So I raised my voice, borderline yelled at, neighbor kid. Am I wrong?

[Golgatha]

Situation: Three boys (my son and 2 neighbor kids) are playing basketball in my back yard. Neighbor kid1 gets mad and tackles neighbor kid2. Neighbor kid2 hits the tackling kid1. I break it up and ask tackling kid1 to go home two times (kid2 who hit him was grabbed by his mom and taken inside, as she was outside with my wife and I). During my first 2 requests to have kid1 go home, kid1 tries to explain why he shouldn't have to leave and what happened from his perspective. I raise voice, borderline yelling, during the "request to leave #3" and tell kid1 very firmly (straight on eye contact...dad stare) to go home NOW!

Outcome: Kid1's dad gets upset and comes to talk to me. He states he doesn't yell at his kids and doesn't want me to. I tell him I have no tolerance for kids who generally don't respect other supervising adults. All the boys involved are 8 years old. Was I wrong to raise my voice to a kid who can't follow simple instructions after being told twice what to do? My wife thinks so and I do not.

My general opinion is it's my house, my rules, and if you don't want me to raise my voice you can follow my instructions the first time they are given. Kid or adult, it really doesn't matter to me. Also, kid1's dad is welcome to get his lazy ass outside and help supervise the kids, because he pretty much stays inside 95%+ of the time while we supervise his kid. If he was available to help supervise, I'd gladly let him handle his own kid when crap like this happens, as I have two of my own boys to worry about and discipline if necessary.

 

[rivan]

If kid 2 wasn't the original aggressor, I might have let it slide.

That said, it's your house, you're in charge, and an 8 year old doesn't get to back talk you no matter how his father feels about it. That said, it's an 8 year old and you probably could have handled yourself a little better.

 

[Jeeebus]

But... think of the children!

I had to yell at a neighbor's 8/9 year old fairly recently. No qualms about it. Kid started punching another kid out in the street for whatever reason. Yelled loud enough for his dad to come outside and take over.

 

[Beev]

I'm probably not the best person to ask, but I absolutely agree with you. You didn't actually yell, so I don't see the problem. He wasn't listening and he was (at the time) your responsibility.

Nice to see kid1's immediate reaction was to go tattle to his daddy on you for being stern, though. He's going to be a champ.

 

[Tweak155]

It's because he doesn't get yelled at that he gets mad and tackles other kids. But yea should have called the dad.

 

[LurkerPrime]

If the kid would have listened the first (and apparently second) time you wouldn't have had to raise your voice to establish your stance of dominance.

I also didn't witness this, but 8 year olds rough housing isn't anything to get all upset about either (unless it was more than normal and they were trying to actually hurt eachother)

If this ever happens again, next time just spray the kid with the hose instead of yelling.

 

[IronWing]

When I was a kid a neighbor lady yelled at me. Another kid attacked me so I beat him up. Since I won the lady yelled at me. So I called her a bitch and told her to mind her own business. Turns out that adults talk to each other and have phones and shit so by the time I walked the two hundred yards home my parents will well aware of the situation from the bitch's perspective.

 

[NetWareHead]

Outcome: Kid1's dad gets upset and comes to talk to me. He states he doesn't yell at his kids and doesn't want me to. I tell him I have no tolerance for kids who generally don't respect other supervising adults. All the boys involved are 8 years old. Was I wrong to raise my voice to a kid who can't follow simple instructions after being told twice what to do? My wife thinks so and I do not.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loco_parentis

Your house, your rules. That simple. If his son wants to act like a jerk and kit other kids, then you are in the right to exercise your authority and ask him to leave, even if you had to yell. Ignore the dad and dont apologize.

 

[NiteWulf]

You were justified in doing something. I don't see anything inherently wrong in raising your voice.

The best option now is to grant the father's request. Use this as an opportunity to improve your communication. Figure out how to get your way (kid's civility) without raising your voice, and you'll have a skill you can use in all of your relationships.

 

[amdhunter]

OP is going to jail for child abuse.

 

[Newbian]

Just remind both kids to stay off your lawn.

 

[Golgatha]

OP is going to jail for child abuse.

I know, right? For what it's worth, if the kid refused to leave, I would have gotten the dad involved immediately. After that, I'll call the cops if the kid refused to leave on the 2nd occasion. Give the kid a life lesson I say.

 

[SandEagle]

i agree with you.

i told a neighbors kid to go home once. parent came by asking why kid was crying. i said your kid has a bad habit of talking back rudely, im not going to tolerate that. he apologized and said he'll make sure it wouldnt happen again

 

[Ghiedo27]

You may have been louder than you think (leaving room for interpretation). It is your yard, but it doesn't hurt to try and meet neighbor dad half way to fix the behavior problem. If you can get him to teach his kid to respect your wishes on when it's time to leave then it's a win-win. You won't need to yell and he doesn't get his jimmies rustled.

