Step away from the grill. You don't know what you are doing.

[slag]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: randomlinh
the real question is how did everyone else react?

Similar. Dude! These things are friggin raw, we TOLD you they weren't done yet. Brats take at least 25 minutes.

We wound up throwing them on the grill over the fire to finish them but the damage was already done and that incredible cooked over open wood fire taste could not be had.

wha?

Johnsonville or similar brats take like 10 mins over medium high but indirect heat to cook.

25 mins will leave a charred dry icky brat unless that 25 mins is boiled in water and not on a grill.

 

[SViper]

Originally posted by: TheNinja
It took me a long time but I finally figured out the 3 main keys to success:

1. Sear it then get it away from the flame on medium heat.
2. Have patience, dont rush the process.
3. If you think it is going to be done in 2 minutes from now....take it off now or you'll overcook it.

Interesting. I usually use foil when I grill. I'll sear both sides, wrap it in foil, then put it on a medium heat away from the flame. Pretty much fool-proof way of grilling. Don't have to worry about constantly checking the meat, the meat drying out, or the center being undercooked. I'll do it with chicken, beef, or pork.

 

[Felisity]

best steak marinade ever

Have lived all over the country in 7 different states... and everyone I have ever grilled for begged me to tell them my secret. So kindly, I would let them know what I use to marinade. Only sold in SE and southern mid-west grocery stores, but you can send them check/money order and they will ship ya some.

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: Throckmorton
Brats don't even taste good

Get some johnsonville brats (not those grey clay things), uncooked, put them over an open fire or webber, cook over medium heat for 25-30 minutes. Serve on bun with mustard.

You'll change your mind.

I have heard some good things about Johnsonville ones, hmm, I have to get some.

BTW that guy is a douche.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: Throckmorton
Brats don't even taste good

Get some johnsonville brats (not those grey clay things), uncooked, put them over an open fire or webber, cook over medium heat for 25-30 minutes. Serve on bun with mustard.

You'll change your mind.

or find yourself a damn good butcher shop and get some fresh ones made.

the place i buy from makes some they won a few awards for. they are damn good.

Do they ship?

don't think so. unless you buy a h uge amount then yeah they have a truck that they will deliver.

http://www.meatplace.com/


we usually get a couple meat bundles from them a year.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Camping trip. I spent a full hour starting and tending the fire to cook with, this is gonna be good eats - brats, burgers, steaks cooked over an open fire with oak wood.

Jackass wants to grill over his portable propane grill. Since we all paid for the food it's all good...I'll hold back the alpha male qualities...go right ahead. But, those brats we've all been looking forward to take about 25-35 minutes to cook over a medium heat. Keep them away from the flame to avoid being burnt and undercooked.

10 minutes later he pulls burgers and brats off the propane grill. DUDE!!!!! Did I not tell you those brats take a GOOD 25 minutes to be fully cooked? "But look, they're all black on the outside. That means they're done."

Step away from the grill. Just step away.

Brats were raw on the inside, burnt on the outside.
Burgers were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.
Steaks were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.

Dear Spidey07,

Thank you for your recent submission to ATOT. I have received 3 reviews of your rant entitled "Step away from the grill. You don't know what you are doing." Reviewer #1 was equivocal and recommended either "resubmit with major revisions" or "minor revisions"; reviewer #2 recommended "reject"; and reviewer #3 recommended "accept with minor revisions". ATOT invites you to "resubmit with major revisions."

Major concerns
1) Description of "Jackass" is not vitriolic enough - I think the concern here is that the reader of your rant can not fully appreciate the depths of Jackass's jackassness. All the reviewers agreed that Jackass is probably a suitable subject for a rant, but they varied in their assessment whether Jackass was merely stupid with regards to cooking, or stupid with regards to life in general. If this guy is really the Jackass you seem to think he is, you should be able to provide more details demonstrating the depths of his retarded condition.

