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The Loner Lifestyle. Is It Gonna Be In Any Time Soon?

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<< Is your life really like that? >>



I am sitting in the computer lab trying to smile at a girl who looks at me. None have yet. What do you think?
 
C'mon, you must be able to ask one of them out, what have you got to lose? Go with one that you aren't so intimidated by.
 
I think the cute people we don't really know but see almost every day are meant to stay that way as part of the incentive plan. It makes getting up and going there more fun, doesn't it?
 
I hate even suggesting this, but have you considered going up and asking out an unattractive girl? You'll feel more confident knowing that you would normally be out of her league (or right in it).

Not to be a jerk, but its time to lower your standards.
 
You NEED to start talking to people, it sounds like you don't even have any friends let alone a gf.
Just say hi to a girl that you see often... someone you work with or go to school with. Start talking to her, find out if you have any common interests. If you don't help yourself things arent going to become better very easily.

Another bit of possible advice.... maybe start honing some talents that girls often find sttractive.... like poetry or singing.
You'd be surprised at the number of girls that have approached me just because I happen to be lightly singing a song they like or because they heard I write a lot of poetry.

Knightbreed may have a point too... and that may help raise your confidence.
Another option which i'm not necessarily recommending but is available is finding a girl online... use ICQ or something and find a girl that leaves around you and start talking to her online. It may be easier for you if you talk to her online rather then in person at first.
 
yah like he said ^^ go get a fugly girl, at least you'll get some they are easy.

then work your way up as your skills and confidence grows i guess.
 
Some women need to get involved in this thread... they could likely provide better advice then us.

Where are Isla, GF, Elita, HK and the rest?
 
Schoolsucks,

your post may be a joke, I don't know you so I cannot judge. I will do as if your post was real.

before we begin to help you, it would be great to know more about you. How old are you? The question &quot;are you ugly&quot; is also relevant. Are you into sports ? You say you have no friends, I don't buy that.

What I see in your post is a guy who easily feels victimized . It's always the others' fault. Let me fill you in a couple of secrets that I have learned.

Girls:
------
Girls are &quot;usually&quot; more insecure than men, so they are &quot;usually&quot; less prone to just come up and say &quot;hi&quot;. In the old rules of courtship, they sometimes expect us gentlemen to come and say hello, how are you, etc... And I think it's cool. So it's not because the girls just don't come up and introduce themselves that automatically they don't like you or find you unattractive. So I would suggest to take a deep breath, walk up to the girl at work who's so cute, it's not the frickin end of the world, and just say hi, introduce yourself, talk very briefly and then leave. Don't talk about her nails, it's very personal for the first time you speak with a girl. Be as natural as you can be. If you freeze, she's gonna freak out. I mean it's difficult to explain, but the bottom line be as relaxed as possible. And you know what women like? Guys who are funny. Are you the very least funny ?

Nice guys:
----------
I'm gonna say something that may displease some of the women on this board. But you need to know this. I know, I've learned from experience: If you are TOO nice a guy, you'll always be treated like crap by the girls. What I am talking about is the guys that girls refer to as being &quot;so sweet, or so nice&quot;. Girls love a challenge. Wimps and guys who wear their hearts on their sleeves get crushed by the women. So you HAVE to be nice (don't fall into the Bad Guy trap - but that's another story for another time) but you should never ever be TOO nice. My message may not get across how I would like, sorry, my first language is not english.

Friends:
---------
Man your comments about friends are so sad. It's very simple to have friends. Try to find people with the same interests as you, never take them for granted, work on maintaining the relationship, NEVER DUMP YOUR FRIENDS when you have a girlfriend, money is to never be a problem between friends, be generous of your time and skills with them. I know a lot of people (mainly because I was always involved in teams sports - that's where it all started) but real friends, I could say that I have 8 friends that will be with me for life. But it's not easy, I work on maintaining those relationships when I see that it's been too long that we saw each other. On the topic of friends, it's very helpful to have girl friends, they can introduce you to their friends (even if it's not specifically for dating) and the more contact you have with women, the more at ease you'll be with them.

