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Should I take the job?

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Actually, I've pretty much already know what I'm going to do, but I'm interested in what most of the people in the OT would consider doing if they found themselves in the same position. I've asked this same question of a few of my friends, and all of them have given me different answers.

Here is the deal:

I have been working for two years as a Senior Software Engineer at my company (I manage all PC development for the company). It is a large manufacturing company that over the last 4 years, has been working on their own customized ERP system (instead of purchasing one). I was not part of that decision, so please don't got off topic on that. Anyway, I have been doing a lot of different design projects and have been leading a number of development projects (usually the same ones). I have always been DBA for our smaller support systems that run on SQL Server, but recently they have made me DBA over our iSeries systems (this came with no pay raise...but they pay me very well already). Anyway, recently a job has become available for the Lead System Architect and they are wanting me to take it (CIO still has to approve...but I've got a really, really good chance). Basically I would be completely in charge of the ERP system design. In order for this to happen, I would have to get someone else to manage my PC Development team and I would manage that person. I would still have my DBA responsibilities, but I would be able to get this new manager of the PCDev team to do a lot of the dirty work...I would mostly be responsible for everything to get done. Anyway, if I take this new job, I will be getting a 20-25% increase , not to mention the experience. Oh yeah, I'm only 25, so I don't expect to get this kind of opportunity elsewhere any time soon...especially with the economy. There are only two downsides to this job in my opinion...it will be a lot more stress and my girlfriend.

The deal with my girlfriend is that we have been living about 600 miles away from each other for the last year. We have been looking for ways to move closer to each other for the last year...but we were not in a rush and were looking for a good opportunity. Recently she got a really good job offer, but she was going to have to make a 3 year commitment on it (long story). Anyway, before she took the job, she consulted with me because she new that it meant I would have to move to her for us to live closer together. I said I was fine with that, and I have been actively pursuing that (just no luck with the current economy...I'm not going to move for any job...it has to be a decent one). Anyway, now I've been given this job offer, and I will have to tell her that I'm not going to be around anytime soon if I want to take the job (they are looking for at least a year commitment from me). Although my girlfriend and I are not engaged...we might as well be. We're both very confident that we are with the one we want to marry...we're just not in a rush.

So if you were in a similar situation as I am, would you take the job and tell your girlfriend she's going to have to wait...or would you pass on the job and continue looking for opportunities?

I just thought the responses would be interesting. I realize that I can't fully summarize my relationship with my girlfriend...but just assume that it is very good and has little or no problems.

Edit:
Cliff Notes...
1. I got offered a promotion at work that was to come with a 20-25% increase. Only work related downside is a lot of extra stress.
2. My girlfriend and I have been living 600 miles away for the last year...and that is getting old. We are very serious and expect to eventually get married. She can't relocate because of prior commitment to another job.
3. What would you do in my situation: Take the job and spend at least another year away from girlfriend, or not take job and try to relocate ASAP.

Update: I got the job. Only a 20% increase, but I got an extra week vacation. Girlfriend seems fine as of now.
 

Gunslinger08

Lifer
Nov 18, 2001
13,234
2
81
Cliff Notes:

He got promotion opportunity at same company for 20-25% salary increase.
Girlfriend lives 600 miles away and can't move due to her job.
He said he would move to her.
If he takes job, he obviously can't move to her.
Has yet to find job in her area.
What would you do?
 

Originally posted by: joshsquall
Cliff Notes:

He got promotion opportunity at same company for 20-25% salary increase.
Girlfriend lives 600 miles away and can't move due to her job.
He said he would move to her.
If he takes job, he obviously can't move to her.
Has yet to find job in her area.
What would you do?

I would hire you to be my assistant. ;)
 

SagaLore

Elite Member
Dec 18, 2001
24,036
21
81
If she's just your girlfriend, and you've managed a relationship 600 miles apart... and one of you are not willing to give up your current job status, perhaps it would be best if you took the job and ended the relationship. Otherwise one of you is always going to resent the other for "not being allowed the opportunity you could have had".

Trust me on this...
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Originally posted by: joshsquall
Cliff Notes:

He got promotion opportunity at same company for 20-25% salary increase.
Girlfriend lives 600 miles away and can't move due to her job.
He said he would move to her.
If he takes job, he obviously can't move to her.
Has yet to find job in her area.
What would you do?

Appreciate it...
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Originally posted by: SagaLore
If she's just your girlfriend, and you've managed a relationship 600 miles apart... and one of you are not willing to give up your current job status, perhaps it would be best if you took the job and ended the relationship. Otherwise one of you is always going to resent the other for "not being allowed the opportunity you could have had".

Trust me on this...

I don't think this will end the relationship... I am sure we can do the long distance thing for a year or two more (will be difficult though). I could be here for the next year anyway with the way the economy is.
 

CChaos

Golden Member
Mar 4, 2003
1,586
0
0
Sounds like a golden opportunity. You should take the job. It sounds like eventually one of you is going to have to give up a good job to move closer to the other. Either that, or you both move somewhere else and both look for jobs. The best solution, in my eyes, is to maximize your opportunities now and when the time comes to either get it together and move on you can assess which of you is in a better position to find a job. More experience, responsibility and a higher salary history can only help you in the future.
 

acemcmac

Lifer
Mar 31, 2003
13,712
1
0
I'd probably take the job and then work something with the girlfriend around that. Good luck though...

