Reasons why anyone should get married

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Nik
I would have a nice, long, serious conversation with them. If they're that shallow, they're not my type and I wouldn't be involved with them to begin with. I don't like women with their heads in the clouds daydreaming about fairytales and white picket fences.

So you wouldn't do something simple to please your significant other? Seems like you were the one not committed to your "committed relationship".

no ones talking about clouds and fairytales... he didnt say, "would you buy her a huge diamond and have a lavish ceremony and 8 thousand dollar dress?"

if, for whatever reason, your SO felt that the actual being married was important in her mind to solidify or validate the commitment, would you do it? you love her in every way and are totally commited to her, why NOT just sign the paper? if it doesnt matter to you TO get married, then it shouldnt matter NOT to! especially if it doesnt change your love or level of commitment you claim to have...

If your significant other wants to get married because they feel that marriage will somehow validate the relationship, there's a problem with them and they're not really THAT committed to you. If your significant other feels the NEED to get married, there's a problem.

If your significant other requires a silly legal binding for any reason at all, your relationship has problems and marriage will actually make shit worse.

where did i say NEED??? and im just ASKING you!!! it doesnt mean there is a problem with that person AT ALL... its just something they feel. that is the only validation for emotions... if its felt, then it is real REGARDLESS OF HOW ILLOGICAL YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE! its pretty much the cornerstone for emotions. what if thats what they PREFER? why would you be SOOOO close minded? if you are THAT committed to this person you love and want to be with forever, then you really have no reason not to.... you just want to keep this argument alive.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
i actually read this entire thread.... i can see both sides of the stone with this question, and its a good thing that i can. my boyfriend isn't sure he would want to get married and we've discussed both sides on many occasions. I could probably be happy having the commitment without the marriage. More for him its the show of getting married that hes opposed to rather than the legal commitment/bond.
i haven't decided how i truly feel about the situation in entirety yet!

You don't have to throw a 3 ring circus of a wedding that drains your bank account or frays nerves. Our wedding cost around 2K including the dress, rings, tuxes, a sit down dinner for 20, an after party with beer,wine and liquor and the cake and it was lovely,aside from the births of my children it was the happiest day of my life.

So you felt that your marriage somehow validated how you feel for your husband or how he feels for you?

I'm trying to explain in simple ways how marriage is different, what I can tell you is that after you get married
in a few weeks or months, you're going to have your first disagreement... and the thought will dawn on you
that you're going to need to reach within yourself to find some new way to compromise and/or resolve conflict because
you've gone out and married this person.. getting out of this relationship is going to entail a legal process and will also
mean that you're breaking a vow, a promise that you made to be by this person's side no matter what.

When you're living together and you're arguing, the thoughts going thru your mind are more along the lines of "How fast can I get a roomate if I ask him to
leave?" I cannot speak for everyone but I find I'm much less tolerant of any situation when there's an easy bailout clause handy.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: dullard
Then lets flip the question around. Why not get married? All it takes is a piece of paper for many emotional, logical, spiritual, societal, and financial benefits. In the worst case scenario, you get divorced and a judge splits up your assets. But that same thing happens if you live together and break up, someone can always sue the other and a judge splits your assets.

Simple answer: I don't want to lose income due to alimony/child support, 1/2 (or worse) of everything I own, the house I live in, and go through the emotional turmoil of somebody I planned to spend my life with leaving me.

Can a judge get involved in a relationship where a couple hasn't been married? Definitely, but that is very rare. Also, I've never heard of a situation where a person has to pay alimony to their ex bf/gf, have you?

lol, its very rare? are you pulling those numbers out of your ass? because you did a study on how many couples take this to court.......... okay! we believe you!

Prove him wrong. Post conflicting data.

thats stupid. everything about that reeks of stupid. there probably ISNT any data. saying it doesnt make it so or not so. dont get your panties in a bunch

Thank you for proving my point. Your post was no better than mine. Doesn't matter whether you believe his post or not. Ask him for links to back up what he says, don't just stupidly shotgun "NUH UH LIARZ"

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
-It makes sense financially. Two incomes > one income. More financial security, more buying power.

-Children of married parents are more likely to suceed in academically.

-Children need two parents two raise them.

-It makes you look more stable that someone who is not married. It's a bit odd to be unmarried at 40+, and people may begin to assume things about that person's character.