Internet / Computer:
--------------------
I know the internet and computing in general is a great hobby. But it's always a question of balance. To spend all your free time on this is not healthy. I don't know, try another hobby. Cinema with friends. Sports are a great way to make friends and get the abs the girls like (ahah). I just went to see the U2 concert and I had so much fun - go see a concert or something. Get out !!!!!!!!!!!!

I would like to end this rambling by saying that it's you, you, and only you that can change your situation. It's not the other's fault. It's up to you to make it happen.

Make it happen! Worst thing that can happen is that you'll step on a rake (sorry it's a french translation-it means you go to a girl and booooooong she doesn't want to talk to you). Then start again. I have a friend who's exceptionnaly gifted with the women (it's frickin nuts) but you know what? He gets rejected every now and then. We all do at one point or another. So don't think it's only you.

The way you're headed you're gonna wake up one day and you'll be forty years old, asking yourself what you did when you were young.

Cheer up dude !

VR6

 
Maetryx here, 😎

First of all, relax. Seriously. You'll never get *anywhere* with that &quot;i've gotta meet a girl&quot; constipated attitude going on. Relax. A lot.

Now that you're relaxed, practice being forward. Nothing worse than a guy that wants to meet people but won't meet people. Practice on guys first. When you're in line waiting for something, ask the guy next to you if he plays [CounterStrike, Tribes, football, piano ...something that you do] and then tell him about the game/hobby a bit if he doesn't. If he does, then find out how long he's been in to it, what he likes about it... whatever.

After you get to where you can strike up a conversation just because you want to and it's no big deal, then you're ready to graduate to Girl Talking(tm).

Guess what? It's NOT DIFFERENT AT ALL. Talk to girls the EXACT same way as those guys in line. You don't know that guy, and you don't know this girl. IT IS THE SAME THING. What were the chances you and the guy were going to fall in love, kiss and go to bed? 0.00001% right? Same with the girl. You're just talking, because it's nice to talk.

One day you'll hit it off real good with a nice girl that likes you. Stay relaxed. Focus ONLY on having fun and enjoying yourself. Don't be all like hell bent for her crotch. Leave it be. It'll still be there later. If it turns out you two like each other after a longer time has passed MAYBE you'll start dating. If not, hey. Whatever. You made a friend, and you can always wack off like industrial overtime while thinking about her. 🙂

Don't tell her though.

Relax again, and go forth speaking. You'll get another friend. Some will be guys, some will be girls. Eventually one of the girls will want you.
 
Young man, tomorrow find the prettiest hottest young lady you know and ask her to bathe with you. Until then, you have no reason to fear rejection! (Afterwards, you will most likely know what if feels like.....but IF you get lucky.....) 😀
 
Maetryx

you could not be more right about that.

The guy I was talking about in my message is the best account manager (best revenue growth) under 30 years old at the company I used to work for.

He know how to seduce people. Not just women. He can get into any crowd and be liked. He knows how to talk to people.

So you're right on.

VR6
 
jeebus christ! get a grip guy. stop being so down on yourself, take some paxil or something if you need it. If you see a girl you want to talk to, just say hi! its not that hard, whats the worst that could happen? she says fvk off? big deal.
 
a lot of harsh advices but i guess theres no way to sugar coat it in this kind of situation. even though a lot of you said rejection is no big deal, u gotta admit no matter how confident you are, getting rejected still hurts. so don't try to front like you have a heart of stone 😛
 
this post is so fake by the way..

come on... the &quot;I'm gay, I like your fingernails&quot; stuff is a dead giveaway. 😛

 
This post isn't fake. It's actually more common than you think. It would be diagnosed as either clinical depression, social anxiety disorder, or avoidant personality disorder (I've come to distrust psychology for compartmentalizing everything into 'disorders' though). My advice to schoolsucks is to just take it one step at a time. Don't feel like you have to go from loner to popular overnight. Try to find people with similar interests to hang out with after work. Once you get more comfortable with being sociable with people in general, it will be easier to talk to women one-on-one. You won't feel as self-conscious about what to say, what kind of image you're projecting, etc because it will feel more natural. BTW, physical appearances shouldn't come first, but it will help to work out (reminds me I have to start doing that 🙂) and/or go for a new 'look' with clothes, hairstyle, etc. Good luck.

