shira: All you've accomplished with this complete non-answer to my previous post is to demonstrate that when you're not writing about your own personal experience you're very capable of constructing clear sentences, devoid of any reference to the mystical.
M: You assume that I am not clear and at times mystical. The unexamined assumption you make is that you have the capacity to do this. You create your own barriers that prevent you from understanding, project them on me and blame me for them. You also believe that a lack of clarity and being mystical are problems. What is clarity? What is mysticism? How did you come by the notion that you understand either and know when and where they should be applied. I offer you the thought that you are spiritually blind and you want me to speak to you in a way that you can see. You want me to tell you the conditions in which you can learn. It is of no importance to me whether you want to try to understand what I am saying or not. I got mine, as it were. I only maintain that I understand you better than you understand yourself. I have something to offer, in my opinion, and I offer it in the best way I can according to me. Sorry about that.
s: So I'm confident you have the wherewithal to actually provide clear answers to questions. So I'll repeat the ones I asked previously:
M: I require a different kind of confidence.
s: How come you ALWAYS avoid providing concrete, down-to-earth examples of your personal experiences?
M: Not so. I have told my story here so many times I am sick of it. What you need to see is that it's your story that matters to you, not mine. I found what I sought. My story is over. You are what matters now.
s: How come you ALWAYS descend into mystical, supernatural, Zen-speak when writing about your personal experiences?
I told you it was Zen that saved me. The story of the strawberry was my streetcar and clock tower.
Edit: Some "hints" on how to answer.
You could say, "I'm too embarrassed to provide examples." Or "I can't remember the details of my previous life." Or "I was viewing the world through psychosis, and had no actual experiences." Or even, "I have a real problem revealing my true self." I could sympathize with any of those answers. But please - PLEASE - don't play diversionary games (like you always do).
What is the purpose of a Koan? I googled it and found this:
http://terebess.hu/english/zen.html
I am not a student of Zen, I read a book on it at a time when the ideas in it caused me to feel tremendous rage. How could these fuckholes be happy in a meaningless world? What was this fucking strawberry. Why were these Zen fold at peace and I was in misery? I asked myself over and over is it this, no this, no this that causes me to suffer. I went very far out in single minded focus on this question. A blast of wind hit the house and I suddenly knew everything. My suffering vanished and I went blissfully to sleep. When thought stops what is left is being. I leave you to figure out what that means. Here is a Koan for you. Where does love go when God dies? Does it go to the same place that it did when God exists? What does it mean that the lover and the beloved are one. Don't think. Its a diversion.