My last room mates were two girls I met through a room-mate finding website. I should have realized what I was getting myself into after I met them, but I needed room mates, and having 3 of us in one place could only mean chap rent.
They were both complete morons. I refer to them now as the Angry B*tch, and the Whiney B*tch.
Angry B*tch was perpetually pissed off. Mainly at men, but also at the world in general. She whould always be confrontational, and couldn't carry on a conversation without saying something rude or condescending.
Whiney B*tch wanted to be emo so bad, but like everything else in her life, she failed miserably at it. While both girls could have easily been mistaken for a cow in the right light, Whiney B*tch was actually trying to do something about her weight. Well, claiming that she was trying to do something about her weight. She would eat diet meals, claiming they were healthy... but she would eat 2 or 3 in one sitting, which essentially defeats the purpose (in my opinion).
As part of her fruitless weight-loss crusade, Whiney B*tch would yell at me whenever I went grocery shopping because of the food I bought (we decided early on not to share food, and each went about our own cooking and eating). She claimed that me having "unhealthy" foods around was preventing her from adhering to her diet, because if the food was present, she would want to eat it. More often than not, she did.
Whiney B*tch was also a Convenience Vegetarian - that is, she was a vegetarian when it was convenient for her to be such. When I made steak, tacos, ribs, or anything like that, she would complain that the apartment smelled like meat, and asked if I would do my cooking at a friends house in the future when I made meat. When she hung out with her friends, she would often eat fast food burgers. Though I guess calling those things "meat" is a bit of a stretch, you get my idea.
Angry B*tch was the complete opposite. Despite being unhappy with her figure, she would eat anything that appealed to her. Looking back, I think she stole more food from Whiney B*tch and I than she ever bought from a store the entire time she lived with us. It got to the point that I started keeping whatever non-perishables I could in my bedroom, which only stopped her while I was home. She often had no problem just walking into my room and taking a can of soup, or box of Mac N Cheese.
Neither B*tch had much experience in what most of us know as "the real world." I was 20/21 while living with them, they were 18/19 and 19/20. Angry B*tch had spent her entire life living with her mom, and one year in the dorms. Her mom would often come visit the apartment, and they would loudly gossip in either Angry B*tch's bedroom, or the living room, many times talking about how horrible a person I was, or how big a nerd I was. Angry B*tch even kept her mom's dog at the apartment for days at a time. It was very large, very old, and didn't like me or Whiney B*tch. It peed on the carpets, and destroyed Whiney B*tches sofa. Over time I learned that Angry B*tch had no regard for other people.
Whiney B*tch's lack of maturity showed in other ways. She had no experience managing money. Her parents would pay for everything. In the time I lived with her she destroyed 3 iBooks, an iPod Video, and an iPod Nano. She didn't worry about bills because her parents always paid her share. This was unfortunate for Angry B*tch and I because Whiney B*tch would have the heat cranked to 85 in the winter, and the AC on all the time in the summer. Our electric bills were often close to $150, and gas close to $70. For comparison, I now live alone, in an apartment about the same size, and my electric bill is normally $30-$40. She also insisted on having a premium movie package with our cable, and balked when Angry B*tch and I refused to pay for it.
Whiney B*tch would also never clean. Ever. This isn't to say she is a messy person, she actually hates messes. She just won't clean them up, not even her own. There was one point near the end of our lease where she had thrown a party, and had filled the sink and neighboring countertops with dirty pots, pans, cups, and other various dishes. There was open food all over the kitchen and living room, and piles of trash in the corners. She left a note for me saying that she wasn't able to clean because my dishes were blocking the sink (I had a muffin tin and a mixing bowl in the sink from that morning), and demanded that I clean the mess up before she got home. I told her to clean her own mess, and she disappeared for a week. Angry B*tch said she was staying with her boyfriend because she couldn't stand the mess. Apparently her boyfriend's room mates couldn't stand her, because they came and cleaned up her crap at our apartment.
During the lease Whiney B*tch declared that she had written up some rules for us to "live peacefully with eachother" - the rules essentially targeted some of my habits, and included such gems as:
-No playing video games without headphones
-No listening to music that we don't all like
-No playing video games after 10
-No loud sex (no joke, this was a rule on the list)
-Take your towel out of the bathroom after you shower
-No walking around in your underwear (to be honest, I was thankful for this one)
During the summer, when we first moved in, we had no issues with the one bathroom the three of us shared. Once the school year started up, and the two of them had to be places, we ran into some issues. I had a 40-hour-a-week job. Angry B*tch burned through 5 jobs in the year we lived together, and Whiney B*tch worked at a nearby bank (2 blocks down the street, she drove every day) on occasion. In the mornings we started running into issues.
Angry B*tch needed to leave at about the same time I did 2 days a week. She would usually get up before me, take her shower, and then leave the hot water running while she did her hair and applied makeup. Her excuse was that she liked being warm while she was getting ready. Whatever the case, I would get either a cold, or lukewarm shower those morning, and be very rushed because she couldn't get ready anywhere besides in the bathroom.
Whiney B*tch needed to leave an hour after me every day of the week. Initially, I would get up before her, do my thing, and leave. After a few weeks of this, she decided she was running late, and asked me if she could use the bathroom first. Having never been home while she was getting ready in the past, I agreed. She went into the bathroom at 8:30, and got out at 10. I needed to leave at 9. I was pretty pissed, and said that wasn't happening again. She didn't say anything.
What ended up ensuing was a war of early alarms. The next day she set her alarm to go off 5 minutes before mine, and immediately ran into the bathroom. I was late for work again. The next day, I got up 15 minutes earlier, and took my shower. Halfway through the shower, Whiney B*tch turned on the hot water in the downstairs half-bathroom. My hot shower turned to ice, I hurried up, got out, and she went right in. The next day she woke up before me again. Not wanting to be late, I went to a sympathetic friends house to shower. On the way out I flipped the hot water on.
Whiney B*tch was pretty pissed off when I got home, and started yelling at me for being inconsiderate, rude, selfish, and an asshole. An argument followed, nothing was resolved, and our war of alarms and hot/cold water continued until the day we moved out.
At some point in the later half of our time together, one of my friends pointed me towards the B*tches MySpace pages, where they had been saying some pretty bad things about me. The circles of friends they hung out with pretty much disgusted me, but I still didn't want to deal with this, so I ended up blocking MySpace via the router. Initially they accused me of doing it intentionally, and Whiney B*tch even went so far as to threaten to have her boyfriend beat me up. When I showed them that MySpace wouldn't work on my computer either, they relented. The thought never crossed their mind that I didn't care much about MySpace.
I could go on and on, but just thinking about it makes me hate them even more. In the end when we moved out Whiney B*tch didn't clean anything at all, and Angry B*tch did a piss-poor job. They also only provided the landlord with my forwarding address. A month after I thought I had escaped from their bullsh*t, I got a bill for $300 from the landlord for cleaning, damages, and unpaid utilities. I ended up talking with the landlord, paying $100, and providing him with their forwarding addresses and phone numbers. I got a call a little later from Whiney B*tch. She screamed at me for giving out her personal info, saying the landlord had threatened to send the bill to collections. Whiney B*tch ended the call by saying she was meeting with a lawyer to sue me for harassment.
I never heard back from her, her lawyer, the landlord, or Angry B*tch. And I'm glad.
Cliffs: My room mates sucked
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