Tales from the retail world...

[Black88GTA]

I used to work at Advance Auto Parts.

Retard: uh, my car won't start.
Me: What's it doing? Not turning over, making noises, completely dead?
Retard: It just won't start.
Me: Uh..OK, what kind of car is it?
Retard: Uh, I don't know. It's black and has two doors.
Me:...
Me: I can't even begin to help if I don't know what you drive...
Retard: WULL THIS'Z A PARTS STORE, I'N IT? THAT'S YUR FCKIN JOB, ASSHOLE! LEMME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!" and on, and on, etc.
First off....it's obvously NOT my job to diagnose a car's problems. You PAY a MECHANIC by the HOUR for that. I will do it if it's something obvious, or offer suggestions..but wow. Anyway, the manager is in the back, and comes out...the guy gives him the same sh!t.

I used to get tons of those.

..."what kind of car is it?"
" 's a Dodge."
"Dodge what? truck, car, what year??
"JEEZUS CHRAHST YEW MORON, IT'S A DODGE PICKUP TRUCK! WHY U NEED TO KNOW ALLA THAT?"

I swear, trying to get people to tell you WHAT THEY DRIVE is like pulling teeth. Some people are morons of the highest degree.

And don't even get me started on when I was a porter at a Chevy dealership. OMG.

 

[Dominionion]

Customer comes up with with two t-shirts and says "This one says its 'Large' and this one says its 'Large', are they the same size?"

Thinking this must be a trick question I respond "Ummm... yeah?"

I believe everyone should spend some time in retail. It'll give you perspective and make you a better person. Now, when I see someone being impatient with a clerk or rude to a waiter/waitress, I think to myself "They didn't work retail". When you take crap, get spoken down to, and deal with people trying to scam you for chump change for hours on end, and then you have to turn to the next customer with a clean plate and give them cheerful service. It takes a high level of professionalism to achieve that. And if you haven't achieved that level (let alone had to try), don't berate someone for failing what you couldn't do.

 

[So]

Originally posted by: Dominionion
Customer comes up with with two t-shirts and says "This one says its 'Large' and this one says its 'Large', are they the same size?"

Thinking this must be a trick question I respond "Ummm... yeah?"

I believe everyone should spend some time in retail. It'll give you perspective and make you a better person. Now, when I see someone being impatient with a clerk or rude to a waiter/waitress, I think to myself "They didn't work retail". When you take crap, get spoken down to, and deal with people trying to scam you for chump change for hours on end, and then you have to turn to the next customer with a clean plate and give them cheerful service. It takes a high level of professionalism to achieve that. And if you haven't achieved that level (let alone had to try), don't berate someone for failing what you couldn't do.

Well put. :thumbsup:

 

[So]

Bump for humor!

 

[Safeway]

I've never been in retail, but I was a receptionist fill-up before. It was great. Sit in a large leather chair, surf ATOT, b!tch at Gateway about my X800 XT PE order, and make $12/hr. I had to hang up on a few irrate participants because they wouldn't understand that I ANSWER THE FVCKING PHONES, I don't do anything with accounts!

 

[Legendary]

Once while working in a supermarket, I had the most useless annoying first class bitch of an old woman ever. She demanded, and would not leave, without double bagged groceries. HOWEVER, she simply would not allow me to place more than 2 items in her bags, no matter what the items were. Basically, I had to make 40 double bags for this woman because she would not leave without it. That only happened twice.
The next time she came in, she asked me if my lane was open. "No." Someone standing right behind her almost turned to another lane, but I looked right at her and said "You can come in though." The old lady just gave me a look then said "I'm talking to your supervisor."
My supervisor was standing right behind me, laughing, having served the old lady before.

