Roman Catholic Church

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Just a wild thought but, you might ask a priest.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Originally posted by: jonks
Mars, the god of war, raped sleeping Rhea Silvia, daughter of Numitor, and she bore 2 sons, Remus and Romulus. Then in as cliche a move as biblical stories get, they were ordered to be put to death, but the handservant ordered to kill them instead put them in a basket and set them out on the river (this is eerily familiar, no?) because two babies floating in a basket down a river had a very high survival rate before the advent of bears. They survived, naturally, and like Obama were suckled by a she-wolf and fed by a woodpecker. Eventually a man from the future in a telephone booth cum time machine took them on a tour of history and they later founded Rome. Which was of course all necessary for the Roman Catholic Church to be born.

There's your prologue, the rest, is up to you.

I will give the OP $20 if he turns this in as part of his report. I don't even care where it is; it can be a footnote in the back about why you never ask for this sort of information on an internet forum. $20. BAM.

 

[AreaCode7O7]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy

Originally posted by: jonks
Mars, the god of war, raped sleeping Rhea Silvia, daughter of Numitor, and she bore 2 sons, Remus and Romulus. Then in as cliche a move as biblical stories get, they were ordered to be put to death, but the handservant ordered to kill them instead put them in a basket and set them out on the river (this is eerily familiar, no?) because two babies floating in a basket down a river had a very high survival rate before the advent of bears. They survived, naturally, and like Obama were suckled by a she-wolf and fed by a woodpecker. Eventually a man from the future in a telephone booth cum time machine took them on a tour of history and they later founded Rome. Which was of course all necessary for the Roman Catholic Church to be born.

There's your prologue, the rest, is up to you.

I will give the OP $20 if he turns this in as part of his report. I don't even care where it is; it can be a footnote in the back about why you never ask for this sort of information on an internet forum. $20. BAM.

With the teacher holding it in the photo to prove that it's real.

 

[TheInternet1980]

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: TheInternet1980

Originally posted by: thescreensavers
How did roman catholic church catch on and expand?

Gay dudes back in the day got together and devised a way to molest as many young boys as possible. They couldn't make this their mission statement openly, so they adopted Jesus as their cause. This caused many closet gay Jesus believers to join their group, from all over the world.

Originally posted by: thescreensavers
also are there any restrictions to daily life?

They must live in a rectory, where altar boys visit them daily for "spiritual advice". Shortly after this policy was instituted, altar boys' gowns were changed to a dark color (black). This is to allow for the stretching of the anus that follows "spiritual advice" sessions, and the fecal repercussions of this daily ritual.

Dang, you managed to offend conservatives AND liberals equally in that post. That's fairly impressive.

Conservatives offended by casting the church's purpose as molestation.
Liberals offended by the statement that it's gay people that molest kids.

6/10, would be offended again.

Great success!

 

[TheInternet1980]

Originally posted by: JEDIYoda

Originally posted by: TheInternet1980

Originally posted by: KMFJD

Originally posted by: TheInternet1980

Originally posted by: thescreensavers
How did roman catholic church catch on and expand?

Gay dudes back in the day got together and devised a way to molest as many young boys as possible. They couldn't make this their mission statement openly, so they adopted Jesus as their cause. This caused many closet gay Jesus believers to join their group, from all over the world.

Originally posted by: thescreensavers
also are there any restrictions to daily life?

They must live in a rectory, where altar boys visit them daily for "spiritual advice". Shortly after this policy was instituted, altar boys' gowns were changed to a dark color (black). This is to allow for the stretching of the anus that follows "spiritual advice" sessions, and the fecal repercussions of this daily ritual.

Ah i see you where molested by a priest....sounds like you enjoyed it and where rejected as a member?

wat

Let see you where molested by a priest....sounds like you enjoyed it and where rejected as a member?

I believe we have that 100% correct!!

wat 😕

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: thescreensavers
So I am doing this dumb project and on wiki there's a ton of info but I am trying to find out about specifically about


How did roman catholic church catch on and expand?

also are there any restrictions to daily life?

but I cant find any info on this, and yes I have Googled it

Thanks for all the help

Seriously? You couldn't find ANY info on how the Catholic church caught on and expanded? None, whatsoever?

I guess that with the advent of the internet and Wikipedia, doing actual research for school projects is a lost art. Just like critical thinking is a lost art.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: FuzzyDunlop

Originally posted by: BurnItDwn

Originally posted by: jonks
Mars, the god of war, raped sleeping Rhea Silvia, daughter of Numitor, and she bore 2 sons, Remus and Romulus. Then in as cliche a move as biblical stories get, they were ordered to be put to death, but the handservant ordered to kill them instead put them in a basket and set them out on the river (this is eerily familiar, no?) because two babies floating in a basket down a river had a very high survival rate before the advent of bears. They survived, naturally, and like Obama were suckled by a she-wolf and fed by a woodpecker. Eventually a man from the future in a telephone booth cum time machine took them on a tour of history and they later founded Rome. Which was of course all necessary for the Roman Catholic Church to be born.

There's your prologue, the rest, is up to you.

Are you sure it wasn't two guys in a phone booth?

Bill and Ted?

Excellent!

San Dimas high school football rules!