-And finally, when you find that person whom (with whom you wish to spend... etc) you want to spend the rest of your life with, there is no reason not to.

lol with all the errors in this post, were your parents married? academia doesnt seem to come very easily for you.....................

Kindly, point out all the mistakes or go crawl back under the rock you came from.

.........................

happy?

Wow, so you're one of those elitist assholes who thinks that it's not possible for someone to make a valid point if they make grammatical mistakes? :roll: What's the point of your married-parents comment? what's the point of your insulting his education?

hahaha, oh so im not allowed to respond with jokes?! puh-lease! its the rhetoric on this site and im getting stoned for it! whatever guy!

You have a terrible sense of humor. It wasn't funny, didn't come across as a joke.

im not the only one who said the same thing. i dont need to say "haha only kidding!" it was implied with the smiley. simply teasing the guy. frankie say relax

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
where did i say NEED??? and im just ASKING you!!! it doesnt mean there is a problem with that person AT ALL... its just something the feel. that is the only validation for emotions... if its felt then it is real REGARDLESS OF HOW ILLOGICAL YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE! its pretty much the cornerstone for emotions. what if thats what they PREFER? why would you be SOOOO close minded? if you are THAT committed then you really have no reason not to.... you just want to keep this argument alive.

Please use the capslock key more. It makes your post more valid.

Women are so damn illogical, it's hilarious. Marriage is a shallow, ritualistic, archaic institution. It has nothing to do with feelings, and it shouldn't. That's the whole point of my posts in this thread, if you'd actually read the thread. It's entirely possible for two people to feel the same feelings a married couple feels, possible to live the same exact life, have the same responsibilities as a couple, care for each other just as much, blah blah blah.

Conversely, it's entirely possible for a married couple to be miserable and hate each other.

Marriage doesn't magically change anything. Period. Pull your head out of the clouds.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
i actually read this entire thread.... i can see both sides of the stone with this question, and its a good thing that i can. my boyfriend isn't sure he would want to get married and we've discussed both sides on many occasions. I could probably be happy having the commitment without the marriage. More for him its the show of getting married that hes opposed to rather than the legal commitment/bond.
i haven't decided how i truly feel about the situation in entirety yet!

You don't have to throw a 3 ring circus of a wedding that drains your bank account or frays nerves. Our wedding cost around 2K including the dress, rings, tuxes, a sit down dinner for 20, an after party with beer,wine and liquor and the cake and it was lovely,aside from the births of my children it was the happiest day of my life.

i dont really care for lavish weddings anyways. i dont see a point to all the fanfare and uber expensive jewelry... would i do it? probably. do i need to? not at all
im just saying, that is more of what he is against in the getting married than the actual legalities of it all. he doesnt see the point more so to a nice big wedding ceremony. lol but then again, hes frugal. hehe

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so you get hurt

drink all the soda

have a drug problem

while you stay at home all day and he works, wants to pay you to take his laundry to the dry cleaners.

is getting tired of you being at the 'doc appointment today' again.

Didn't catch what you brought to the table above.

I was singing the praises of my husband and marriage.

I was in a supposed deeply committed relationship lasting almost 12 years.. I had an ectopic pregnancy that blew up while I was on the OR table, I damn near died. I lost a ton of blood but the doctors just pumped me with a lot of fluids and have me huge iron pills.

MY SO picked me up after a 5 day hospital stay, I was barely able to walk and became faint easily, he drove me to our shared home, made sure I had my pills and then took himself off to Foxwoods casino for the weekend with his relatives. I didn't have so much as bread or enough coffee in the house to make a single pot.

Yup, that means that it's impossible to have a stable, healthy, committed relationship without being married. Because you had a shitty boyfriend.

We had a very stable, committed relationship but he still thought of himself, made decisions about his life, work, hobbies and interests
based on his status as a single, unmarried man, which is exactly what he was in the eyes of the law and most of society.

Like I said, because you had a shitty boyfriend, you're projecting his choices on every single male. Being dedicated to someone and committed to them, to me, won't change one single bit whether we're married or not. I'm completely 100% dedicated to them. I don't consider myself single because I don't consider marriage to be the only way to be bound to someone else.

My ex wasn't a horrible person or I wouldn't have gone with him for as long as I did, we were BOTH very emotionally closed people
for various reasons. At that time I was far to scared up and messed up to tolerate much more in the way of real closeness with a romantic partner.

