So I fscked up by lying!

[BigToquex]

I don't know what to do...

Me and my GF told each other that we don't like to "kiss and tell". In other words, we don't go telling people the kinds of stuff we do together sexually.

One night a while ago when I was out drinking with a few friends, I told them that I was having sex with my GF. (all previous times I just said "Don't worry about it when they asked).

Even after I told my friends, she asked me what I would say if my friends asked me if we were having sex. I told her that I would just say "Don't worry about it".

I just lied to her...

Anyway, in an arguement we had last night, it came up that guys often joke around about what they do, and I said that I had in fact told them.

She is very hurt, embarassed, disappointed in me, angry at me, etc... I probably feel even worse than her because I know that I'm the one that is making her feel so hurt.

I've never lied to her about anything before, and I never want to lie about anything again. I feel like I've destroyed all the trust in the relationship and broken down the foundation of our relationship...

ahhh!!!!! why do I always have to find some way to fsck things up!

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

You didn't lie to her. If she asks if you've ever told anyone and you say "no" then you will have lied. Right now, you've broken your promise and misplaced trust. Good luck. It's not that bad, really. If simple mistakes like this make you worry about losing your girlfriend or something, the relationship isn't stable to begin with. In which case, I would advise you not to worry about it.

 

[brunswickite]

addd YAGT to title

 

[BigToquex]

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt
You didn't lie to her. If she asks if you've ever told anyone and you say "no" then you will have lied. Right now, you've broken your promise and misplaced trust. Good luck. It's not that bad, really. If simple mistakes like this make you worry about losing your girlfriend or something, the relationship isn't stable to begin with. In which case, I would advise you not to worry about it.

Well she did ask me if I told anyone and I said no. Then she asked me what I would say if they asked, and I said I would say "don't worry about it" to anyone that asked.

I lied.

 

[BigToquex]

Originally posted by: brunswickite
addd YAGT to title

Don't worry about it

 

[Kenny]

Some girls really go crazy over this stuff. If she stays with you, she's gonna use this as an example in the future of why she shouldn't trust you. If she doesn't stay with you, she'll probably be depressed about it all the time. Apologize, and take her to dinner or something.

 

[roncarter]

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: BigToque

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt
You didn't lie to her. If she asks if you've ever told anyone and you say "no" then you will have lied. Right now, you've broken your promise and misplaced trust. Good luck. It's not that bad, really. If simple mistakes like this make you worry about losing your girlfriend or something, the relationship isn't stable to begin with. In which case, I would advise you not to worry about it.

Well she did ask me if I told anyone and I said no. Then she asked me what I would say if they asked, and I said I would say "don't worry about it" to anyone that asked.

I lied.

So she asked you after the fact? She asked you after it happened?

Okay, simple remedy. Own up. Be a real man. Go to her and say "you know what, I have to tell you something. When I was drunk with my friends, I wasn't careful and told someone that we've slept together."

Go from there. Be honest. Be humble. Ask her forgiveness. If she's any kind of woman that's worth keeping at all, she'll be willing to work to get trust back up to where it was.

 

[amnesiac]

Why is she so insecure that she's going to flip out if your friends know you're having sex with her? She DEFINITELY tells her friends all the juicy details, I guarantee it.

And if your relationship is so fragile that this one incident "Destroys all trust in the relationship" either your relationship is doomed beyond belief, or one or more of you has serious, serious issues.

You need to talk things over with her and see where you two are headed and the weight you put on various issues. If maintaining your "image" as a couple is so high on the list, then stop having sex.
As far as trust goes there are things WAY more important to trust each other on.

 

[BigToquex]

If she stays with you, she's gonna use this as an example in the future of why she shouldn't trust you

I don't see this as a relationship ending thing. I know that she loves me and I love her. I just feel pathetic that I would lie about something like this. I wrote her a letter explaining how bad I felt. She says she forgives me, but doesn't know how to react.

I just wish there was some way to make her know how truly sorry I am and that I would never do it again. I know its not an excuse, but if I had not been drinking when the question came up I would have never said anything. Its sh!t like this that makes me not like drinking.

FSCK!

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: BigToque

If she stays with you, she's gonna use this as an example in the future of why she shouldn't trust you

I don't see this as a relationship ending thing. I know that she loves me and I love her. I just feel pathetic that I would lie about something like this. I wrote her a letter explaining how bad I felt. She says she forgives me, but doesn't know how to react.

I just wish there was some way to make her know how truly sorry I am and that I would never do it again. I know its not an excuse, but if I had not been drinking when the question came up I would have never said anything. Its sh!t like this that makes me not like drinking.

FSCK!

Drinking and your spilling your guts are only related in your inability to control yourself. I can drink all I want, get drunk as F0CK and I won't tell my deepest, darkest secrets to anyone. Self control and setting priorities might help next time.