And all of you asking for Cliff Notes... WHY?
 

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
Originally posted by: SagaLore
If she's just your girlfriend, and you've managed a relationship 600 miles apart... and one of you are not willing to give up your current job status, perhaps it would be best if you took the job and ended the relationship. Otherwise one of you is always going to resent the other for "not being allowed the opportunity you could have had".

Trust me on this...
That's likely.

I have a question: How much do you see each other? I do know that if you move and fnid a job soon you'll be thrilled. But, if you don't you'll soon start to hate her for making you leave, even if it was your decision.

If I was in your shoes I would stay. In regards to the relationship I'd either cut it off, or continue it long term. 600 miles is a long distance relationship but they can work and do for the right people. Also, since you're both making decent money in regards to flying I imagine that you could see each other at least once a month for a long weekend.

ADDED BONUS to that is that you get to live like a bachelor BUT you have a girlfriend! Maybe you'll get used to it ;)
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Originally posted by: Skoorb


If I was in your shoes I would stay. In regards to the relationship I'd either cut it off, or continue it long term. 600 miles is a long distance relationship but they can work and do for the right people. Also, since you're both making decent money in regards to flying I imagine that you could see each other at least once a month for a long weekend.

ADDED BONUS to that is that you get to live like a bachelor BUT you have a girlfriend! Maybe you'll get used to it ;)


Two things.

1. We see each other about every two weeks. Sometimes it is longer, but rarely. We have talked about extending that to once every three weeks, but haven't done that yet. We both make fairly good money...so it hasn't been an issue money wise. We also to on a week to half a week long vacations at least twice a year.
2. She has already joked about how I have the perfect life. I get to live like a bachelor most of the time and I ship the old girlfriend every two weeks for a little "catching up". I have to admit, I'm not complaining...but there are a lot of times when I wish she was around.
 

SagaLore

Elite Member
Dec 18, 2001
24,036
21
81
Originally posted by: PricklyPete
Originally posted by: SagaLore
If she's just your girlfriend, and you've managed a relationship 600 miles apart... and one of you are not willing to give up your current job status, perhaps it would be best if you took the job and ended the relationship. Otherwise one of you is always going to resent the other for "not being allowed the opportunity you could have had".

Trust me on this...

I don't think this will end the relationship... I am sure we can do the long distance thing for a year or two more (will be difficult though). I could be here for the next year anyway with the way the economy is.

But think about what I'm saying. Why would you put a few years of your life into a job just to have to ditch for your significant other anyway? That is where the resentment is going to set in. Or, you'll end up breaking the relationship off in a few years away and either way you've wasted a few years of time in one of the categories.
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Originally posted by: SagaLore
Originally posted by: PricklyPete
Originally posted by: SagaLore
If she's just your girlfriend, and you've managed a relationship 600 miles apart... and one of you are not willing to give up your current job status, perhaps it would be best if you took the job and ended the relationship. Otherwise one of you is always going to resent the other for "not being allowed the opportunity you could have had".

Trust me on this...

I don't think this will end the relationship... I am sure we can do the long distance thing for a year or two more (will be difficult though). I could be here for the next year anyway with the way the economy is.

But think about what I'm saying. Why would you put a few years of your life into a job just to have to ditch for your significant other anyway? That is where the resentment is going to set in. Or, you'll end up breaking the relationship off in a few years away and either way you've wasted a few years of time in one of the categories.

Don't get me wrong...I understand what you are saying. I don't see myself with this company in the long term...but I think the experience I am getting will be a good jumping off point. In a year or so...after I've gotten some decent experience, would definitely consider moving closer to her. And you never know...at that point her current job could not be working out for some reason and our situation might be completely different. Regardless, I do understand what you are saying about the resentment...and I would definitely want to be very careful about that.
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Just an update in case anyone cares....I did go ahead and take the job. I only got a 20% increase, but I did get an extra week of vacation. I'm happy...and my girlfriend seems to be fine with in in the mean time.
 

freegeeks

Diamond Member
May 7, 2001
5,460
1
81
Originally posted by: PricklyPete
Just an update in case anyone cares....I did go ahead and take the job. I only got a 20% increase, but I did get an extra week of vacation. I'm happy...and my girlfriend seems to be fine with in in the mean time.

congrats
 

Ausm

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
25,213
14
81
Originally posted by: acemcmac
I'd probably take the job and then work something with the girlfriend around that. Good luck though...

And all of you asking for Cliff Notes... WHY?

Because we read about a 100 rants/day so we like the concise version ;)

Ausm
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Originally posted by: GhettoFob
congrats, I was gonna offer to take one or the other off of your hands ;)

Believe me...you don't want the stress of the job... I don't think I could take it for more than a couple of years... and on that note...you don't want the stress of my girlfriend... just kidding.
 

CraigRT

Lifer
Jun 16, 2000
31,440
5
0
Originally posted by: PricklyPete
Just an update in case anyone cares....I did go ahead and take the job. I only got a 20% increase, but I did get an extra week of vacation. I'm happy...and my girlfriend seems to be fine with in in the mean time.

congrats!
seems like you made out ok!
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
14,582
162
106
Originally posted by: dquan97
I would take the job and have her move

luckily I do not have to take this option as I have taken the job and we will just live apart for the next year...we both seem to be fine with this.