- Oct 2, 2004
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- Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles, or any long, cylindrical object on the floor, because someday you will fall on it, and somehow, it will become lodged in your rectum.
- Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as Pepto Bismol.
- The painless chancre of primary syphilis, the cauliflowerlike growths of HPV, the blisters of herpes, and the urethral discharge of gonorrhea/chlamydia can, indeed, all exist on a single penis.
- If, after 83 years as an uncircumcised man, you decide to circumcise yourself with a steak knife, you probably don't want to wait more than two days before you let someone know things aren't healing to well down there.
- Do not road-surf on the top of a moving stick-shift car driven by your younger sibling who only has a learner's permit.
- Never ever find yourself "standing on the corner minding your own business" in any major metropolitan area at night. If you are, you are very likely to be shot or stabbed by "some dude."
- Never leave your last refill of Percocet in plain sight after your doctor's office closes if one of the following three friends is coming over for dinner: some dude, my friend, or that on girl.
- The sharps container is an excellent source for needles. But for most efficient use, be sure to rip it off the wall and shoot up in your bed only when the nurse is not behind your neighbor's curtain.
- Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as Pepto Bismol.
- The painless chancre of primary syphilis, the cauliflowerlike growths of HPV, the blisters of herpes, and the urethral discharge of gonorrhea/chlamydia can, indeed, all exist on a single penis.
- If, after 83 years as an uncircumcised man, you decide to circumcise yourself with a steak knife, you probably don't want to wait more than two days before you let someone know things aren't healing to well down there.
- Do not road-surf on the top of a moving stick-shift car driven by your younger sibling who only has a learner's permit.
- Never ever find yourself "standing on the corner minding your own business" in any major metropolitan area at night. If you are, you are very likely to be shot or stabbed by "some dude."
- Never leave your last refill of Percocet in plain sight after your doctor's office closes if one of the following three friends is coming over for dinner: some dude, my friend, or that on girl.
- The sharps container is an excellent source for needles. But for most efficient use, be sure to rip it off the wall and shoot up in your bed only when the nurse is not behind your neighbor's curtain.
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