Stupid jokes that make you laugh anyway

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: Mojoed

Originally posted by: MrsBugi
What a wonderful thread, Mojoed! It certainly had me chuckling here and there.

Here is my contribution:

"The Rooster"

One day, this farmer's rooster died. So the farmer went to town to get a new rooster. The man that sells roosters says, "I've only got one rooster left, but you don't want him, he screws everything."

The farmer says, "Well, that's alright, that is what I want him for."

The man says, "No, you don't understand. This rooster screws anything, and I mean anything."

The farmer says, "That's okay, I'll take him." So the man says okay and sold him the rooster. The farmer took the rooster home. The whole way that rooster was squirming and trying to get loose, and as soon as they got to the farm and let the rooster go, it went straight into the henhouse. It screwed every hen in there and came out with feathers flying everywhere. The rooster grabbed the dog, screwed it, grabbed the cat, screwed it, and then took off into the fields. The farmer was watching in amazement as the rooster started screwing the goats, cows, horses, and on and on.

Finally, later that evening, the rooster came running by the farmer on its way out to another area of the farm. The farmer grabbed him and told him, "If you don't slow down you are going to die." Well, the rooster didn't even hesitate. He just took off and started screwing the rest of the farm animals. The farmer got sleepy and went to bed. The next morning, the farmer got up and went outside. That rooster was laid out on the ground right in front of the house.

The farmer walked over to him, bent over, and said, "I told you if you didn't slow down you were going to die..."

The rooster opened one eye up, real slow, and said, "Shhhh, buzzards!"

Good one!

Thanks Mojoed, it's one of my favorites.

 

[jeece]

Whenever I happen to go in a public restroom with a guy friend, if we happen to be urinal neighbors, I say: "Hey dude, that's a nice watch you're wearing!" (while looking up in front of me, though. )

Funnier in a crowded restroom.

 

[timosyy]

Originally posted by: Mojoed
-----------------------------------

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting starfish
Interrupt..(grab their face with your hand)

-----------------------------------

/thread

 

[Quasmo]

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why the long face?"

*********************************************************
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Cause shes a woman.

*********************************************************
Q: What do you get when you stab a baby in the head with a pair of siccors?
A: You get an erection.

*********************************************************
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
A: They replaced her typewriter with a waffle iron

*********************************************************
Q: Have you seen Ray Charles new album?
A: Ray Charles is dead. (Updated for acurracy)

*********************************************************
Q: When is the only time at a technical school you'll hear a guy say, "damn hoes"
A: When the water cooling system on his PC breaks.

 

[Hav0k99]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender says, "isn't that really annoying?" The pirate responds, "Yaarrr, it's driving me nuts!"

HAHAHAHA

 

[Quasmo]

???

 

[Shenkoa]

How do you circumsize a redneck?







Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

[S Freud]

Did you know Helen Keller had a horse?


Niether did she.

 

[Shenkoa]

That was bad! but I have worse, I may get flamed for this one.


A man was going down the street in his truck when he noticed a little girl standing on the side of the road. The guy stops his truck and asks the little girl "would you like to go for a ride with me" the little girl agree's and goes with him. They drive into a wooded area, they guy then asks the girl "would you like to go for a walk with me" the little girl agree's and goes with him, well it was getting dark so the worried little girl asks the guy "Mr. I am scared can we leave" The guy sezz "Your scared, I am the one that is walking out of here alone"


FIRST TIME!

Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem.

"That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

"Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..."

"Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: Shenkoa
That was bad! but I have worse, I may get flamed for this one.


A man was going down the street in his truck when he noticed a little girl standing on the side of the road. The guy stops his truck and asks the little girl "would you like to go for a ride with me" the little girl agree's and goes with him. They drive into a wooded area, they guy then asks the girl "would you like to go for a walk with me" the little girl agree's and goes with him, well it was getting dark so the worried little girl asks the guy "Mr. I am scared can we leave" The guy sezz "Your scared, I am the one that is walking out of here alone"


FIRST TIME!

Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem.

"That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

"Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..."

"Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."

The first one was disturbing. I guess that pedophilia-murder thing just doesn't do it for me.

 

[charles555]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender says, "isn't that really annoying?" The pirate responds, "Yaarrr, it's driving me nuts!"

yarrr wood me arse well, if i'd one.

