OutHouse
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2000
- 36,410
- 616
- 126
This one is awesome
My fave patient, by far, was this woman who came in for "kidney pain". She was convinced that she needed a CT or US (and asked for them repeatedly), but we all thought it was musculoskeletal. So she's sitting there with her 2 year old, and her baby's father**, as we try to figure out if she's done any heavy lifting or anything recently...
So finally she says, "Hey Doc, you think I coulda done dis masturbating? Cuz da other night, YOU (points to baby's dad) just wouldn't wake up! And I needed me some lovin'! So I gave myself like 29 orgasms while you be sleeping in da bed next to me! You think that could've done it, doc?"
My fave patient, by far, was this woman who came in for "kidney pain". She was convinced that she needed a CT or US (and asked for them repeatedly), but we all thought it was musculoskeletal. So she's sitting there with her 2 year old, and her baby's father**, as we try to figure out if she's done any heavy lifting or anything recently...
So finally she says, "Hey Doc, you think I coulda done dis masturbating? Cuz da other night, YOU (points to baby's dad) just wouldn't wake up! And I needed me some lovin'! So I gave myself like 29 orgasms while you be sleeping in da bed next to me! You think that could've done it, doc?"
I will add one more, that i actually saw while in the ER doing a small internship at the end of my highschool year.
Dont run from the cops and think a large walkin freezer is a nice spot to lock yourself into. Of course, doing this on meth is an even better idea.
MIKE
Dont run from the cops and think a large walkin freezer is a nice spot to lock yourself into. Of course, doing this on meth is an even better idea.
MIKE
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
IHateMyJob2004
Lifer
- Sep 29, 2004
- 18,656
- 68
- 91
OutHouse
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2000
- 36,410
- 616
- 126
HAHAHAHAAH this one is CLASSIC!! I actually LOL on this one.
When your 15yo daughter gives precipitous delivery to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting to triage c "gas pains", you should run around the department loudly yelling, "I don't know what y'all did or who that baby is, but my lil' girl warn't pregnant when she come in here"
When your 15yo daughter gives precipitous delivery to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting to triage c "gas pains", you should run around the department loudly yelling, "I don't know what y'all did or who that baby is, but my lil' girl warn't pregnant when she come in here"
first pwnage of the new year
my older son, who DOES work in a hospital, told me about the
"fell on the mustard container in the shower" patients, along with
other, more gruesome stories.
my older son, who DOES work in a hospital, told me about the
"fell on the mustard container in the shower" patients, along with
other, more gruesome stories.
silverpig
Lifer
- Jul 29, 2001
- 27,703
- 12
- 81
I was told a story by someone who was in the hospital waiting room. Some lady was brought in by her family and she was screaming bloody murder because she was in so much pain. You couldn't SEE anything wrong with her though (no gunshots or knives sticking out of her or anything...).
Attempting to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of drano only serves to prove that you are an idiot and causes extreme pain.
Attempting to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of drano only serves to prove that you are an idiot and causes extreme pain.
i have some non ER stories, and for some reason they all involve humungous fat women.
really fat lady comes in and needs a CT. they cant use the radiology CT because she's heavier than the weight limit of the table and cant fit thru the hole. (mind you the weight limit is like 400pounds) So they send her to the zoo for a CT. (imagine getting in line behind the hippo and in front of the lion)
really fat lady comes in complaining of a bad smell she cant get rid of. she's so big that she needs to cleanse herself with a sponge and bucket. Now doc looks around and finds a rotting andwich hidden in one of the folds of fat.
really fat lady comes in and needs a CT. they cant use the radiology CT because she's heavier than the weight limit of the table and cant fit thru the hole. (mind you the weight limit is like 400pounds) So they send her to the zoo for a CT. (imagine getting in line behind the hippo and in front of the lion)
really fat lady comes in complaining of a bad smell she cant get rid of. she's so big that she needs to cleanse herself with a sponge and bucket. Now doc looks around and finds a rotting andwich hidden in one of the folds of fat.
oh gawd.... uber ownage to the 8th degree. go ahead and drown yourself in a toilet to save yourself the humilation.
does anybidy know why they say this: If you are having chest painDon't go to the bathroom. period.
i have never heard that ans want to know why this is the case. it was mentioned a few time in that other thread
maybe its because you'd probably get a heart attack and kneel over in the bathroom. no one would notice and would just assume you are taking a long dump.
Ive had a friend who passed out from drinking too much in the bathroom. we were eating dinner and realized that she's been in the bathroom for like 2 hours.
that is the only thing i could think of but they made it sound like it was for some medical reason. o well
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
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