I appreciate the differences in my husband.. but this relationship only works as well as it does because I can now acknowledge and try to work thru my tendency
to be guarded and closed. I wouldn't have appreciated my husband if I'd met him 15 yrs ago.. I was too damaged.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
where did i say NEED??? and im just ASKING you!!! it doesnt mean there is a problem with that person AT ALL... its just something the feel. that is the only validation for emotions... if its felt then it is real REGARDLESS OF HOW ILLOGICAL YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE! its pretty much the cornerstone for emotions. what if thats what they PREFER? why would you be SOOOO close minded? if you are THAT committed then you really have no reason not to.... you just want to keep this argument alive.

Please use the capslock key more. It makes your post more valid.

Women are so damn illogical, it's hilarious. Marriage is a shallow, ritualistic, archaic institution. It has nothing to do with feelings, and it shouldn't. That's the whole point of my posts in this thread, if you'd actually read the thread. It's entirely possible for two people to feel the same feelings a married couple feels, possible to live the same exact life, have the same responsibilities as a couple, care for each other just as much, blah blah blah.

Conversely, it's entirely possible for a married couple to be miserable and hate each other.

Marriage doesn't magically change anything. Period. Pull your head out of the clouds.

ummm, i never said it WASNT. hows that for capslock for you? (it was easier than bolding the strong words)
and i never said you couldnt have a relationship without the "marriage" that gives you the same benefits. but not all married couples are living in hell etc. i dont really see it mattering either way, im just discussing both sides. dont attack me, man, i never gave a view!

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
i actually read this entire thread.... i can see both sides of the stone with this question, and its a good thing that i can. my boyfriend isn't sure he would want to get married and we've discussed both sides on many occasions. I could probably be happy having the commitment without the marriage. More for him its the show of getting married that hes opposed to rather than the legal commitment/bond.
i haven't decided how i truly feel about the situation in entirety yet!

You don't have to throw a 3 ring circus of a wedding that drains your bank account or frays nerves. Our wedding cost around 2K including the dress, rings, tuxes, a sit down dinner for 20, an after party with beer,wine and liquor and the cake and it was lovely,aside from the births of my children it was the happiest day of my life.

So you felt that your marriage somehow validated how you feel for your husband or how he feels for you?

I'm trying to explain in simple ways how marriage is different, what I can tell you is that after you get married
in a few weeks or months, you're going to have your first disagreement... and the thought will dawn on you
that you're going to need to reach within yourself to find some new way to compromise and/or resolve conflict because
you've gone out and married this person.. getting out of this relationship is going to entail a legal process and will also
mean that you're breaking a vow, a promise that you made to be by this person's side no matter what.

When you're living together and you're arguing, the thoughts going thru your mind are more along the lines of "How fast can I get a roomate if I ask him to
leave?" I cannot speak for everyone but I find I'm much less tolerant of any situation when there's an easy bailout clause handy.

You seem to think any couple who has an argument immediately thinks of running away from the relationship.

You don't seem to understand that it's entirely possible for two people who are committed to each other and who aren't married to not consider leaving each other. :roll:

Jesus christ. Just because YOUR first thought is to run doesn't mean everyone else has a fight and wants to just cry and take their ball and go home. If your first thought is to run instead of working things out like a normal, stable couple, then you are not dedicated to that person or the relationship.

Some people don't need a silly piece of paper to be dedicated to someone else.

 

[GiggleGirl]

/thread?

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
i actually read this entire thread.... i can see both sides of the stone with this question, and its a good thing that i can. my boyfriend isn't sure he would want to get married and we've discussed both sides on many occasions. I could probably be happy having the commitment without the marriage. More for him its the show of getting married that hes opposed to rather than the legal commitment/bond.
i haven't decided how i truly feel about the situation in entirety yet!

You don't have to throw a 3 ring circus of a wedding that drains your bank account or frays nerves. Our wedding cost around 2K including the dress, rings, tuxes, a sit down dinner for 20, an after party with beer,wine and liquor and the cake and it was lovely,aside from the births of my children it was the happiest day of my life.

So you felt that your marriage somehow validated how you feel for your husband or how he feels for you?

I'm trying to explain in simple ways how marriage is different, what I can tell you is that after you get married
in a few weeks or months, you're going to have your first disagreement... and the thought will dawn on you
that you're going to need to reach within yourself to find some new way to compromise and/or resolve conflict because
you've gone out and married this person.. getting out of this relationship is going to entail a legal process and will also
mean that you're breaking a vow, a promise that you made to be by this person's side no matter what.

