Originally posted by: dirtboy
This coming from the most mentally unstable member of the board...
Thats rich... a guy who broke up with his girlfriend for giving him a blowjob is calling me mentally unstable. Whats next? Thanks for the laugh Saltboy! :evil:
Another solution would be to just increase the quality of the sex without increasing the quantity...this means, of course, using the poop chute.
It's all about the pooper.
It's all about the pooper.
That WAS rape. She said "No!" and went to sleep.
It would be rape if the genders were reversed as well. (Although why a guy would say "no" is difficult, but IF he did, it wouold be rape to be awakened to it - though I would personally forgive very quickie, uh, quickly!)
"He thinks masturbation is morally wrong. She doesn't think that it is."
Nice moral high ground, "Masturbation is wrong, so how about I rape you instead?"
It would be rape if the genders were reversed as well. (Although why a guy would say "no" is difficult, but IF he did, it wouold be rape to be awakened to it - though I would personally forgive very quickie, uh, quickly!)
"He thinks masturbation is morally wrong. She doesn't think that it is."
Nice moral high ground, "Masturbation is wrong, so how about I rape you instead?"
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
Don't know what to say, I've actually been on both sides of this scenario...
(not with current wife though, she sleeps like a rock & would prob smack me if I tried it with her:Q)
As for being on the recieving end, it wasn't a bad thing, I sort of enjoyed it, but can see now it was a control issue too.
(not with current wife though, she sleeps like a rock & would prob smack me if I tried it with her:Q)
As for being on the recieving end, it wasn't a bad thing, I sort of enjoyed it, but can see now it was a control issue too.
Wow, that is so wrong, that is pretty much raping her
Anyway they do have to come up with a solution - rather sooner than later I see the husband having affairs.... If she hasnt dumped/reported him - Rape is rape, married or not
Anyway they do have to come up with a solution - rather sooner than later I see the husband having affairs.... If she hasnt dumped/reported him - Rape is rape, married or not
Thanks, AnyMal. You nailed it... this has been one of the problems from his family of origin (which would explain why I am so freaked out by my in-laws... religious abuse/sexual abuse is a very nasty combination) and I'm actually very proud of him for coming this far. Every now and then something like this happens and I remember that what he went through as a kid was really, really bad, even if he tries to pretend like it wasn't.
I was really surprised and shocked at what happened the other night, because we have been working so hard on improving our relationship.
I tried to talk with him about it a little bit but didn't get very far because he had a lot of excuses that just put the responsibility for what happened back on me. Fortunately, I have gained a lot from our counseling sessions so I stayed calm, loving, but held my ground. What he did was wrong and we WILL discuss it in the safe environment of our counselor.
I also asked him to please discuss it with his personal counselor but I can't make him do that. At this point, he doesn't want to think he did anything wrong and that it really wasn't a big deal. But that's how his family ALWAYS responds when sexual abuse/molestation/incest is discovered.
It either wasn't that bad or somehow the victim's fault.
I had zero self-confidence and a weak sense of self worth when I was younger (and when we married) but I've gained a lot of strength in the past 10 years. I have grown and my wish is for him to grow, too. So, maybe if we can get through this successfully, we will have a better relationship.
I was really surprised and shocked at what happened the other night, because we have been working so hard on improving our relationship.
I tried to talk with him about it a little bit but didn't get very far because he had a lot of excuses that just put the responsibility for what happened back on me. Fortunately, I have gained a lot from our counseling sessions so I stayed calm, loving, but held my ground. What he did was wrong and we WILL discuss it in the safe environment of our counselor.
I also asked him to please discuss it with his personal counselor but I can't make him do that. At this point, he doesn't want to think he did anything wrong and that it really wasn't a big deal. But that's how his family ALWAYS responds when sexual abuse/molestation/incest is discovered.
It either wasn't that bad or somehow the victim's fault.I had zero self-confidence and a weak sense of self worth when I was younger (and when we married) but I've gained a lot of strength in the past 10 years. I have grown and my wish is for him to grow, too. So, maybe if we can get through this successfully, we will have a better relationship.
My wife too has always liked being woken up with the act of being pleasured. When the pleasuring of your mate becomes a chore then you should quit the process altogether. And there is a difference between "I'll let you have it twice a week mkay and we can only work it into our busy schedules twice a week".
AnitaPeterson
Diamond Member
- Apr 24, 2001
- 6,022
- 561
- 126
I'm sorry Isla, since it seems that this refers to you, but I 'm going to be very harsh.
First of all, a marriage that needs this type of arrangements (two times per week) is definitely wrong and useless. The husband does not have enough, and the wife is sickened. Besides that, if you need to make arrangements like these, the other side of the coin is that you'd better stick to them, no matter what. Being tired is no longer an excuse. You don't expect a store or a bank to be closed during their open hours, do you? The first thing you'll say is that "it's bad business!" See, once you go down the "arrangements" path, there is no way of stopping.
Besides which, saying things like the husband is "allowed" - or whatever the expression was - to masturbate also shows lack of insight and respect. People can masturbate all they want, and it's nobody else's business. Especially when they're in a marriage that works under a stakhanovist schedule.
So, I don't think that the husband was wrong to "pork" his wife during sleep. No matter what some whiners say about "no is no." He might've even thought that once she wakes up, she'll like it. No two people are the same. But the subsequent reaction just goes to show that the two "married" people don't know much about each other.
