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Recommend me a gun. So I can shoot myself. * UPDATE * Added 1 disgusting pic

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bignateyk said:
Heh.. reminds me of that time I got a tick on my grundle/taint/gooch and had to ask my roommate to help me remove it. Of course he said no, so I was left trying to accomplish the task while goatseing myself in the mirror.
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I helped a kid burn a tick off his penis once...
 
erikistired said:
it was the gooch before it was the taint.
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wow, this paints Ted's GF from scrubs in a whole new light:

0.jpg
 
One of the old guys at work used to tell a story that he and his brothers and BILs and a friend went up to Canada many years ago to go hunting and fishing. At the border they didn't have the necessary paperwork to take their guns across so when faced turning it to a fishing trip half the people turned back. So, he and two other guys set out, but the one guy he knew got sick and decided not to go because once they got to their destination they were like 9 hours just from the ranger station.

Him and this other guy he just met are out on the row boat fishing when he fell right on top of the fishing tackle box and had a treble hook go through his nut sack. You become friends for life after someone you just met removes a fishhook from your nutsack.
 
Last night, right before I was going to hit the buy button for that shotgun\bayonet, my gf comes running through the door with some kind of cream she got from work. She says its like neosporin but much stronger. I had her apply it and gauze it up. Woke up this morning and didnt feel much pain. Stood up and was able to walk! Sitting down still was still kind of painful, but nothing like yesterday!
 
El Guaraguao said:
Last night, right before I was going to hit the buy button for that shotgun\bayonet, my gf comes running through the door with some kind of cream she got from work. She says its like neosporin but much stronger. I had her apply it and gauze it up. Woke up this morning and didnt feel much pain. Stood up and was able to walk! Sitting down still was still kind of painful, but nothing like yesterday!
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Pics of the gf then? :awe:
 
Pics of girlfriend applying cream?

Also if she is that close already, it wouldnt hurt to ask for a little butthole tickle.
 
WelshBloke said:
Congrats OP, you have a pilonidal cyst. Now go to the docs and get it sorted. Do not try and lance it yourself.
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No, no, no. What he has is a rare form of Ganglion Cyst. Also known as a Bible Bump, a common treatment is to take a large bible and smack the cyst with it. That will make it go away.
Go on OP, get a big Bible and smack your gooch. Do it. Do it now.

Now do it again.
 
man. that reminds me of when i was 17 and ended up with a boil on my butt cheek. I scratched a small bump on my butt, then it kept getting worse and worse. Finally after a few days i couldnt sit and had the infecting running a trace all the way around my hip. So one night i reached around and squeezed that fucker. Gooey blood and liquid puss dripped everywhere. I folded up a tissue and placed it on the festering sore and went to bed.
Woke up the next day and it was even worse/sore than before. Could hardly sit at school. Came home and gave it another go. Even more sticky, gooey blood and pus came bubbling forth. And then it happened. A massive painful *THUNK* (not a pop, a thunk) and then some relief. I gave it another massive squeese... *POP POP POP POP POP POP POP* in rapid succession. More squeezing and more blood and goo. After a bit i felt i got everything i could out of it. Folded up another tissue over the wound and went on with life. My butt was sore for a good amount of time while it healed. But even the next day, the infection trace going across my hip from my butt had fairly well subsided.
 
HydroSqueegee said:
man. that reminds me of when i was 17 and ended up with a boil on my butt cheek. I scratched a small bump on my butt, then it kept getting worse and worse. Finally after a few days i couldnt sit and had the infecting running a trace all the way around my hip. So one night i reached around and squeezed that fucker. Gooey blood and liquid puss dripped everywhere. I folded up a tissue and placed it on the festering sore and went to bed.
Woke up the next day and it was even worse/sore than before. Could hardly sit at school. Came home and gave it another go. Even more sticky, gooey blood and pus came bubbling forth. And then it happened. A massive painful *THUNK* (not a pop, a thunk) and then some relief. I gave it another massive squeese... *POP POP POP POP POP POP POP* in rapid succession. More squeezing and more blood and goo. After a bit i felt i got everything i could out of it. Folded up another tissue over the wound and went on with life. My butt was sore for a good amount of time while it healed. But even the next day, the infection trace going across my hip from my butt had fairly well subsided.
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iobarf.gif
 
