It all depends on how happy marriages are. And how the culture is towards divorce. That has nothing to do with happiness in a marriage alone. You may want to compare western divorce rates from now and 50 years ago. When India reaches the state of the western mindset, developed and becoming arrogant and decadent, you will see the same. People are the same everywhere. No matter where you go on the planet... No matter when you look or where you look. Every time it is the same.
That is something I don't agree with at all. Perhaps, in ambition, desires, and wants people may seem similar but that is where similarity stops. It is the cultural ethos, innate qualities, and proclivities that makes a man successful materially, physically, and mentally. Although one could argue that material wealth is somewhat inversely proportional to spiritual wealth, the overwhelming desire of humanity today is to gain wealth materially; hence, we have a rat race for limited resources with a bulk of the population ending up as have-nots. It is a sad fact that history forgets about those who suffer and only elevates those who succeed as a symbol of culture and achievement.
With regards to "mindset", the cultural and social mores of the society determine the mental and emotional strengths of the individual to some extent. America 50 years ago was much more prudish and that is why divorce rates would have been far lower. However, it is not from some elevated understanding of relationships and preservation of the sanctity of marriage that kept people together. In India, especially in Hindu culture, marriage is a very important sacrament (called 'samskar' in Sanskrit) in a person's life. It is one's duty in life to get married and procreate to give an opportunity for another soul (jIvA) to progress in this cycle of birth and death. In order for that to happen successfully, the marriage and relationship between the spouses have to be strong. Although it may be subliminal in most Indians' minds, marriage is still looked upon as a divine union.
Yes, the social stigma associated with divorce keeps certain couples, who are otherwise unhappy, together, but they don't form the majority. With Indians aping the western culture more nowadays, divorce, in big cities, is a viable option but still leads to discord among the families etc. It is impossible to legitimately claim that 99% of the marriages in India are successful due to the social stigma of divorce. Yes, a small percentage of that perhaps. However, it is the cultural ethos that emphasizes the importance of marriage that keeps people together.
With India's rapid modernization, divorce rates should be skyrocketing. It isn't. It is increasing, but nowhere near the rate that some had predicted.
If it is not forced then that is a big plus.
Which comes to my next question : Can the future bride and groom decline if they feel it will not work out for them ? How many times is it possible to decline before either family is disgraced ? Can you elaborate on this ?
Can you specify how much freedom there is ? I am interested and open to different customs then my own.
With most arranged marriages, the bride actually gets the say in whether she wants to go ahead or not. The groom too can decide but the way it works is like this:
An interested groom's parents would do some due diligence to see if their son can get an acceptable bride. By that, it is meant whether the bride is similarly educated, her background, her affiliations, and her lifestyle habits as well as her religious/philosophical beliefs/background etc. Once they narrow down the choices to a handful, they will visit the bride and her family together (groom and parents). At that point, they will be introduced to each other and usually the bride gives a nod as to "this is possible" or "no way". If she is affirmative, the groom and bride will meet several times to get to know each other. Nowadays, this is called "hybrid marriage" where the introductions are arranged but the potential couple get to know each other for a few months before actually tying the knot. Once their compatibility is decided, they go ahead or they call it off. The decision is left to the bride and groom.
Marriages are for the long term so important qualities like education, profession, religious/philosophical background, and background of the family as well as lifestyle habits (vegetarianism, abstinence from alcohol/tobacco/drugs etc.) are more important than ephemeral qualities like romance and physical features. Although the latter two are important for initial chemistry between the individuals, it does NOT determine the success of the relationship. That is why arranged marriages are so successful.
In the olden days, say in the 19th and early 20th century, societal norms were much more rigid and women were not given much freedom in Hindu society. This is a direct result of the barbaric invasions by the Muslims who not only stole the material wealth from India, but took thousands of women as slaves in their harem. Coincidentally, this was one of the reasons many families got their daughters married off (or committed) at a very early age. Women were ill-treated and were not allowed to remarry if they were widowed. The woman barely had any say in whom she wanted to marry. In fact, I have heard of cases where the woman doesn't even get to see the future-husband and the parents answer in the affirmative for her! This, of course, is NOT the norm and it has been paraded as such by anti-Indians and anti-Hindus world over. The West is primarily responsible for this negative image of arranged marriage being "forced".
