Relationships: What went wrong for you?

[Schadenfreude]

What went wrong for me? What didn't go wrong for me?! All the relationships I've had, I've fvcked up majorly - but then again, that's how I learn, I suppose.

Well, not all of them, but it's a good chucnk of them, IMO.

Meh.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
most I don't consider 'relationships' so when it ended it ended and usually I didn't notice. Sex to me is not equal to a relationship, a relationship starts when both of you agree to see where the happiness will go.

of the relationships:

Most got too greedy (for which I am paying for now), I was a very young and successful guy....my exes assumed the money was theirs and theirs alone. I shared my success and still do.

Some got possessive....we weren't married and sometimes the whole monogamy thing wasn't even discussed at all yet they would try to control me.

Some tried to pull the 'you got sex now I own you' deal....these *girls* I would torture. Some I'd bounce to their best friends. There was no 'commitment' made, many gave it up on the first date....not that first date sex = slut necessarily, but still I saw this scenario coming (pun intended?) usually.

My most successful relationship other than my present marriage got ended by her mental illness after she was in a major car accident that broke her neck. That was a perfect relationship ended by the stupidity of another. We were both young, in love and pretty much ended up naked and together whenever our lives allowed. When I had to divorce her my friends thought I was the one insane, however, Barbie <> happiness. She was the one responsible for most of my debt today (other than school loans) 7 years later. Charging $50-200 per day will do that .

All this said, being that you are on our 1st gf, I'd say it must end, even if it meant you came back to her later on. You simply cannot go through life with one and only one experience. Either you or her will ponder this and wonder out.....then usually the other person will accept it and then do some wondering themselves....rinse and repeat.

&Aring;

Well I believe it can still happen.

My parents were the only ones together and they are still together 24yrs later and 3 kids.

Most of my uncles are still married with their first girlfriends today still. Only 1 is not out of the 6 or 7 I have.

I'm or her 1st bf but she is my 1st gf. If we are meant to be it will last. If not it won't.

Good thread to read imo. Nice ancedotes and thanks for sharing!

Koing

 

[IshmaelLeaver]

I keep trying to "trade up". Gotta cut that out soon, getting old.

 

[Brutuskend]

Originally posted by: IshmaelLeaver
I keep trying to "trade up". Gotta cut that out soon, getting old.

That was my problem as well.

I kept looking for Ms. Perfect

I should have settled for MS Willing.

 

[Argo]

I woke up?

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend

Originally posted by: IshmaelLeaver
I keep trying to "trade up". Gotta cut that out soon, getting old.

That was my problem as well.

I kept looking for Ms. Perfect

I should have settled for MS Willing.

Hey so you single now or not?

Ms Willing...

Koing

 

[Carrot44]

She left me for her ex-husband (first one) Said she made a marriage vow to him for life and she was going to keep it. She had big dreams of him coming to be with her..... that was several months ago and he just keeps coming up with excuses as to why he can not. She just won't leave me alone and wants me to do everything for her and fix her mistakes along the way. Sigh......

Ken

 

[TitanDiddly]

My biggest mistake with a relationship is that I never got in one.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Koing

Well I believe it can still happen.

My parents were the only ones together and they are still together 24yrs later and 3 kids.

Most of my uncles are still married with their first girlfriends today still. Only 1 is not out of the 6 or 7 I have.

I'm or her 1st bf but she is my 1st gf. If we are meant to be it will last. If not it won't.

Good thread to read imo. Nice ancedotes and thanks for sharing!

Koing

It's very possible it could happen...don't get me wrong...however it's very unlikely in today's society. Our parents/elders grew up in a different school on marriage. The rules really changed today. One of the problems is women originally were supposed to be submissive/frail/incapable of 'big' thinking. Now we have empowered women to do all these things formerly a men's only realm.

In the process many women will fight to disagree to disagree, thinking other wise they are being treated like little girls. Also people have been taught 'upgrade' your mate and that all life is a fairy tale or a mix of sleeping with all your spouse's friends while no one finds out. Women are now taught only sleeping with one guy and/or never having a girl/girl or even a three-way mix makes them prudes....the values are getting skewed and misplaced.

