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Also this is WAY too early to go to HR. He really hasn't done that much wrong (I'm assuming this is a work cell?) even though it is inappropriate.
 
Malak said:
Or just respond to him. All you have to go on at this point is speculation, however accurate it might be. Keep it going.
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While I'd be careful, I'd still proceed. You really don't know this guy, and while he might be pushy - it could be his personality. I'd say they should go get a drink or two after work and you just happen to show up partway through or something.
 
James Bond said:
What could she possibly gain at this point from keeping it going. There is no question what this guys intentions are.
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From a legal standpoint, there is a question of intentions. I've been involved in a situation like this previously, and I did get a manager fired(I was a lower manager). In my situation, the woman came to me rather than HR, afraid that HR wouldn't do anything but feeling like she needed to do something. I investigated, interviewed, and worked with HR to get the guy canned. But I had more than just speculation to go off, and luckily the guy had a history.

She should talk to her "mentor" and stop ignoring the guy. It could be completely harmless and a real opportunity! You just don't know yet. The reality is, after hours activities are not unusual but you immediately get red flags only because she is a girl.
 
Does her "mentor" know this guy personally? If so, ask the mentor about him in a polite way. Perhaps his reputation precedes him. The flip side of the coin is that if her mentor does know this person, then maybe they spoke about her, and that's why it seems like it's out of the blue. But believe it or not, sometimes this type of stuff is conducted after the work day (though not the weekends). I've gone with the boss for drinks after work to talk shop before, although I'm a guy. But definitely keep all the texts, emails, etc. and since she hasn't expressed her discomfort to him yet, JulesMax's advice is good.
 
dougp said:
While I'd be careful, I'd still proceed. You really don't know this guy, and while he might be pushy - it could be his personality. I'd say they should go get a drink or two after work and you just happen to show up partway through or something.
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Horrible horrible idea.

It's blatantly obvious what this guy's intentions are, and feeding them will only make it worse. The first MAJOR red flag was when "he offers to sit down with her and tell her more about his role in the company and possibly set up job opportunity for her"

This was her next BAD move "so she tries to play it off nicely and tells him that she has plans on weekends and that she can only meet during the week." It's obvious his intentions are more than work-related, and rather than being direct about it she acts like she has plans... I.E. she would go on a date with except she has plans...


So then he sends "he would like to meet with her AFTER WORK to "WIND DOWN"." yet she STILL isn't direct, instead telling him "she has night classes."






In other words, this guy has basically asked her out like 3 times and she's basically not said no 3 times. Like someone else said, she needs to find some other type of work if she can't handle these things. This won't be the first time something like this happens.
 
She could simply say to the guy that she isn't interested. Problem solved. If the problem persists, she could talk to hr.

Or she could accept his proposal, smile, take his bs and proceed to give him bj's every friday after 5:30.
 
James Bond said:
I agree with you. I think she is afraid that HR will "talk" to the guy, but not fire him because he is important, then she will be essentially screwed for trying to rat him out. This doesn't seem too far fetched to me.
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Have her decline and apologize for any problem. Depending on his response you can gauge what to do from there. If he's cool and says he only meant it as a business thing, then say, that's fine, and invite him over for dinner or something. If its no big deal, then just let it fall (but be sure to have her keep records of everything permanently). If he's a dick, take it to HR immediately.

SpatiallyAware said:
Also this is WAY too early to go to HR. He really hasn't done that much wrong (I'm assuming this is a work cell?) even though it is inappropriate.
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Actually, I think I'd agree with this. I don't know there's much to really go on so far. I don't know that I'd recommend much further contact though.
 
SpatiallyAware said:
To put this shortly... there were red flags all over that initial email. I have a feeling she missed some cues during her face to face interaction with him. My bet is that she (unintentionally I'm sure) came across as flirty or whatever when she was just trying to be nice.


The reality is that she needs to work on determining intentions earlier than this. In the business world a ~40 year old random upper level manager wanting to discuss this sort of stuff with a 24 YO employee is rarely (never) with good/honest intentions. I've never heard of this sort of thing being anything other than a come-on, and if she wants to succeed in the workplace she needs to make sure her intentions are clear very early on.


