Seriously screwed up with GF... need advice

[CraigRT]

Originally posted by: isekii
yea dump her ass, you'll find someone better
who gives a crap if you are looking at porn.
All guys do it. They know it. Why be offended by it ?

agree, that's very strange for someone to get upset over that.

 

[adelphi]

tell her at least she didn't find yr stash of g8 pron or pics of her sis/bro

 

[cbehnken]

Use VMWare to keep your porn hidden well....

 

[frankierx]

Originally posted by: flxnimprtmscl
Ok, here's the update. We've talked it over and things are on their way back to being normal. The end result is I'm not going to look at porn anymore.

As far as all the details I left out of my original post that have been brought up:

1) Our sex life is great.
2) It was just normal straight porn
3) A large part of the problem was that she'd told me before that it was something that was against her morals and I said that I wouldn't do it while we were together.
4) As to why she was looking at my temp files: She almost caught me the other night and after I saw how much the suspiscion of it upset her I deleted all the porn I had stored on my computer. When I went to show her that I'd deleted it I realized I'd forgotten, like an idiot, to clear out the cache and all those pictures turned up in the search. She looked at the dates and realized that some of it was stuff I'd looked at while we were together. That was the big problem. So she wasn't snooping for it that much. I basically showed it to her.

Anyway, that's the update. Hopefully that's the last one of these I'll ever have to post.

Are you saying that you will never watch porn? I just order a dvd on sale titled 'battle of the blondes'. I got an email from adam and eve co. for items on sale. for $19.99 i got the dvd...I don't usually order porn or watch it....but I've just started this friendship thing with this woman....and I feel like im in good fortune right now....so I figured this dvd sounds pretty interesting and why not get in while it's on sale and watch some porn because I don't own or have any...and I don't look at porn usually ....not including playboys......

 

[Anghang]

Originally posted by: flxnimprtmscl
3) A large part of the problem was that she'd told me before that it was something that was against her morals and I said that I wouldn't do it while we were together.

i can almost guarantee you that this is THE reason why she's so pissed, the fact that you lied...

if yall are in a serious exclusive relationship, chances are she'd let this slide if you talk to her effectively about it...to breakup over this would be ridiculous...plus that whole "against her morals" thing is a crock, there's no doubt that she's seen (and probably continues to see) eyecandy here and there, whether it be on the street, mall, tv, etc. feeding her imagination...just as you chose to feed yours with porn...

and chances are you won't stop looking at porn, so just talk to her and tell her it's not that bad..simple fact is men are very visual and like to look...as if she's never looked...ha!

 

[jkj]

lol man if takes that much effort to keep things together its probably not going to work longterm. Its just some porn.

 

[mooseAndSquirrel]

MagicFolders is a boy's best friend.

 

[imthebadguy]

tell her you gotta beat it unless she puts out more often, med do have needs

 

[CyraKrin]

Originally posted by: flxnimprtmscl
Ok, here's the update. We've talked it over and things are on their way back to being normal. The end result is I'm not going to look at porn anymore.

As far as all the details I left out of my original post that have been brought up:

1) Our sex life is great.
2) It was just normal straight porn
3) A large part of the problem was that she'd told me before that it was something that was against her morals and I said that I wouldn't do it while we were together.
4) As to why she was looking at my temp files: She almost caught me the other night and after I saw how much the suspiscion of it upset her I deleted all the porn I had stored on my computer. When I went to show her that I'd deleted it I realized I'd forgotten, like an idiot, to clear out the cache and all those pictures turned up in the search. She looked at the dates and realized that some of it was stuff I'd looked at while we were together. That was the big problem. So she wasn't snooping for it that much. I basically showed it to her.

Anyway, that's the update. Hopefully that's the last one of these I'll ever have to post.

one of my customers has to hide porn from his wife.. although I'm against hiding crap like that, I simply told him, running a second browser, like opera, would probably be better for him than to accidently leave IE's cache and history open to viewing by the mrs'..

seriously though, with all the great advice.. if she wants to ban porn from you altogether- she'd better make herself available anytime you want.

