Room Mate Situation, tldr version as well

[OverVolt]

If someone did that to my cat he woudlnt be coming back to the house because he would be to busy getting medical attention at the hospital.

Yup! I wouldn't let a bunch of druggies overrun my apartment.

 

[lxskllr]

If someone did that to my cat he woudlnt be coming back to the house because he would be to busy getting medical attention at the hospital.

^^^This. I can put up with a lot of bullshit from people, but you don't fuck with my cats. He wouldn't want to live in the house after the ass beating he got. 24 hours notice, and after that his shit's in the yard.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Sounds like a crappy situation. It might actually be safer for you to leave, and make sure he or his friends don't know where you went. I'd try to line up a new place, find a good time to move all your stuff, settle in, and then tell him it's now his, and you want to transfer it to his name. If he refuses to take it (and ultimately pay for the whole mortgage) then put it up for sale. I don't think this would be illegal either but I'd probably consult a lawyer just to make sure the way you proceed works. But I'd do it very swiftly.

I'd maybe give him one warning, but do execute the plan if he persists. He's probably getting burnt by those drugs and will only get worse. Also need to protect that cat before he kills it. It's one thing to tease a cat, but he's going overboard.

I'm glad I never did the room mate thing, seems it's often lot of hassle and crap like this happens. I have been thinking about buying a rental unit and being a landlord though, but even that can have lot of hassle.

 

[Brainonska511]

Grab insurance

Not sure how that would help. My renter's insurance policy from StateFarm explicity excludes coverage on theft caused by someone living in the apartment. It could be different on other policies...

 

[ManBearPig]

Borderline illegal stuff with girls?

Do you have a gun or a knife or something? Sounds like he's gone nuts...good luck man.

 

[tynopik]

if he doesn't actually live there, he's not a tenant and thus has much less legal protection

 

[Juddog]

^^^This. I can put up with a lot of bullshit from people, but you don't fuck with my cats. He wouldn't want to live in the house after the ass beating he got. 24 hours notice, and after that his shit's in the yard.

This is the part I'm wondering - how the hell did you let this psycho mess with your cat more than once? Sounds like someone is in need of an ass whooping.

 

[OverVolt]

Its definitely partially social in nature, he used to be your friend yes?

Part of it might be not laying ground rules that are followed. You laid some rules, he agreed, and broke those rules. Kind of stupid. He needs a good social lambasting. Bonus if it is infront of his friends. Since you have rights who comes into your property/rental, simply throw his friends out or call the cops to get them removed (not for drugs). If he can't follow simple god damn rules for 5 god damn minutes then his stuff will be on the god damn street

 

[Pray To Jesus]

wtf

 

[Juddog]

Its definitely partially social in nature, he used to be your friend yes?

Part of it might be not laying ground rules that are followed. You laid some rules, he agreed, and broke those rules. Kind of stupid. He needs a good social lambasting. Bonus if it is infront of his friends. Since you have rights who comes into your property/rental, simply throw his friends out or call the cops to get them removed (not for drugs). If he can't follow simple god damn rules for 5 god damn minutes then his stuff will be on the god damn street

I'm betting it's one of those things where the OP didn't enforce his rules strongly enough the first time, so the questionable friend just blew him off. There was a security seminar I went to where the guy was explaining how good people turn bad. Basically the idea is that the first time they do something questionable, if they're not punished for it right away, they will grow bolder and do something worse the next time and follow the downward spiral.

The OP, by not enforcing the rules strongly enough initially, has let the questionable friend slide into darkness, and now has a major issue on his hands. If something harsh isn't done right away the questionable friend just won't understand what he's doing and may end up hurting someone or turn to a life of violence / crime.

 

[Pia]

He hurt a cat, so technically he falls in the jurisdiction of Anonymous Bureau of Investigation. Just a thought.

 

[1sikbITCH]

So, we have a room mate who pays rent but is literally never at home. He only comes to the house to "hang out with his friends" (aka buy drugs). I told him specifically on two occasions to not do drug deals in our home. He understood, but then one night, two weeks ago, he said "some friends are coming over to watch football". I'm not a dummy, of course he was going to buy drugs.