 

[bwnv]

My wife used to work in travel industry. Caller booking vacation in Hawaii, leaving from San Francisco, CA. Geography obviously not callers strong point.
caller: Does that flight make any stops?
wife: can I put you on hold?
caller: sure
wife: hits hold button and busts out LOL for a minute. regains composure and gets back on line...
wife: no ma'am no stops
caller: thank you .. hangs up

SFO > Hawaii = 2500 miles of ocean


Then, one time I was moonlighting at T-R-US, did a bit of everything, including putting crap together like bikes. Manager comes up to me and asks if I can fix a bike really fast.
me: what happened?
mgr: kid bought a bike, tried it out in parking lot and the seat got loose and he fell. got pretty scrapped up.
me: looks @ bike... it's gonna need a new seat
mgr: ok...and make sure everything is as tight as can be, handlebars, everything

now, this is a small 10 speed, like what you'd get for a kid about 9 or 10, so I'm thinking whoever put it together just didn't bother to tighten it up right. Anyway about 15 minutes later I'm done with the bike. Everything was torqued to the max, so I knew it would hold together ok.

me:all done with the bike
mgr: ok, the kid and his mom are outside

so we take the bike out back. OMGWTF this kid is about 5'6" and probably 220 lbs although he did only look 12 or 13 years old. all I could think of was how some moron could sell baby huey this small of a bike?

 

[cjgallen]

Haha, this thread is awesome!!

 

[Dominionion]

Talking to a customer while thier kid sits on the carpeted floor...

Me "Ummm... I think your kid needs to use the bathroom"

Customer: "Why do you say that?"

Me: "Well, there's a dark circle under him and its getting bigger"

 

[dighn]

Originally posted by: Patt

Originally posted by: Shanteli
When I was in HS working at EB I had some lady and her son come in wanting to buy SimCity2000...she whipped out her checkbook and I had to tell her we required a check guarantee card or a card with a visa logo on it...she glared at me and threw her cards in my general direction on the counter. I just did the whole pissed-off stare at her head while she was looking down filling out her check. After she was done I had to write some numbers down on the check while her son started whispering something to the mother. Out of the blue she snatched the check out of my hand, ripped it up in front of me and went off

Lady = "Is that how you treat a customer" rant.

I stood there pleading ignorance because I actually didn't do or say anything...if I stare or glare there is nothing really legally wrong with that. Anyway...in the middle of the mother's rant the kid interjected

Kid = "yeah you were looking at my mom all funny"

Me = "And you can just shut your face...you're not even tall enough to look over the counter so what do you know?" (11 years old or so).

Kid = "Screw you"

Lady = "Don't talk to my son"

So the mom grabs the kids hand and starts walking towards the exit.
Kid turns and as a last word says

Kid = "Go back to China"

Interesting thing is that he and his mother were obviously not white...if I had to guess it would be Indonesian or Burmese...ironic...but yes he got lucky...I am Chinese

Me = "What? Fck you! Get your poor @ss back on a boat and back to your island country".

Lady turns around in fury and starts yelling in some foreign language while pointing at me.

I jump the counter and get in her face and start yelling right back.

Me = "What you saying you turkey btch...etc. etc."

I was working in the mall so yeah it started a huge scene...and I guess my manager saved the day because he saw the crowd while walking back from lunch and ran over to split me and the mother apart. The mom was pretty pissed and just walked away. I got sent home for the day...but before that I went through the mall hunting for that lady. Thinking back it was good that I didn't find her cuz I woulda beat the sh1t out of her kid...I was so damn pissed...and that would have been bad...juvenile court system and everything. Retail blows.

Anger management classes recommended ...

seriously. that's gotta the funniest thing i've heard today.

 

[SketchMaster]

Originally posted by: Dominionion
Talking to a customer while thier kid sits on the carpeted floor...

Me "Ummm... I think your kid needs to use the bathroom"

Customer: "Why do you say that?"

Me: "Well, there's a dark circle under him and its getting bigger"

don;t know why but this was the only post that made me laugh!

 

[oogabooga]

I worked at an ice cream store (coldstone creamery) and one day this guy who reeks of booze comes in and asks for a bagel. I respond "uhhmm.. noah's bagle is right down the-" then he yells "NO F$#!* YOU AND GO GET ME MY BAGEL YOU F!#* LITTLE wise and beautiful woman, ILL KILL YOU I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL YOU !#%)*)*!#)%*!)#*%" and just goes down this long list of threats and bad words

the only time i ever had to call the cops on someone...