2) Rethink the organization of the rant - Your rant begins with a descriptive narration that describes the physical context of the rant and your personal involvement in building a fire. It seems that the purpose of the first paragraph should be to expanded to include a description of dynamics of your group. Reviewer #3 suspects that the back story to how Jackass came to existance (both as a human being and as part of your group) could provide more flavor to the rant. E.g., Jackass was only there because his my wife's sister believes that murder and divorce are unpardonable sins.

3) Unconvincing description of the groups reaction - All the reviewers agreed that such barbaric treatment of food, especially meat, would justify extreme forms of social outcry. Your description of 'what happened next' is too thin to provide the reader with any sense of satisfaction that Jackass has been appropriately served justice.

Thank you for submitting your rant to ATOT; I look forward to reading your revised manuscript.


Yours Truly,

HomeBrewerDude
Associate Rant Editor.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

 

[nakedfrog]

I think a sprinkling of gratuitous profanity could also provide some extra zing.

 

[LongCoolMother]

How about the guys who squirt lighter fluid onto hot coals in hopes of getting the fire to start? I always thought that was unnecessary and somewhat dangerous...

 

[child of wonder]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Camping trip. I spent a full hour starting and tending the fire to cook with, this is gonna be good eats - brats, burgers, steaks cooked over an open fire with oak wood. It's a group of 7 guys, 6 seasoned outdoors men and the 1 new person who's idea of camping is bringing along his huge hotel on wheels camper.

So fucking camper Jackass wants to grill over his portable propane grill because 'it's taking too long to get the coals ready'. Since we all paid for the food it's all good...I'll hold back the alpha male qualities...go right ahead fucking camper jackass. But, those brats we've all been looking forward to take about 25-35 minutes to cook over a medium heat. Keep them away from the flame to avoid being burnt and undercooked. You don't just throw them over direct propane flame and burn the crap out of them.

10 minutes later fucking camper jackass pulls burgers and brats off his precious propane grill. DUDE!!!!! Did I not tell you those brats take a GOOD 25 minutes to be fully cooked? "But look, they're all black on the outside. That means they're done." fucking camper jackass says. The rest of the group mumbles "fucking camper jackass, those things ain't done."

Step away from the grill. Just step away.

Brats were raw on the inside, burnt on the outside.
Burgers were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.
Steaks were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.

He did not cook the rest of the trip. Damn Camper Jackass.

-edit-

God damn you are awesome.

Every post you make is exactly the same:

"Jesus, I'm so fucking awesome and everyone else is a moron!"

STFU

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: child of wonder

Originally posted by: spidey07
Camping trip. I spent a full hour starting and tending the fire to cook with, this is gonna be good eats - brats, burgers, steaks cooked over an open fire with oak wood. It's a group of 7 guys, 6 seasoned outdoors men and the 1 new person who's idea of camping is bringing along his huge hotel on wheels camper.

So fucking camper Jackass wants to grill over his portable propane grill because 'it's taking too long to get the coals ready'. Since we all paid for the food it's all good...I'll hold back the alpha male qualities...go right ahead fucking camper jackass. But, those brats we've all been looking forward to take about 25-35 minutes to cook over a medium heat. Keep them away from the flame to avoid being burnt and undercooked. You don't just throw them over direct propane flame and burn the crap out of them.

10 minutes later fucking camper jackass pulls burgers and brats off his precious propane grill. DUDE!!!!! Did I not tell you those brats take a GOOD 25 minutes to be fully cooked? "But look, they're all black on the outside. That means they're done." fucking camper jackass says. The rest of the group mumbles "fucking camper jackass, those things ain't done."

Step away from the grill. Just step away.

Brats were raw on the inside, burnt on the outside.
Burgers were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.
Steaks were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.

He did not cook the rest of the trip. Damn Camper Jackass.

-edit-

God damn you are awesome.

Every post you make is exactly the same:

"Jesus, I'm so fucking awesome and everyone else is a moron!"

STFU

Shut up moron.