Last but not least is the desire for people to not try...to simply give up and move on.

The biggest problem is whomever you marry today will be a different person tomorrow. Most people sadly never make up their own minds about life until out of their parent's homes....for many this is when they marry. A woman / man living a few years on their own and out of school = a much more stable person as far as what they are going to believe in and be.

&Aring;

 

[radioouman]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend

Originally posted by: IshmaelLeaver
I keep trying to "trade up". Gotta cut that out soon, getting old.

That was my problem as well.

I kept looking for Ms. Perfect

I should have settled for MS Willing.

Settling is tough. I settled for one, and I keep wanting to move on to something better. She and I have grown apart in the last year, but we are still together. I keep asking myself if I will miss her if we seperate. I don't think that I will. But since she hasn't done anything wrong, I don't want to hurt her by splitting up.

*confused *

 

[SP33Demon]

They didn't like me b/c I was a clam beast.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: radioouman


Settling is tough. I settled for one, and I keep wanting to move on to something better. She and I have grown apart in the last year, but we are still together. I keep asking myself if I will miss her if we seperate. I don't think that I will. But since she hasn't done anything wrong, I don't want to hurt her by splitting up.

*confused *

This is probably the #1 reason people give to not leave. Usually the truth is they are the ones truly afraid to leave the security of the relationship and they have no other potential around so are simply buying wasted time. The 'I settled' argument is often more 'wishful' thinking than actually settling....either way if one is in an unhappy relationship, they should get out of it or fix it.

In these types, the unhappy spouse/SO thinks of the other as dependant and frail and that if they were to leave the other would be devastated. They believe the other person would be incapable of life without them and would perhaps kill themselves over such a breakup....the main jist of it always is these are 'beliefs' conjured up by the unhappy partner to talk themselves out of the fear of starting over. Starting over is always a mystery whether you are the one leaving or the one left.

However, staying in a relationship like this....often times one of two things happen, the main one is ironic as the other person usually gets tired of feeling uncared for/a burden (you'd be surprised how many 'signs' are there when someone is not into a relationship)...and the original person is now the one devastated. All the 'stories' they had told other's and even themselves believed are shattered...the hunter becomes the hunted so to speak.

The other common outcome is the original person finally meets someone and makes the mistake of falling too quickly in love, leaving their spouse/SO and soon learns the love is unrequited and this new person wants to 'play the field'...this is the typical 'will you take me back' speech. They are more or less chasing a fairy tale and/or believe the new person will be everything they want them to be....they soon learn that this new 'perfect' person has her/his own freewill and sometimes they want to do things that disagree.

Truth is most people on the break-up end of relationships, although slightly depressed in the beginning, realize what they were missing 'trying to make it work'. You move on and have a better tools to deal with the next relationship. The one's that planned and planned a break-up and then got 'broken-up' with are the one's that have the harder time dealing with it.

If you are unhappy, do the right thing and discuss this and see if there are any adjustments that can be made. If you are just looking for new eyecandy, that going to work for only so long, what was 'settling' for you? Chances are she may already be sensing this herself and planning for her future.

&Aring;

 

[nativesunshine]

he's a cheap asshole and he cheated on me...and after i forgave him...he planned on cheating again.

yea.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: nativesunshine
he's a cheap asshole and he cheated on me...and after i forgave him...he planned on cheating again.

yea.

Cheap and cheated? what are you charging?

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: radioouman

Originally posted by: Brutuskend

Originally posted by: IshmaelLeaver
I keep trying to "trade up". Gotta cut that out soon, getting old.

That was my problem as well.

I kept looking for Ms. Perfect

I should have settled for MS Willing.

Settling is tough. I settled for one, and I keep wanting to move on to something better. She and I have grown apart in the last year, but we are still together. I keep asking myself if I will miss her if we seperate. I don't think that I will. But since she hasn't done anything wrong, I don't want to hurt her by splitting up.

*confused *

Do you have any idea how demeaning and insulting that sounds?If you think so little of her set her free to find somebody who will love and appreciate her.


I'm lucky,at a time when I wasn't interested in ever finding somebody again,I met a most excellent person