 

[MommysLittleMonster]

When I was in high school, I worked at The Gap. Some old woman went into the fitting rooms to try on a few outfits. We all could tell she wasnt all quite there. Anyways, the old hag walks out of the fitting room onto the sales floor in her panties and bra. The most disgusting thing I've ever seen!!!!

 

[grrl]

I worked in an electronics store. This drugged out looking guy came in and bought a tape deck. About 15 minutes later he's back to return it. Why? "I got in my car, then I remember, I bought a tape deck the other day!"

He had wanted to buy a receiver!

 

[Insomniak]

I had another good one a while back.


Guy: I'm looking for luggage, briefcases, etc.
Me: They're on aisle 5, right hand side, 1st half of the aisle (I walk him over and point them out).
Guy: So, tell me about them.
Me: Err...they're briefcases?
Guy: Yeah, but what are the features?
Me: Uh....they hold things - some are clasp lock, some are -
Guy (cutting me off): Obviously! I know that! Tell me the stuff I don't know!
Me: Um, sir, these are just standard briefcases, I don't know if -
Guy (cutting me off): I know they're standard, but what are the features?
Me: Let me get my manager. *go get manager*

....5 minute interlude, I watch at a distance as manager and guy converse. Guy seems to get increasingly irate, then leaves.

Manager comes over.

Me: Did you answer his questions?
Manager: Do our briefcases do anything I'm not aware of? Do any have can openers, a compass, or a built in flashlight?
Me: Not that I know of.

*brief pause*

*We shrug in unison*

 

[BigB10293]

Originally posted by: bwnv
My wife used to work in travel industry. Caller booking vacation in Hawaii, leaving from San Francisco, CA. Geography obviously not callers strong point.
caller: Does that flight make any stops?
wife: can I put you on hold?
caller: sure
wife: hits hold button and busts out LOL for a minute. regains composure and gets back on line...
wife: no ma'am no stops
caller: thank you .. hangs up

SFO > Hawaii = 2500 miles of ocean

Uhh... Some flights may go through LAX. I fail to see how this is all that funny.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: BigB10293

Uhh... Some flights may go through LAX. I fail to see how this is all that funny.

same people that think 95% here have worked 'retail'.

Personally I worked in a bank since 12. Mortgage banking.

 

[BriGy86]

at a batting cage a lady asked how fast the 30 mph cage went

i responded

... 30 miles per hour

 

[Semidevil]

I sell prescription eyeglasses, and one of my customers had a complaint:

"I'm not happy w/ my glasses because everything is blurry when I take them off..."

 

[tRaptor]

Originally posted by: Dominionion
Customer comes up with with two t-shirts and says "This one says its 'Large' and this one says its 'Large', are they the same size?"

Thinking this must be a trick question I respond "Ummm... yeah?"

I believe everyone should spend some time in retail. It'll give you perspective and make you a better person. Now, when I see someone being impatient with a clerk or rude to a waiter/waitress, I think to myself "They didn't work retail". When you take crap, get spoken down to, and deal with people trying to scam you for chump change for hours on end, and then you have to turn to the next customer with a clean plate and give them cheerful service. It takes a high level of professionalism to achieve that. And if you haven't achieved that level (let alone had to try), don't berate someone for failing what you couldn't do.

I agree. Not only do you learn patience and all that, but you really get a sense of how stupid the human race can be. You have to seriously wonder how some of these people manage to survive.

Stories from the grocery store.

We had people that would crap/pee on the floor, usually in the back trying to find the bathroom.

I had a lady come through my lane one morning, early, i was the only checker. She asks if she can write if for $20 over. I said sure. She procedes to write the check out for only $10 over. I tell her this and tries to convince me to still let her have $20. I of course tell her NO and she writes me another check. So i scan the check and it comes up at a bad check. Being that its early I have to sit and wait for the manager to show up and explain. She was pissed.