I've seen many woman 'pushed out' of companies for stupidly taking up offers of "mentoring" and "potential jobs" etc and ending up in the exact same position your GF is in. Is it right? No. But it is reality. A hot girl cannot be too nice/sweet/etc in the workplace or this will happen all the time and is detrimental to being at the same place for longer than a few years. Usually there are a couple of seperate incidents (i.e. this same sorta thing happens with 2-3 people) before word starts spreading around etc.. We have a girl like that here, and most of the guys tip-toe around her because she's overly flirty yet got upset when someone asked her out (supposedly it was similar to your GF's situation... 'she didn't mean to come on to him')


IMHO once it's gone this far it's really tough to end it without embarrassing the guy or causing resentment. I think her best bet is to send a short polite email that she keeps her work and personal life separate - or something along those lines... and hope she doesn't end up canned with him hoping to date her after that. She should NOT say 'I have a boyfriend' as a defense because he'll take that as a "I might be interested just not right now"...
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I think you are dead on.

You're right though. It's not a good situation. She has been looking for an internal job for months now with no luck, so this is just another reason to start looking elsewhere I guess.

She is totally freaked out about the whole thing.

She insists that the interaction between them was literally seconds, but maybe he interpreted wrong.
 
James Bond said:
I agree with you. I think she is afraid that HR will "talk" to the guy, but not fire him because he is important, then she will be essentially screwed for trying to rat him out. This doesn't seem too far fetched to me.
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Let her know that if for some reason HR botches this up, the entire company can be sued, and she will most likely win.
 
Sure it sounds weird ... and there's two options here.

meet him but have the boyfriend along, OR tell him you can only meet up during work hours.
 
dougp said:
While I'd be careful, I'd still proceed. You really don't know this guy, and while he might be pushy - it could be his personality. I'd say they should go get a drink or two after work and you just happen to show up partway through or something.
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How old are you?
 
I'm betting he hasn't done anything to violate HR policies YET. She needs to reply that she isn't interested in after hours meetings and if he wants to contact her he needs to do it during business hours. THEN if he continues, march to HR with documentation.

Also, HR has one interest, protecting the company not the employee. Always, always, always remember that when you approach them. Sure they can help employees, but that's a side effect. Always.
 
SagaLore said:
Let her know that if for some reason HR botches this up, the entire company can be sued, and she will most likely win.
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Seriously? I know very little about HR. But it seems like it could go down like this:

1. She reports him to HR
2. HR talks to the guy and says "don't do that". He says "do what? I tried to help her out". They say "OK".
3. New position opens, she is up for it, he makes sure she doesn't get the job.
4. Repeat step 3 forever.
 
dbk said:
"I have a boyfriend"
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And he's probably married.

I'd have her e-mail the guy something like this:

"I am uncomfortable meeting with you outside of a work setting. I would also appreciate it if you would not text me or call me on my personal phone either.

If you want to meet to discuss business related opportunities we will do it during work hours only."

E-mail is good because she doesn't have to see this guy face to face and this way she has a record of the conversation and it doesn't become a he said/she said scenario if it escalates up to the point where she gets HR involved.

Other option is to just go to HR now. She should not meet with this guy though, it is just encouraging this inappropriate behavior to go further.
 
It's too early to go to HR, he hasn't done anything wrong yet that violates company policy. Plus, she hasn't given him a definite 'no', she keeps giving evasive answers. "I have night classes" and "I am busy" are not definite answers.
 
Coincidentally I JUST got out of our yearly "Sexual Harrasment Seminar"
Simply put this is harrassment.
She should go to HR or her direct maanger with it.

ANY company (worth its weight) takes sexual harrasment very VERY seriously.

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile or offensive work environment.
 
James Bond said:
Seriously? I know very little about HR. But it seems like it could go down like this:

1. She reports him to HR
2. HR talks to the guy and says "don't do that". He says "do what? I tried to help her out". They say "OK".
3. New position opens, she is up for it, he makes sure she doesn't get the job.
4. Repeat step 3 forever.
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Ummm in doing so they would only be opened up to an even larger lawsuit.
CEO's and other executives have been fired for less at some companies.
You would be surprised what happens to people that cause bad pr and open up a company to lawsuits from within a company.
 
Jesus, this sounds like one of those sitcom episodes that could be cleared up if the main character would just talk to the other person.

Assuming you are in the US. If he is truly hitting on her and continues after she tells him to stop he is open for a sexual harrasment lawsuit. If he blocks a promotion for her, he is open to a sexual harrasment lawsuit. If he gets her fired, he is open for a sexual harrasment lawsuit. etc. HR is usually SUPER paranoid about this stuff in any decent size company, so they should be able to take care of it.
 
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