 

[love2skate824]

sorry this ones kind of bad but..
why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.

 

[Aftermath]

So you've got somethin' to look at when you're talkin' to 'em!
<Peter Griffin laugh>

 

[NogginBoink]

Q: What do you call a black guy who flies an airplane?

A: A pilot, you f*cking racist!

 

[spasticnationboy]

How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb??????

The Chair.....

 

[Mojoed]

Saw this one today on OT, and it seems to belong here.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?



































A nervous wreck!

Zing!

 

[secretanchitman]

this thread is soooooo olddddddd....

but i got a huge kick out of the jokes in here!!!

 

[Epoman]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender says, "isn't that really annoying?" The pirate responds, "Yaarrr, it's driving me nuts!"

WRONG! Try again. The joke goes:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out his fly. The bartender says, "Hey buddy do you know you have a steering wheel sticking out your fly?" The pirate says, "aarrrggg, it's driving me nuts!"

 

[Ulfwald]

One day a penguin was drivin down the road when his car broke down. He called AAA and had it towed to the nearest repair shop. While the car was being repaied the Penguin went and had a vanilla icecream cone because it was such a hot day. Of course the ice cream dripped on the penguin, and upon returning to the repair shop the mechanic came out and said "It looks like you blew a seal." To which the penguin replied "IT"S ICE CREAM I SWEAR!"

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: Mik3y
here's more of a pickup line:

hey, are u a chicken farmer?

(no, why?)

because you can sure raise cock!

LMAO LMAO LMAO !!!!

I will keep that one in mind next time I go on another long ass 40 page dating adventure, I'll use that one at the end as an insurance policy ?

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: Iron Woode
What goes in pink and hard and comes out soft and wet?





























Bubblegum!

QFT!!!!

 

[Xylitol]

Originally posted by: Mojoed
We've all heard them from time to time. What are some of your favorite stupid jokes? Below are a few that got me going pretty good.

---------

Q: What does a 300lb hamster do?

A: Shoves gay people up its ass.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Gave me a chuckle

 

[biggiesmallz]

Originally posted by: Darthvoy
I heard this joke on tv a while back.

There are these two old people in a retirement home. The old lady asks the old man, "I bet can tell you your age by grabbing and tingling you nvts." The old man says, "No way!' Then the old lady says, "Yes I really can, let me just show you." The old man finally says "OK" and he pulls his pants down, and she starts grabbing, tingling, and squeezing the old man's nvts. After a while the old lady stops and says "You are 76". The old man looks at her with astonishment and asks her "How do you know I am 76" and she replies "I know because you told me yesterday."

I don't get it

 

[ktehmok]

Originally posted by: biggiesmallz

Originally posted by: Darthvoy
I heard this joke on tv a while back.

There are these two old people in a retirement home. The old lady asks the old man, "I bet can tell you your age by grabbing and tingling you nvts." The old man says, "No way!' Then the old lady says, "Yes I really can, let me just show you." The old man finally says "OK" and he pulls his pants down, and she starts grabbing, tingling, and squeezing the old man's nvts. After a while the old lady stops and says "You are 76". The old man looks at her with astonishment and asks her "How do you know I am 76" and she replies "I know because you told me yesterday."

I don't get it

Psst, the old hag got a cheap feel. That's the joke....

This thread is classic. I can't believe it's been over a year. My kids are still falling for the "Interrupting Starfish" Although I am picking on the younger ones now....

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: ktehmok

Originally posted by: biggiesmallz

Originally posted by: Darthvoy
I heard this joke on tv a while back.

There are these two old people in a retirement home. The old lady asks the old man, "I bet can tell you your age by grabbing and tingling you nvts." The old man says, "No way!' Then the old lady says, "Yes I really can, let me just show you." The old man finally says "OK" and he pulls his pants down, and she starts grabbing, tingling, and squeezing the old man's nvts. After a while the old lady stops and says "You are 76". The old man looks at her with astonishment and asks her "How do you know I am 76" and she replies "I know because you told me yesterday."

I don't get it

Psst, the old hag got a cheap feel. That's the joke....

This thread is classic. I can't believe it's been over a year. My kids are still falling for the "Interrupting Starfish" Although I am picking on the younger ones now....

Damn it I will never volunteer at a place like that again, .... I have always wondered how those old ladies knew I was in my mid 20 s