When you're living together and you're arguing, the thoughts going thru your mind are more along the lines of "How fast can I get a roomate if I ask him to
leave?" I cannot speak for everyone but I find I'm much less tolerant of any situation when there's an easy bailout clause handy.

You seem to think any couple who has an argument immediately thinks of running away from the relationship.

You don't seem to understand that it's entirely possible for two people who are committed to each other and who aren't married to not consider leaving each other. :roll:

Jesus christ. Just because YOUR first thought is to run doesn't mean everyone else has a fight and wants to just cry and take their ball and go home. If your first thought is to run instead of working things out like a normal, stable couple, then you are not dedicated to that person or the relationship.

Some people don't need a silly piece of paper to be dedicated to someone else.

It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, leaving might not be the first thought but I still hold that
when you're "just living together" that the decision to cut one's losses and move out is generally made a lot more
quickly than when you're married. There's less tolerance for disagreement or conflict and no legal process involved
in throwing your stuff in boxes and calling the moving truck.


I think of times when I've seen co-workers being dropped off/picked up by a romantic partner, I might ask pleasantly, "oh was that your husband or your wife?" many times I'll get the answer "oh no, that's my boyfriend, we're just living together" or "no, that's just my girlfriend"

Marriage,like it or not is viewed as a more serious level of commitment by many people, including those involved in living together situations.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

bwaaa haha! its all reiteration now but still an amusing (and retardedly enrapturing) waste of my time. oh how i heart friday nights!

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, leaving might not be the first thought but I still hold that
when you're "just living together" that the decision to cut one's losses and move out is generally made a lot more
quickly than when you're married. There's less tolerance for disagreement or conflict and no legal process involved
in throwing your stuff in boxes and calling the moving truck.

You're correct. Leaving is the easiest way out. However, if two people are committed to each other, they won't and that's the whole fucking point. It's possible for two people to be just as committed without marriage as they are with marriage.

With 50% divorce rate, it seems like even married couples can just cut their losses and run. How is that any different than being single together? Oh, that's right, it's not.

Maybe there's less tolerance for disagreement in YOUR life, but that's because you aren't as dedicated to someone without being married. YOU feel more secure in your marriage because you know he can't just run away and that's soothing to you. Therefore, you are unsure or uncomfortable or scared that they're just going to leave you. That's not an invalid feeling, but it shows mistrust which you've probably developed based on previous relationships. You're carrying baggage from one relationship into the next relationship.

Just because you don't feel secure in your relationship without a little piece of paper doesn't mean nobody else can have a stable, healthy relationship just like any other married couple without that piece of paper. If you can't understand that, that's fine. I can. I do. Many others do as well. A legally binding contract doesn't change a relationship unless there are already root problems which will eventually erode the marriage anyway.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

bwaaa haha! its all reiteration now but still an amusing (and retardedly enrapturing) waste of my time. oh how i heart friday nights!

Home, alone, with nobody to love?

...like the rest of us?

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

bwaaa haha! its all reiteration now but still an amusing (and retardedly enrapturing) waste of my time. oh how i heart friday nights!

Home, alone, with nobody to love?

...like the rest of us?

dont rub it in!!!! OCN lives too far away to lay the lovin on tonight. haha
oh and BTW, for those who say marriage is sexless......... HELLZ NAW, i do/would sex on the regular. i sex so much i start to get a blackcent! jk jk

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

bwaaa haha! its all reiteration now but still an amusing (and retardedly enrapturing) waste of my time. oh how i heart friday nights!

Home, alone, with nobody to love?

...like the rest of us?

dont rub it in!!!! OCN lives too far away to lay the lovin on tonight. haha
oh and BTW, for those who say marriage is sexless......... HELLZ NAW, i sex on the regular. i sex so much i start to get a blackcent! jk jk

...and you were giving someone else shit for grammatical mistakes? Holy jesus tittyfucking christ. Proof read before you post. :Q

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

bwaaa haha! its all reiteration now but still an amusing (and retardedly enrapturing) waste of my time. oh how i heart friday nights!

Home, alone, with nobody to love?

...like the rest of us?

dont rub it in!!!! OCN lives too far away to lay the lovin on tonight. haha
oh and BTW, for those who say marriage is sexless......... HELLZ NAW, i sex on the regular. i sex so much i start to get a blackcent! jk jk

...and you were giving someone else shit for grammatical mistakes? Holy jesus tittyfucking christ. Proof read before you post. :Q

sarcastic post FTW! come on now! theres nothing grammatically wrong with my post really anyways. i re-read before i posted

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
/thread?

