You girlfriend has serious issues.... ok sure. That is her own problem and is completely irrelevant to this issue.
If he backs off a little, the number of sexual occurences may increase. Even so, 6 times a month, it is not like he his getting nothing. Personally, I have better things to do with my time than complain about sex.
If my girlfriend isn't in the mood, fine. I'll go read a book or do something else. I am not going to whine about it like this guy.
So, when I said guilty, maybe not guilty for wanting it, but guilty for complaining about it and letting it drive you mad. These aren't things that have to do with his wife(The guiltyness).
Why should your sex life be a problem? I am not with someone to have sex with them. If you and the OP are, so be it. I am not going to let my very emotions and core being be controlled by my penis and sex drive.
My aim was not to make him feel guilty but make him think about what he was doing. And my advice would do something.
1: I didn't only tell him to get a hobby. I also said he should go out and do things with his life. So please don't selectively read my posts and form your response by only commenting on what you want to see.
2. How can anyone expect to have a healthy sex life when your relationship as a whole is unhealthy? Women typically do not perform sexually when they are emotionally unbalanced. Simple as that. I am not trying to make him feel guilty, but make him deal with the other problems because I guarantee sex is not what is wrong with his marriage.
I can't believe you aren't surprised that people cheat because they are not getting sex... How that be an excuse? Unless you are mute, you can have a conversation with your partner, the one you decided to marry. Deal with the issues, if you can't break it off. Do not cheat on your wife though... come on.
Aharami
Lifer
- Aug 31, 2001
- 21,205
- 165
- 106
exactly. you have contact with other people when she most likely doesnt. you have hobbies and different projects to keep you busy, she doesnt. you're out doing things during the day while she's couped up at home with a toddler who cant fill her need of human contact. she's more likely depressed. you're looking at this from your point of view...not hers. instead of focusing on WHY she cant orgasm, you're focusing on the fact that she cant orgasm.
You are married. That is about average.
Have you considered that maybe you just suck at sex?
Sounds like your wife must be doing something right.
Always quit when things get a bit rough. Good plan.
If she doesn't intend to piss you off then you are taking it that way on your own.
Yeah, that grocery shopping is total BS! Who the hell needs to eat anyway!
It isn't easy to watch a toddler all day. Sometimes you need to get away for a little bit. Going to the grocery store is one way to get some time away from the baby and still be doing something useful.
Look! You are complaining about how much you hate to be home AND SHE ISN'T EVEN THERE! Shouldn't you be watching/playing with the baby instead of whining?
Are you an only child? You certainly seem to think that the whole world should revolve around you.
maybe she is having medical problems. oh wait, i am sure you are the best in the world at sex too.
how can sex ever be bad?! god.
stop focusing on negative things in your life and make positive out of the things that count. don't you still love her? dont you love your child? are they happy and healthy? you have a job, a roof over your head, and you need to realize all of this. you have a lot and more than most (even 6 times per month is more than many) So sit back and just get through it. take a vacation or take a few nights out on the town with a babysitter watching the kid. you two need to work out your own things without the child. it will be easier for her this way.
6 times/month = more than once per week. For many this is satisfying. She may think it is fine and you are happy as well.
And judging by the way you talk to people on here, you probably talk to your wife that way (like you're better than her and you have all the answers). Maybe if you talk to her like a respectable human being she'll be willing to listen and COMPROMISE (not give in to your demands).
And judging by the way you talk to people on here, you probably talk to your wife that way (like you're better than her and you have all the answers). Maybe if you talk to her like a respectable human being she'll be willing to listen and COMPROMISE (not give in to your demands).
You're comparing apples to oranges, unless of course you also have an 18 month old.
If Op's perspective is that raising a child is easy, which he has so far claimed, I'm terrified of what his child will become.
You must be one hell of a psychologist to make such a high percentage diagnosis(90%) over the internet in a forum... you should really work for the government or something and put those skills to work!
Seriously. None of this could possibly be your fault, so you shouldn't have to expend the slightest bit of effort to make it better.
dainthomas
Lifer
- Dec 7, 2004
- 14,936
- 3,915
- 136
QFT. Guys who bitch about wives not wanting sex are obviously lacking in the skills department. Unless she has a medical problem, she'll want it if you're good enough. And the OP might also want to quit whining like a little girl all the time, that's probably not a huge turn-on either.
That being said, six times a month is probably not far from average for having a little kid.
