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Taking a step forward...UPDATE NEED HELP :(

L

Lucky

Lifer
(hopefully)...


I broke up with my GF yesterday, of 3.5 years. She was my GF all through college, basically. Starting dating in a rather unconventional way, I met her one night in the dorms, slept with her, and I guess she considered us a "thing". Didnt have a problem with that at first. 🙂 I tried to break up at about 6 months because I wanted to date other people, and found out she was very, very attached to me. Threatened to kill herself at the 1 yr mark if I broke up with her. She's very dependent on me, emotionally, socially, and financially. Im sure I enabled her to some extent, no doubt. I've broke it off various time over the time of the relationship, but I feel bad for her after some period, and the fact she comes to me willing to do anything I want (sexually) to get my back doesnt help. You cant imagine how hard it is for the big brain to take control of the little brain when you got a chick willing to indulge whatever sexual fantasies you wish in order to get you back. And of course, its all good and fine for a while, and thehn the underlying problems come out again.

The breaking point for me is that she keeps talking about marriage, the ring, etc...Although I have much invested in this relationship, Im 22 and not ready to get married, especially without a steady job. She is my first real long term relationship and Im not sure she is the one.

Its really scary to be almost attached to the hip to someone and then break it off, taking a chance you might not meet someone again. Hopefully things will move on and I can find someone else, being single can be scary. 🙁
 
CONGRATS 🙂

thought i CAN'T believe you were stuck in that for 3 years... i can't imagine wanting to get out for that long. i'd go insane.
 
it was a love hate thing. She is an incredible woman, cooks. cleans, takes care of me, is always willing to sacrfice something for me, but thats also what scares me off. Her life is (was?) totally devoted to me. I suppose I got some kick out of feeling so important to someone, but in the end it didnt work out for me.

I still love her, and deeply. I care for her very much. That said, I've lost the "love" I used to have, and dont see myself marrying anytime soon.
 
You did the right thing. Relationships that are all about sex, are not real relationships. You've got to think about yourself, and your future. Don't worry about finding someone else bro. You will.
 
You made a good choice. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is so dependent on you. She has issues that need to be worked out on her own. You'll both be better off for it in the long run.

Ryan
 



<< I met her one night in the dorms, slept with her, and I guess she considered us a "thing >>





<< You cant imagine how hard it is for the big brain to take control of the little brain when you got a chick willing to indulge whatever sexual fantasies you wish in order to get you back >>



They don't call you lucky for nothing, eh?
 


<<

<<

<< pics? >>



its not a flattering one but here's a recent one from chicago. >>

Dear god... she isn't a looker, and she doesn't sound like she has good personality traits... so... why did you stay with her that damn long? >>

It's called love, dude. I've seen guys drag themselves through the mud (or, let their women drag them rather) for that lonely word.

nik
 


<<

<<

<< pics? >>



its not a flattering one but here's a recent one from chicago. >>

Dear god... she isn't a looker, and she doesn't sound like she has good personality traits... so... why did you stay with her that damn long?

Just because she cooked and what not? >>




eh, i dont think shes ugly. You honestly think so? She's certainly not skinny as a rail but I can look past that for the most part.
 
Never said she was fugly, just not a 'looker.' I know alot of chicks who are a bit on the hefty side, but they are really cool. Your chick sounds like a manic depressent who has dependency issues...
 
<<Relationships that are all about sex, are not real relationships.>>


Where can I get the crack you been smokin'?
 


<< Never said she was fugly, just not a 'looker.' I know alot of chicks who are a bit on the hefty side, but they are really cool. Your chick sounds like a manic depressent who has dependency issues... >>



well, OK. Never claimed I was dating a model 😛 though I would never have dated her if I didnt think her face was "pretty". As for the latter comment, you are probably right.
 
glad to know that I am not the only one who stuck around too long for the wrong reasons...

best of luck man! there are PLENTY of girls out there. have fun you deserve it!
 


<<
Its really scary to be almost attached to the hip to someone and then break it off, taking a chance you might not meet someone again. Hopefully things will move on and I can find someone else, being single can be scary. 🙁 >>



Well, your first bad decision was staying with her just because you felt bad for her, etc.