Yes. This thread has been over for a long time.

bwaaa haha! its all reiteration now but still an amusing (and retardedly enrapturing) waste of my time. oh how i heart friday nights!

Home, alone, with nobody to love?

...like the rest of us?

dont rub it in!!!! OCN lives too far away to lay the lovin on tonight. haha
oh and BTW, for those who say marriage is sexless......... HELLZ NAW, i sex on the regular. i sex so much i start to get a blackcent! jk jk

...and you were giving someone else shit for grammatical mistakes? Holy jesus tittyfucking christ. Proof read before you post. :Q

not in the repertoire... too boring

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
sarcastic post FTW! come on now! theres nothing grammatically wrong with my post really anyways. i re-read before i posted

Dont rub it in! (Removed all the retarded extra exclaimation points.) OCN lives too far away to lay the loving on tonight. Haha.
Oh and [by the way], for those who say marriage is sexless (Sexless is not a word.) ... (An ellipsis is only three periods, not ten thousand.) Hell no, I sex on the regular. (Sentences need a subject and a verb. You're missing a verb.) I sex so much I start to get a blackcent (blackcent is not a word.)! jk jk

You fail.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, leaving might not be the first thought but I still hold that
when you're "just living together" that the decision to cut one's losses and move out is generally made a lot more
quickly than when you're married. There's less tolerance for disagreement or conflict and no legal process involved
in throwing your stuff in boxes and calling the moving truck.

You're correct. Leaving is the easiest way out. However, if two people are committed to each other, they won't and that's the whole fucking point. It's possible for two people to be just as committed without marriage as they are with marriage.

With 50% divorce rate, it seems like even married couples can just cut their losses and run. How is that any different than being single together? Oh, that's right, it's not.

Maybe there's less tolerance for disagreement in YOUR life, but that's because you aren't as dedicated to someone without being married. YOU feel more secure in your marriage because you know he can't just run away and that's soothing to you. Therefore, you are unsure or uncomfortable or scared that they're just going to leave you. That's not an invalid feeling, but it shows mistrust which you've probably developed based on previous relationships. You're carrying baggage from one relationship into the next relationship.

Just because you don't feel secure in your relationship without a little piece of paper doesn't mean nobody else can have a stable, healthy relationship just like any other married couple without that piece of paper. If you can't understand that, that's fine. I can. I do. Many others do as well. A legally binding contract doesn't change a relationship unless there are already root problems which will eventually erode the marriage anyway.

Actually Nik, since you've decided to DX me in public, let me set the record straight for you. The emotionally closed off,guarded one, the partner with the track record of exiting relationships is not my husband.. it's me. I've never been afraid that any man would leave me, I've been more afraid that they'd stay. I never was comfortable with having anybody male or female getting too close to me emotionally. I liked to keep all my options open.
My friendships/relationships tended to the superfical by choice. I've been a fairly remote, non-commital type of person since childhood. I've got an autistic kid, the apple in many ways doesn't fall too far from the tree.

My long term committed live together relationship ended not because the man was "shitty" but rather because I decided that I no longer wanted a life where I was so closed off
from other people. I'm not going to spill details about how I got to that place but it took real effort and a significant investment of time, money and emotional risk taking.


I feel that many couples who eschew marriage in favor of long term living together arrangements are many times people who are more remote, "loner" type
personalties, the type if people who hedge their bets, hold their cards close to their chests and who always hold some critiical slice of themselves
in reserve. It's that critical slice that I believe helps to form stable unions.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
sarcastic post FTW! come on now! theres nothing grammatically wrong with my post really anyways. i re-read before i posted

Dont rub it in! (Removed all the retarded extra exclaimation points.) OCN lives too far away to lay the loving on tonight. Haha.
Oh and [by the way], for those who say marriage is sexless (Sexless is not a word.) ... (An ellipsis is only three periods, not ten thousand.) Hell no, I sex on the regular. (Sentences need a subject and a verb. You're missing a verb.) I sex so much I start to get a blackcent (blackcent is not a word.)! jk jk

You fail.

SARCASTIC POST! and im not partial to apostrophes and capitalization. waste of time when i dont care about the audience. lol
i know all/most of the rules of grammar. i can break them in sarcasm. so FAIL to you bucko

oh and the verb was sex. stop being such a sourpuss!

