• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

So, are people just dicks to new dads?

S

slackerinabox

Lifer
My wife gave birth over the weekend and I'm a super involved dad, but a quietly involved dad. In other words, I make sure the house is clean, do the laundry, take out the trash, change diapers, stay up until 6 am to feed/diaper the baby. etc. but don't act like a victim about it (like some of our relatives are doing when lending a hand.. they want a parade for feeding the baby once..oye.).. I'm EXHAUSTED, but I know my wife is still recovering and want to help as much as possible before I go back to work...

But everyone from an old boss (quit that job) to the in laws and my parents are treating me like shit because of my new dad (or soon to be dad speaking of my old job) status. My manager gave me twice the workload with higher expectations with the "you're going to have to work harder now!" mentality always around, my mother in law gives me loads and loads of unwanted advice and tries to over rule me constantly (and she raised two overweight and one extremely needy 26 year old that still lives at home, she's not parent of the year material but thinks she is) while demanding I do things at her schedule ("here, take this bag and go do some laundry!"). My mom is going skitzo with worry and I'm the one who has to placate her. The men in my family? Awesome - they understand... They talk things out with me and while they have suggestions, they talk it out instead of forcing their opinion on me...I feel like I'm fighting for stupid things (for example, I don't want my daughter using a pacifier yet but my MIL raised a stink and my wife gave in... I asked that people limit facebook photos to 3 per event, my SIL posted dozens and cried when I asked for a take down.. STUPID SHIT that's distracting now that I have 2 to 4hours of sleep).. I'm exhausted and everyone but my wife and dad are messing with me.. What to do? What to do?!? I'm thinking I should just be direct even if it means that I'm going to be looked on as the bad guy.
 
Last edited:
sounds like you're just tired, find some way to get a break mentally and physically and you'll see a lot of this stuff wont bug you (or you wont even notice it).
 
if it got bad enough i would kick everyone out of the house for some extended family (read: you, your wife and child) alone time. i'd screen all calls too. this limits the inevitable unsolicited advice from MIL and the ability to take and post pics for the SIL. it will mean more work for you and your wife but it is doable.
 
I'm not a dad, but it seems that everyone my age is popping out kids, and I've observed.

First, you need sleep. Good luck with that.

You need to ask your dad ("the men in your family") to help get the women in your family to back off (like your mom). Ignore your mother in law. 😉

Oh, and the "stupid shit".... it's indeed that. Let it go.
 
I think people are just dicks in general.

My work provides me a cell phone to get ahold of me in case production goes down and I need to fix something. So when I'm on vacation, they all decide to call me every hour on the hour because everything has turned critical and the sky is falling and the world is going to end. Atleast thats how they portray every issue. Really pathetic to have me spend the entire day answering the phone when I'm supposed to be on vacation. The second before and the second after vacation. All is quiet.

- Grats on the newborn!
 
Didn't you know what you were getting into when you were getting married?

Cut the mil out of your life as much as you can and don't let her visit and control you or you will be doomed without pissing off your wife to much and hope she gets the hint.
 
At some point you need to stand up for yourself and tell everyone to stop harassing you. Assuming they respect your strength, they will leave you alone. Especially the mother in law. She's not trying to help you, she's trying to test you. And every minute you put up with her bullshit, you fail.
 
The one thing that you will have in an over abundance is unwanted and unsolicited advice. I just completely ignored most of it. Each child is different, and what works for one will not necessarily work for another.
Just count the days until those overbearing obnoxious women are out of your house. They are piling in all this work and pushing you around because they assume you know nothing about child raising just because you have a pair of testicles. The sooner you show them you are capable of taking care of everything yourself, the sooner they will leave.(hopefully)
 
Just stay away from those who cause you grief during this time. I live 90 miles away from my in-laws so thankfully they weren't coming around much after our son was born. It gave us some much needed time to just get used to having a newborn around and developing a routine that we all could live with.

Edit-Congrats on the baby!
 
Last edited:
freedomsbeat212 said:
So, are people just dicks to new dads?
Click to expand...

Yes.

When it comes to kids, men are stupid, so step out of the way and let the women raise the kid.

All you need to do is work and bring home a paycheck. The harder you work, the better parent you will be.

And that is how it was with me anyway. There is such a role stigma around being a parent, it makes me sick.
 
I'm gonna be honest with you... you come across as a whiny little bitch.

You've had a kid for less than a week. If you can't handle it at this point, you're in for some fun times. And everything you think you're going through, your wife has it 10x rougher (minimum).

Man up and let your kid be the baby in the family.
 
I think there's a mentality in older woman that men aren't capable of taking care of infants. My mom was very concerned with me burping my newborn, even though this is our second. With kids, I think the first 3months you just endure and then it slowly starts getting better.
 