I'd guess that your wife just wants to keep things smooth with the neighbors and wants you to play nice. People are always more patient with kids when they aren't the ones dealing with them.

 

[LookBehindYou]

I think you're in the right. If you just "raised" your voice a bit to firmly tell him to go home and weren't actually screaming or yelling at him then I see nothing wrong. That said, the kid's dad seems to feel differently (or the kid just told him you yelled), but at least he came and talked to you. It doesn't sound like the dad is overly pissed or anything.

I hear ya on watching the kids outside by the way. My kid is 8 and I still go out to watch him play 95% of the time. If I have to run in or something I don't make him come in or anything like that. But it seems as though I'm usually watching my kid and the other 4-6 kids in the cul-de-sac.

 

[Number1]

If dad is not happy about the way you handle kids at your place, he can keep his kids at home and keep sheltering them from real life.

You were completely right to raise your voice and your wife is just being overly politically correct. Tell her next time the offending kids will get a kick in the arss.

 

[pauldun170]

The kid was 8 years old.
Huge amount of wax in their ears.
You yelled at him for medical reasons.

 

[GoPackGo]

You are not wrong...the message has to come through somehow. If this sort of thing isn't nipped in the bud the kid will be a nightmare in his teens.

 

[jersiq]

You were justified in doing something. I don't see anything inherently wrong in raising your voice.

The best option now is to grant the father's request. Use this as an opportunity to improve your communication. Figure out how to get your way (kid's civility) without raising your voice, and you'll have a skill you can use in all of your relationships.

This times a million.
Often, kids just want to explain their side of the situation. Now for all you draconian rule holders, I am NOT saying you don't punish children. My girls all have a chance to explain themselves. However, they still get punished.

It's funny, we are teaching kids to be like adults but in a lot of situations they aren't ready. Sometimes, they don't understand self sacrifice now for the future (here, he didn't understand how to tactfully interject to explain what had happened in his perspective) I would imagine if you would have listened, but still insisted it was time for him to go home (you're still following the punishment) it may have been different. We try to teach kids to talk in order to resolve problems, but then we don't let them do it.

 

[Golgatha]

I think you're in the right. If you just "raised" your voice a bit to firmly tell him to go home and weren't actually screaming or yelling at him then I see nothing wrong. That said, the kid's dad seems to feel differently (or the kid just told him you yelled), but at least he came and talked to you. It doesn't sound like the dad is overly pissed or anything.

I hear ya on watching the kids outside by the way. My kid is 8 and I still go out to watch him play 95% of the time. If I have to run in or something I don't make him come in or anything like that. But it seems as though I'm usually watching my kid and the other 4-6 kids in the cul-de-sac.

I hear you. I'm at the entrance to a cul-de-sac ending street and it seems like I have about the same number of kids at any given time. At a minimum I almost always have 1-2 extras. My house is apparently the Nerf and watergun war zone! I also have the street's only coveted 8ft basketball goal (adjustable to 10ft when the time comes) in the back yard.

 

[ch33zw1z]

You have every right to send kid#1 home. If he doesn't respond to you the first two requests, raising your voice is ok IMO.

If the kids dad doesn't like it, let him know he's welcome to come assist supervising the 8 year olds...

 

[Golgatha]

I think you're in the right. If you just "raised" your voice a bit to firmly tell him to go home and weren't actually screaming or yelling at him then I see nothing wrong. That said, the kid's dad seems to feel differently (or the kid just told him you yelled), but at least he came and talked to you. It doesn't sound like the dad is overly pissed or anything.

I hear ya on watching the kids outside by the way. My kid is 8 and I still go out to watch him play 95% of the time. If I have to run in or something I don't make him come in or anything like that. But it seems as though I'm usually watching my kid and the other 4-6 kids in the cul-de-sac.

I'll concede the tone and volume of my voice could be classified as yelling at the boy. That said, I am capable of much more volume. I definitely wasn't screaming and I was completely in control of my emotions (i.e. not a hot headed yell/scream, etc). Was I annoyed, oh you bet. I can understand a really young child not responding to an adult request/command, but at 8 years old they know better. At least my boy does.

 

[Golgatha]

If the kids dad doesn't like it, let him know he's welcome to come assist supervising the 8 year olds...

My only regret was not specifically suggesting this exact thing. He did ask me if I yelled at the other boy too though, and I told him no, his mom pulled him inside immediately and I didn't have to deal with him. Hopefully he got the message.

 

[reallyscrued]

Nuke from orbit.

Only way to be sure.

 

[Jeff7]

Damn people are oversensitive about their preciously perfect little kids.
I think I was yelled at by neighbors on a few rare occasions. (Rural life, and shortcuts through yards was quicker than taking the long road around.)
If I even told my parents that I got yelled at, I'd get something like, "Good. You shouldn't have been doing that."


Oh what horrors and trauma I suffered.