The same room mate has abused and tortured our kitty. Boo is only about a year old. He has literally scared shit out of him by poking him with broom handles, folding him up into boxes, and he said at one point he cut off Boo's air way. He has smeared feces on the cat on occasion as well. When Boo sees him, he immediately begins hissing and tries to fight him, understandably. We have approached him about this situation as well (on three occasions), yet continues to bother the cat.

This room mate and I used to be close, but he has become very strange and distant. I do not feel comfortable around him, and nor do I feel comfortable leaving my lady around him alone. I feel as if he could go postal at any moment.

Drugs have really messed up my friend. He smokes weed, does hallucinogens, and I think even some uppers like Adderall and the like. He is also on antidepressants, so he has some underlying mental issues as well. I do partake in mild ganja use, but it has never affected me like it affected my friend. I truly believe he is insane. I don't think these mental problems were addressed before he started becoming a user, and the drugs exacerbated his problem.

So, my plan is to change the locks on the house and tell him to return his keys. I wanted to change the locks before I told him. I'm a little afraid of the consequences of this. He hangs out with some REALLY shady people (drug dealers). These people have been in my house and seen what I own (lots of nice stuff). And I don't want people breaking into my house and stealing/raping/murdering. We do have a security system that we use religiously. I'm just wondering if I'm being too overly cautious with him.

Does anyone have some advice? He used to be such a close friend and now he is a whacko. He has done some shady shit with girls outside of our house, too, a few years ago. Like, borderline illegal stuff.

TIA

TL;DR
1) have room mate
2) room mate buys drugs in our house, abuses our cat
3) addressed these issues to him directly, but they still happen
4) kicking him out and changing the locks
5) worried about possible repercussions from him or his shady friends
6) wondering if I am handling this OK or if anyone has any extra advice. TIA.

Who would pay money month after month just to have a place to complete a drug transaction? Not drug addicts. From the limited info above it rather seems that your buddy is using your pad to deal from.

If that is the case these people may be doing more than just "seeing your nice stuff". I would plan for the following and hope I'm being paranoid:

They will have been snapping cell pics of your burglar alarm so they can try to get around it. They will have also taken complete pics of every room, doorways, etc. They will figure out your neighbors, your vehicles, pets, etc. Then once they have no use for your house any more, they will wipe out the house. Just hope they aren't super crazy and kill your ass as you lie face down on the floor shitting yourself.

You need to send a message; and fast. I would let them all come over again to do a deal, and then while they are there run into the room with a bat and beat your buddy until he's comatose and then tell them all to drag the trash out of your house and never return or you'll cut their balls off and eat them.

Yeah.

Now that I got my aggression out I am ready to face the day

 

[Phokus]

Here's what my plan would be:

a) Put your stuff in storage

b) Confront him about moving

c) change locks after he moves out

d) get your stuff out of storage

 

[Juddog]

Here's what my plan would be:

a) Put your stuff in storage

b) Confront him about moving

c) change locks after he moves out

d) get your stuff out of storage

e) get someone to watch your cat during the process

ftfy

 

[Saint Nick]

Well, I know for a fact he isn't a drug dealer. He just buys them. His parents gave him a huge trust fund (around $50k) when he went to college, and he still lives on that. He did graduate, believe it or not. He got a full ride to the university.

Also, he wasn't around last night, and I prefer to do this face to face as opposed to over the phone. What do you guys think? Does it even matter?

In addition, to give only some brief details about the "borderline shit with girls"...

He gets hung up on girls he went to high school with. Back when I lived on campus, him and another girl (from his HS graduating class) went off to his room and he freaked her out. We're not sure what happened. She came back spooked as hell and left with her friends.

On another occasion, we went to a party and we were playing pool. I left early because it was getting weird and everyone was playing strip pool (???). After most everyone left, him and a friend were staying at said friends house. This friend also happens to have a very attractive sister. He went into her room while she was sleeping and masturbated in front of her while she was asleep. I think she woke up in the middle of it and he grabbed all the sheets and threw them in the wash.

Don't worry, he got his ass kicked for that.

He just isn't the same guy I knew in high school. We used to be such good friends, but I think it's just time to let go now.