Another lady thought that she would scare myself and a manager into accepting her bad check by asking for the name and phone #, ect. of the store manager and throwing a fit. Of course we gave it to her, no way we where going to take the check. I would have liked to hear that conversation (not that I think it ever occured).

One thing I really love is that everyone thinks that you are in charge of the dam store. I'm sorry, I just stock the %*# shelves, please stop yelling at me casue we are out of something, its not my fault you decided to wait till the day before christmas to come shopping.

Other things that drove me mad where people that would ask me stupid questions. Like the people that would walk right past a department and then ask me questions about it. Its like GET A CLUE why dont you ask someone that is clearly working in that area.

Note: come on into the store and ask me to find something, dont bother to remember ANYthing about it, not the name, now what color the box is, nothing. Dont worry I will sure be able to help you find it.

Note 2: Women, please stop sending your husbands into find stuff, they are men, they are stupid, they really have no place in the grocery store. If you are going to send them in, please dont write your stupid list in fancy cursive writing, i sure has hell cant read it and neither can they. Also, put the smallest most obsure thing on the list and dont tell the brand or anthing, your husband will have a hell of a time with that one.

Note 3: We will stop carying something if it dosent sell. I'm sorry, i know that this simple business concept must be very hard for you to understand.

Note 4: Checks are the devil, i could elaborate on this, but I'm sure you understand wtf I am talking about.

Note 5: Dont ever let me have any political power. The first thing I would do is either destroy the foodstamp program, or regulate it. By regulate it I mean that if you fu%#*&g SMOKE you will get no more free food. I'm sorry, but you are not required to smoke to live. I'm sick of people putting $100 worth of food on foodstamps and then watch them spend $45 on 2 cartons of smokes. Or buy a coke on foodstamps for $1.04 and then have them spend $3 on smokes.

Note 6: YES I KNOW THAT IT IS: busy/cold/hot/slow/raining/loud/quiet/insert just about anything here.

 

[Insomniak]

Originally posted by: tRaptor
Note 6: YES I KNOW THAT IT IS: busy/cold/hot/slow/raining/loud/quiet/insert just about anything here.

Bleedin' hell, if that isn't the truth. Does anyone ever stop to think about how ridiculous the exchanges are in a retail situation?



Customer: "Pretty hot out there today!"
Me: "Yes, I know. I was actually 'out there' before I came to work 'in here'".



Customer: "It's rainin' something fierce out there!"
Me: "Is that what that was? I was wondering what that was."



Customer: "How bout those Yankees huh?"
Me: "F*ck 'em."
Customer: "And those Red Sox too, huh?"
Me: "F*ck them too."



Customer: "How can you be out of this product?"
Me: "We do not have any more."
Customer: "But I need one right now.
Me: "Unfortunately, we still do not have them."



Customer: "Do you work here?"
Me: "No, this nametag is a public service."



Customer: "What store am I in again?"



Customer: *Banal Joke*
Me: *Silence*
[awkwardness]



Customer: "Do you sell this product?"
Me: "No."
Customer: "Well, They said you did."
Me: "Do They work here?"
Customer: "No."
Me: "In that case, No."



Angry Customer: "I want to speak to the manager."
Me: "Now?"



Customer: "Are you open?"



Me: "Hi there, is there anything I can help you find today?"
Customer (looking at me): *Silence*
Me (maintaining hope): "Is there anything you need help with?"
Customer (looking at me): *Silence*
[awkwardness]



Customer: "Can I order this here?"
Me: "No."
Customer: "Well, do you know where I could order it?"
Me: "Somewhere else?"



Customer (snotty): "I would hate to have to buy [product] from [competition]."
Me: "I'm sure [competition] would hate that too."



Me: "Thank God I'm payed by the hour."