Ok, I'm calling a bit of Emo on the OP...but here's the serious breakdown.
Of all the things you've listed that you "do", not a single one involves you, her, and you child.
as for this gem:
Umm bro, that's your son for cripes sake. Not a neighborhood kid, not some relatives rugrat...that is your son. Your Son is NOT a burden, unless you make him one. Honestly I find that rather shallow that you find you son another chore to contend with.
Also, sex isn't going to good unless she's into it. When I'm fighting with my wife, if we do have sex it's nothing mind blowing. Sex is *always* better when we have a good footing on the relationship.
Edit: Make the changes in your schedule to spend quality time with your wife and child. Trust me, your life will be greatly improved when you do.
Of all the things you've listed that you "do", not a single one involves you, her, and you child.
as for this gem:
Umm bro, that's your son for cripes sake. Not a neighborhood kid, not some relatives rugrat...that is your son. Your Son is NOT a burden, unless you make him one. Honestly I find that rather shallow that you find you son another chore to contend with.
Also, sex isn't going to good unless she's into it. When I'm fighting with my wife, if we do have sex it's nothing mind blowing. Sex is *always* better when we have a good footing on the relationship.
Edit: Make the changes in your schedule to spend quality time with your wife and child. Trust me, your life will be greatly improved when you do.
edmundoab
Diamond Member
commitment is surely one thing.
But sometimes both parties gotta make that little bit of sacrifice to make things work. You've obviously gone very far to look back and think negatively.
You've got a companion, and you have a child. Consider being a good dad and a good husband and we can pray that things will get better after sometime.
Especially if there is no 3rd party involved into this marriage life
But sometimes both parties gotta make that little bit of sacrifice to make things work. You've obviously gone very far to look back and think negatively.
You've got a companion, and you have a child. Consider being a good dad and a good husband and we can pray that things will get better after sometime.
Especially if there is no 3rd party involved into this marriage life
It really does sound like you have a lot of hate in your life man. You do also have a lot of real problems. You should read Proverbs 31 man, and let your wife read it too.
Seriously, I suggest you talk to her with complete vulnerability, and remove the hate. Let her know that you love her, but that you're sick of what is going on. Don't be degrading or condescending to her, talk to her like she was a stranger, or the girl who you were dating before the child/marriage, that way she won't be put on the defensive and you won't have to deal with the anger. Remove the hate from your life, and find a way to circumvent getting angry instantly. I know it's hard to do, and it's really hard to deal with sometimes too without getting angry, just be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry, and I honestly think your lines of communication will open up dramatically.
I don't know if you guys are Christian or not, but even if you aren't and you have a bible around your house, I suggest you guys check out 1 Corinthians 6-8, it talks about sex in the marriage, and how it's important, and how you shouldn't hold it off from the other person. It also talks about being able to meet the will of your partner, which is important, that way you guys can continue to grow together, instead of living in the same house, and forming two seperate units.
But I really, really, really suggest that you talk with her a few times without even getting upset. Like, don't have any degrading sighs, don't get angry, if she says something to intentionally get you angry, just ask her why she would say that, because you're trying to work with her to fix some things, and it isn't going to help to fight with you. But seriously, she needs to feel comfortable. She is going to try to kill the conversation quickly because she isn't going to be used to it, and she isn't going to want to deal with it, because it's a lot easier to not deal with it, and get a divorce and be passively aggressive in the meantime. But really, just at the heart of it, ignore the attacks she is throwing at you, and don't throw any at her, let her know that you love her, and that it's safe to talk about these things because you won't use them against her. If she uses them against you, that's fine, you can handle it, let her, because you will accomplish more with less. The less you attack her, the less she will feel threatened, and the more she attacks you, you can point it out (not in a degrading way, but to let her know "hey, why are you attacking me? I don't deserve this. I'm trying to proactively fix this with you. Let's work together instead of fight").
Just my $0.02
I am SO upset that I read most of this thread. What a waste.
We'll have been married 6 yrs this June, we have a 5 yr old and an 11 yr old (prev. mrg).
It's great. Sure we fight, that's normal. Sure we have sexual dry periods, that's normal too. But you gotta put the work into it. It's not always easy, but sometimes it's so easy it's ridiculous.
OMG OMG I don't have sex enough is almost every man's problem, but it's really not that serious. If you wanted someone at your beck and call, then marriage wasn't your answer, a brothel was.
I love being married. We have a great family. And we ALL worked to make it happen.