But anyway.....hang in there. If she's the one it will work out, if not then you'll find someone who's a better fit for you.

--Sarah
 
Ah, glad to see I'm not the only one who feels "in love, stuck, confused, trapped, happy, sad, turned-on, turned-off and has a headache" all at the same time. 🙂

You are wise beyond your years; NOBODY should get married at 22. Far too young. You still have the whole world to see and much "oat sowing" sexual and otherwise to do.

I'm also very confused as to what to do about my current situation. I've been w/my GF almost 2.5 years. There are a few things I dislike about her, but many things I really do like about her.

On the minus side (and I'm being honest)
1. She has some "issues" like mild panic disorder that makes her really freaky sometimes
2. She is ALWAYS (like two days a week) sick w/something. Headache/stomachache/earache/foot/hand/nose/throat and MOST of it is real. You can't fake a red, swollen throat. She just has a really weak immune system. She also has very bad asthma, which limits things like hiking/walking...kind of a bummer for me, as I love walking around and hiking in the woods.
3. Clingy, immature (but so was I at 24)
4. Unstable in her career. She has had the same job for 2+ years, but she's not a team player...they are currently "gunning for her" writing her up for BS...starting a paper trail...if she loses her job, she's up Sh1ts Creek and is not moving in w/me! She can still live w/her mom, but w/no money for bills, things will go downhill quickly.

On the plus side (in no particular order, and I'm being honest)
1. I think she's beautiful...gained 30 pounds since we met, but isn't that the way it always goes?
rolleye.gif

2. NO DRUGS I can't begin to explain how fast I run away from any woman that smokes pot or does blow, etc Bad news, that stuff
3. Barely drinks. One drink a month, maybe
4. No slutty friends. See #2, as slutty women and drugs go hand-in-hand
5. Has very similar tastes in furniture, food
6. Unwavering loyalty...also known as "clingy" which sometimes is nice
7. she's basically "a good girl" which is hard to find these days
8. NO KIDS! Yes, that's right; a 24-year old woman with no kids! Hard to believe, but true.
9. No cats. I hate cats. Besides, I'm allergic
10. Sex is awesome when she's in the mood to be awesome...but isn't that the way it always goes? 😉

So, I dunno what I want to do. I don't want to get married anytime soon; I don't even know IF I want to get married anyday, at all. But for now, it's a "safe" relationship. Good, bad or indifferent, I can't "tell her the truth" b/c I don't even know "the truth" about what I want. 😕 Someone just shoot me, it's quicker.
 


<<

You are wise beyond your years; NOBODY should get married at 22. Far too young. You still have the whole world to see and much "oat sowing" sexual and otherwise to do.

 >>



I got married at 21, and it was the best thing I ever did. :Q

I'm not a big fan of out-of-marriage sex. Too many times the emotional element of relationships is skewed by sex - the ability to procur hot sweaty orgasms should not be the deciding factor of continuation.
rolleye.gif
 


<< glad to know that I am not the only one who stuck around too long for the wrong reasons...

best of luck man! there are PLENTY of girls out there. have fun you deserve it! >>



Unfortunately, you have to go to Russia to get them!
 
Good Move. I can assure you that 5 years down the road you'd be one sorry Motherfscker if you were still hooked up with that porker. Kickin her fat ass to the curb will prove to be one of the smartest moves you ever made.

 


<< Good Move. I can assure you that 5 years down the road you'd be one sorry Motherfscker if you were still hooked up with that porker. Kickin her fat ass to the curb will prove to be opne of the smartest moves you ever made. >>


Now c'mon Red. Fat women need lovin' too. I have also noticed you and your buddy FFM are now avatar brothers.😉
 
It seems to me that you don't want to marry her. don't take the easy way out and marry her to keep it simple so that you don't have the pain of breaking up with her. If she threatens suicide tell her to get a shrink - she can't hold that over your head for the rest of your life. If you really don't think you should get married or see it happening (be honest) break things now. DO NOT just keep up with her because it's easier than breaking up when in fact that's what you really want.

Since you say you did it just don't let her get back with you now!
 
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