BTW there is also a real chance it might be a chemical thing in your brain. Have you tried something like Zoloft or Paxil? Pretty expensive stuff, but for some people it really seems to help (some of it is placebo effect, but maybe I shouldn't say that 🙂)
 
Silver_VR6, Maetryx, and all the other who said supportive words, I would like to thank you. Those are some good long answers and must have taken some time to write.

I am not feeling so depressed right now, so I will answer some of the questions. I am for sure, not ugly. I am not full of it, but I am rather good looking. I don't have the unsecure feeling about my looks that so many people have. I am not into sports at all. Actually I hate sports, and really deplore them, with the exception of X-Games kind of sports. I mentioned this in one of the threads.

Anything I like, it has to be non main stream. Actually anything which is main stream, I am not down with it.

Ok well maybe I over exaggerated a little when I said that I have no friends. I used to have friends, but later I realized these are not really my friends, but acquaintances. One of them was all about money, always borrowing a dollar or two everytime you see him. And the other, whom I used to think was my best friend ever, someone I used to admire because he had all the social and girl skills which I didn't. But alas, what to say of a person who would feel ashamed to take his friend (me) to parties and stuff. Why? Because he thought I was rather wierd and not fit to be seen with him at social events. Both of them are some where else now, and not where I go to school.

I have always wanted to go and take part in some campus activities, but the thing is that since I have no friends, it seems so wierd going to a place where you don't know anyone. I guess that is the point of going to such activities. I don't have any disorders, just stupid phobias about talking to people.

As I mentioned before, I like things which are non mainstream or not very popular. At work, when the people are togather and talking about stuff, I don't know what to say. I don't know nothing about football, nothing about basketball, nothing much about Weezer's Green and Blue album, or the new Tool album. I just feel so out of place. &quot;Hey ever heard the Freestylers or Orbital or Enigma or Kraftwerk?&quot; Most people haven't and than I don't know what to say. Is it just my luck that most people I meet are not gamers? I love to talk to people about computer games, but they don't play those.

Ever wonder why I like Daria so much and why I want to have a girl friend like her? Because she is exactly what I see in a girl that I see in myself. Away from the ordinary, not into the hypes and in's and reserved for the most part. But I do hate some of the things she does. Like anyone seen that episode in which she goes back to summer camp reunion and this girl wants to be friends with her, but she is very rude to her? I hated her for doing that.

Ok well anyways, here is what I think I am gonna do. In class, I will talk to the people who sit around me. Out of class, I will go to the student center, there are always people over there and talk to people over there. I guess there is nothing more I can do, but for starters this should be good.
 
Hey there is still a long road ahead for you to walk on, remember the best is yet to come! Cheer up! 😎
 
what about finding people to study with? my roommate is extremely popular with the guys and she pretty much all met them through studying. now she has like 10 million guys waiting in line to get a date with her. it's sickening hehehe 🙂

i think i have pretty much the same problem. when i meet new people i usually don't have anything in common with them and therefore appear to be pretty quiet. it's hard finding people who like to do the same things i do. luckily i met a group of friends while i was living in the dorms (a VERY easy place to make new friends) and i have a great boyfriend who gives me something to do.

well anyways, good luck on meeting new people! 🙂 (oh and u can meet a lot of cool people through weezer, they are a friendly bunch! give it a try! 🙂 )
 
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