 

[child of wonder]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: child of wonder

Originally posted by: spidey07
Camping trip. I spent a full hour starting and tending the fire to cook with, this is gonna be good eats - brats, burgers, steaks cooked over an open fire with oak wood. It's a group of 7 guys, 6 seasoned outdoors men and the 1 new person who's idea of camping is bringing along his huge hotel on wheels camper.

So fucking camper Jackass wants to grill over his portable propane grill because 'it's taking too long to get the coals ready'. Since we all paid for the food it's all good...I'll hold back the alpha male qualities...go right ahead fucking camper jackass. But, those brats we've all been looking forward to take about 25-35 minutes to cook over a medium heat. Keep them away from the flame to avoid being burnt and undercooked. You don't just throw them over direct propane flame and burn the crap out of them.

10 minutes later fucking camper jackass pulls burgers and brats off his precious propane grill. DUDE!!!!! Did I not tell you those brats take a GOOD 25 minutes to be fully cooked? "But look, they're all black on the outside. That means they're done." fucking camper jackass says. The rest of the group mumbles "fucking camper jackass, those things ain't done."

Step away from the grill. Just step away.

Brats were raw on the inside, burnt on the outside.
Burgers were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.
Steaks were burnt on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.

He did not cook the rest of the trip. Damn Camper Jackass.

-edit-

God damn you are awesome.

Every post you make is exactly the same:

"Jesus, I'm so fucking awesome and everyone else is a moron!"

STFU

Shut up moron.

If you ever stopped kissing your own ass long enough to notice, I gladly would.

 

[broon]

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If you ever stopped kissing your own ass long enough to notice, I gladly would.

Jealous?

 

[Vic]

"huge hotel on wheels" :laugh:

I've been on like 10+ camping trips this summer and I cannot tell you how much I can't stand the "we take our monster RV with big screen and dish out once a year" crowd (not to be confused with the cool old folks living their retirement on the road crowd).

As to the rest of the rant, "jackass" just requires some simple education as to how to cook meat properly in order to renew his mancard. That's all. I've found a simple rhyme that works well, "the hotter the heat, the rarer the meat." Hence, brats which need to be cooked all the way through need to be (somewhat) low and slow, while OTOH steaks need to be hot and fast. etc etc. Instead of fighting with "jackass," a little polite instruction may have been more helpful. But then again, that way you'd have nothing to rant about here.

 

[child of wonder]

Originally posted by: broon

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If you ever stopped kissing your own ass long enough to notice, I gladly would.

Jealous?

You bet!

I wish I could be a know-it-all, arrogant, conceited ass!

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude

Dear Spidey07,

Thank you for your recent submission to ATOT. I have received 3 reviews of your rant entitled "Step away from the grill. You don't know what you are doing." Reviewer #1 was equivocal and recommended either "resubmit with major revisions" or "minor revisions"; reviewer #2 recommended "reject"; and reviewer #3 recommended "accept with minor revisions". ATOT invites you to "resubmit with major revisions."

Major concerns
1) Description of "Jackass" is not vitriolic enough - I think the concern here is that the reader of your rant can not fully appreciate the depths of Jackass's jackassness. All the reviewers agreed that Jackass is probably a suitable subject for a rant, but they varied in their assessment whether Jackass was merely stupid with regards to cooking, or stupid with regards to life in general. If this guy is really the Jackass you seem to think he is, you should be able to provide more details demonstrating the depths of his retarded condition.

2) Rethink the organization of the rant - Your rant begins with a descriptive narration that describes the physical context of the rant and your personal involvement in building a fire. It seems that the purpose of the first paragraph should be to expanded to include a description of dynamics of your group. Reviewer #3 suspects that the back story to how Jackass came to existance (both as a human being and as part of your group) could provide more flavor to the rant. E.g., Jackass was only there because his my wife's sister believes that murder and divorce are unpardonable sins.

