I got some info as I've been through a similar situation.
Email to a friend when I was searching for answers regarding this topic... (I had just asked her if I could ask her a for advice, she says sure)
Okay, here goes... Not including sperm banks, I've never had a child. Well that could all change this year, my friend (well just call her trinity) wants a baby and it's either me or the sperm bank. There are lots of things to consider such as my emotional attachment to the child but I will not go after custody rights and will not be required to pay child support. It's an interesting offer and my guy friends are all happy for me, but it seems that every woman I talk to has this really negative reaction except for my sister who is friends with this person. This would include my mom who I haven't talked to but she already flipped out about the idea that she's probably got hundreds of grandchildren she doesn't know about through the spermbank and in this case she would not be happy that I have givin up my rights to the child. I think there is some sexual tension between my female friends and I which may contribute to some of the negative responses I've been getting which is one of the reasons why I'm asking you. Basically, I want to do it cause I want help my friend and it would also be neat to get a taste of having a little me run around without having to settle down I suppose. The woman I talk to seem to think that I have commitment issues as it is and think that there is something wrong with being able to not be apart of their childs life. I can understand that especially from a womans perspective. My main concern besides my mother is that if I meet future women and they find out that I did this, that regardless of the good intentions and the reasons, they may somehow feel like the women I have in my life now. I can't lie about this sort of thing and I certainly don't want the child to greatly limit my future relationships, any thoughts?
I asked the right woman, she totally supports my decision and she, if she were to meet me would not have an issue BUT, this is an unusally awesome woman that I have asked for advice. You notice that one of my concerns is about the women I meet in the future having an emotional response to the idea that somehow I don't support my children or have attachment, very important as women tend to be more emotional about such things for genetic purposes (another topic)
Here is why I didn't do it...
- I don't know where you live but in many if not all states and certainly california, the courts rule in favor of the child which means that IF she want's to sue you for child support she can. (this didn't apply to me cause the friend who wanted me to do this is super cool and wouldn't do it, yeah yeah, you think I'm a chump for being trust worthy but BELIEVE ME I'm not that guy and if you knew us you would understand that and that she is one of the few women who I can trust completely.) You say, "mero, couldn't you have her family sign a contract to "hold harmless" your child support fees?" No, the hold harmless clause does not apply to these sort of cases.
- This is my killer, the child can come after my estate when I die even if I write him out of my will. I would probably win but I would be required to pay for his legal fees in persuit of my estate which could cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
- For me, this is a friend of my sisters. My mother (high powered attorney) would never forgive me for giving up legal rights to her grandchild. I could imagine my sister getting pissed off and telling my mom in a fit of rage about my "bastard" child so there would be no hiding such a situation. My mother and I are closer to one another in many respects than any two people I know putting such a situation in difficult terratory.
Man, I don't think I have ever been so open with a forum to help someone else out but I'm just letting you know what the risks are. Please forgive me if I have offended anyone.
/I support you doing this as I believe it's a wonderful thing to see a little you run around, it broke my heart to have made the decision not to have the child. I just wanted you to appreciate the complexity of the situation before you make the decision.
Frankly, the sister-in-law can get it from a bank, a friend, David Crosby, or she can adopt.
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