I ran into something like this with a girl once, the key is to be so over-stimulated all the time (constantly touching her, beyond what could be considered 'safe public behavour').. and when she gets mad, just tell her you use porn to keep you calm for her.. she'll either want you to go back to porn, or your sex life is gonna turn from 'great' to fsck-ing-tastic.

$0.02

Cyra

 

[jhu]

hmmm... premarital sex is ok, but porn isn't? i don't see how that's "morally" consistent.

 

[AyashiKaibutsu]

People tend to have their own code of morals. Morals are an arbitary set of rules anyway.

 

[StageLeft]

Honestly what can you do? Explain to her that you're sorry, and you shouldn't look as much, but you're also a guy, and frankly the only difference between you and other guys is that you failed to clear your history. In short, suck it bizatch!

 

[ViciouS]

Originally posted by: flxnimprtmscl
Ok, here's the update. We've talked it over and things are on their way back to being normal. The end result is I'm not going to look at porn anymore.

Ask if she can let you take your b@lls out of the nighstand.... I mean all your friends get to have there b@lls, why can't you. Even if its just for one day!

 

[Sensesfail182]

It's stupid if she doesnt understand that you look at porn because all guys do, its not just you . and if she is looking through ur teamp files folder thats kinda weird......looking through your stuff. Try and talk it over with her.

 

[jhu]

how long have you two been going out? i don't understand why some girls don't like porn when in fact they secretly do.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: jhu
how long have you two been going out? i don't understand why some girls don't like porn when in fact they secretly do.

Because they are ATTENTION WHORES! That's why.

 

[Sensesfail182]

All girls are like that. And a lot of girls act all innocent and then go stab you in the back. Happened to me a few monthes back. My girlfreind went to a part and hooked up with another guy and her excuse was she was drunk. that was the end of that.

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: fredtam

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: mobobuff

Originally posted by: dderidex
WAIT!! WHOAH, hold the horses, here....

Originally posted by: mobobuff
Fine. I fail to believe porn existed when the bible was written.

My point being, bringing the bible into any modern topical debate which would otherwise uninclude it is pointless.

Uhhhh.....WHAT?! First off, porn is more than just pictures (which obviously didn't exist), it's literature, too - which DID.

Uhhh...there is PLENTY of evidence of quite 'pornographic' literature from dating WAY before the bible was written. Hell, the sex industry was alive and well during the biblical times, with *most* civilizations having almost all aspects of it legal. (Exactly what occupation did you THINK a 'harlot' had?)

Oh seriously... could you split any more meaningless hairs?

Do you think she found text files of written porn in his temp directory?

I FAIL TO BELIEVE THAT PICTORIAL PORNOGRAPHY EXISTED WHEN THE BIBLE WAS WRITTEN. And you can't honestly tell me that reading a risque piece of writing is directly "lusting after another woman".

A harlot? Oh I'm sorry, but I don't see anywhere where I said prostitution didn't exist.

Define porn to yourself and you will notice one thing, you are wrong in this case.

A well detailed drawing is not pictorial pornoghraphy?

Nah, of course it is not, that is just art, or at least that is what your mom tells you.

When do you think the Bible was written, Mr. Klixxer?

Which testament? If we are talking about the new testament it was written about the same time or after the pornography at the bottom of this link was being created.

If you mean the old testament you will find that it was after the ancient egyptions had porn.

Shut up.

 

[kd2777]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
WTF is the point of porn? To help you imagine yourself with all these women you don't know? There is NO WAY that doesnt inhumanize them and feed the more base aspects of our psyches. Traditionally, viewing somebody else naked has always been a means to assert superiority or control over that person. Ted Bundy even used his last interview to warn the world about pornography. There's a lot of warning flags around this activity or at least enough to warrant some contemplation before rushing into something which is referred to as highly addictive.

