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Significant Others' Health Habits

T

TripleAAA

Golden Member
So my SO and I have been seriously dating for over 6 months now. I've been a healthy eater most of my life and over the past 10 years or so, I've become even more serious about it.

I feel having a healthy diet is really important aspect in my life. I enjoy learning about new foods and have a pretty open mind to trying new things and incorporating them into my diet. I make a lot of my own food, eat organic items when feasible and affordable, and eat junk or fast food items very sparingly.

My SO was raised as a "meat and potatoes" girl and I wouldn't consider her "unhealthy"...she has a nice figure and she doesn't eat absolutely horrible food, but not the type of fresh things that I eat on a regular basis. She is also an extremely picky eater to the point where most of the things I enjoy eating, she doesn't. I find myself compromising to an extent, eating out with her more often that I would if I were on my own. When I cook, I have a very limited amount of items I can make when she is over. It also doesn't help that she barely cooks at all nor makes an effort to. We've discussed these things before, but I don't get the impression she takes it all as seriously as I do.

Am I completely weird to think this is a major issue in my relationship with her? The reason I think this is if I were to ever get married, it would be important to me that my wife shares similar healthy eating habits and influences our kids in that way.

What do you all think?
 
Originally posted by: Capt Caveman
<---- L&R
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I posted there too...but this is like a borderline topic. It has to do with Health, but also has to do with Relationships....(**looks for the Health and Relationships forum**)
 
It depends on your particular relationship. Eating is a very big part of most relationships, usually eating breakfast together in the morning and then eating dinner together at night. For some people, that's the only time they really get to see each other and talk to each other.

Rule #1 of all relationships is this: You can't change other people. I cannot emphasize that enough. You cannot change other people. You are trying to change her. You want her to adopt your enthusiasm for healthy eating. In other words, you are trying to change her. And what's the rule? You cannot change other people.

Now that I've made that clear: you can either choose to live with it, or not. The other option is to silently fume every time you guys eat together, which will really screw up your relationship. You cannot change her. You can only change you, which means you need to choose how you're going to deal with it. Dumping someone over their eating habits may sound stupid, but if it's that important to you, then either you probably don't want to be stuck with someone who's eating habits are so vastly different than yours for the rest of your life, or you just need to decide that you love her and just deal with it.

HTH 🙂
 
It's generally important to people who are very interested in health. If it is this important to you, then you may need to move on. It may seem stupid, or weird, and you'll be labeled the "health nut" she once dated, but you'll find a woman with whom you can be happy *and* healthy. I am very uncompromising, so take my advice carefully in this matter.
 
Affect a relation very much. Fortunately my girlfriend has taken to the lifestyle very well, I certainly hope it continues!
 
Originally posted by: Kaido
It depends on your particular relationship. Eating is a very big part of most relationships, usually eating breakfast together in the morning and then eating dinner together at night. For some people, that's the only time they really get to see each other and talk to each other.

Rule #1 of all relationships is this: You can't change other people. I cannot emphasize that enough. You cannot change other people. You are trying to change her. You want her to adopt your enthusiasm for healthy eating. In other words, you are trying to change her. And what's the rule? You cannot change other people.

Now that I've made that clear: you can either choose to live with it, or not. The other option is to silently fume every time you guys eat together, which will really screw up your relationship. You cannot change her. You can only change you, which means you need to choose how you're going to deal with it. Dumping someone over their eating habits may sound stupid, but if it's that important to you, then either you probably don't want to be stuck with someone who's eating habits are so vastly different than yours for the rest of your life, or you just need to decide that you love her and just deal with it.

HTH 🙂
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Great advice...something I struggle with constantly.

 
My wife works out most days with me. I wish that she did cardio with me and ate a little better, but no complaints really. She can deadlift 4x3x135 at bodyweight of 100.
 
I'm actually surprised that most people here have sympathized more with me...I expected mostly the opposite.

The cooking aspect of things really bothers me as well...she barely makes anything nor makes an attempt to cook something for me. On the other hand, when she is at my place...I prepare meals constantly, most of which are fairly healthy and take time to make. It's not like I'm throwing a frozen pizza in the oven. She has cooked for me twice in the 6 months we've been together...and only one of those occasions was something that took significant effort.
 
Originally posted by: TripleAAA
I'm actually surprised that most people here have sympathized more with me...I expected mostly the opposite.