Me (cashiering): "Did you find everything you were looking for?"
Customer: "No."
Me: "Well, what were you looking for?"
Customer: "Well, it's this thing, it's kind of long, and it has something on the end of it..."
Me: "Your total is $14.23"



Me (cashiering): "Will this be all for you this evening?"
Customer: "Are you for sale, sweety?"
[awkwardness]



Me: "Is there anything else I can help you find?"
Customer (gesturing to girlfriend): "You got anything that'll shut her up?"
Me: "Hehe....heh.....uh...."



Customer (walking down the aisle in front of me): *Enormous Flatulence*



Customer: "I don't need any help."
Me (disembarking): "Ok, just let me know if that changes."
Customer: "Hey, where are you going?"



Me: "I'm sorry, we're out of those."
Customer: "Well, do you have any in the back?"
Me: "out of those."


I could continue coming up with these scenarios all night. The sad part is that as amusing as these little anecdotes are, they are not exaggerations in any way, shape, or form.

 

[n7]

Oh man i love this thread

 

[Nebben]

Originally posted by: chrisms
A bum came in one day when the restaurant was packed, and grabbed a bunch of slices of pizza from the warmer and ran off. We chased him down and he seemed like a crackhead, he said he was homeless and hungry so we just said screw it and went back to work.

A few months later the same guy comes in as I'm working the oven (right behind the warmer), and asks me for pizza. Recognizing him I say no, he goes into the bathroom. He comes out and both the manager and I are eyeballing him as he stares at the salad bar. Then he looks straight at us, grabs one hard boiled egg, puts it in his pocket and walks out.

What the hell?

 

[MrBlahh]

I used to work the produce section of Jewel. One day while stocking those salad bag thingys I noticed the person next to me was wearing way too much purfume. I looked over to see who it was and what I saw was a guy who had to be atleast 6'5", 60+ years old, wearing a sundress, makeup, wig, high heels...the whole bit. He had that long old man face. It freaked me the hell out. I just tossed whatever was left in my box onto the shelf and ran to the back. My ex g/f said she had seen the guy at another local grocery store and he used to shop at the Super Kmart too. I think he would shop at one store for while and then move to another. He also drove soething like a Dodge Lancer and you could see his knees while he was driving...Me and a friend tried to follow him home be we lost him.

During the holiday seasons at Super Kmart they would put boards over the ends of the aisles in the toy department. They would then use the boards to stack even more junk. One day just before I was to get off a customer asked me to get something down from the top shelf. We had these big ladders on wheels that we used to stock the higher shelves and I knew they always kept one in the toy department so I ran to get it. You had to tilt them to get them under the boards...well I was in a hurry and I forgot about this since it wasnt my department and I just started running with it. It slamm the ladder into the boards and I see toys falling around me. I look over just in time to see an entire display of barbie dolls crashing down onto some lady and her kid.

We used to fight over bringing the motorized carts in from the parking lot. I ran to grab one that some obese lady had been using and the seat was drenched in sweat...and it wasnt even hot out.

One of my coworkers who was a not right in the head crapped himself while bagging. There was a trail all the way to the bathroom.

One of the managers was killed by her husband. Something about he found out she was cheating on him so one day while on Lake Michigan in their boat he tossed her overboard.

We caught one of the polish cart pushes passed out in his car while on the clock with an open beer in his hand.

While working delivery at a local restaurant this one lady always complains we get her order wrong. On multiple occasions she has said she wanted pick up when she really meant delivery and swears she said delivery. Then one day she calls in after picking up her order saying it was completely wrong. I took her order and repeated it back to her atleast 2 times.

People never listenn to you over the phone. Ive told people their order will be ready in like 30 minutes and they will show up in 5. Then complain when they have to wait 25 minutes. Or when you ask them for their address and they dont tell you what apartment number they live in, or if they do its not listed on the buzzer. Why do people complain when you tell them you ahve to charge them for stuff like extra shrimp or beef?


Well thats enough for now.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: MrBlahh
We used to fight over bringing the motorized carts in from the parking lot. I ran to grab one that some obese lady had been using and the seat was drenched in sweat...and it wasnt even hot out.

OK, do one of you want to tell him, or should I?