We'll have been married 6 yrs this June, we have a 5 yr old and an 11 yr old (prev. mrg).
It's great. Sure we fight, that's normal. Sure we have sexual dry periods, that's normal too. But you gotta put the work into it. It's not always easy, but sometimes it's so easy it's ridiculous.
OMG OMG I don't have sex enough is almost every man's problem, but it's really not that serious. If you wanted someone at your beck and call, then marriage wasn't your answer, a brothel was.
I love being married. We have a great family. And we ALL worked to make it happen.
Resident pussy-whipped liberal beta male reporting....
When I got married my wife got:
A modest, small wedding everyone enjoyed
A husband who's strong, healthy, smart and makes good money
A promise of a lifetime of fidelity, companionship and love
A man who keeps his promises
A fiercely devoted father for our little girl
I got:
A brilliant, beautiful woman to share my life with
An interesting, fun, sexy companion who stays in shape and makes good money
A house full of love I can't wait to go home to
A promise of a lifetime of fidelity, companionship and love
A woman who keeps her promises
A fiercely devoted mother to our little girl
We have our problems like everyone else, and we work to solve them. When we can't solve them, we get over it because our family is more important than our individual needs. I spend time with our daughter every day after work because children need to spend time with their fathers - even if Dad is tired, even if Mom isn't. It's not a chore to me. Usually it's fun. I suppose I should do the MANLY MAN ALPHA MALE thing - abandon my family and run away when life gets the least bit difficult. But I was raised in a time when real men didn't take their promises so lightly.
I don't worry about who gets the better "deal" because I knew what I was getting into before I signed up, and I'm not backing out of it, ever.
:thumbsup:
Awesome. I forgot to mention, that my 5 yr old rides with me 45 min each way to work and back (her daycare is on the way). We usually listen to Disney or whatever floats her boat. Sometimes it's just the radio. Mostly we TALK. I talk to my wife who knows how many times when I'm not at home.
And even now, as our business is at that point where everything is just difficult (too many orders, not enough time, etc etc)....we still make time to eat breakfast together (even if we're just in the same room) and every day we eat dinner together. It might be a 10-15 minute dinner, but we all make it a point to put effort into the family.
I'm sorry to hear that you're in a tough spot but you have to realize, as others have pointed out, that the problems in your marriage are not due solely to your wife. You say that working things out for the sake of your child is "BS from a movie." What kind of crap is that?
One of the things that I admire most about my father is that he always made time for me and my sisters when we were growing up. I know that he made professional sacrifices to do that and I firmly believe that I wouldn't be the way I am today if he hadn't. Of course a balance in life is important, but what exactly are your priorities? You hate your job, you hate your marriage, and you don't seem to care too much about being a father. What are you trying to accomplish?
One of the things that I admire most about my father is that he always made time for me and my sisters when we were growing up. I know that he made professional sacrifices to do that and I firmly believe that I wouldn't be the way I am today if he hadn't. Of course a balance in life is important, but what exactly are your priorities? You hate your job, you hate your marriage, and you don't seem to care too much about being a father. What are you trying to accomplish?
I was gonna make a long post but thought better of it. Here is my revised short version:
You married her for a reason. Hopefully it was a better reason than sex. Love is a decision, not a feeling. So you need to decide whether you are going to be a man and address the issues or be a boy and give up.
IF you decide to address the issues, then the bottom line is pretty simple. You need to communicate in a constructive manner to find out what is going on. Realize that you do not know what is going on nor do you have the solutions, therefore you have to work together to identify whats missing, whats changed, and what y'all are gonna do about it. First you need to get on the same page, then you can work from there.
Good luck.
You married her for a reason. Hopefully it was a better reason than sex. Love is a decision, not a feeling. So you need to decide whether you are going to be a man and address the issues or be a boy and give up.
IF you decide to address the issues, then the bottom line is pretty simple. You need to communicate in a constructive manner to find out what is going on. Realize that you do not know what is going on nor do you have the solutions, therefore you have to work together to identify whats missing, whats changed, and what y'all are gonna do about it. First you need to get on the same page, then you can work from there.
Good luck.
If there's anything the last 30 years should have taught us, it's that children need their fathers. Feminists don't like that idea because they think women shouldn't need men for anything. And now I keep seeing this breed of self-conciously cartoon-macho-men who think a man who's devoted to his family is "feminized". When I was growing up, being a good husband, father, provider and protector were the only standards a man was measured by.
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