The cooking aspect of things really bothers me as well...she barely makes anything nor makes an attempt to cook something for me. On the other hand, when she is at my place...I prepare meals constantly, most of which are fairly healthy and take time to make. It's not like I'm throwing a frozen pizza in the oven. She has cooked for me twice in the 6 months we've been together...and only one of those occasions was something that took significant effort.
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Ouch, the cooking thing would be a deal killer. Whenever the wife cooks for us it's something healthy. The only time she eats crap is snack foods. I tend to grocery shop to avoid such stuff though.
 
If you move in together you should get used to making 2 different meals at meal time. If she's picky you'll compromise for a while, but eventually you'll want to have your food. She'll want "her food", and you'll just end up making both.

My wife doesn't like pork. I love it. If I want a pork chop for dinner I have to wait for her to go out of town or have to make her a chicken breast. Thankfully that's about the only thing we have dietary disagreements on, so eating less pork isn't a huge inconvenience.
 
Speaking as someone with a meat & potatoes wife (who does cook, and cook well) it makes it very tough for you to eat healthy. When we started dating I wasn't committed to healthy eating either. My wife has a very limited range of things she likes to eat (i.e. no fish, pork, any vegetable except green beans, nothing spicy, etc.). She makes the best lasagna I've ever eaten and she doesn't really care to change that much (she has tried a couple of times and tells me the food tastes too bland). My compromise has been to eat smaller dinners. I get up before anyone else so I eat my banana + oatmeal + raisins (or similar meal) and pack a healthy lunch + snacks (i.e. apple, celery, grilled chicken salad with cranberries) and make sure to eat a snack near the end of the day (~4PM). At home, I then eat a smaller dinner of whatever she cooks + a fruit or veggie.

As was pointed out, you can't change her, but she can change herself. She saw a presentation by a dietitian about eating healthy and instilling good eating habits in your children. Now she's sure to serve a vegetable with every dinner and try it herself to set a good example (she still hates lettuce and spinach though).

Since you know it's a big deal to you, and you've tried talking to her, you just have to decide how important she is to you versus how important being healthy is.
 
Originally posted by: TripleAAA
I'm actually surprised that most people here have sympathized more with me...I expected mostly the opposite.

The cooking aspect of things really bothers me as well...she barely makes anything nor makes an attempt to cook something for me. On the other hand, when she is at my place...I prepare meals constantly, most of which are fairly healthy and take time to make. It's not like I'm throwing a frozen pizza in the oven. She has cooked for me twice in the 6 months we've been together...and only one of those occasions was something that took significant effort.
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Well, eating is a big part of relationships because it means spending time together. What it really boils down to is how you want to deal with it. It can either be a wedge in your relationship that causes you to drift apart (at least internally), or it can be a non-issue. If it's a really big deal for you, then you should probably move on. If you can handle making your meals and she can handle making hers, then it can be a non-issue as long as you don't get upset inside at her every time she eats something unhealthy.

My wife comes from an Italian background. About a year ago I discovered that I have a Type II milk allergy, which means no cheese, no cream sauces, etc. That was very difficult because all my wife really knows how to cook is Italian food. It took me awhile, but I learned how to cook tasty non-dairy meals to help alleviate the situation. Sometimes we eat one meal together, and other times we eat together but make our own food separately - she'll have Italian and I'll have something non-dairy. For me, the bottom line is that at least we're in the kitchen cooking together. It was hard at first (to make such different food, and to have two different kinds of meals sometimes), but you can get used to anything, so it's not a big deal now. Like for movie night, she'll make pasta and I'll throw something on the George Foreman grill and we'll have dinner together...no big deal 🙂
 
Originally posted by: zebano
Speaking as someone with a meat & potatoes wife (who does cook, and cook well) it makes it very tough for you to eat healthy. When we started dating I wasn't committed to healthy eating either. My wife has a very limited range of things she likes to eat (i.e. no fish, pork, any vegetable except green beans, nothing spicy, etc.). She makes the best lasagna I've ever eaten and she doesn't really care to change that much (she has tried a couple of times and tells me the food tastes too bland). My compromise has been to eat smaller dinners. I get up before anyone else so I eat my banana + oatmeal + raisins (or similar meal) and pack a healthy lunch + snacks (i.e. apple, celery, grilled chicken salad with cranberries) and make sure to eat a snack near the end of the day (~4PM). At home, I then eat a smaller dinner of whatever she cooks + a fruit or veggie.