Oh, and BTW, "everybody else does it" isn't a justification.

You are a self righteous A-hole. You sound as if looking at porn is going to be the end of the world. I can?t see how a night at the computer and a fist full of man juice is going to hurt anyone.

 

[purepolly]

"You are a self righteous A-hole. You sound as if looking at porn is going to be the end of the world. I can?t see how a night at the computer and a fist full of man juice is going to hurt anyone. "

And you are a naive fool. Just because you are able to maintain a healthy perspective re: porn does not mean that everyone can.

I've said it openly here in the past, my ex is a diagnosed sex addict. Over the years, I saw what was only the tip of the iceberg of his escalating addiction (a great portion he kept hidden). The complusive masturbation, magazines, movies, and internet porn were all dramatically defended with the statement "all guys do it". But, the key point is, that most guys can walk away from it, without it being the main focal point of their lives. For an addict - the key is the next fix, and they will do anything to get it. Just as a drug addict will lie, cheat, and steal to procure their next fix - so will a sex addict do the same. By the time I left the ex, he was suicidal with despair (and years later still is seeking counseling and numerous psyche meds) and his actions have totally destroyed our family.

 

[kd2777]

Originally posted by: purepolly

"You are a self righteous A-hole. You sound as if looking at porn is going to be the end of the world. I can?t see how a night at the computer and a fist full of man juice is going to hurt anyone. "

And you are a naive fool. Just because you are able to maintain a healthy perspective re: porn does not mean that everyone can.

I've said it openly here in the past, my ex is a diagnosed sex addict. Over the years, I saw what was only the tip of the iceberg of his escalating addiction (a great portion he kept hidden). The complusive masturbation, magazines, movies, and internet porn were all dramatically defended with the statement "all guys do it". But, the key point is, that most guys can walk away from it, without it being the main focal point of their lives. For an addict - the key is the next fix, and they will do anything to get it. Just as a drug addict will lie, cheat, and steal to procure their next fix - so will a sex addict do the same. By the time I left the ex, he was suicidal with despair (and years later still is seeking counseling and numerous psyche meds) and his actions have totally destroyed our family.

I will concur that I have never seen or met anyone like this, if it has gotten to this extent than it is out of control. But I don?t feel that it is because of the porn, you can be addicted to anything to this point; coffee, washing your hands, Krispy Cream doughnuts, or anything. I don?t know a lot about psychology as you two do, but it seems that the people that are having porn run their lives are maybe a little off in the head, just like someone that has to wash their hands all the time. And if they are off in the head that isn?t the porn?s fault, because if there was no porn these people would find something else to get addicted to more than likely.

 

[purepolly]

The whole idea does kinda make your head go bonkers. I remember when the ex came from the pyschiatrist all proud and told me he was a "sexual addict with BPD traits". There he was all proud as a peacock, while the only thoughts running through my head were:
1) You a a pervert with serious mental helath issues and 2) if I thow up now, I'll have to clean the carpet

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4302347/

"A growing number of medical experts are saying compulsive sexual behavior is a very real disorder that an estimated 16 million Americans, both men and women, are fighting."

 

[bleeb]

Originally posted by: BustaBust
WTF..is NR/AO?

 

[Bumrush99]

I haven't read all 12 pages, but I will tell you this. You have every right to look at what you want as long as it is not illegal or harmful to other people. You girlfriend broke two rules: Firstly, she snooped through your files, thus showing you that she is not a mature, trusting individual. Secondly, she scolded you for doing what every male does.

Giving in to her demands and accepting what she did as OK will only diminish your role in the relationship and will set a precedent for her to control you

 

[edmundoab]

well you are an adult. I don't understand whats wrong with that issue.
If they were wrong, It shouldn't even be on magazine stands in the first place.
Its not like drugs or being unfaithful