Better you than me...

Seriously though, tell your MIL to back off. That's the only way to handle someone like that. Kick her out of the house if she starts acting like she has the right to overrule your parenting decisions.
 
Be the bad guy, stand up and take control of your house. When my son was born I didn't let my MIL tell me how to do anything, I just went and did it. While I'm not saying you're letting her tell you what to do, you just need to remove her sense of authority. Don't be offensive but put her and everyone else in their place, it is your house and your child.
 
lol yeah yes they are.

I am t he primary care giver to my kids. i did the majority of the diapers, feedings (except when my wife breast feed) etc. I also do 90% of the cleaning and all the laundry. to tell the truth i don't mind it and even enjoy it (hate folding clothes and doing toilets though)

The amount of looks, stares etc i would get from family, freinds and strangers when out with the kid was annoying. Hey i know how to take care of a infant! (heh i took a newborn class and "daddy boot camp!" before the kid was born). only time it stopped was when my 2nd child was born. At least then the family and friends stopped the silly bullshit.

just keep at it and ignore the idiots and try to get naps whenever you can!
 
The best thing for a new mom and dad is a no family policy. Your wifes hormones are going crazy... lot of new duties.. You will be going to a pediatrician... ask them for advice on stuff you are not sure about. breastfeeding issue... talk to the hospital , midwife, ob/gyn staff whatever.

Too much family around just adds to the stress level.

newborns will sleep helluva lot. There will be plenty of time to catch on up household stuff during the downtimes. The relatives think they are helping and you may think that... but it will be so much calmer with just you, your wife, and the baby.
 
Jeeebus said:
I'm gonna be honest with you... you come across as a whiny little bitch.

You've had a kid for less than a week. If you can't handle it at this point, you're in for some fun times. And everything you think you're going through, your wife has it 10x rougher (minimum).

Man up and let your kid be the baby in the family.
Click to expand...

FUCK YOU. I do everything and don't complain one single bit, other than on a forum. I'm just tired of unnecessary battles, from people trying to convince us that nursing is bad and formlua the way to go (have they not read the research?!) to being undermined whenever possible. I still handle it all with joy and am an outstanding father. My baby has a 2 family house with a nursery I put together all by myself,the best baby items made, a father who stays up with her every night because he wants to who never, ever gets frustrated at her, and I'm putting out fires left and right without so much as making a face when the next weird request comes up.. My peers are all still drinking and partying away, I'm the most responsible person I know and don't need to man up..
 
I dont get the reasoning behind "I asked that people limit facebook photos to 3 per event". Dude, just because it's your kid, you cant stop people from taking pics and posting on their fb. It's not like they're tagging those pics to your kid...your kid doesnt even have a profile!
 
Aharami said:
I dont get the reasoning behind "I asked that people limit facebook photos to 3 per event". Dude, just because it's your kid, you cant stop people from taking pics and posting on their fb. It's not like they're tagging those pics to your kid...your kid doesnt even have a profile!
Click to expand...

I've seen breast feeding pictures, vag shots... reallly personal stuff being put out there. I'm just controlling what goes out there, which is important since both me and my wife have client facing jobs and I value my privacy. 50% of my facebook friends are clients and I never post anything I don't feel comfortable sharing, and I need to protect our family's image
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
I've seen breast feeding pictures, vag shots... reallly personal stuff being put out there. I'm just controlling what goes out there, which is important since both me and my wife have client facing jobs and I value my privacy. 50% of my facebook friends are clients and I never post anything I don't feel comfortable sharing, and I need to protect our family's image
Click to expand...

ok then this begs the question - why are you letting others take pics of your wife breastfeeding and her vag in the first place? Heck, why are others even in the room when your wife is breastfeeding or running around without her panties on?!
 
waggy said:
lol yeah yes they are.

I am t he primary care giver to my kids. i did the majority of the diapers, feedings (except when my wife breast feed) etc. I also do 90% of the cleaning and all the laundry. to tell the truth i don't mind it and even enjoy it (hate folding clothes and doing toilets though)

The amount of looks, stares etc i would get from family, freinds and strangers when out with the kid was annoying. Hey i know how to take care of a infant! (heh i took a newborn class and "daddy boot camp!" before the kid was born). only time it stopped was when my 2nd child was born. At least then the family and friends stopped the silly bullshit.

just keep at it and ignore the idiots and try to get naps whenever you can!
Click to expand...

I really, really enjoy it too. I read constantly and took classes plus will continue to learn more.. I just hate dealing with egos and especially hate unnecessary errands (off to do my MIL's laundry... sigh..) .. And I hate people who are not parent of the year giving me advice then not backing down when I say I'd rather not - the forcing of will is what I *HATE* so much.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top