 

[Juddog]

Well, I know for a fact he isn't a drug dealer. He just buys them. His parents gave him a huge trust fund (around $50k) when he went to college, and he still lives on that. He did graduate, believe it or not. He got a full ride to the university.

Also, he wasn't around last night, and I prefer to do this face to face as opposed to over the phone. What do you guys think? Does it even matter?

In addition, to give only some brief details about the "borderline shit with girls"...

He gets hung up on girls he went to high school with. Back when I lived on campus, him and another girl (from his HS graduating class) went off to his room and he freaked her out. We're not sure what happened. She came back spooked as hell and left with her friends.

On another occasion, we went to a party and we were playing pool. I left early because it was getting weird and everyone was playing strip pool (???). After most everyone left, him and a friend were staying at said friends house. This friend also happens to have a very attractive sister. He went into her room while she was sleeping and masturbated in front of her while she was asleep. I think she woke up in the middle of it and he grabbed all the sheets and threw them in the wash.

Don't worry, he got his ass kicked for that.

He just isn't the same guy I knew in high school. We used to be such good friends, but I think it's just time to let go now.

Wow... no offense but it's time to be more picky over who you pick as a friend.

 

[Saint Nick]

Wow... no offense but it's time to be more picky over who you pick as a friend.

Well, I'm a compassionate guy, and all I can say is that I've given him a chance time and time again. I'm quite picky who I pick as a friend, now. It's hard to see someone who was once close to you become a whackjob. I guess I thought living with me he would sort of mellow out.

He just got worse.

 

[PowerYoga]

One thing you'll quickly learn is compassion should be given selectively. If you can't man up to tell him to gtfo then you should pack up those purses and panties and move out.

 

[Saint Nick]

One thing you'll quickly learn is compassion should be given selectively. If you can't man up to tell him to gtfo then you should pack up those purses and panties and move out.

Lol, it isn't a problem of telling him to leave. We go way back, so that makes this situation a little more difficult. I've kicked out my fair share of room mates.

 

[Juddog]

Lol, it isn't a problem of telling him to leave. We go way back, so that makes this situation a little more difficult. I've kicked out my fair share of room mates.

The stuff he's done:
* Doing drugs / buying drugs / dealing drugs - borderline acceptable, you risk your own stuff getting confiscated in the case of a bust.
* Torturing your cat - unacceptable. After one incident a severely stern warning should have been given, second event he should have been out on his arse. I don't tolerate anybody who abuses animals, it's just wrong and f*'d up, even if he is your old buddy. Right there was time to re-evaluate. Cutting off a cat's airway, poking it with broomhandles, and smearing it with feces? Are you f'ing kidding me? This dude is f'd in the head and it's time to remove him from your life ASAP. That's how serial killers get started. Kick his sh!t to the curb, change the locks, and buy some weapons to protect yourself ASAP. This is no joke.

 

[lxskllr]

Lol, it isn't a problem of telling him to leave. We go way back, so that makes this situation a little more difficult. I've kicked out my fair share of room mates.

The past is is history, and we're dealing with the present. Sounds like the friendship's done, and he needs to leave. You don't need to concern yourself with his feelings or anything else. Fuck that guy. If you think you need backup(due to violence), arrange backup. Like I said above, 24 hours notice, and he's gone from your life.

 

[Saint Nick]

Well you guys are both right. I suppose I should just call him and tell him to get out. Hope this goes well.

 

[SheHateMe]

You guys should put him out before he comes home one night and murders you, the other roommate and boo.

 

[lxskllr]

Well you guys are both right. I suppose I should just call him and tell him to get out. Hope this goes well.

Good luck, and don't accept sob stories. Many druggies are good at manipulating people to their advantage, and will keep fucking you over, while you try to "help" them. It isn't always deliberate on their part, but the you get the same end result from your perspective, and it's never good for you.

 

[PowerYoga]

Lol, it isn't a problem of telling him to leave. We go way back, so that makes this situation a little more difficult. I've kicked out my fair share of room mates.

Going "way back" doesn't give him a free ticket to ride all over your ass. People change, life happens and its time to be less compassionate.