3) Unconvincing description of the groups reaction - All the reviewers agreed that such barbaric treatment of food, especially meat, would justify extreme forms of social outcry. Your description of 'what happened next' is too thin to provide the reader with any sense of satisfaction that Jackass has been appropriately served justice.

Thank you for submitting your rant to ATOT; I look forward to reading your revised manuscript.


Yours Truly,

HomeBrewerDude
Associate Rant Editor.

This reads exactly like the critique of my submission to the ASEE journal. :laugh: :thumbsup:

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: child of wonder

Originally posted by: broon

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If you ever stopped kissing your own ass long enough to notice, I gladly would.

Jealous?

You bet!

I wish I could be a know-it-all, arrogant, conceited ass!

No worries there, you most certainly are. You've proven that over and over and in post after post. That's why you got your panties in a wringer from this thread, you couldn't stand being one-upped and all.

 

[ChurchOfSubgenius]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
My Dad is like that. My Mom likes everything well...well..well done. The rest of us are medium/medium rare kinda people.

Instead of putting her stuff on early and letting it cook longer, he puts everything on at the same time and just pulls our stuff away from the heat. But still on the grill drying out.

Ever freaking time he says "yeh, that should have come off earlier".

No Dad, it should have went on later.

*sigh*

I've put up with that for years. But a son just can't relinquish the grill from his Dad...especially if it's your Dad's grill.

:::SIGH::: amen brother

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Vic
"huge hotel on wheels" :laugh:

I've been on like 10+ camping trips this summer and I cannot tell you how much I can't stand the "we take our monster RV with big screen and dish out once a year" crowd (not to be confused with the cool old folks living their retirement on the road crowd).

As to the rest of the rant, "jackass" just requires some simple education as to how to cook meat properly in order to renew his mancard. That's all. I've found a simple rhyme that works well, "the hotter the heat, the rarer the meat." Hence, brats which need to be cooked all the way through need to be (somewhat) low and slow, while OTOH steaks need to be hot and fast. etc etc. Instead of fighting with "jackass," a little polite instruction may have been more helpful. But then again, that way you'd have nothing to rant about here.

oh yeah those type of people annoy me.

the kids across the street wanted to go camping. so what do they do? they have a camper with TV, PS2, fridge, stove etc. they then go to a local "camping" park for the night. They had Pizza hut delivered and sat around playing Guiter hero 2 all night.

WTF!

 

[Trey22]

Is he buried in the woods?

 

[AMCRambler]

I like putting a cheddar wurst on a kabob skewer and cooking that over the fire. Good lord that is tasty.

 

[waggy]

damn.

now i want brauts.

going to go dig in my freezer see if i have any ..hmm but damn its cold outside. ohwell. bastards.


woot have a package of johnsivile cheese brauts and evena package of johnsiville spicy itialian sausage.

fuck it. i don't care thtat its 52 i am grilling out!

 

[vi edit]

HyVee (midwest supermarket) has the best brats.

How do you make one of the best things to hit the grill even better? Add cheese and bacon to them.

Oh yes. They are divine.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: waggy
damn.

now i want brauts.

going to go dig in my freezer see if i have any ..hmm but damn its cold outside. ohwell. bastards.


woot have a package of johnsivile cheese brauts and evena package of johnsiville spicy itialian sausage.

fuck it. i don't care thtat its 52 i am grilling out!

52 and you're complaining?
I've grilled when it was below freezing and there was snow on the ground

 

[child of wonder]

Originally posted by: Vic

Originally posted by: child of wonder

Originally posted by: broon

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If you ever stopped kissing your own ass long enough to notice, I gladly would.

Jealous?

You bet!

I wish I could be a know-it-all, arrogant, conceited ass!

No worries there, you most certainly are. You've proven that over and over and in post after post. That's why you got your panties in a wringer from this thread, you couldn't stand being one-upped and all.

Vic, I, too, can only aspire to your greatness.

In any case, it was rude of me to come in here and thread crap. spidey07, I apologize.