Today, most families, hybrid marriages are the norm. Even regular arranged marriages are NEVER forced and the bride is given the choice. In ancient India, every time a woman was to be married, they had an occasion called Syvamvar where a bunch of potential suitors would meet the bride and she will choose the one she likes best! Such was the freedom of women in ancient India!
In some villages around India, women are still kept down and marriages are sometimes forced. Of course this is not a good thing and must be changed but change, especially in India, is highly lethargic. And, in Indian marriages, two families are getting married, not two individuals! So, think about it like this:
You have a village with say 20 families and two prominent families get into an arrangement to get their son and daughter married. Suddenly, it is discovered that the daughter was in love with someone else and elopes with him. The promises the daughter's family made to the groom's will now not be kept and there will be terrible shame brought on their family. Nobody will offer their sons or daughters to that bride's siblings thereby ostracizing their family. In small villages, everybody knows each other. This leads to extreme alienation and can lead to suicide or something worse. In India a couple of centuries ago, if a woman remarried after being widowed even, her siblings would never get proposals and her family would be kept in the dark about any important functions in the village. In order to avoid such alienation, the parents forced their daughters to remain widowed or marry the said individual depending on the situation.
Remember, Indian ethos is more about the society's wellbeing as opposed to the individual's. Hindu ethos is about self-abnegation instead of self-aggrandizement. These have unintended consequences of course and those are the ills of Hindu society. Thy greatness of it is that Hindu society has always been in flux, changing with the times. Such freedom is afforded by the religious tenets that are not set in stone or are not didactic in nature. People who conflate social norms with religious norms are the first ones to blame Hinduism for India's problems. They don't see that it is only because of Hinduism that the social values are constantly changing for the better.
To recap, nowadays, there is tremendous freedom in marriage, as there was in ancient India. Hybrid marriage is the norm and although divorce is completely legal and an option, it is only an option in case of extreme abuse or serious infidelity among couples even today. It is never an option to abuse the system and the social norms in India make sure that that is the case. Divorce is extremely low because of the Hindu ethos that is prevalent in Indian society.
With regards to people abusing Hindu values and Indian society, let me explain with an analogy of how the West and Islamic societies, or anyone antagonistic towards Hindus, belittles India.
Imagine a Muslim imam denigrating freedom and democracy modeled after Western societies citing pornography as the result. By constantly using examples of pornography, the imam keeps telling his followers that freedom and democracy are "evil" and Muslim society will end up muddled in pornography if allowed the same freedoms! Pornography is an unintended consequence of social freedom. It cannot be used to justify the ills the freedom of democracy and shoot them down! Freedom and democracy are not 'bad' because they allow pornography. Essentially, the imam would be ignoring all the positive aspects of freedom and democracy and instead focuses only on the negative things like pornography to push his point.
That is what the West has done about Hindu and Indian society. They look at some unintended consequence like caste based abuse or forced marriage etc. to keep harping that Hindu society is "bad" or regressive! They ignore the countless positive aspects of Hinduism and Hindu values that have given rise to the most lofty philosophical thought in the history of mankind. Such are the tactics of fundamentalist Abrahamics and communists who now join hands with them in India to deride Hindus. Caste based abuse or forced marriage does not describe Hindu society. Nor does it invalidate it in any manner whatsoever. A lot of damage has been done already with the British rewriting Indian history and skewing historical facts and presenting a very biased and outright false account of Indian culture. It is sad that their racist and utterly false accounts of Indian society are still paraded as facts in the West.
In conclusion, arranged marriage is a very positive thing that gives both the bride and groom enough knowledge about the person, family, and their respective backgrounds before considering a lifelong partnership with them. Even a small bank loan requires due diligence on the part of both the lender and borrower yet westerners find it strange that Indians conduct due diligence for finding a suitable life-partner for their children? Arranged marriage is just due diligence. Simplest way to understand it.
I've had lovers who've had WAY more than a hundred lovers, of both sexes, although none to my knowledge were prostitutes. Never bothered me a bit.
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