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Actually Nik, since you've decided to DX me in public, let me set the record straight for you. The emotionally closed off,guarded one, the partner with the track record of exiting relationships is not my husband.. it's me. I've never been afraid that any man would leave me, I've been more afraid that they'd stay. I never was comfortable with having anybody male or female getting too close to me emotionally. I liked to keep all my options open.
My friendships/relationships tended to the superfical by choice

If you prefer to "keep your options open" then you aren't dedicated to them or the relationship, by your own admission.

My long term committed live together relationship ended not because the man was "shitty" but rather because I decided that I no longer wanted a life where I was so closed off from other people. I'm not going to spill details about how I got to that place but it took real effort and a significant investment of time, money and emotional risk taking.

That's nice. I'm glad you explored yourself, did some soul searching, or whatever you needed to do to be able to dedicate and commit yourself to someone else. Marriage isn't a requirement to be committed to someone. If you think a piece of paper is necessary to commit yourself to someone, I hate to break it to you but you really aren't dedicated to them.

I feel that many couples who eschew marriage in favor of long term living together arrangements are many times people who are more remote, "loner" type
personalties, the type if people who hedge their bets, hold their cards close to their chests and who always hold some critiical slice of themselves
in reserve. It's that critical slice that I believe helps to form stable unions.

You would be wrong. I'll give my all, the whole of my being, to my significant other. I'm a first born, naturally loyal. I refuse to marry on principle. Marriage started as a way to own and control women and it really isn't any different in today's society. It's a way to feel like you own something, a way to feel secure that the person isn't going to run away. It's used as a cop-out like "marry me so we can be together forever because I can't possibly fathom any couple who could possibly stay together without getting married."

Fail.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl
sarcastic post FTW! come on now! theres nothing grammatically wrong with my post really anyways. i re-read before i posted

Dont rub it in! (Removed all the retarded extra exclaimation points.) OCN lives too far away to lay the loving on tonight. Haha.
Oh and [by the way], for those who say marriage is sexless (Sexless is not a word.) ... (An ellipsis is only three periods, not ten thousand.) Hell no, I sex on the regular. (Sentences need a subject and a verb. You're missing a verb.) I sex so much I start to get a blackcent (blackcent is not a word.)! jk jk

You fail.

SARCASTIC POST! and im not partial to apostrophes and capitalization. waste of time when i dont care about the audience. lol
i know all/most of the rules of grammar. i can break them in sarcasm. so FAIL to you bucko

oh and the verb was sex. stop being such a sourpuss!

If you don't hold a competent understanding of the English language and exercise your understanding, you are in no place to point fingers at anyone else.

 

[seemingly random]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, leaving might not be the first thought but I still hold that
when you're "just living together" that the decision to cut one's losses and move out is generally made a lot more
quickly than when you're married. There's less tolerance for disagreement or conflict and no legal process involved
in throwing your stuff in boxes and calling the moving truck.

You're correct. Leaving is the easiest way out. However, if two people are committed to each other, they won't and that's the whole fucking point. It's possible for two people to be just as committed without marriage as they are with marriage.

With 50% divorce rate, it seems like even married couples can just cut their losses and run. How is that any different than being single together? Oh, that's right, it's not.

Maybe there's less tolerance for disagreement in YOUR life, but that's because you aren't as dedicated to someone without being married. YOU feel more secure in your marriage because you know he can't just run away and that's soothing to you. Therefore, you are unsure or uncomfortable or scared that they're just going to leave you. That's not an invalid feeling, but it shows mistrust which you've probably developed based on previous relationships. You're carrying baggage from one relationship into the next relationship.

Just because you don't feel secure in your relationship without a little piece of paper doesn't mean nobody else can have a stable, healthy relationship just like any other married couple without that piece of paper. If you can't understand that, that's fine. I can. I do. Many others do as well. A legally binding contract doesn't change a relationship unless there are already root problems which will eventually erode the marriage anyway.

Jesus fucking christ. It took you long enough to get to the point. I agree with most of this. However, I agree with geekbabe also in that she says she's happy with her relationship (which happens to entail marriage) and the fact that she said that she's not promoting marriage for anyone else. Some people are just inexplicably happy with their situation. It may not make sense to the observer but it doesn't need to.

I see no point in coming down so hard on her. Although, she did keep coming back for more...