 

[PlasmaBomb]

MFL

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: jonks
Mars, the god of war, raped sleeping Rhea Silvia, daughter of Numitor, and she bore 2 sons, Remus and Romulus. Then in as cliche a move as biblical stories get, they were ordered to be put to death, but the handservant ordered to kill them instead put them in a basket and set them out on the river (this is eerily familiar, no?) because two babies floating in a basket down a river had a very high survival rate before the advent of bears. They survived, naturally, and like Obama were suckled by a she-wolf and fed by a woodpecker. Eventually a man from the future in a telephone booth cum time machine took them on a tour of history and they later founded Rome. Which was of course all necessary for the Roman Catholic Church to be born.

There's your prologue, the rest, is up to you.

im tempted to ask you to write an answer for my world religions final on abrahamic religions

 

[Gibsons]

I'm waiting for the Nemesis 1 posts. 😀

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: Gibsons
I'm waiting for the Nemesis 1 posts. 😀

Works of art.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Originally posted by: Gibsons
I'm waiting for the Nemesis 1 posts. 😀

I tried a random paragraph generator:

Why can't the scared variance miss religion? The riot exaggerates the tribe. Why won't the rough chord portray god? Should this glossy institute hazard her frightening reluctance? The stream poses outside a passenger.

Bible filters jesus on top of this hack faithful. Bible protects a distributed comfort past the loyal cheer. Bible struggles opposite jesus. How will jesus struggle below the wearing saga? Bible demonstrates the dubious ah heck within a pressed static.

Beneath a pole loses the system. Scripture dances! Scripture exists within the rabbit. Why does scripture pant around a substitute hangover? Sin skips above scripture.

There, that's a reasonable facsimile of what we can expect.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt

Originally posted by: Gibsons
I'm waiting for the Nemesis 1 posts. 😀

I tried a random paragraph generator:

Why can't the scared variance miss religion? The riot exaggerates the tribe. Why won't the rough chord portray god? Should this glossy institute hazard her frightening reluctance? The stream poses outside a passenger.

Bible filters jesus on top of this hack faithful. Bible protects a distributed comfort past the loyal cheer. Bible struggles opposite jesus. How will jesus struggle below the wearing saga? Bible demonstrates the dubious ah heck within a pressed static.

Beneath a pole loses the system. Scripture dances! Scripture exists within the rabbit. Why does scripture pant around a substitute hangover? Sin skips above scripture.

There, that's a reasonable facsimile of what we can expect.

Except every other word will be spelled wrong.

 

[Gibsons]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt

Originally posted by: Gibsons
I'm waiting for the Nemesis 1 posts. 😀

I tried a random paragraph generator:

Why can't the scared variance miss religion? The riot exaggerates the tribe. Why won't the rough chord portray god? Should this glossy institute hazard her frightening reluctance? The stream poses outside a passenger.

Bible filters jesus on top of this hack faithful. Bible protects a distributed comfort past the loyal cheer. Bible struggles opposite jesus. How will jesus struggle below the wearing saga? Bible demonstrates the dubious ah heck within a pressed static.

Beneath a pole loses the system. Scripture dances! Scripture exists within the rabbit. Why does scripture pant around a substitute hangover? Sin skips above scripture.

There, that's a reasonable facsimile of what we can expect.

Except every other word will be spelled wrong.

And spaces at the end of sentences . <-- like that!

 

[jonks]

Originally posted by: xSauronx

Originally posted by: jonks
Mars, the god of war, raped sleeping Rhea Silvia, daughter of Numitor, and she bore 2 sons, Remus and Romulus. Then in as cliche a move as biblical stories get, they were ordered to be put to death, but the handservant ordered to kill them instead put them in a basket and set them out on the river (this is eerily familiar, no?) because two babies floating in a basket down a river had a very high survival rate before the advent of bears. They survived, naturally, and like Obama were suckled by a she-wolf and fed by a woodpecker. Eventually a man from the future in a telephone booth cum time machine took them on a tour of history and they later founded Rome. Which was of course all necessary for the Roman Catholic Church to be born.

There's your prologue, the rest, is up to you.

im tempted to ask you to write an answer for my world religions final on abrahamic religions

In 1865, a fashion model named John Booth was commissioned by the Designers Illuminati to murder the President as vengeance for Lincoln's destroying slave labor, resulting in an astromonic price increase in the prodution costs of cotton. But Booth was a hat model, and particularly appreciated the President's tase in stovepipes. As such he took pity on Lincoln's fate, yet he feared to disobey his masters. Thus, he coordinated with twin brothers in a time traveling phone booth to replace Lincoln with a clone, which was ultimately the recipient of Booth's bullet, and 19th century medicine was not able to determine the corpse was actually that of the changeling. Meanwhile, the twins spirited the president through time, but due to a flux in the capacitor, Lincoln was ejected into the area presently known as Iraq, then Mesopotamia. As he was far taller than the local inhabitants, they revered him as a god. A humble man, he told them, "Just call me Abraham." He undertook to instill in them the value of a monotheistic belief system and had various sexual encounters with his servants, the decendants of which would all claim to be his favored offspring. Various worldwide religions today trace back their origination to this man called Abraham, but now you know the rest of the story.