be nice.


The reality is that she needs to work on determining intentions earlier than this. In the business world a ~40 year old random upper level manager wanting to discuss this sort of stuff with a 24 YO employee is rarely (never) with good/honest intentions. I've never heard of this sort of thing being anything other than a come-on, and if she wants to succeed in the workplace she needs to make sure her intentions are clear very early on.


I've seen many woman 'pushed out' of companies for stupidly taking up offers of "mentoring" and "potential jobs" etc and ending up in the exact same position your GF is in. Is it right? No. But it is reality. A hot girl cannot be too nice/sweet/etc in the workplace or this will happen all the time and is detrimental to being at the same place for longer than a few years. Usually there are a couple of seperate incidents (i.e. this same sorta thing happens with 2-3 people) before word starts spreading around etc.. We have a girl like that here, and most of the guys tip-toe around her because she's overly flirty yet got upset when someone asked her out (supposedly it was similar to your GF's situation... 'she didn't mean to come on to him')


IMHO once it's gone this far it's really tough to end it without embarrassing the guy or causing resentment. I think her best bet is to send a short polite email that she keeps her work and personal life separate - or something along those lines... and hope she doesn't end up canned with him hoping to date her after that. She should NOT say 'I have a boyfriend' as a defense because he'll take that as a "I might be interested just not right now"...

I agree with this. Look at the successful women in business - Meg Whitman (ugly) and Carly Fiorina (major bitch). Nice+hot = fail.

Oh an OP, tell her to go to HR immediately.

 

[NetWareHead]

IMO, what you have described is not (yet) harassment. He hasn't done anything wrong yet and employees routinely meet after hours for dinner or work late to discuss projects. His position is very defendable since all he technically did was ask to meet and there are no sexual overtones. Yes you can go to HR and present your case but it will be investigated and brushed off. Your gf has to know the proper time to pull the trigger and right now is not. This can be handled in a professional manner between the manager and your gf. When the sexual overtones emerge or this turns into real harassment and if he doesnt back off, then HR gets involved. Echoing others, keep all evidence.

 

[James Bond]

I do agree with people who have said that she still has not given a definite "no" to the guy. You're right, she has sort of made excuses and not flat out told him what's up.

I'm thinking she should email him and say that she would not want to meet outside of work because it would be unprofessional, but if he would like to meet during office hours she would be happy to.

Is that obvious enough, or could he misinterpret that?

 

[NetWareHead]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

This

 

[Phoenix86]

Coincidentally I JUST got out of our yearly "Sexual Harrasment Seminar"
Simply put this is harrassment.
She should go to HR or her direct maanger with it.

ANY company (worth its weight) takes sexual harrasment very VERY seriously.

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile or offensive work environment.

<devil's advocate>
There was nothing sexual in the messages.

edit:

calls and texts at 10:45pm are not normal from someone who you do not report to.

It's also not sexual or threatening.
</devil's advocate>

 

[JulesMaximus]

Old enough to realize that every single person in this thread wants to already fucking victimize this woman, and fuck this guy over. Every single attempt to contact her "appears" from this guy as helpful. Yes we can read into it and most of us will say he's coming on to her. Should she freak out and already contact HR? Personally, I think not. He's offering alternatives when she says she's busy, and contacting her on her BUSINESS phone is legitimate if they pay for it. Now, if it was all done on her personal cell phone, I'd say GTFO of dodge.

But whatever, so sick of seeing people jumping to conclusions so fast and it's not what it seems.

Really? Do you get calls from your female collegues at 10:45PM and repeated attempts to meet on the weekend or after work where we can "unwind" together? What he did was not professional and it just reeks of inappropriate behavior.

I have relationships I've developed with coworkers and former bosses, some of whom are the opposite sex, and we sometimes meet for lunch or dinner (dinner would include spouses of course) but it took years to get to that level of comfort and trust. None of them have ever texted me at 10:45PM asking if we could talk, especially after we had known each other all of a few minutes.

 

[KentState]

Coincidentally I JUST got out of our yearly "Sexual Harrasment Seminar"
Simply put this is harrassment.
She should go to HR or her direct maanger with it.

ANY company (worth its weight) takes sexual harrasment very VERY seriously.

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile or offensive work environment.

So any contact between a male and a female is of sexual nature. Going by the OP's statement, nothing sexual has been said. This is why I hate HR training. Everyone takes what the learn to an extreme and starts labeling every activity as sexual harassment, drug abuse and racism.

 

[BoomerD]

While some of the contacts look...odd, so far, I don't see anything that would be actionable by HR.

In fact, I suspect that if the OP's girlfriend were to take this to HR, she'd soon find herself on the fast-track to being unemployed.

IMO, IF she's interested in the potential job offer/mentoring, she should meet with the guy and see what he has to offer. THEN, if he "crosses the line," take it to HR...not until. Who knows, it's always POSSIBLE that the guy is sincere and is offering a legitimate opportunity without it being inappropriate.

 

[FDF12389]

I do agree with people who have said that she still has not given a definite "no" to the guy. You're right, she has sort of made excuses and not flat out told him what's up.

I'm thinking she should email him and say that she would not want to meet outside of work because it would be unprofessional, but if he would like to meet during office hours she would be happy to.

Is that obvious enough, or could he misinterpret that?

Thats perfect, after she says no, if he doesnt back off go to HR.

 

[James Bond]

While some of the contacts look...odd, so far, I don't see anything that would be actionable by HR.

In fact, I suspect that if the OP's girlfriend were to take this to HR, she'd soon find herself on the fast-track to being unemployed.

IMO, IF she's interested in the potential job offer/mentoring, she should meet with the guy and see what he has to offer. THEN, if he "crosses the line," take it to HR...not until. Who knows, it's always POSSIBLE that the guy is sincere and is offering a legitimate opportunity without it being inappropriate.

I would agree with you, but I cannot think of a single reason why this guy would call and text at 10:45PM after she has told him she could not meet after hours.

I'm not saying HR could do anything, I'm just saying its painfully obvious what's going on here.

"Can we talk?"

Come on.

 

[BTRY B 529th FA BN]

She ought to tell the guy she is not interested in him but the job in a professional manner. Of course she has to reveal her speculation as the guy might deny claims, but reminding him also that he has contacted her during odd hrs and using a directory is a very odd thing will tell the guy that she is logging his odd suspicions behavior. And yet at the same time the guy might get some type of bonus for recruiting ??? ... anyways, good luck

 

[JulesMaximus]

So any contact between a male and a female is of sexual nature. Going by the OP's statement, nothing sexual has been said. This is why I hate HR training. Everyone takes what the learn to an extreme and starts labeling every activity as sexual harassment, drug abuse and racism.

I'm not saying it was sexual harassment, just that it was inappropriate. She feels threatened by this and uncomfortable. You can't tell her that how she feels is wrong...they are her feelings.

I think she needs to tell this guy that she will not meet with him outside of work. If he wants to discuss any potential business opportunities she will be happy to meet on company time and on company property.

I'm betting he gets the hint.