By the way, the choice of expression, again ("pork" ???) shows that sex is a distasteful obligation, which amounts to another reason to say this relationship is abnormal. No matter what the past is hiding. If you say sex is abhorrent, and a guy marries you nevertheless, but then finds out that despite his best intentions at the beginning, he cannot break through this barrier, he won't be around for long, and it's your duty to free him.
So the ethics involved relate to more deeper things than being "abused" in your sleep. I say again, this marriage is wrong. It's like a prison for both parties involved. You shouldn't be married if you have to schedule things like sex and intimacy. No matter what you'll try - therapy, prayer, counselling - it will be in the end just a waste of time, and most probably money. The husband might stay around for various reasons (the fear of splitting income might well be one of them, according to the psychological profile that's being drawn here), but one day he'll find somebody else.
First of all, a marriage that needs this type of arrangements (two times per week) is definitely wrong and useless. The husband does not have enough, and the wife is sickened. Besides that, if you need to make arrangements like these, the other side of the coin is that you'd better stick to them, no matter what. Being tired is no longer an excuse. You don't expect a store or a bank to be closed during their open hours, do you? The first thing you'll say is that "it's bad business!" See, once you go down the "arrangements" path, there is no way of stopping.
Besides which, saying things like the husband is "allowed" - or whatever the expression was - to masturbate also shows lack of insight and respect. People can masturbate all they want, and it's nobody else's business. Especially when they're in a marriage that works under a stakhanovist schedule.
So, I don't think that the husband was wrong to "pork" his wife during sleep. No matter what some whiners say about "no is no." He might've even thought that once she wakes up, she'll like it. No two people are the same. But the subsequent reaction just goes to show that the two "married" people don't know much about each other.
By the way, the choice of expression, again ("pork" ???) shows that sex is a distasteful obligation, which amounts to another reason to say this relationship is abnormal. No matter what the past is hiding. If you say sex is abhorrent, and a guy marries you nevertheless, but then finds out that despite his best intentions at the beginning, he cannot break through this barrier, he won't be around for long, and it's your duty to free him.
So the ethics involved relate to more deeper things than being "abused" in your sleep. I say again, this marriage is wrong. It's like a prison for both parties involved. You shouldn't be married if you have to schedule things like sex and intimacy. No matter what you'll try - therapy, prayer, counselling - it will be in the end just a waste of time, and most probably money. The husband might stay around for various reasons (the fear of splitting income might well be one of them, according to the psychological profile that's being drawn here), but one day he'll find somebody else.
I personally, like being "plesently" woken up this way too. I do not mean by just having sex, but be nudged to wake up by kissing and the like. And, for me as well, because i am somewhat in that "half sleep/half awake stage there is more " :Q " as you said.
However, to each is to own and if someone dosent feel comfortable about it, his/her partner should respect that!
What ever happened to comprimise? It isn't like having more sex will kill you, god forbid, you might enjoy it.
I actually know a guy that did this to some very attractive girl at a party once. This was totally worse though, she was unconcious due to alcohol consumption. Yea, he's a pretty sick dude. And it wasn't even his gf...
Originally posted by: lowtech
I had 2 ex gfs that want it every night (sometime 2-3 times a day) for months. At first I thought I have died & gone to heaven because I have found a beautiful woman with a healthy sexual appetite, but it become a job & lack of sleep make me grumpy.Originally posted by: ausm
Hell when my Ex and I were newlyweds we did it 3 times a day for months!!
Ausm
so, when you find the love of your life, settle down , get married and the gal doesn't live up to previous standards will the relationship be destined to fail? There's probably something to be said for being a virgin on your wedding night, would not knowing another would have it's merits and would not comparing past loves have a lower divorce rate? think about that? has your gf/wife had a past lover that had a bigger pp or knew how to exactly please her? have you had a gf/wife that had perfect tata's? comparison to pasts is an undeniable truth...
The act of sex between mates is one of giving pleasure to the other not of taking pleasure from the other. You seem to look at sex between partners as something to be given by one and let have by the other. The act of pleasuring my wife is what makes me want to have sex with her, my climax is going to happen anyway. My wife also recieves pleasure from the act of having sex with me and not just from her climax.(if she has one...j/k...we do it 4 or 5 times to make sure she does
)If you're in a relationship where you let her have some d!ck and she lets you have some poon then you're not mates you are fvck buddies. Get out quick and get out now!
None of my replies is based on Islas or anyone elses relationships with their mates, it's based solely on the topic of this thread.
Regardless, AnitaPeterson is apparently not aware of the specific background of this situation which makes her(?) analysis wrong in this case.
Interestingly Anita argues with rigid assurety for less rigidityas evidenced by the righteously indignant tone of her comments.
Wrong
I am in the same situation with my wife, twice a week is fine for her but I have trouble with this limit. My love for her allows me to accept her needs and wants in our relationship. I must admit I would rather have great sex with her twice a week, than just "porking her" whenever I feel like it. The "porking" never satisfies my desire to be with her and just frustrates me further.
Good Luck on your endeavor,
Quixfire
I am in the same situation with my wife, twice a week is fine for her but I have trouble with this limit. My love for her allows me to accept her needs and wants in our relationship. I must admit I would rather have great sex with her twice a week, than just "porking her" whenever I feel like it. The "porking" never satisfies my desire to be with her and just frustrates me further.
Good Luck on your endeavor,
Quixfire
I still want to know if she's married or not. I think married and unmarried persons will tend to look at this situation differently.
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