HydroSqueegee said:
man. that reminds me of when i was 17 and ended up with a boil on my butt cheek. I scratched a small bump on my butt, then it kept getting worse and worse. Finally after a few days i couldnt sit and had the infecting running a trace all the way around my hip. So one night i reached around and squeezed that fucker. Gooey blood and liquid puss dripped everywhere. I folded up a tissue and placed it on the festering sore and went to bed.
Woke up the next day and it was even worse/sore than before. Could hardly sit at school. Came home and gave it another go. Even more sticky, gooey blood and pus came bubbling forth. And then it happened. A massive painful *THUNK* (not a pop, a thunk) and then some relief. I gave it another massive squeese... *POP POP POP POP POP POP POP* in rapid succession. More squeezing and more blood and goo. After a bit i felt i got everything i could out of it. Folded up another tissue over the wound and went on with life. My butt was sore for a good amount of time while it healed. But even the next day, the infection trace going across my hip from my butt had fairly well subsided.
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For some odd reason this kind of turns me on... :wub:
 
Bignate603 said:
If I had a boil where he does I'd go to my doctor. Trying to jab something right behind your sack with a needle is not my idea of a good time.

I've drained things that needed it before without thinking twice about it, but I wouldn't jab a needle at something I couldn't see.
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This. Don't play around down there, see a professional.
 
El Guaraguao said:
Last night, right before I was going to hit the buy button for that shotgun\bayonet, my gf comes running through the door with some kind of cream she got from work. She says its like neosporin but much stronger. I had her apply it and gauze it up. Woke up this morning and didnt feel much pain. Stood up and was able to walk! Sitting down still was still kind of painful, but nothing like yesterday!
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that is true love right there.
 
Alone said:
One thing I've learned is that minor surgery might seem like a good idea when you're shitfaced, but when there's blood everywhere and all you want to do is go to bed...well, that's the whole regret part.
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HAHA! havent we all been there
 
WelshBloke said:
Congrats OP, you have a pilonidal cyst. Now go to the docs and get it sorted. Do not try and lance it yourself.
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If it is, then it's because the OP sits on his ass all day. Hey OP: Get off the Xbox and get some exercise.
One proposed cause of pilonidal cysts is ingrown hair.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilonidal_cyst#cite_note-title-Pilonidal_cyst._Mayo_Clinic-9 Excessive sitting is thought to predispose people to the condition because they increase pressure on the coccyx region.
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😛

Alternate diagnosis: it's a parasitic worm. What happens is that you eat contaminated food & pass the eggs into your digestive system. They pass through your stomach undamaged & hatch in your small intestine. The little critters (some form of parasitic worm) starts wiggling around & growing. A week or two later, it emerges from the anus (not while shitting - it crawls out, generally while you're inactive) and burrows into the nearby flesh where it forms a cyst-like bump. At that point, it does some sort of metamorphosis or whatever the hell it's called where it changes from one form to another (like a caterpillar to a butterfly.) At that point, it becomes much more painful. Due to increased touching of that area, you end up contaminating your hands, and ultimately contaminate other food (or maybe not - the person you caught it from certainly contaminated your food though.)

I can't remember the name of the parasite, but it's closely related to the guinea worm. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dracunculiasis
 
DrPizza said:
Alternate diagnosis: it's a parasitic worm. What happens is that you eat contaminated food & pass the eggs into your digestive system. They pass through your stomach undamaged & hatch in your small intestine. The little critters (some form of parasitic worm) starts wiggling around & growing. A week or two later, it emerges from the anus (not while shitting - it crawls out, generally while you're inactive) and burrows into the nearby flesh where it forms a cyst-like bump. At that point, it does some sort of metamorphosis or whatever the hell it's called where it changes from one form to another (like a caterpillar to a butterfly.) At that point, it becomes much more painful. Due to increased touching of that area, you end up contaminating your hands, and ultimately contaminate other food (or maybe not - the person you caught it from certainly contaminated your food though.)

I can't remember the name of the parasite, but it's closely related to the guinea worm. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dracunculiasis
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FUCK that does not sound good...wait nothing in this thread sounds good.
 
OP

I had this exact thing, but at the apex of my butt-crack.

You need to see a doctor or it will not get better. I had to take a run of antibiotics and many hot salted baths before it broke open and my girlfriend squeezed out the "stuff" inside, which she said was the worst smell ever.

Also, you're going to love this, there is a good chance it will come back and you'll need surgery.
 
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