 

[BigToquex]

Why is she so insecure that she's going to flip out if your friends know you're having sex with her? She DEFINITELY tells her friends all the juicy details, I guarantee it.

I'm sure she doesn't go telling people what we do. She is catholic and didn't want to have sex before marriage (it still happened anyway).

And if your relationship is so fragile that this one incident "Destroys all trust in the relationship" either your relationship is doomed beyond belief, or one or more of you has serious, serious issues.

It's not that our relationship is fragile, its that I lied. How can you trust someone that you know lied to you? I'm going to do everything I can to earn her trust again.

 

[Moonbeam]

Drinking is not the source of our problem, it's having a small ego and needing to brag. Unless you deal with the source of the problem, you will do something just like it again. We all feel l9ike the worst in the world, unworthy of love. That's why we screw it up. But till we do we feel so happy that there's somebody temporarily who makes us feel good. Unless we realize we have an unconscious need to destroy relationship to protect the lover from falling for a fool, we use our neediness and hunger to destroy what is good. Try to understand that others can love us for what we really are, not what we feel we are. Good luck and don't lie.

 

[Moonbeam]

Don't worry about amnesiac. He needs to feel that way. It helps to protect him from self examination.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Trust is something that has to be earned; once it is broken, has to be rebuilt. Some couples shrug stuff like this off and trust is rebuilt quickly (or maybe there isn't much there to begin with). Some couples take a long time in rebuilding trust because each person has been hurt so many times and so deeply after coming to trust their lover 100%. When you go through that over and over, it gets harder and harder to rebuild trust each time.

If it was meant to be, then it will all work out --but that doesn't mean ignore issues and hope that the relationship lasts. Work your ass off to make sure the two of you stay together. If it isn't meant to be, no amount of work will keep you two together.

Good luck, BigToque.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: Moonbeam
Don't worry about amnesiac. He needs to feel that way. It helps to protect him from self examination.

Well, I wasn't going to say it. Guess you have a bigger pair than I do.

 

[Descartes]

If that is going to cause problems in your relationship, I hate to see what happens later on.

 

[BigToquex]

Drinking is not the source of our problem, it's having a small ego and needing to brag....
Try to understand that others can love us for what we really are, not what we feel we are.

I have do doubt in my mind that is why I said it... I am a very insecure guy. Moonbeam, that post helped me a lot. I've got some thinking to do.

 

[PCMarine]

Now not only did you tell your friends that you are "doing it," but hundreds of strangers on a computer forum too

 

[Nocturnal]

Are you like 15 years old? Tell her to grow up! That is so high schoolish!

 

[WinkOsmosis]

Why don't you apologize and explain that you lied to her to avoid hurting her?

 

[ViRaLRuSh]

Originally posted by: BigToque
I don't know what to do...

Me and my GF told each other that we don't like to "kiss and tell". In other words, we don't go telling people the kinds of stuff we do together sexually.

One night a while ago when I was out drinking with a few friends, I told them that I was having sex with my GF. (all previous times I just said "Don't worry about it when they asked).

Even after I told my friends, she asked me what I would say if my friends asked me if we were having sex. I told her that I would just say "Don't worry about it".

I just lied to her...

Anyway, in an arguement we had last night, it came up that guys often joke around about what they do, and I said that I had in fact told them.

She is very hurt, embarassed, disappointed in me, angry at me, etc... I probably feel even worse than her because I know that I'm the one that is making her feel so hurt.

I've never lied to her about anything before, and I never want to lie about anything again. I feel like I've destroyed all the trust in the relationship and broken down the foundation of our relationship...

ahhh!!!!! why do I always have to find some way to fsck things up!

if you ask me, she's being quite childish about letting anyone know. So what? you're fvckin her? big deal, people have sex all the time man.

 

[Renob]

Dude, its time for so down and dirty make up sex.


Then you can come and tell us what you did.






But serious, I think most guys and girls tell there good friends about the sex they have with their better halfs.





Drinking and your spilling your guts are only related in your inability to control yourself. I can drink all I want, get drunk as F0CK and I won't tell my deepest, darkest secrets to anyone


What a load of crap, talking about sex with your friends is not telling your deepest darkest secrets. Its healthy to talk with good friends about things like sex.

I would hate to think that your so uptite about sex that you consider it a deepest darkest secret.
That just plane sad.

 

[ViRaLRuSh]

Originally posted by: Renob
Dude, its time for so down and dirty make up sex.


Then you can come and tell us what you did.






But serious, I think most guys and girls tell there good friends about their sex with their better halfs.

Exactly, nothing to be ashamed. Sex is Sex, why not tell people you're having it?

 

[Renob]

So lets have an update BitToque