As was pointed out, you can't change her, but she can change herself. She saw a presentation by a dietitian about eating healthy and instilling good eating habits in your children. Now she's sure to serve a vegetable with every dinner and try it herself to set a good example (she still hates lettuce and spinach though).

Since you know it's a big deal to you, and you've tried talking to her, you just have to decide how important she is to you versus how important being healthy is.
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Yup, this.

Leading by example is also perhaps the best way to encourage change. If she sees you're eating healthy meals that are also tasty and don't taste like "health food", she might be more inclined to change. Last April, I switched my diet to the 6 meals a day thing and did it for about a month before my wife got interested. Now she does it too! (although I think it's mostly because it means she doesn't have to cook during the week 😀) I'm not saying your girlfriend will change, but rather than shoving "your way" down her throat, you can quietly lead by example and maybe she'll follow. But she may not - and that's her choice. Like zebano said, you have to decide how important she is to you vs. how important eating healthy is and either find a balance or move on.
 
I don't know, some people might find it too picky or judgmental, but I can't give a girl another try once I realize that she exhibits the characteristics you described. Eating is just too enjoyable and important to me to have to constantly cater to her limited choices. When I'm dating an asian girl, this doesn't seem to be as big of an issue. My first long-term g/f (white, 2.5 years) was a meat & potatoes (or chicken) girl and it was excruciating to take her anywhere nice and have her choose the more boring and safe item on the menu.

 
Originally posted by: EvilYoda
I don't know, some people might find it too picky or judgmental, but I can't give a girl another try once I realize that she exhibits the characteristics you described. Eating is just too enjoyable and important to me to have to constantly cater to her limited choices. When I'm dating an asian girl, this doesn't seem to be as big of an issue. My first long-term g/f (white, 2.5 years) was a meat & potatoes (or chicken) girl and it was excruciating to take her anywhere nice and have her choose the more boring and safe item on the menu.
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If it's a big part of your lifestyle, I wouldn't say it's judgemental - it's just common-sense lifestyle compatibility. It's like dating a druggie or a smoker or an alcoholic or a party animal...if that's not compatible with your lifestyle, then you're probably not going to have as enjoyable of a relationship as you could have. If you date a party girl, but you're a geek who hates large crowds and prefers staying at home and watching a movie, then there's most likely going to be friction. If health is a big part of your lifestyle, then the same principle applies. I'm not saying there's no way to make it work, but if it's going to be an issue for you, then you simply need to recognize it and make a decision on what you're going to do to deal with it, instead of just letting it fester.
 
Originally posted by: EvilYoda
I don't know, some people might find it too picky or judgmental, but I can't give a girl another try once I realize that she exhibits the characteristics you described. Eating is just too enjoyable and important to me to have to constantly cater to her limited choices. When I'm dating an asian girl, this doesn't seem to be as big of an issue. My first long-term g/f (white, 2.5 years) was a meat & potatoes (or chicken) girl and it was excruciating to take her anywhere nice and have her choose the more boring and safe item on the menu.
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Yeah I experience this on a regular basis, but I guess I've just been letting it slide.
 
I agree with the "lead by example" idea. However, it has to be a suggestion and not forced on someone.

My ex ate little meat (chicken and fish occasionally) and more vegetables than I did. She was also open to trying different types of cuisine that I hadn't (ex. Thai). I ate red meat pretty regularly during my childhood (although I did eat veggies too).

I decided to be open to trying her style of cooking and eating and I found that I actually enjoyed it more and I felt healthier. Even since our breakup, I am still eating less meat, more beans and tofu, and more vegetables.
 
Originally posted by: TripleAAA
Originally posted by: EvilYoda
I don't know, some people might find it too picky or judgmental, but I can't give a girl another try once I realize that she exhibits the characteristics you described. Eating is just too enjoyable and important to me to have to constantly cater to her limited choices. When I'm dating an asian girl, this doesn't seem to be as big of an issue. My first long-term g/f (white, 2.5 years) was a meat & potatoes (or chicken) girl and it was excruciating to take her anywhere nice and have her choose the more boring and safe item on the menu.
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Yeah I experience this on a regular basis, but I guess I've just been letting it slide.
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Just don't let it drive a wedge in your relationship...if you're holding in that frustration every day, it WILL build up over time. If you decide it's not a big deal, then yeah, just let it slide and forget about it 🙂
 
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