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Something terrible is happening at work, not sure what to do

On my desk I have this candy jar that is about 14 inches tall and about 10 inches wide. This jar is made out of thick glass, maybe so thick that if someone goes postal, I could use the lid as a shield to block the bullets.

So anyway, the peppermints are starting to run out on the side of the jar nearest me and I am not sure what to do. I am having to stand up, and move the peppermints from the other side of the jar, to the side where I can reach them.

Just a few minutes ago I had to stand up, open the jar, move the keebler fudge strips, cheezeits and kashi granola bar out of the way to move the peppermints over.

How would ATOT handle this situation?
 
Clearly, your area is losing gravity. The extra gravity further away from you is causing all the candy to fall to that side.

On the plus side, you're losing weight (thinking about mass is for pussies).

On the minus side, you'll soon lose all gravity and go spinning into the void.
 
That is caused by the 100+ temps 8 months out of the year.

shouldn't you be sweating off all the fat, then?

You don't have to anwer that--I know what it's like back home. The climate forces you to stay inside, bathe in AC, shuffle from house to car, sit, and not move.
 
shouldn't you be sweating off all the fat, then?

Last saturday the nature club I am a member of went on a field trip. The temps were around 101. About 30 miles north of my location in Lufkin, daytime temps hit 104 on sunday.

I felt like I could not drink enough water to keep cool.
 
You need the arms of 8-ft BitchSlap Man

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Clearly this is a good reason to go postal yourself. When the cops arrest you after you've gone on your shooting spree you can tell them all about the uneven distribution of mints. And the cops will say, finally we get one with a legit reason to go postal. You know the other day the doughnut shop was all out of honey crullers, damn I was "this" close to putting a cap in her. I know how you feel man, I know how you feel.
 
Give up; buy a new candy jar and a new bag of candy. Then eat the peppermints in your new jar of candy. It's not worth it to an ATOTer to stand up all that often with tight $500 jeans that we all wear.

Also, don't try the rotation move because that's a temporary fix and not an entire system that addresses the long-term issue.
 
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